by Heather Lyn
“Grayson….”
“I know this seems sudden, darlin’. But you can’t tell me that you didn’t know this was eventually coming. I know you feel something for me. Why else are we spending all of our time together?”
“Because Aubrey is busy all the time. I don’t have that many friends.”
Wait, what?
“So you’re telling me that we only hang out because you need a stand-in best friend?” I can’t help the attitude. Fuck, is she serious?
“No, Grayson, of course not! I really care about you. Seriously, you’ve become my best friend too. And I love the time we spend together. But no, I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry if you think that, but I don’t.”
“Bullshit, Kennedy.”
“It’s not bullshit. I don’t have feelings for you like that.” She finishes her drink and pushes the glass to the center of the table.
“I think you’re just scared. And I get that, darlin’. I’m scared too. But I’m twenty-eight years old now. It’s time I grew up and settled down, and you’re the woman I want to do that with. We’re really good together, and I can only imagine how much better it can get.”
I reach across the table and grab her hand. She doesn’t fight me. So I softly brush my thumb over her knuckles. I pull her fingers to my lips and kiss her hand, watching the goose bumps break out over skin.
“Okay, fine. I like you, Grayson. I really do. You’re right about that. But I can’t give you what you’re looking for. I’m not looking for something serious, and I would just end up hurting you. There’s no point. I’m sorry.”
“Why won’t you let me in, Kennedy? When you aren’t biting my head off, we have a really good time. But I still know nothing about you. You know everything about me. Wh at kind of friendship is that?”
I can see the tears shining in her eyes, and I want nothing more than to pull her onto my lap and hold her.
“I know. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you any more. There are parts of me that even Aubrey doesn’t know. I’m sorry, Grayson.” Suddenly she stands and grabs her coat. Before I can say anything, she’s running for the door and I’m left sitting there wondering what just happened.
Shaking my head, I signal to the waitress for the check and then head out to my car. After climbing in and starting it up, I wait for the heat to come on. What the hell just happened? Pulling out of the parking lot, I head to my house. I live in a single-story ranch just a couple streets over from Noah. I’ve been looking to upgrade for a while now, but I just haven’t had time. I have three small nieces who I spend a lot of my downtime with, so I’d like to have another spare bedroom for when they’re over, among other things. But I’m happy until I find the right place.
When I pull into my driveway, I’m still thinking about Kennedy. I wish she would trust me enough to let me know what’s holding her back. I felt her pulse start racing when I touched her, so I know she feels the same. I joke around a lot and I’m usually pretty goofy, or that’s what Noah tells me every day, but I’m serious about Kennedy. I think it all changed for me last summer after the fire. I will never forget the way I felt, and I never want to go through that again.
Noah had just run to Aubrey so I let myself into the house. Kennedy was curled up on the couch, her eyes red and swollen. She looked up when I entered and gave me a small smile before her face crumpled, and fresh tears fell down her cheeks. Without a second thought, I walked straight over to her and grabbed her. She leaned in to me as I held her to my chest.
“Jesus, Kennedy. You guys scared the shit out of us.” I pressed a kiss to her head.
“I’m so sorry, Grayson. We just went to get coffee. I didn’t think it would matter.”
“Kennedy, it’s okay. We aren’t mad. We were scared. We thought you were in there.” I pulled away from her to yank her onto my lap. I leaned back against the couch and framed her face with my hands. Her tears started falling faster and I brushed at them with my thumbs.
“I was so stupid, Grayson. We never should have had that much to drink. It’s all my fault. I know better than that. My best friend could have died!” I could barely understand her between her cries and tears. Kennedy leaned forward and buried her face into my shoulder. I kept her pressed to my chest and rocked her back and forth gently. I had no idea why she was feeling so much guilt, but I didn’t press her.
But it was in that moment of having her in my arms that I knew I felt something much more than friendly towards her. Her body fit perfectly to mine, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her lips and vow to protect her. But I didn’t. I just held her close and told myself that maybe one day I’d have the balls to admit to her what I want.
