by Yu Hua
Xu Sanguan said to his sons, “Yile has heard of He Xiaoyong over at the machine tools factory. How about you, Erle? Sanle? Don’t worry about it if you haven’t. He’s the one Yile was talking about, lives on Old Post Office Lane on the west side, always wears a duck’s bill cap. Now listen closely. His name is He Xiaoyong. Got it? Let me hear Erle and Sanle say it back to me. . . . Okay, good. Now listen to me again. He Xiaoyong is a bad man. Understand? Why is he a bad man? Let me tell you. A long time ago, before any of you were around, before your mother gave birth to you, He Xiaoyong was always hanging around your grandpa’s place. And what was he doing there? He was drinking with your grandpa because back then your mom wasn’t married to me yet. He’d go there every day, and every other day he’d bring a bottle of wine for your grandpa. But later on, after your mom had married me, he kept on going there almost every day. But he never brought any more wine for your grandpa. Instead, he ended up drinking more than ten bottles of your grandpa’s wine. So one day, when your grandpa saw He Xiaoyong coming, he stood up and told him that he had stopped drinking. After that He Xiaoyong never dared to show his face at your grandpa’s again.”
XU SANGUAN heard the rumors over and over again. He thought to himself, These people keep talking and talking, and once they get started, it never stops. Could it actually be true? He approached Xu Yulan and asked, “Have you heard what they’re saying?”
Xu Yulan knew exactly what he was talking about. She set down the clothes she had been washing, lifted her apron to wipe the soap suds from her hands, and stepped out the front door. Finally she sat squarely down on the doorstep and began to wail, “What did I do in my past life to deserve this?”
The sound of Xu Yulan weeping on the doorstep brought her sons running home. They gathered around her, looking on with fright as their mother’s cries grew louder and louder.
Xu Yulan wiped a handful of tears from her face and flicked them down to the ground as if she had just wiped her nose. Then she rocked back and forth as she wailed, “What did I do in my past life to deserve this? They say my three sons have two different fathers. How can that be? I’m not a widow, I’ve only been married one time, and I’ve never fooled around with someone else’s man. What did I do to deserve this? It’s clear they just have one dad, but people keep saying there’re two.”
When Xu Sanguan realized Xu Yulan had gone to the doorstep to cry, his ears buzzed with anger and he shouted at her, “Get back in here! Don’t sit on the doorstep. What the hell are you crying about? What are you saying? You’re hopeless! What’s the use of crying about it? What’s the use of screaming like that? Get back inside!”
One by one their neighbors gathered around the doorstep. “Xu Yulan, why are you crying? Not enough grain coupons again? Has Xu Sanguan been bullying you?” “Hey, Xu Sanguan! Where’s Xu Sanguan?” “I thought I heard him say something just a second ago.” “Xu Yulan, what are you crying about? Did you lose something?” “You owe someone money?” “Did something happen to one of the boys?”
Erle said, “You’ve got it all wrong. My mom’s crying because Yile looks like He Xiaoyong.”
They said, “Oh, so that’s what it’s all about.”
Yile said, “Erle, go back inside. Don’t stand out here.”
Erle said, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Sanle said, “I’m not going either.”
Yile said, “Mom, don’t cry. Go on inside.”
Xu Sanguan stood inside the door gnashing his teeth in frustration. This woman, he was thinking to himself, is a stupid fool. You’re not supposed to air your dirty laundry, and here she is sitting on the doorstep crying for the whole world to hear, and there’s no telling what kind of idiocy she’ll come up with next. Xu Sanguan gnashed his teeth as he listened to Xu Yulan’s tearful litany.
“What did I do in my past life to deserve this? I’m not a widow, I’ve never remarried, and I’ve never fooled around with another man. I’ve given birth to three sons. What did I do to deserve this? Why did I have to meet He Xiaoyong? Oh, he’s just fine, it’s not a problem for him, but what am I supposed to do? Yile looks more and more like him. There was only that one time, and I never let him do it again, but still Yile looks more and more like him.”
