He jerked back as if she had actually struck at him. “Kira, can’t you see you’re not acting right?” Jason pointed at the head of her mount. “Look how you’re handling that horse! You’re hurting him!”
Kira stared at the horse, realizing how tightly she was pulling on the reins, the bridle and bit forcing the animal’s head back and up. Horrified, she loosened the reins, taking the pressure off.
Was it the realization that she’d been harming the horse or an abrupt understanding of what she’d said to Jason that triggered an overwhelming wave of remorse? “Oh, Jason, I didn’t mean to do that. Or to say that to you. I’m sorry.”
“Why were you treating a horse like that? Why did you say that to me?” Jason asked, his voice low.
“I don’t know. I… ” Old doubts assailed her, much, much stronger than she could ever remember. “This is a mistake.”
“Your plan?” Jason asked, trying to sound only questioning, but Kira could hear the hope in his voice.
She shook her head, feeling miserable. “Us. You and me. Jason, we’re literally from different worlds. Why did we think we could make it work?”
“Wait… what?”
“I’m releasing you from your agreement. You don’t have to marry me. You don’t have to give me your promise. Just go.” She choked back tears, her eyes fixed on the head of her horse.
After a long moment Jason finally spoke again, his voice torn by strain. “Kira, I don’t want to be released. I want to marry you. And I’m not going.”
“Why not?” she demanded, not looking at him.
“Because I think right now you need me more than you ever have before.”
Kira saw something out of the corner of her eye and looked, seeing Jason’s hand extended toward her.
Just as it had looked when she was falling from the ship in the storm. Jason’s hand, coming to save her from certain death.
She inhaled convulsively, reaching out to grasp his hand. “You’re still free of any commitment to me. But I’m glad you’re here.”
He didn’t say anything else as they rode through the mountains toward Altis.
But as she stole glances at him, Kira couldn’t help wondering why Jason looked like someone who was afraid and trying to hide it.
Maybe once she explained her plan again he’d understand. Kira felt her energy and confidence rising once more.
Chapter Eleven
Kira woke to sun in her eyes and the muffled sounds of a city street outside a closed window.
She blinked against the glare, sitting up in bed, trying to put together a confusing welter of memories from the last few days. Things were fairly clear until the night before the relief column arrived. After that, her memories seemed to bounce around, sometimes bright, sometimes dulled, pieces of them flashing into place and then away, like trying to remember the details of a dream.
They’d reached the military outpost on the road outside the city of Altis. She could see that clearly enough, the images almost feverishly bright. Leaving the horses there, going into the city as night fell, refusing help from the soldiers at the outpost. Why had she done that? Getting new clothes. All right. Arguing about something. Then sudden lethargy. Jason helping her along until they reached a hostel.
Jason.
Kira looked around frantically, first seeing the thread that led toward him and with its help finally spotting Jason slumped in a chair, fully clothed and dead asleep.
Why did the sight bring relief along with memories of anger, resentment, and anguish?
She crawled out of bed, wondering how long she had slept and surprised to realize that while sharing a room with Jason she was wearing only a shirt just long enough to barely cover her hips. Kira went to the window and looked out, seeing a busy street. This room must be on the third floor of the building. From the angle of the sun and the activity visible it was late afternoon.
Her Mage senses looked, too, stretching out to feel the city.
Kira jerked away from the window, frightened. Why were her powers free of her control? She closed her eyes, focusing inward, seeing that inner house again, shoving her powers back into the basement, trying to make the basement as small as possible and lined with impossible-to-break barriers.
All right. Her powers were suppressed again. But they’d been suppressed yesterday, and…
Jason should have clearer memories. Maybe he could explain things.
Worried about what might be happening, she walked over to Jason and spoke softly. “Jason?”
His eyes opened, focused on her, and he bolted backwards away from her.
Kira stared, her mouth fallen open in shock. “Jason?”
He stood still, watching her warily. “Kira?”
“Why—? What’s wrong?”
Jason licked his lips nervously. “You’re okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Is everything… perfect? Are you perfect?”
“Perfect?” Kira asked. “Me? You know better.”
Jason relaxed, running his hands though his hair and then gazing at her. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Last night? Uh, we got in here, and… I was getting undressed to take a bath, and… ” She shook her head. “Something about you. I was kissing you.”
“You were… really interested in dragging me into bed,” Jason said.
Kira looked down at herself, wearing only a shirt, sudden distress making her gut clench. “Did we… ?”
“No. Because I had no idea whether you knew what you were doing.” He shrugged, looking away. “I guess I was right. And you got kind of mad.”
“Kind of mad?” Why was Jason averting his face from her? She took a step closer, grabbing his chin and looking at the side of Jason’s face that had been turned away from her. “What’s that mark?”
“You hit me.”
“I hit you?" Kira staggered back until her legs struck the bed and she sat down abruptly. “I don’t… oh, no. I do remember. I wasn’t blacked out, Jason. But I hit you. Oh, I’m so sorry. Why was I so angry?”
He came closer, obviously worried for her. “It’s okay.”
“How can it be okay? Don’t justify it! That will never be okay! Why would I do that?”
Moving slowly as if afraid of startling her, Jason sat down next to her. “You were… kind of out of it and not yourself before the relief column arrived, but got really volatile after that.”