Once I get into my house, I head straight for my bathroom. Turning the water on, I step under the spray once it’s warmed up, hanging my head and letting the hot water cascade over me. I quickly soap my body up and then rinse off before hopping out. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I head into my bedroom to get dressed when I hear my cell phone ringing. Finding it in my pants pocket on the floor, I check the display. Noah.
“Hey, man! Thought you were out with Aubrey tonight?” I tuck my phone between my shoulder and ear and search for something to change into.
“Yeah, I am. We’re waiting for them to get our table ready. I wanted to call you really quick. Did something happen with you and Kenni tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Aubrey spent most of the drive up here talking to her on the phone. Something about you wanting to date her. Has her really freaked out, I guess. Aubrey’s worried.”
I release a deep breath and fight back my anger. Freaked her out? For God’s sake, she acts like I’m a fucking stranger who professed his love for her. She’s known me almost a year.
“I don’t fucking know, dude. I thought she liked me. We went out for drinks and I decided to finally grow some balls and tell her how I felt. It blew up in my face.” I pull on a pair of pajama pants and pad down my hall to the kitchen, clutching my phone tightly.
“Gray, you know how Aubrey was when I first met her. All shy and not looking to date me. Shit can change, buddy.”
“Yeah, Noah. But the difference is her father was dying. She had a reason to not be looking to get involved with someone. Kennedy and I have been going in circles around each other. We all know that.” I grab a beer from my fridge and pop the top, take a long pull from it, and then sit down at my dining table.
“Look, buddy, all I know is what Aubrey’s told me. Kenni is really closed off when it comes to her private life. She doesn’t even let Aubrey in. Maybe she just needs a push in the right direction. Don’t back down, man. Fight for what you want. I gotta go, table’s ready. But we’ll get drinks tomorrow night. Later, Gray.”
I put my phone down on the table and finish my beer. I’ve just stood up to get another when my phone chimes with a text from Hunter Daniels.
Hunter: Dude. Beer & wings tomorrow night.
Grayson: Sounds good. I’ll bring Noah.
Hunter: You guys are so fucking gay.
Grayson: Jealous?
Hunter: You know it, sweet thing.
Grayson: Sweet is the last thing I am, cupcake.
Hunter: Who said I want sweet?
Grayson: Fuck off, dude. Meet us at Walker’s Taphouse at 8:30.
Hunter: Roger that. See y’all then, buddy
Laughing, I shove my phone into my pocket, grab a new beer, and then head into my living room, clicking through the channels until I find an old episode of The Office to watch. I send Noah a quick text letting him know the plans, and then I get comfy. I have tomorrow off and I plan on doing absolutely nothing. Three beers and two hours later I decide to turn in for the night. Shutting the television and all the lights off, I head into my bedroom. It has an attached bathroom, with your standard shower/tub combo and small vanity sink. I brush my teeth and strip my sleep pants off, then climb into my king-sized bed. I toss my cell onto my nightstand and close my eyes. Images of
Kennedy immediately fill my mind. I still don’t understand what her issue is. She’s easily become my best friend, besides Noah. She is always on my mind, and I wish she could understand that I’m not fucking around when it comes to my feelings. As I lie there in my bed, I can easily picture that beautiful smile of hers. Her long soft hair that always smells like fucking strawberries. And her legs. Kennedy is around five-foot-eight with these long-ass legs, all toned and tanned. Fuck me, those goddamned legs.
I’m still quite a bit taller than her, but those legs would wrap around me effortlessly, squeezing my waist while I thrust into her. Her gorgeous breasts would be the perfect handful. Or mouthful. Fuck me.
I reach over and turn the light on next to my bed. There is a tent in the sheet where my now painfully hard cock is throbbing. Groaning loudly, I roll over and ignore my hard-on, determined to put Kennedy out of my mind. But my dick is not so understanding. Fuck it.