What? Just that one time? Xu Sanguan’s blood rushed to his head, and he kicked open the bedroom door and shouted to Xu Yulan on the doorstep, “Get the fuck back in here!”
Xu Sanguan’s shout scared the living daylights out of everyone standing around outside, and Xu Yulan suddenly stopped crying and yelling and turned her head to look inside at Xu Sanguan.
Xu Sanguan advanced to the doorway and dragged Xu Yulan inside, shouting toward the neighbors as he turned, “Get out of here!” As he tried to shut the door, his sons clamored to come inside, so he shouted to them, “Get out of here!”
He shut the door, dragged Xu Yulan to the bedroom, closed the bedroom door, knocked her down onto the bed with a slap across the face, and screamed, “You let He Xiaoyong sleep with you?”
Xu Yulan, sobbing, rubbed her face with her hand.
Xu Sanguan screamed once again. “Tell me!”
Xu Yulan sobbed. “He slept with me.”
“How many times?”
“Just once.”
Xu Sanguan pulled Xu Yulan up from the bed and slapped her once again across the face. “You whore! I thought you said you’ve never fooled around with another man!”
“I’ve never fooled around with another man,” Xu Yulan said. “He Xiaoyong did it. He pressed me up against the wall, then he dragged me into bed—”
“I’ve heard enough!” Xu Sanguan shouted, but immediately thought better of it. “So why didn’t you push him away, bite him, kick him?”
“I pushed him, and I kicked him,” Xu Yulan said. “He pressed me against the wall, and then he grabbed my tits—”
“That’s enough!”
As he shouted, he slapped her again, first to the right and then to the left. But when he was finished slapping her, he still wanted to know more.
“So after he grabbed your tits, you just let him do it?”
Xu Yulan held her face in her hands and covered her eyes.
“Tell me!”
“I can’t.” Xu Yulan shook her head. “As soon as I say anything, you’ll slap me again. You hit me so hard I can’t see, and my teeth hurt, and my face feels like it’s on fire.”
“Tell me! After he grabbed your tits?”
“After he grabbed my tits, I didn’t have any strength left in my body.”
“So you got into bed with him?”
“I was completely worn out. He carried me over to the bed—”
“Enough!” As he shouted, he aimed a kick at her thigh. Xu Yulan was left speechless with pain. Xu Sanguan said, “Was it at our house? On our bed?”
After a moment Xu Yulan replied, “It was at my dad’s place.”
Xu Sanguan suddenly felt tired. He sat down on a stool and was overcome by sadness. “Nine years. I was happy for nine years, but Yile isn’t really my son. I was happy for no reason. I’ve wasted nine years raising that boy, and it turns out that after all he really belongs to someone else.”
Something else occurred to Xu Sanguan, so he sprang up from the stool and shouted, “He Xiaoyong was your first?”
“No,” Xu Yulan said. “You were the first man I ever slept with.”
“No, I remember now. He Xiaoyong must have been your first. I wanted to turn on the lamp, but you wouldn’t let me. Now I know it was because you were afraid I’d find out that you’d already slept with He Xiaoyong.”
“I didn’t let you turn on the lamp,” Xu Yulan cried, “because I was too embarrassed.”
“He Xiaoyong must have been first. If he wasn’t first, why doesn’t Erle look like him? Why doesn’t Sanle look like him? No, it’s Yile who looks like that bastard, and he was our first child. My woman did it for the very first time with another man. And that’s why my first son belongs to someone else. How c
an I go on living? I’m ruined. I’ll never be able to hold up my head again.”
“Xu Sanguan, think about it,” Xu Yulan said. “Didn’t you see some blood on our first night?”
“So what if I did? You whore. You were ‘on vacation’ that day.”
“Oh, for the love of heaven.”
CHAPTER SIX
Xu Sanguan sat back in a rattan chair, his feet resting on a stool.
Xu Yulan approached him and said, “Xu Sanguan, we’re running out of rice. There’s just enough for tonight. Here are the grain coupons, the money, and the rice sack. Go down to the store and buy some rice.”
