‘Did you see Kiev Beauman?’
‘What?’ Angela nearly dropped the lot. ‘Where?’
It was Angela’s secret dream to meet a rich, handsome and famous man and drag him to the altar. She was quite happy to be a child bride. She’d even give up flirting with every other male for life if she could get her claws into one choice male with heaps of money. So long as he wasn’t dead ugly, fat, bald and had bad breath and BO. She didn’t care so much about the handsome bit, but if he was, that would be a bonus!
‘In ya dreams.’
‘It was! Wait till the bus comes back and you’ll see for yourself.’
‘Omigod,’ said Liz, who was now in her usual panic when something big happened. ‘Omigod. He’ll think I was an idiot ’cause I didn’t recognise him and ask for his autograph.’
‘But you did recognise him,’ Flick pointed out. ‘He’d be pleased because you were so cool and laid-back and you didn’t fall all over him in a heap.’
‘Did I hear someone say that Kiev Beauman’s on the Wild Life bus?’ asked Maggie, who’d strolled in to buy a packet of cigarettes.
Maggie owned a beach house round the point. She was supposed to be wealthy, having had three husbands who’d carked it one after the other and left her their money. During the summer season she lived in the huge, architect-designed home that had splendid views right up the coast. She had squads of visitors and did a lot of entertaining.
Maggie was always dressed in the latest fashion, with sleek blonde hair and a yearlong tan. She favoured bright red lipstick and nail polish. Today she was wearing white capri pants and a pink top. On anyone else her age the outfit would look stupid, but on Maggie it looked good. It was rumoured that she’d had plastic surgery — major facelifts, collagen injections in her lips, breast implants, and liposuction on her stomach, hips and thighs. Of course this was only a rumour and maybe she was just naturally slim and youthful. Angela was always trying to peer behind Maggie’s ears whenever she served her, because someone said there were lines there after plastic surgery. And Maggie always avoided being served by Angela just to annoy her. It was a sort of cat-and-mouse game between them.
Maggie was supposed to be giving up smoking but there was always a reason why she couldn’t quit. Yesterday it was because her mother-in-law was coming to stay, and she’d bought five packets.
‘You can’t have run out of smokes already,’ Flick chided.
‘I have, because my two brothers and their wives are all puffing away like chimneys and using my ciggies instead of their own. Anyway, forget about the smokes, what about Kiev Beauman?’
‘We think he’s on the bus.’ Flick smiled at Maggie as she passed over three packets of cigarettes.
‘Bull he’s on the bus!’
‘True. Liz saw through his disguise.’
‘Which was …?’
‘Dark sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled forward. But he took it off when he was reading the menu, and he pulled his sunnies down and peered over the top. I’d recognise those eyes anywhere.’
Kiev Beauman had the most incredible blue eyes. The tabloids had accused him of wearing tinted contact lenses, but his publicity department had released photos of him as a baby with cornflower-blue eyes and his kindergarten teacher and pediatrician had come forward to vouch that his eyes were true blue.
‘Can we do some work around here?’ Kay stormed out with bagged hamburgers with the lot for the baine marie. ‘Oh, hi Maggie.’
‘Sorry I’m the one keeping them from working, but they’re telling me all this amazing news,’ said Maggie calmly, not looking the least bit sorry.
‘What? About the arm?’
‘What arm?’
‘The one found on the rocks this morning. Haven’t you heard?’
‘I saw a crowd of people but I thought the lifesavers must have rescued someone,’ said Maggie. ‘I mean, this time of the year they pull a dozen or so swimmers out of the rip-tide every day. So what’s this about an arm?’
Flick told her. ‘But that’s not what we were talking about, Kay. We reckon Kiev Beauman’s on the Wild Life tour bus.’
‘Who’s Kev Beauman?’ said Kay.
‘Not Kev. Kiev. You mean you’ve never heard of Kiev Beauman? He’s an actor,’ said Angela.
‘Kiev Beauman is the actor.’ Maggie rolled her eyes and looked star-struck.
‘See? Even Maggie knows who he is.’
‘What do you mean “even Maggie knows who he is”? I watch High Times every night.’
