I took a moment to slip my heels off and then ran out onto the beach at full speed, holding my skirt in one hand and my heels in the other. I headed straight towards the docks, breathing heavily. The sand sunk beneath my toes with each step, but I wouldn’t let it slow me down. Amazingly, I didn’t feel exhausted yet. I just kept running. I ran through the stretch of yachts relentlessly.
It was like a millionaire’s playground. The beautiful boats towered around me like miniature buildings floating along the harbor.
Eventually, I made it to the end of the dock. Gasping, I sat down along the edge. Noticing the tenderness my feet had incurred, I dipped them into the cool water, feeling a momentary relief.
But I guess I was dumb to believe that Gabe couldn’t easily catch up to me. I heard him approach from behind.
I thought he was going to say something or call out to me as his footsteps slowed, but he did neither. He only sat down beside me along the edge of the dock. He, too, removed his shoes and then rolled up his pant legs. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slip his feet into the water next to mine.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” A shaky twinge filled my voice. I fidgeted, trying to calm down. “I’ve barely had a chance to absorb everything.”
“I understand,” he said softly.
“Don’t do that,” I told him.
“Do what?” he asked.
“Don’t be so. . .nice.”
He paused for a second. And I wanted to kick myself for saying something so stupid. It had made sense in my mind to tell him to stop being nice, but it hadn’t sounded the way I meant it to once the words tumbled out of my mouth.
Gabe only sighed, mumbling a reluctant “okay”. Then I started freaking out all over again because I realized how much he must understand me.
Gabe understands my nonsense.
A wrenching twisted at my heart. Only couples in their old age should understand each other’s nonsense.
I tried to maintain my composure, but it completely crumbled with his nearness. I knew I didn’t want to talk to Gabe about any of what I had just remembered, but I couldn’t help the feelings of hurt in my heart.
“How could you?” I asked, shifting my stiff form to face him. “How could you let me go on, ignorant to everything?”
Gabe’s jaw tightened. He looked pained; he truly did. I’ve never seen his face hold so much emotion before.
“Lola, there are things you don’t understand.”
“What I don’t understand is that the way you have treated me ever since I’ve met you. . .just does not correlate with these memories!”
“I know, Lo. But the way I feel about you has never changed. Please understand that. If you understand nothing else, please understand that I have always loved you.”
“Argh, I don’t even know you!”
Though I had made the statement (and I could see I hurt him by saying it), I knew deep down it wasn’t true. With each passing moment, I could remember more and more details about Gabe’s personality. I knew that I knew him. And it was quickly coming back to me in waves.
“How many lives have I been like this?” An image of a saddened, lonely version of me crept into my thoughts. I think it was sometime during the nineteen fifties, maybe sixties. I inherently knew that I had been depressed for most of that life. I remembered dying young, not having the will to live.
“I’m not sure. Two, I think. Maybe three.”
“And you?”
“It’s been four for me.”
“You’ve lived four lives since we--” My heart sank and I couldn’t get out whatever words I had meant to say. The wrenching pain in my stomach grew unbearable. Especially when I couldn’t fully grasp where it was all coming from.
I stood up, ready to leave again. Gabe grabbed my arm and pulled me to him.
“Lola, they were short, meaningless lives. It’s barely been over a century since we were last together. Damn it, look at me!”
His face blurred under welling tears, but I could still make out the guilt written in his features.
“And what about Annika?” I asked.
I finally understood why she had behaved so cruelly towards me. It all made perfect sense now. I remembered the night she came home, after Gabe had broken off their engagement. . .it had been the same day Gabe and I had first spoken at the beach. I remembered the sight of her tear-streaked face and how she had sobbed in Miriam’s arms. It didn’t escape me that I had been the cause of that pain. “How could you do that to her?”
Gabe only shrugged. “Annika was nothing to me. She wasn’t what you were.”
“How could you say such a heartless thing?” I shouted. “You proposed to her! She obviously meant something to you.”
I couldn’t tell if I was more upset by the betrayal or that Gabe was acting so dismissive about his wayward actions with Annika.
“Lola, you can’t get angry with me when you don’t even understand how it was between me and Anni.”
“The hell I can’t!” I stood up furiously.
“Now just wait a second,” Gabe’s voice picked up in tenor. “Annika and I had an understanding. I cared for her, of course, but nothing more. She wanted me to propose to her so she could have her picture-perfect life. I tried to give her that. My whole family wanted me to move on.”
I held my hands up in the air, as if I could push it all away. I didn’t want to hear about Gabe and Annika. And for that matter, I didn’t want to hear about Gabe and me.
“I need to go,” I said quietly.
“Please, just give me a chance to explain. There are reasons why I was never able to tell you, to explain to you who you are--”
“I can’t, Gabe. I can’t take anymore tonight.”
“Lola, please.”
“No.” I said it with as much force as I could manage. He understood I meant it because he loosened the grip on my arm and his dark eyes turned away from me.
“At least promise me you’ll let me see you tomorrow?”
“Sure,” I said, knowing it was a lie.