Xu Sanguan said, “I’m not going to buy the rice. I’m not going to do anything around here anymore. As soon as I come home, all I’m going to do is sit back and enjoy myself. You know what that means? I’m going to sit in this chair, with my feet up on the stool, just like I’m doing now. You know why I’m going to sit back and enjoy myself? To punish you. You made a serious mistake. You slept with that bastard He Xiaoyong behind my back. What’s even worse is that he knocked you up with Yile. It makes me angry just to think about it. You want me to go buy you rice? Dream on.”
Xu Yulan said, “I can’t lift one hundred pounds of rice by myself.”
Xu Sanguan said, “Then get fifty.”
“I can’t handle fifty pounds either.”
“Try twenty-five.”
XU YULAN said, “Xu Sanguan, I’m going to wash the sheets. Will you help me move the trunk? I can’t move it by myself.”
Xu Sanguan said, “Nothing doing. I’m sitting back in my chair and enjoying myself.”
XU YULAN said, “Xu Sanguan, time to eat.”
Xu Sanguan replied, “Bring me my bowl. I’ll sit in my chair and eat.”
XU YULAN asked, “Xu Sanguan, are you done enjoying yourself yet? I can’t keep my eyes open much longer, so when you’re finished enjoying yourself, get your ass out of that chair and come to bed.”
Xu Sanguan said, “I’ll be right there.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
One good thing about working at the silk factory was that Xu Sanguan was given a new pair of white work gloves every month. When the women on the factory floor saw them, they would always ask with envy in their voices, “Xu Sanguan, how many more years until you decide to switch to a new pair of gloves?”
Xu Sanguan lifted up his hands to show them his tattered old gloves. When he waved his hands, loose threads swung back and forth like so many pendulums from the places where they’d already worn through. “I’ve worn this pair for three years now.”
They said, “You call those things gloves? We can see your fingers sticking out from all the way across the factory floor.”
Xu Sanguan said, “They’re new the first year, and old for the next two years. After two years I’ll mend them. That way I’ll be able to use this pair for at least three more years.”
They said, “Xu Sanguan, if you wear the same pair of gloves for six years and the factory gives you a new pair every month, what does that get you? Six years of gloves comes to seventy-two pairs. What are you going to do with the seventy-one pairs that you don’t wear? What’s the point of hoarding that many gloves? Why don’t you give some of them to us? We only get a new pair every six months.”
Xu Sanguan carefully folded his new gloves, placed them in his pocket, and smilingly made his way home. When he arrived, he took the gloves from his pocket and presented them to Xu Yulan. Xu Yulan took them and immediately walked over to the window, lifting the gloves to the light to see if they were sewn of coarse or fine cotton thread.
“Aiya!”
Her exclamations always scared Xu Sanguan into thinking she had discovered that this month’s gloves were moth-eaten.
“They’re the good kind.”
There were two days every month when Xu Yulan would stick out her hands and say to Xu Sanguan as he got home from work, “Hand it over.” The first day was payday and the other was when the factory distributed new gloves.
Xu Yulan stored the gloves at the bottom of the trunk. When she saved up four pairs of gloves, she could use them to make a sweater for Sanle. With six pairs she could make one for Erle. Once she had eight or nine, she could sew a sweater for Yile.
But it would take more than twenty pairs to make Xu Sanguan a new sweater, which gave her pause. She would often say to Xu Sanguan, “Your arms are getting bigger, there’s more meat around your waist, and you’re putting a little weight on your stomach. Now even twenty pairs of gloves won’t be enough.”
Xu Sanguan said, “Then why don’t you just make something for yourself?”
Xu Yulan said, “I’ll wait and see.”
Xu Yulan didn’t sew anything for herself until she had collected seventeen or eighteen pairs of the finer quality gloves. And Xu Sanguan only brought home three or four pairs of the fine cotton gloves every year. After nine years of marriage she decided to use seven years of gloves to make herself a good sweater.
Xu Yulan finished sewing the sweater just as spring came and the weather began to warm. She washed her hair by the well, sat on the doorstep holding the as-yet-unbroken mirror in her hand, and issued directions to Xu Sanguan as he stood behind her, trimming her hair. When he was finished, she sat in the sun to dry her hair. Then she smeared a thick layer of Snowflower cream across her face and, redolent with its fragrance, donned her newly crocheted sweater. Finally, she pulled her only silk scarf from out of the trunk, tied it around her neck, and stepped out the door.