I push the sheets down, the cool air on my stimulated skin making goose bumps break out all over me. Running a hand down my chest, I don’t stop until I wrap my fist around the base of my cock. I immediately groan, so close to coming already. I pump my hard length slowly, watching the pre-cum drip out. Running my palm over the swollen tip, I spread it down to use as lubricant. Closing my eyes, I can see Kennedy on all fours in front of me, moaning loudly while I take her from behind. I stroke myself faster as I imagine reaching out and wrapping her hair in my fist, pulling her neck back so I can lick from the base to her ear. With the other hand, I reach around her and finger her clit, rubbing small, fast circles. Her hips start moving faster, and then she screams my name. Removing my hand from her pussy, I grab her hips and pound myself into her at a brutal pace. Sweat is pouring off me and I can feel the tingling in my spine as my balls have drawn up. I can’t hold on any longer.
I slam my hips forward one final time and groan loudly. I can feel myself releasing into her tight, hot body. My body shakes with the force of my orgasm, causing me to moan when the aftershocks race through me. I take a deep breath and open my eyes, but when I look down Kennedy isn’t there. Instead, I’m naked in my own bed, alone. I can see my release pooling in my abs, and spotted on my chest. My now-spent cock is lying on my lower stomach. I’m covered in sweat and I’m still panting.
Holy shit.
Climbing off the bed, I make my way into the bathroom and clean up, then shut the bathroom light off and go get back into bed. Once I’m in, I roll to my stomach and close my eyes.
I am so screwed. So fucking screwed.
CHAPTER 3
Kennedy
I still can’t believe that happened tonight. I had no idea Grayson felt that way. I mean, for crying out loud, he’s hit on other girls while we hung out. There is no way he’s being serious. He just needs to get laid. And I need to just put it out of my mind. For good.
I called Aubrey on the way home and even though I felt bad that I was interrupting her date night with Noah, I needed someone to help talk me off the ledge. I don’t know why, but Grayson’s confession really shook me. I have tried so hard over the past eight years to not let my parents’ shitty decisions affect my life, but I know after last night that they’re still very much present.
After I get home I immediately head to my en-suite bathroom and fill the tub with steaming hot water. I pour in some of my favorite lavender bath oil and, after undressing, climb into the tub. My long hair is piled up on my head and I place a small towel on the edge of the tub to rest my head on. I have my favorite playlist on, and finally I let myself relax. It’s been a hell of a week, and tonight was just the cherry on top.
I got a letter from my mother a couple days ago. First form of contact since Dad took me from her eight years ago. Not a hello. Not a ‘how are you doing.’ No, she’s finally run out of money. When she and Dad divorced, he gave her a huge payout to get her off his back. It was either that or alimony. Mom thought the prospect of three million dollars all at once was better. And now she’s finally managed to drink her way through it. Or at least that’s what I’m guessing. I’d like to believe that after all these years she’s sobered up and reaching out to me because she misses me. But, her getting clean means she would have to take responsibility for everything, and deep down I know that will never happen.
My older sister Hilary is Mom’s biggest enabler. When Dad moved us out of the house my senior year, she took Mom’s side and moved back in with her. Since I haven’t spoken to Mom in eight years, and I only get the occasional e-mail from Hilary. I can only assume they still live together. Dad is still out in California, remarried with a couple children from his new wife. He calls me once a year on my birthday, asking if I need any money. I never do. When I finally dipped into my account after graduation to pay off my loans, I saw that Dad had put a million into the account for me. Most twenty-one-year-olds would be thrilled. I was sickened. I lost my father for a million dollars. Now he has children who will never know me, and all the while they get to call him Daddy.
Yeah, my life is fifty shades of completely fucked up. This is exactly why I will never let Grayson or anybody in. As much as I want him, I will only end up hurting him. I’m not capable of falling in love and trusting someone that much. I just can’t.