Kay’s face stayed blank. Flick, Angela and Liz looked at each other as Braden came over. He had served an aggro customer, a burly man who’d given him a hard time about the sauce on his burger because Braden had put on satay instead of barbecue. Braden was wound up and agitated.
‘That man wath a total pig to me. Now, whatth thith I heard about High Timeth?’
‘Kiev Beauman’s on the tour bus.’
‘Oh, thure. In your dreamth.’
‘Kiev Beauman on the bus?’ A woman with three kids had come into the store. ‘Can we get his autograph?’ Two of the kids rushed outside shrieking, ‘It’s Kiev Beauman. He’s coming!’
Immediately everyone in a five kilometre radius pricked up their ears and started rushing toward the store all yelling at once. ‘Did you hear? Kiev Beauman. Here. At Coolini Beach.’
Liz gave a groan. ‘There’ll be a million people waiting when the bus gets back.’
‘Yeah,’ said Kay. ‘And some poor sucker who just happens to look vaguely like this Kev person will be mobbed, his arms ripped off and I’ll get sued.’
‘It’th Keeee-ev,’ said Braden. ‘And I don’t think it’th nice to talk about ripped-off armth, Kay. You thaid that yourthelf only a while ago. You thaid —’
‘Oh, put a thock, I mean, a sock in it, Braden,’ snapped Kay, as a crowd began to mill around the entrance to the store and someone with half a brain began chanting, ‘We want Kiev!’
‘We have to get these orders filled,’ said Flick. ‘Otherwise the bus will be here and no food ready.’
‘Yes. I’m glad you reminded everyone of that little fact,’ said Kay grimly. ‘We’re all behind in our schedule.’
‘Where’s Kiev?’ shouted a girl. ‘We want to see him.’
‘Why don’t you form an avenue of honour along the driveway?’ yelled Kay sarcastically.
‘Great idea.’
‘Omigod,’ said Liz. ‘Omigod. They’re doing it!’
The excited crowd was lining up on either side of the road where the bus would pull in.
‘How embarrassing,’ muttered Flick.
‘Yeah. Kiev’s gunna die,’ groaned Liz.
‘He’s used to it,’ said Angela loftily. ‘Hordes of screaming fans ripping his gear off, wanting his autograph, sending him love letters. But wouldn’t it be cool to actually go out with him!’
As she said this, Angela hiked her apron up higher, pulled the front of her top down lower, and reached for the bright red lipstick she always kept in her pocket.
‘When are you lot going to do some work!’ Kay stood with her hands on her hips and glared at them all.
‘Aw, come on, Kay, it’s not every day that a famous TV star arrives on a bus.’
‘I don’t care if Prince Charles jumps off a bus, there’s the orders to make up!’
When Kay spoke in that tone of voice it mean that she was really going to lose her temper, and when Kay threw a wobbly it was dangerous, because she’d been known to actually pick up the nearest object and fling it, which wasn’t so traumatic if it was a tomato but bad news if it was a breadknife.
Braden disappeared into the back room followed by Angela. Flick and Liz started putting the food into bags and sorting hot chips into buckets.
‘When’s Tania supposed to start?’ said Liz.
‘Dunno. I thought it was eleven thirty.’
Tania was the new assistant hired to wash dishes, carry plates and wipe down tables, which would free up the other
girls to serve and prepare food.
Flick looked at her watch. ‘It’s a great start. She hasn’t turned up on time on her first day. And Sophie should start in half an hour. I hope Kay can phone her to come in earlier.’
As if reading her mind, Kay stuck her head round the servery. ‘Any sign of Tania yet?’ she asked. ‘Or is Sophie anywhere about?’
‘Can’t see them.’
Kay muttered something under her breath and went off to the phone. They heard her bang the receiver down and then redial.
‘Bet she’s phoning Cam.’
Cam was Kay’s husband. He drove the Elgas truck but if he wasn’t on duty he could help in the store in an emergency. And this looked like being a classic, because yet more people were arriving.
