You should have honor.
I should have honor.
Young Aba and Ammi in love in Balochistan.
Aba helping Khalida to swim in the village reservoir.
Khalida with her goat in the village.
One of the few photos of Khadija with her sisters. The others were destroyed when she was murdered. Khadija is the strong and confident girl on the far right.
Grandparents in the haveli in Balochistan where Khalida grew up.
Khalida’s immediate family.
Initial Sughar mobilization meeting of tribal women and men.
WAKE UP campaign youth assembly with policy makers.
Women going to one of the Sughar Hubs that were established in villages.
A fun girls’ meeting in a Sughar Center.
Khalida with Sughar women in Pakistan.
Sughar Nomads fashion show in Karachi.
(BARBARA KINNEY/CLINTON FOUNDATION)
Khalida speaking at the annual meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative.
(WOMEN IN THE WORLD MEDIA, LLC)
Khalida in an interview with Christiane Amanpour at Women in the World.
(LAYLA SHAIKLEY)
Khalida speaking at the MIT Media Lab during her fellowship year.
Khalida and David at their ten-day wedding celebration in Karachi.
Expressions of the family upon meeting for the first time in Venice. Khalida’s mother-in-law, Mary Ellen, is on the left and Aba and Ammi are on the right.
(TASSOTTO&MAX FOR BUILDING PEACE FOUNDATION, FORMERLY PILOSIO BUILDING PEACE)
Khalida and her parents with David in Venice after her engagement.
Khalida and David starting The Chai Spot in Sedona.
In loving memory of my late mother-in-law, Mary Ellen. You were a strong woman and loving mother. You looked me in the eye and asked me who I am. You entrusted me with your only son and made our life together possible. You were a truly honorable woman and your memory will always be a blessing to us and so many others. I love you, Mom. We miss you.
I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL TO ALLAH for giving me the power to tell my story. As I learned in the past two years, it’s an uncomfortable process that makes you fully vulnerable. I am grateful to my husband, David (Dawood), for helping me with each part of the book, as well as for coping with my moods, sadnesses, anxieties, and at times cravings for rare foods. I am grateful to my father, who helped edit the book, and to my mother, Noor Jehan, for writing stories of her childhood, helping me with all the hardest details, and holding me when I cried.
I am grateful to my brothers, Ali and Sajjad, who are my heart’s joy, for helping me to find and select images; to my sister Fatima for sharing childhood stories with Fauzia and me; and to Sabeena and Safia for keeping me fed during the whole crazy time. I am grateful to my little siblings for giving me joy and keeping me amused through depressing times. I am so very grateful to Kalsoom for being strong and taking charge, and to her siblings for working hard in the face of adversity and going to the best universities in Karachi. I am so very grateful to my editor, Andrea Walker, for her patience, understanding, and love throughout this process, for listening to me, for putting up with my sorrows, and for being there with an open heart guiding me to move forward. I am grateful to my agents, Margaret Riley King and Jennifer Walsh, who have supported me, lifted me up, and guided me during this whole process. I am grateful to Emily Black, who helped me string together the huge bulk of my stories.
I am deeply grateful for the love and support of my mentor and friend Sheryl Sandberg, without whom this book would not be possible. I am immensely grateful to Megan Smith, my dear friend and mentor, who helped me in the most desperate times, guiding me with love and connecting me with the whole world. I am so thankful to my sister Ruma Bose, for being there for me, holding my hand, and supporting me, and to Neha Sangwan, my dear friend, who many times during these years housed me and kept me fed. I am grateful to the board members of the Sughar Foundation, Janelle Gale, Lila Igram, and Abigail Disney, for believing in me and for being kind and gentle with me. I am grateful to my advisers and supporters Zehra Ali, Daniel Epstein, Ethan Zuckerman, and Joi Ito. Thank you for believing in me and my vision. Thank you for standing strong with me when I wasn’t my strongest self.
I am thankful to Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, Saba Gul, Moira Forbes, Tina Brown, Zainab Salbi, Shannon Grewer, Eyal Aronoff, Chris Anderson, Kalsoom Lakhani, Amy Griffin, Juliet de Baubigny, Lisa Ferri, Sarah Hall, Sarah Baker, and Joanne Moore for providing your love and support in so many ways…it has been that support and unwavering belief in me that led to this book and to all that will come.
I am grateful to the Aurat Foundation and the Takhleeq Foundation in Pakistan for their work, and to the late Sabeen Mahmud and Asma Jahangir for their hard work and for shattering the glass ceiling, which made it easier for those of us who came after them. I am grateful to Northwestern University for bringing my mother to America. It had the unintended consequence of helping me a lot with the book. I am grateful to Wendy Lippman of Tlaquepaque for taking a chance on The Chai Spot and our unique business model. And finally I am grateful to all those friends, families of friends, flightmates, seatmates, and complete strangers who came up to me in the past decade of my journey to help, to say a word of kindness or encouragement, and to those who hosted me in their homes and gave me food, water, support, and their sheer belief.