I’m broken out of my thoughts by my phone going off. I grab it off the stool next to my tub. It’s a text from Aubrey, checking in to see how I’m doing. I send a quick reply saying that I’m okay and we should get together next weekend for lunch. Placing my phone back down, I lean my head back and enjoy my bath.
Once the water starts getting cold, I climb out and dry myself off. Walking into my bedroom, I grab a pair of underwear and an oversized nightshirt and climb into bed. I plug my cell in and turn on the small television sitting on my bureau. Clicking through the channels, I stop when I come to a station playing reruns of The Office. I shut my bedside light off and get under the covers. It has been a day from hell and I’m exhausted. It doesn’t take long before my body surrenders and I’m falling asleep.
***
It has been a really long and crazy week of work. For the first time in a while I slept in this morning and just relaxed until I went for a quick run. Running is my stress reliever. Then I came home and grabbed the mail. Unfortunately, I had another letter from my mother. I didn’t even bother opening it, just threw it straight in the trash. I have no idea what kind of game she’s playing, but she can’t seriously think I would want to help her. It definitely makes me regret having my address listed.
Grabbing my car keys and jacket, I lock up and make my way to the elevator. Once I get out to the parking lot, I start my car and turn on the heat. It’s finally May, but the chill is still hanging around in the air. I’m meeting Aubrey at our favorite diner downtown for lunch. It’s near the firehouse, so I seriously hope Noah and Grayson don’t decide to show up. They both generally work Saturdays and have Sundays off.
When I get to the diner, I don’t see Aubrey’s car, so I head inside and grab us a table. She’s almost always running late, so I don’t think anything of it. A waitress comes over and I order our usual. A few minutes later Aubrey comes rushing in, waving to me.
“Hey, Kenni! Sorry, there wasn’t any parking here! I had to leave my car down at the firehouse.”
I stand up from the table to give her a hug, tighter than usual. I’ve missed her. She either doesn’t notice or care because she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she pulls her coat off and throws it onto the chair next to her. She flops down and gives me a huge smile.
“We set a date.”
“Aubs! Oh my gosh, I am so excited for y’all! When?” I reach across the table and give her hands a squeeze.
“September twentieth. We don’t want to wait. Life’s too short.” Aubrey gives me a smile, but I can see the pain shining behind it. She misses her dad. My own eyes well up.
“He’d be so damn proud of you, babe. Noah is an amazing guy.”
She blinks her tears away and nods at me. No more words are excha
nged about it, but they don’t need to be. I was close to her family, so I can understand how she feels. And knowing that I have a father, who’s alive, but wants nothing to do with me almost hurts more than him dying.
“So, Kenni, have you thought any more about Gray? I know you were surprised, but was it really that shocking to find out his feelings?” Aubrey takes a sip of her water.
“No, I wasn’t shocked. He’s always been pretty open with the fact that he finds me attractive. But I didn’t know he wanted to, like, have a relationship with me.”
“I’ve always thought Grayson was just showing off. Noah has been saying for a while now that he thinks Grayson has been ready to settle down, but he just didn’t know it yet.”
Our food arrived, so we dig in. While we’re eating, she gets a text from Noah. Her face lights up, so I know our time together is over.
“It’s okay, Aubs. I know you want to go see Noah.”
“No, Kenni. It’s not that at all. I guess Carmen is moving home in a month.” Carmen is Noah’s younger sister. She’s in her final year of college up in Boston.
“Really? I thought she wasn’t coming home until August. I know you guys were gonna fly up for her graduation in June, and then Grayson said something about her spending one final summer up there.” I finish my sandwich and signal to the waitress.
“Yeah, that’s what we thought too. Noah said she called his mom last night and told her she took all her finals and stuff early and was coming home. I have no idea what’s going on, but Noah is worried. I’m worried. Something’s up. I’m gonna go see Noah and see what’s really going on.” She grabs her wallet and throws a twenty on the table, then throws her jacket over her arm and stands up. I follow, leaving my half of the bill behind. We walk out of the diner together and stop by my car.