‘Either the rumour’s spread about that arm being found on the rocks and they’re coming for a sticky, or they’ve heard that this Kiev chap’s on the Wild Life bus.’ Kay sighed. ‘And guess what? No one’s answering at Tania’s or Sophie’s, and Cam’s still out delivering gas. I guess we’ll just have to work faster and harder.’
‘Maybe Maggie could come in?’ Liz suggested.
‘Maggie? She’d be useless, and anyway she’s got her mother-in-law and a crowd of relatives staying, remember?’
Flick looked at Liz. Of course Tim and Josh could’ve helped if they’d been around, but they were off enjoying themselves. And Liz’s parents were away with Tim, so they couldn’t help either.
‘Oh no. Here comes the bus!’
The crowd patiently waiting outside the store started jumping up and down and cheering. Other people who were just arriving to scour the beach for human bits and pieces, having heard on the news about the arm, hadn’t a clue what the cheering was for. Dave, the bus driver, grinned and waved at everyone.
‘What’s going on?’ he said as he clambered from the driver’s seat. ‘Did I win Bus Driver of the Year or something?’
But he really knew that Kiev was on the bus, and so did most of the passengers. The younger tourists grinned, because they realised the line-up was in honour of Kiev. They’d found him unassuming and nice to chat with, giving out autographs with patience and then retiring to his seat to look out the window. He’d told them that he’d escaped from his minders who were probably going ballistic back in Melbourne, but he’d phoned to tell them he was okay and would be back later, and not to panic.
The rest of the passengers got off the tour bus and followed Dave into the store to collect their orders, Kiev stopping to shake hands and sign autographs as the teenagers in the crowd looked in awestruck wonder at this famous person who was here in the flesh at Coolini Beach.
When he was finally able to extract himself from the crowd and enter the shop, Flick was waiting to hand him his chicken sandwich, bucket of chips, and chocolate milkshake.
‘Listen, son,’ said Kay. ‘Would you like a bit of peace and quiet away from the maddening crowd? We’ve got a table and chairs out the back under a shady tree if you’re interested.’
Flick bit her lip at the ‘son’, but Kiev didn’t seem to mind.
He looked at the sea of faces pressed against the windows and the star-mad mob milling about outside, then back at Kay.
‘Thanks, I’d like that,’ he replied.
‘Flick, put the food on a plate, will you, and take Kev — er, I mean Kiev — out the back.’
Flick swallowed.
‘I’ll do it,’ purred Angela, sidling up and leaning over invitingly with her boobs practically falling into Kiev’s chocolate shake.
‘No, Angela,’ said Kay sweetly. ‘I need you here to help Liz and Braden. Off you go, Flick.’
With her heart pounding like a sledge hammer, Flick led the way through the kitchen and pizza room with Kiev following behind. At least it was still relatively early in the day and the whole place hadn’t been turned into a chaotic mess of squashed dough-droppings, mixing bowls, square boxes, and all the paraphernalia that went with making pizzas.
The outside door opened onto a small courtyard. There were boxes piled against a wall and an Eiffel Tower of milk crates against another, but there was a nice tree shading a small wooden table and two chairs.
‘There. You should have some privacy,’ said Flick.
‘Yes. Thanks.’ Kiev looked round then stiffened as she put his food on the table. ‘Is that thing dangerous?’
‘What thing?’
He pointed. Flick looked in the direction of his gaze and gasped. There was a large tiger snake curled up near the drainpipe watching them warily with its beady eyes. Its stripes glistened like golden bands in the sun. Its coils were at least six centimetres thick.
‘That’s Sylvester. And he’s only dangerous if he decides to strike,’ said Flick calmly, although her hands had gone clammy with the shock of actually meeting Sylvester face to face. ‘But he won’t attack. Snakes don’t unless you threaten them or get between them and their living quarters, or accidentally tread on them. Anyway, he’s too sleepy right now.’
‘Are we supposed to kill it or something?’
‘Tiger snakes are a protected species,’ said Flick, as the snake slowly uncoiled itself and began to slide under the building. Its languid movement somehow made Flick think of Angela.
‘Is it poisonous?’