His grip tightened again. “I will see you tomorrow. Even if I must come to you. Don’t make me hunt you down, Lola. All I want is a fair chance to explain.”
I nodded tightly. But deep down, I knew it would take more than a day for me to gather the courage to face him again- to bravely face those eyes that knew everything about me.
“Let me walk you home?” he asked.
“No, thanks.”
He sighed loudly. “Fine.” He gently pulled me towards him and kissed my forehead. The simple gesture was so achingly familiar, and yet it was strangely out of place.
I pulled myself away from his grip and turned to leave. My wet feet dripped along the dock as I hurried away.
I didn’t turn back. I didn’t need to see his face. It was permanently etched in my mind.
SIXTEEN
I walked home in a daze. The remembering- it didn’t stop even when I tried to make it stop. Dismally, I considered it ironic that I would even want it to end when I’d spent a whole lifetime wishing the memories would come back to me.
But it hurt. It physically hurt, creating a pulsating pain within the back of my head that wouldn’t release.
I walked into the house, groaning from the agony of it. At least no one was home to hear me. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to have to explain this. I couldn’t even explain it to myself, let alone anyone else.
The house was still, hushed almost, within the enveloping darkness of the night. I crept into my room quietly. I was dizzy, sick to my stomach. . .scared. Even within the silent haven of Miriam’s house, my mind continued to scream with loud sounds and bright flashes.
I reached for my bed, finding the soft sheets and falling into them. Cradling my head in my hands, I tried to will the pain away. I begged myself to sleep, anything to escape what was happening. And eventually, I did.
But as much as I wanted to escape the memories and the images replaying in my
mind through slumber, it seemed sleeping only made things terribly worse. Apparently the subconscious world was aiding in the restoration of my memories. I dreamt of my past lives all night long.
I couldn’t escape them.
And even when I awoke from the dreaming, as soon as my head touched my pillow, another dream began. . .
Part Two
Flashes
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” – Confucius
SEVENTEEN
The caravan shook as the explosion of thunder struck the earth, followed by an illuminating flash of white lightning. Liliana Moori and her sister, Eryn Moori both flinched from the noise.
“It’s getting worse,” Eryn droned. She’d been complaining about the storm for a quite a while now.
“Your perception is astounding,” Liliana commented dryly.
Eryn presented her sister with a derisive glare before turning away. Under her breath, she muttered, “God’s teeth, Lily, you can be loathsome at times.” Albeit, the comment had been voiced loud enough for Liliana to hear clearly.
Liliana ignored Eryn.
As much as she loved her younger sister, Liliana was tired of listening to Eryn’s constant whining. The storm was causing her enough anxiety as it was; they had been waiting it out for over an hour now and it didn’t seem to be relenting. It was a testimony of the caravan’s fine craftsmanship, which didn’t allow the rain to seep inside, and Liliana was extremely grateful for that. Made entirely of wood, with a curved roof, the small caravan served as a little home on wheels. And at the moment, it was the only shelter separating her and her sister from the chaos happening outside.
Their servants courteously left the girls to wait the storm out in a separate caravan. There had been little room left in this one, due to the countless trunks they had traveled with. Liliana knew it had been pointless to bring so many things, but she couldn’t bear leaving her beloved books and ancient texts behind. And Eryn had refused to part with all the beautiful fabrics she’d purchased. She was planning to have several new dresses made for her once they were back in Romania.
Home.
It was a word that was known by their kind, but little understood its true meaning. Liliana liked to believe she understood. Home wasn’t a place, not really. Home was wherever you wanted to be. Wherever you were needed…wherever your heart was.
For a while, her heart had been in Paris, under the tutelage of a fine school for young ladies. It was a rare opportunity her kind didn’t often receive. But Liliana had been fortunate enough to have a family who understood how important an education was, and she was also fortunate to have a family wealthy enough to provide the schooling to her and her sister. Yet now that she had completed the schooling, Liliana longed to be back in Romania with her family and her friends…her tribe. It had been nearly torture for both Eryn and Liliana to stay in Paris for three full years.
Another piercing crackle of thunder suddenly struck, this one more deafening than the last.
Eryn turned towards her now. She was unusually tense and wide-eyed. “Did you hear a gun shot, Lily?”
“No, it’s only the storm. Don’t worry--”
A distant scream filled the air around them. The sound of the rain muffled the noise, but Liliana instinctively knew that she had heard a scream.
Eryn’s green eyes filled with terror. “What was that?” she whispered.
Everything grew quieter in the darkness of their caravan. The sound of their breaths grew heavier.
Liliana moved towards the door. “Stay here,” she ordered.
“Don’t you dare leave me!” Eryn cried.
“I’m just going to check on the others and make sure everyone is alright. I will return quickly, I promise.”
“Lily-- no!”
Liliana could see the fear in her younger sister’s expression. Eryn gripped her wrists tightly, unwilling to let her loose.
“Go to the other caravan and wait for me there,” Liliana commanded. She pulled out of Eryn’s grasp and left before she could object any further. She knew her sister wouldn’t be so foolish as to follow her. Eryn was too afraid of the storm.
