by Abigail Agar
“I don’t want to find a woman to put up with me. I want to find a woman to love, who loves me.
“If I leave my townhouse for any other reason than to go to White’s, Gentleman Jackson’s or to run around St James’s Park, I will eventually run into her and her husband. I will hear that she has given birth to a child. I will hear how happy she is that her life turned out so well.
“I can’t watch it. Maybe I’ll have to settle for a woman who puts up with me when I’m living in Boston. But I won’t have to be afraid of crossing paths with Louisa and her husband. In Boston, I can leave my house with no fear of seeing her and having another piece of my heart carved out.”
There was silence in the room. Neither Cecil nor Kent doubted the sincerity of Percy’s conviction.
“So, if I just heard you right, if Louisa rejects you and becomes betrothed to another man, you will move to America? You won’t run into her on the streets of Boston, her hand resting on her husband’s arm.”
“Yes, that is the plan.”
Cecil asked, “What about your titles and holdings?”
Percy shrugged. “I’ve thought of that. Since I have no siblings, I’ll forfeit everything to my cousin. He’ll be thrilled. I have more money in the bank than I’ll ever need. There isn’t much I have spent money on, so it keeps piling up. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re that unhappy?” Kent asked.
“I can’t keep living my life this way. I can’t sit around waiting to see her with another man. I can’t eat dinner alone every night at White’s once the two of you marry. There are too many things I can’t do. And if I can’t do them, I don’t see how I can be happy.”
“Have you a plan to win her back?” Cecil asked.
“Not really. Either she wants to be with me, or she doesn’t. I’ll go to tea every day like I used to if she doesn’t turn me away. It won’t take long to figure out how she feels about me. Either she wants me, or she doesn’t.
“I’ll go see Hobart and get a better idea of America and what it would be like if I moved there.”
Cecil asked, “Will you eat with us every night and keep us informed about what you are thinking? I can guess Kent feels the same way. Cecil turned his head towards Kent, who nodded. ”But I don’t want you to go.”
“I do feel the same way,” Kent said.
*****
Jacobs brought Percy his correspondence to Percy’s office. He was opening and shutting the drawers of his desk getting aggravated when he opened a drawer for the third time and didn’t find what he was looking for.
“Jacobs, I can’t find the sealing wax. Do you happen to know what I did with it?”
Jacobs walked over to a small chest, smaller than a humidor, and brought it to Percy.
“You wanted to keep the tools used for missives in one place.” He opened the box and placed it on Percy’s desk.
“Now I remember. Awful idea. I’ll keep them in the drawer like before.”
Jacobs bowed, “Your Grace.” He left the room.
Percy picked up his correspondence. From the handwriting on the front of each letter, he could tell whom it was from. Invitations to balls and other ton events, his steward, his solicitor, Hobart, Frederick, Cecil, and handwriting unfamiliar. He opened that one first.
To Percy Sinclair, Duke of Gordon
Please accept an invitation from me to meet at White’s for dinner. I’ll explain all during our meeting if you will indulge me.
Regards,
Harold Newton, Earl of Pembroke
‘Well, that was unexpected,’ Percy thought. He wrote back to Harold, asking if Wednesday evening at 7 p.m. would be a convenient day and time to meet for dinner. He sent a footman off with a note.
His solicitor had regular business concerns that needed his approval to act on. Easy enough.
His steward wrote again about the state of Gordon Castle. Percy wished there wasn’t so much on his mind. He would have to go see him within the next month or two. He’d pledge that in a missive to him today.
Cecil wanted to know if he was ever coming out of his townhouse again. The missive was curt. He could throw that one away.
Hobart wanted to meet with him about what goods the ton would want from America. Percy thought Cecil and Kent might have ideas on that also. He’d arrange an informal meeting.
And Frederick wanted to talk to him about Louisa. Preferably, at Percy’s townhouse or in a private room at White’s.
Percy didn’t want half of London to see Frederick with him at White’s behind closed doors, so he suggested dinner at his townhouse at 7 p.m. Frederick could pick the day.
He’d stroll down to Hobart’s warehouse later that day.
*****
Percy walked into Hobart’s office without knocking. If he knocked, Hobart wouldn’t bother acknowledging him, so why bother?
“Hey Hobart, what’s so interesting?”
Without looking up, Hobart continued to sort his parchments.
“Percy. Nice to see you. I heard a rumour you didn’t leave your townhouse for a week. It’s nice to see you.”
“Well, it was three days. And it’s nice to see you too. You’re the first person I visited since joining humanity again.”
By this time, Hobart had risen, poured, and handed Percy a whisky. Hobart took his own and sat down at his desk. He unceremoniously pushed his parchments aside, leaned back in his chair, and waited.