‘Yes, tigers are the second-most venomous snake in Australia. The taipan’s the most deadly, but we don’t have them this far south. Taipans are found in Queensland and the Northern Territory. We’ve got common browns, tigers and copperheads here. Kay got the snake-catcher and he said to leave him there as he’d be eating mice and rats under the building and keeping them out of the store. He said snakes are docile and they only get aggressive if you provoke them.’
‘Yeah?’ Kiev looked interested. ‘I thought they were always vicious.’
‘Well, if you attacked a rottweiler with a stick or a spade, which is what people do to snakes, it’d get vicious too, and turn on you. The snake guy said he didn’t expect us to love Sylvester, just to live with him. So that’s what Kay and Cam decided to do.’
‘Sylvester?’
Flick looked sheepish. ‘That’s his name.’
‘It’s a bit wimpy for a tiger snake. He should be called Rajah or something.’
‘Well, I think it was the first name that came into Kay’s head. She wanted something that started with S, and we already have a seal called Sergio that lives near the point and two of the kookaburras are called Sean and Sarah. And Sylvester Stallone’s tough, so …’
Flick knew she was gabbling on, but the shock of seeing Sylvester was a bit nerve-wracking. Usually, he lived under the building and hardly ever came out, because he, like most snakes, preferred the late evening to loll about in summer when the concrete was a bit cooler and no one was in the courtyard.
Kay and Cam had given up trying to entice the wily snake out with a saucer of milk when the snake-catcher came.
‘This snake’s too cunning for that,’ the guy had said. ‘Just leave him alone. He’ll be useful for catching rats and mice that try to get into your shop. I’ll bet you haven’t had trouble with vermin for a while.’
‘No, we haven’t,’ Kay had admitted.
‘There you go, then.’
So Sylvester got to stay as resident vermin catcher.
Braden, who’d been scared out of his wits one dark night when a snake slithered across the road in front of him and disappeared under the shed, wasn’t too keen on the idea of a venomous snake curled up under the floorboards. But because Sylvester was a silent tenant and they never saw him, they’d all forgotten about him. And as Cam had pointed out, it was safer knowing the snake was under the building than slithering round in the camping ground.
‘Will it come back?’ Kiev was looking a bit dubious.
‘Not while we’re here.’
‘You’d better stay with me, then. I don’t know if I could cope if Sylvester suddenly decides he wants a go at my food. Or me.’
‘Okay. But I’d be
tter tell Kay.’
Flick rushed inside and whispered in Kay’s ear. She didn’t want Braden panicking and tearing out into the crowd shouting about a snake at the top of his lungs.
‘How come she gets to sit out there with Kiev while we’re slaving away in here?’ Angela griped in a loud voice as Flick scurried outside again.
‘It’th not really fair,’ bleated Braden. ‘You docked my wageth when I only dithappeared for a few minuteth.’
‘All right, Braden, I won’t dock your wages if you stop whining right now and do your work,’ said Kay in a stern voice.
Tania had finally turned up and was sent to clear tables and tidy up.
Liz contented herself with peeping out the window when she took some bowls through to the back room. She could see the two fair heads bent close together, deep in conversation. Lucky Flick. But if it had been her out there, she’d have been tongue-tied with terror.
She saw Kiev offer Flick a bite from his sandwich. Wide-eyed, Liz watched as Flick accepted. Bits of salad fell on the table. Kiev gently wiped a shred of lettuce from the corner of Flick’s mouth with his finger.
Then to Liz’s horror, he leaned forward and kissed Flick firmly on the lips.
CHAPTER 3
Liz was putting the tops on ten ham and salad rolls when Flick and Kiev meandered past.
‘Oh, Liz, did you want Kiev’s autograph before he gets on the bus?’ Flick asked.
‘No,’ Liz replied shortly, not looking at either of them.
Kiev raised his eyebrows inquiringly at Flick. Was this the best friend she’d just told him about? In response, Flick shrugged. She didn’t have a clue what had gotten into Liz. It was unlike her to be short-tempered and rude.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll just see Kiev to the bus.’
Tossing the cardboard shake container into the bin, Kiev followed Flick through to the front of the shop. There was now an even bigger crowd pressing against the glass for a glimpse of their TV idol.
‘Make way,’ said Dave importantly, shouldering a path through to the bus.
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