Pulling the hood of her cloak up over her head, she made her way out into the night. A shower of stinging rain poured over her and drowned out all other sounds. Dimly, she could make out the image of the other caravan in the distance. But something caught her eye to the left of the road they’d been traveling. She looked back in that direction. Startled, Liliana realized she was staring at a mass of glowing, orange flames.
Fire.
How it was even possible for there to be a fire in the pounding downpour of rain was beyond her, but she quickly moved towards it. She didn’t even stop to think her actions through. She simply ran to the bright fire at full speed. A gnawing feeling that someone was in trouble rushed her. Branches slapped across her face, mud clung to the bottom of her skirts, but she trudged on.
She didn’t even see the body in the midst of everything. She tripped because she’d run right over it, causing her to lose her balance. She slammed down hard onto the muddy ground.
Groaning, Liliana pulled herself up. She was almost positive her knees were scraped and bloody underneath her skirts.
Unexpectedly, she heard the low rumble of someone else’s groan. She turned to view what had tripped her.
Liliana paled when she saw the man lying on the ground next to her.
Turn away and leave. It’s the smart thing to do, she thought to herself.
He was young, though. Perhaps around her own age, maybe a few years older. His large frame didn’t move to get up. It seemed the man was severely wounded.
Instead of retreating, Liliana found herself slowly moving closer to the man. Blood trickled from his temple and around his eyes. She knew the mixture of rainwater probably concealed how devastating his wounds were. She wondered how much blood he had lost, and if it might be too late.
Suddenly, the man began to mumble. Listening closely, Liliana attempted to make out what he was saying, but the deafening roar of the storm muffled his low voice. The only words she could make out clearly were, “Why can’t I see?”
He was speaking in French.
Liliana knelt down and leaned over the young man. She shouted above the storm, “Sir, please do not worry. I have come to your aid!”
Immediately, his arm snaked around hers, clutching her tightly. “Who are you?” he demanded hoarsely.
Liliana batted her eyes against the rain, almost paralyzed. She suddenly questioned whether it had been a good idea to venture out into the forest and away from the safety of her caravan and people.
“I am Lily,” she finally choked out. “Liliana Moori of Redwood Forest.”
The man’s grip loosened. He eventually fell slack against the ground.
“Sir, do you think you can stand?”
She quickly scrutinized his body, finding no injury.
When he spoke next, it was softer. He sounded defeated and tired. “I can stand. And walk, if you guide me.”
She helped to pull the man from the ground, nearly knocking herself over in the process. He was very large and extremely heavy. It felt like she was trying to lift a brick wall. Liliana soon realized it was due to the huge amount of muscle mass she felt beneath her fingertips. Good God, the man was completely solid and likely over six feet of height. She had no idea how she was going to get him to the caravan.
Once he was upright, he slung his arm around her shoulders, but thankfully, he didn’t place his full weight against her. Good thing too, because it likely would have toppled her over. Instead, he merely used her body for support and guidance.
“This way,” she directed him, leading him back through the forest.
It took three times the amount of time it had taken her to run into the woods for Liliana to return to the caravan with her new guest in tow. She was forced to walk slowly, taking the time to give warning for logs, brambles and other random pieces of nature that got in their pat
h.
Helping her newly rescued companion into the caravan proved to be the most difficult process of all. Without the use of his own sight, the man couldn’t find the floorboards and she had to help lift him. Liliana grunted, trying to push him up. By the time they had both climbed inside, she was breathless and soaking wet.
After steadying her heavy breathing, Liliana directed the man towards a padded bench, which had been built into the wall of the caravan. Though it had been meant for several passengers to use for sitting, the large frame of the man nearly encompassed the entire bench while he lied across it.
Carefully, Liliana moved towards him. She looked more closely at his wound. An ugly, inflamed burn stretched across his temple and down along his eyes. She imagined the pain must be unbearable.
“Lady,” the man called to her.
“I am here,” she spoke softly. “And my name is Liliana. I told you in the woods, remember?”
“I remember,” he said. She watched as he furrowed his brow.
“What is your name?” she asked him.
He paused a moment, as if he were debating whether or not to tell her. “Gabriel,” he finally whispered, but gave no surname. Liliana sensed the man didn’t want to reveal too much about himself.
“Have I gone blind?” he asked suddenly.
Liliana swallowed. She could hear the evident fear in his voice and she wasn’t sure if he were asking her or himself that question. She wasn’t much of a healer, not beyond the common illnesses anyway, but she still tried to examine his eyes, wondering if there was anything that could be done.
He might have only contracted a temporary blindness, she thought hopefully as she looked him over. It almost seemed like he was involuntarily keeping his eyes closed from the blistering of the burn, but she didn’t want to tell him that. After all, she was no doctor. And she certainly didn’t want to give him false hope.
“I don’t know if you’ve gone blind, Gabriel. But I promise I will find you a proper doctor and get you patched up as soon as the storm ceases. For now, why don’t you try and rest?”
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