I love you all so very much.
• aba—father
• adi—sister
• Ali—name of author’s eldest brother
• Allah Ditta—name of author’s paternal grandfather
• ama—mother
• ammi—mother (Urdu)
• appa—elder sister
• badli—exchange
• baligh—mature
• bhalla aba—elder father; grandfather
• bhalla ama—elder mother; grandmother
• bishenk—a wool fabric to roll the dough for breadmaking
• Bismillah—Begin in the name of Allah
• Brahui—Mountain Dweller, indigenous tribe and language of the author
• burqa—long black veil
• chador—big scarf worn as a veil
• chai—tea
• cham cham—pattycake
• chappals—sandals
• charpoy—wooden jute cot
• chole—spicy chickpeas
• dakh rakh—the traditional healing method of enclosing patient for forty days
• diyat—compensation
• dupatta—headscarf
• Eid—Muslim festival after thirty days of Ramadan
• Fatima—name of author’s younger sister
• Fatima—name of author’s paternal grandmother
• Fauzia—name of author’s middle sister
• fitu—hopscotch
• ghee—oil
• gulab jamun—a dessert consisting of round chickpea flour balls dipped in rose water and sugar syrup
• haveli—house with a large yard and courtyard
• Hudud Ordinances—laws in Pakistan that were enacted in 1977 as part of then–military ruler Zia-ul-Haq’s “Sharization” or “Islamization” process
• Jattak—name of a Brahui clan in Balochistan
• jugar—making things work with creative problem solving
• jumma—Friday prayers
• kaka—uncle
• Kalsoom—name of author’s cousin
• kari—a woman to be murdered; literally, “black”
• Khadija—name of author’s cousin; Kalsoom’s sister
• khat—wooden jute bed
• kho—hide-and-seek
• lehenga—long Pakistani skirt
• Liaqat—name of author’s uncle
• Manzoor—name of author’s uncle
• Masha Allah—praise to God
• mate—white clay eaten by pregnant women
• Mengal—name of a clan in Balochistan
• mistai—good news
• Mohim Khan—name of author’s maternal grandfather
• mullah—religious teacher
• nikai—ceremonial signing of the wedding contract
• Noor Jehan—name of author’s mother
• otaq—room where guests are entertained
• paratha—flatbread fried in oil
• pati—chest for clothes
• P.B.U.H.— peace be upon him
• phidi—betrothal of a daughter in marriage before her birth; literally, “from the belly”
• qayyamat—day of judgment
• qisas—retaliation
• rehmat—blessing
• rili—traditional quilt
• roti—flatbread baked over an open fire
• sabr—patience
• Sajjad—name of author’s younger brother
• shahada—ritual to declare the oneness of God
• shalwar qameez—long shirt worn over large pants, the traditional outfit for both women and men
• Sharam Naz—name of author’s maternal grandmother
• shonki—someone who wants too many things
• Sikander—name of author’s father
• Sufi—a sect of Islam
• sughar—skilled and confident
• sulaimani chai—a water-based black tea with spices
• talib—a student
• taliban—a group of students
• waro—dairy farm
• wata sata—exchange marriages
• zal mazur—servant of the wife
• zina—extramarital sex
About the Author
KHALIDA BROHI is an award-winning activist and entrepreneur. Her nonprofit, Sughar, unleashes leadership skills and economic power in tribal women in Pakistan. Brohi has been named one of Newsweek’s “25 Under-25 Young Women to Watch” and Forbes’s “30 Under 30” for social entrepreneurship, and she was a Director’s Fellow at the MIT Media Lab. She has received the Coretta Scott King A.N.G.E.L. Award from the King Center and the inaugural Buffett Award for Emerging Global Leaders from Northwestern University. Brohi has addressed numerous global forums, such as TEDGlobal, the Clinton Global Initiative, Women in the World, Davos, the World Affairs Council, Google’s Zeitgeist, and Facebook’s Women’s Leadership Day. In 2015, Brohi and her husband, David, co-founded The Chai Spot and later Otaq LLC, which promote the beautiful aspects of Brohi’s cultural heritage while uplifting women and children in Pakistan in order to create healthy lives and eradicate damaging customs. She has served on the board of directors of the International Youth Foundation and is currently executive director of the Sughar Foundation. She and her husband split their time between the United States and Pakistan.
khalidabrohi.com
Facebook.com/kbpakistan
Twitter: @KhalidaBrohi
Instagram: @khalida.brohi
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