Before she took another step, she turned and addressed Xu Sanguan. “You sift and wash the rice, okay? You’re cooking. I’m on vacation today. No housework for me today. I’m going out for a walk now.”
Xu Sanguan said, “What? You had your ‘vacation’ just last week! How come you’re on vacation again today?”
“I’m not having my period. Can’t you see I’m wearing my new sweater?”
She wore the sweater for two years. She washed it five times and mended it once, using the fine thread of one pair of the better quality gloves to make a patch. Xu Yulan wanted Xu Sanguan to bring more of the better gloves home from the factory, because that way “I can have a new sweater.”
Whenever Xu Yulan was deciding whether to use up another glove, she would stick her head out the window to see if the stars were shining. When she saw the moon shining brightly in the night sky and the stars shimmering next to it, she knew the sun would be bright the next day and she could go ahead and unravel a glove.
Unraveling a glove was a job for two people. First, she needed to find the ends of the thread. Once she had pulled them out, it was merely a question of continuing to unravel the thread while at the same time spooling the cotton around two outstretched arms in order to pull it taut. The thread from the just-unraveled gloves was usually too crooked for sewing, so she would have to soak it in water for two or three hours. After removing the thread from the water, she would suspend it from a bamboo pole to dry in the sun, letting the weight of the water pull the cotton threads straight.
Xu Yulan was about to unravel a glove. In need of two outstretched arms, she called, “Yile, Yile!”
Yile ran into the house from outside. “Did you call me, Mom?”
Xu Yulan said, “Yile, help me unravel this glove.”
Yile shook his head. “I don’t want to.”
When he had gone, Xu Yulan called, “Erle, Erle!”
When Erle came home and saw that she wanted him to help her unravel a glove, he sat happily down on the stool and immediately stuck out his arms so that she could spool the thread around them.
Sanle came over to join them, standing next to Erle and sticking out his arms in imitation of his big brother. When Xu Yulan saw him trying to usurp his big brother’s role, she said, “Sanle, get out of here. Your hands are covered with snot.”
Whenever Xu Yulan and Erle sat together, they would always talk for what seemed like forever. She was a thirty-year-old woman, and he an eight-year-old boy,
but their conversations sounded either like the gossip exchanged by a pair of thirty-year-old women, or the banter of two eight-year-old boys. They would talk at every opportunity—as they ate, before they went to sleep, as they walked together down the street—and their conversations became more and more animated as they continued.
Xu Yulan might say, “I saw the Zhangs’ daughter the other day. The Zhangs who live on the south side. That girl’s getting prettier and prettier.”
Erle said, “Do you mean the Zhang girl whose braids come down to her rear end?”
Xu Yulan said, “That’s the one. She’s the girl who gave you a handful of watermelon seeds that time. Don’t you think she’s getting better looking all the time?”
Erle said, “I heard some people calling her Big Boobs Zhang.”
Xu Yulan said, “I saw Lin Fenfang over at the silk factory wearing some white sneakers over red nylon socks. I’ve seen red nylon socks before, Lin Pingping around the corner wore them a few days back. But it was first time I’ve ever seen women’s sneakers that come in white.”
Erle said, “I’ve seen those before. There was a pair on display at the counter in the department store.”
Xu Yulan said, “I’ve seen plenty of men’s sneakers in white. Lin Pingping’s brother has a pair. And Wang Defu on our street.”
Erle said, “That lady who always goes over to Wang Defu’s house wears white sneakers too . . .”
Xu Yulan said. Erle said. And so on.
But Yile and Xu Yulan had very little to say to each other. Yile never wanted to hang around Xu Yulan or do anything with her. If Xu Yulan was going to buy vegetables at the market, she would call to him, “Yile, help me carry the shopping basket.”
Yile would say, “I don’t want to.”
“Yile, help me thread this needle.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Yile, fold the laundry.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Yile . . .”