After waiting long enough for his liking, Hobart said, “So, what kept you away for three days?”
Percy laughed. “Don’t beat around the bush, Hobart.”
He leaned back and crossed one leg over another. “I spent a few days in bed looking at the fabric of the bed canopy while flat on my back.
“Amelia lectured me right after Cecil and Kent lectured me. I had to think about it. Apparently, I’m not the same person I was before I proposed to Louisa. I am no longer likable.”
Hobart nodded his head. He didn’t say anything. The only sound they heard was the heavy crash of crates hitting the packed earth floor outside Hobart’s office.
“I wanted to be the person I was before, not the person I’ve become. I would like her to feel the way she felt about me before. I would like Louisa to marry me.
“What I decided is that I am not going to stay in London if Louisa doesn’t want me. I can’t bear the idea of seeing her and her husband walking down the street while she pushes a pram.
“Cecil and Kent are both marrying the girls they found at the marriage mart, so they won’t be at White’s for dinner. I will soon be eating alone. You know how I despise my own company.
“I think my best option if Louisa doesn’t want me is to go to America. I can handle ships for you on my end in Boston.”
Hobart laughed. “That’s the best you could come up with in three days?”
Percy uncrossed his leg and sat up. “Yeah, why?”
“You spent most of your time thinking about what you would do if Louisa didn’t want you. You should have spent almost all of your time thinking about how you’re going to get her back.
Percy shook his head. “Once she sees the me I have become, she’ll either want me, or she won’t.”
“I came down from my bedchamber after three days to find a pile of envelopes. One from Frederick. He wants to see me. Do you know why?”
Hobart answered, “No, but even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you. That’s between you two.”
Percy nodded. “Fair enough.”
“So, you’re going to avoid my question?” Hobart asked.
“About getting her back? I’m going to be the best me I can be. She’s either going to like me, or she is not. There’s not much I can do about that.”
“I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice, Percy. Be more proactive about getting her back. You’ve got nothing to lose except a trip to America.”
*****
Cook was alternately thrilled and in a frenzy about cooking dinner for a guest. Six nights out of sev
en, Percy ate dinner out. His only guests weren’t what Percy considered guests at all. Cecil and Kent.
Tonight, the Duke of Rutland was joining His Grace for dinner. He wanted to see the menu. Cook long ago stopped writing it down because Percy never asked for it. This time when he asked, she had to give it to him verbally. He didn’t care. In another house, she would have been sacked.
When Frederick and Percy were in the parlour before the meal, Percy wanted to laugh at how proper his servants were. He reminded himself to tell them what a good job they did when the night was over.
“Hobart told me you spent a few days at home contemplating your future?”
Percy gave Frederick a small smile. “I did. Your wife and my friends Cecil and Kent told me I needed to give some thought to my behaviour of late. I decided the best way to do that was to stay home and give it some thought.”
Frederick asked, “And did it help?”
Percy nodded. “It did. I went through my options.” Percy paused but decided to be as honest as possible. “I want Louisa to marry me. My outlook and behaviour are back on track, so I’m in a better position to find out what she really thinks and wants. I wasn’t open to finding that out before.
“If she doesn’t want me, I plan on moving to America. You and Hobart will need someone on the Boston end to handle the ships and cargo. I could do that.”
Frederick leaned forward, “Don’t you think that’s drastic?”
“Not at all. I can’t kick around London with the possibility of seeing Louisa and her husband on the street or at an event. I’d rather be in America. Hell, I’d rather be in the Amazon than have to live through seeing her happy and content with someone else.”
Jacobs announced dinner. Percy and Frederick ate in the small dining room. Percy would have to compliment Cook. Her meal was excellent.
“Do you love her, Percy?”
“I think you know the answer to that. Yes, I love her, and I want to be with her for the rest of my life.”
“Pardon me for saying, but it doesn’t seem like you are planning to move heaven and earth to get her,” Frederick said.
“I came here to talk to you about Amelia and Louisa. Louisa was furious when Amelia told her about her conversation with you. I, on the other hand, was supportive of it.”
“As you should have been. She did me a favour.”
Frederick nodded and went on, “Amelia pressed Louisa about why she was furious, and Louisa told her she drove you away. When Amelia pointed out that it was her that drove you away, Louisa ran from the parlour crying, and I haven’t seen her since.”
The footman poured Frederick more wine.
“By the way, very good wine.”
Percy schooled his features, though he wasn’t visualizing ringing Frederick’s neck if he didn’t get on with it. “Thank you.”
“Amelia has been up to Louisa’s bedchamber a couple of times a day, and food has been brought to her. She eats almost nothing.”
Frederick looked into Percy’s eyes. “I can’t take much more of this. My wife is upset because she talked with you then Louisa reacted so badly. Louisa is a mess and very unhappy.
“I would say I’m here on Louisa’s behalf, but I’m not. I’m here on my behalf.”
Both men snickered.
“Percy, I invite you to come for tea. Even if Louisa isn’t in any shape to greet you, Amelia may get comfort from it.”
Percy nodded. “I will be there tomorrow. I have heard daughters are hard, especially on their fathers. I’m sorry you have borne the brunt of my actions.”
Frederick gave a small smile. “Louisa has borne the brunt of it. But I’m living this nightmare.”
“I’ll be there tomorrow and every day after that until Louisa and I can get beyond our current problems. I want to marry Louisa. My goal in anything I do from now on until she rejects me with such finality that even I get the message she doesn’t want me, is to get her to marry me.
“Cognac, cigar?”
“Show me the way.”
Chapter 26
“Percy. What a nice surprise. Mendon, send for tea, please.”
He bowed and left the parlour. “Sit, sit. I’m so glad you are here.”
“I am too. You may or may not have heard, but I took a few days alone in my townhouse to contemplate what you and what Cecil and Kent had to say. Cecil and Kent had many of the same concerns as you. It was an eye-opening experience, and I learned some very valuable points about my behaviour from it. I thank you for helping me.”
Amelia gave a small laugh. “That’s kind of you to say. Since we talked, I’ve wondered if I did the right thing. I told Louisa, and she doesn’t think I did. She’s been hard on me.”
“I’m sorry to hear it. Is she at home?”
“She is, but she is not feeling well today. She will be sorry she missed you.”
Percy smiled. If she had been crying as much as Frederick said she had, she would be in no condition to greet guests.
“If I may, I will come back tomorrow and the following day to see if she is feeling any better?”
Amelia smiled. “I think she would like that very much.”
*****
Louisa tried to dress herself but gave up and asked for help from her mother’s maid. Hers had been sent to her room with a bad cough. After two days of self-imposed exile in her room, Louisa couldn’t stand hearing Abby’s hacking any longer.
Her mother’s maid, Maisie, did wonders. Her face and eyes didn’t look swollen, and her hair looked beautiful.
“I’ve wanted to style your hair this way for a long time. I’ll show Abby how to do it if you want.”
“I’d love it if you would.”
Louisa knew she looked the best she could under the circumstances. There were circles under her eyes that Maisie couldn’t quite cover up, and her gown was loose on her body from the weight loss from not having an appetite.
She walked into the parlour to see her mother chatting with Percy. He stood and bowed; she curtsied. A shadow passed over his eyes that only she would notice because she knew him so well. Apparently, she didn’t look as good as she had hoped.
“Hello, Louisa. I’m so happy you are able to join us for tea today. Are you feeling better?”
“I am. My strength is returning more every day, wouldn’t you say Mother?”
“Yes, I would. Percy, tell Louisa a little bit about what you have been doing lately.”
Percy turned to Louisa and gave a short version of his choice to stay in his townhouse for three days because his friends Cecil and Kent sat him down and said he was not the same person he used to be.
When he contemplated what they had to say, he realized they were right. He came out of his townhouse resolved to be a better person.
He looked into Louisa’s eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I walked around with anger that made me a person I don’t want to be. I vowed I would work on being a better person. I don’t have the right to ask, but will you forgive me?”
“Of course I will. I’ve known you too long to know that wasn’t the real you.”
“You are so special to me; do you know that?” He knew he sounded sappy, but it was true, and he wanted to make sure she knew it.
“I do, sometimes.”
Percy laughed. “I’m going to make sure you know it all the time.”
“What are you laughing about, Percy?”
“Frederick,” Percy rose and bowed. “Are you joining us for tea?”
“I can’t. I’m on my way to see Hobart. I just wanted to see what was going on in here. There hasn’t been laughter in this room for a long time.”
“Don’t worry, Father. Percy is just telling me one of his stupid jokes.”
“Hey!” Percy turned back to Louisa.
They all laughed.
*****
Percy decided to walk to White’s. He found himself whistling. He had a lot of energy from his visit with Louisa today. ‘I’ll eat a light dinner then go running,’ he
thought.
He didn’t know Harold as well as Cecil and Kent knew him, but he was a likeable man. The only thing he didn’t like about Harold was Harold’s interest in Louisa.
They greeted, went to a private dining room, and ordered drinks and dinner. Percy and Harold talked a little about how Cecil and Kent first met him at Tattersall’s.