Kira nodded, feeling sick. “I remember, but it’s sort of confused. Did I… Jason, what did I tell you? About us?”
“You, um, released me.”
“I did that?” She stared at him, trying not to break down, her voice wavering. “I really released you from our engagement? Why? Did you ask?”
“No. And it doesn’t matter, because I consider myself still engaged to you.”
“Thank you. Because I know I didn’t mean it. I… what was I thinking?”
“Do you remember anything about your plan?”
“My plan?” Kira controlled her breathing, attempting to focus. “Maxim. I was going to… Stars above. What was going on in my head?”
Jason shrugged. “I was hoping you might be able to tell me. As it turned out, one part of the plan actually worked. I guess no one expected us to ride alone back to the city that afternoon, because no one tried to take shots at us along the way or anywhere in the city. We made it safely because… ”
“Because what?”
He gave her a helpless look. “Because no one in their right mind would have done what we did.”
“You’re right,” Kira said. “No one in their right mind.”
“It wasn’t all bad, I guess. I mean, we probably wouldn’t have survived that night alongside the road if you hadn’t bitten that guy’s neck—”
“I really did that? That wasn’t a nightmare? I really did that?”
“Yeah.”
She lowered her face into her hands. “Stars above. What did you do to get me back to normal?�
“I didn’t do anything except let you sleep. I had no idea what to do and I was a little afraid to get close to you. Truth is, I was pretty scared that you’d wake up the same way you were yesterday.”
“Why’d you stay?”
“Do you really not know?”
She looked at him, feeling herself calming. “I know why. The same reason I would have stayed with you: because I’d have known that wasn’t really you, and you needed help.” Kira suddenly realized how high her shirt was riding and tugged it down, embarrassed. “I need to get dressed before we talk more.” In response to the thought, a series of memories from the night before cascaded through her mind, mortifying her. “Though… I guess you got a good look at everything last night before I put this shirt on, didn’t you?”
“Not really,” Jason said. “It felt wrong. I tried not to look, because I knew you weren’t yourself.”
She leaned in close to kiss him gently. “Thank you.”
Dressing in the bath area helped calm her even more. Pulling on new trousers and a new shirt, brushing her hair, were all normal things. They helped put the world back into balance. At least whatever had been going on in her head yesterday hadn’t caused her to buy different types of clothing than she usually favored. Her new jacket wasn’t a Mechanics jacket, probably because you couldn’t just pop into a store and buy one. But it was dark and rugged and that was plenty good enough.
Kira was surprised to see her pistol and holster left jumbled on a shelf in the bath area, and more surprised to discover that she had left a round chambered in the weapon and the safety not set. What could have made her that inexcusably careless? Kira cleared the chamber and set the safety before she strapped on the holster over her shirt.
Coming out, Kira looked at Jason. “You didn’t get a bath last night like I did, did you?”
“It didn’t work out,” Jason said.
“Thanks for not elaborating on that. I can remember enough that I don’t want to hear more details.” She gazed around her. “One room. How did we convince them to rent us one room?”
He shrugged again. “We paid for the room in advance, and you told the desk clerk that we were married.”
“I did? And the clerk bought that, as young as we are? I’m still almost a couple of weeks from being eighteen.”
Jason finally smiled. “Kira, after the last three or four days, I forget how many, last night you and I probably both looked about ten years older than we are. Maybe twenty years older.”
“You’re probably right.” She sat down on the bed, facing Jason, trying to recover more memories. “How we looked. How things looked. Yesterday, it was like my powers weren’t suppressed at all. But I checked. I checked and the barriers were tight. I made them stronger! But… was there something about a rock? A rock that was somehow special?”
“Oh, yeah,” Jason said. “The amazing rock that was there and not there at the same time.”
“There and not there? That sounds like I was simultaneously seeing the world as both a Mechanic and a Mage. That’s impossible. Anyone who tried to really believe both of those perspectives at the same time would be driven… ” She swallowed, suddenly unable to say the word.
“Crazy?” Jason prompted.
She inhaled sharply. “Yeah.”
“Can you remember how that was? Seeing things that way?”
“I think so. Looking at that rock… ” Kira tried harder to remember how it had felt. Her breath froze in shock. “How did I get in front of the window?” Kira asked, feeling the edge of fear in her voice.
Jason spoke from behind her. “You stopped talking. You just sat there for a little while looking at me, then you went to the window. You were only out about a minute, I think.”
“Why did I black out just now? I wasn’t trying a spell. I wasn’t letting my powers free at all.”
“You were trying to remember something about yesterday.”
“What’s going on, Jason? Every time I think I start to understand the pattern, it changes. What if this stuff is as unpredictable and crazy as… as… ”
He came up behind her, touching her shoulder lightly in reassurance. “There’s a pattern. We just can’t see it yet. But we will.”
“Don’t leave me, Jason. No matter what I say. Stay with me. Please.”
“I already promised you I would. I also promised your mom. I won’t leave.”
She turned to look at him. “That’s the only thing this morning that’s giving me any comfort. Right now you can leave me long enough to take a bath. Then we need to get out of here. If anyone was trailing us through the city, if they saw us check in here… ”
“Right. Quick bath.”
She waited impatiently for Jason, trying to order her memories from the day before without delving too deeply into them. When he came out, the mark on one side of his face seemed to stand out more clearly. She had to look away. “I really can’t apologize enough for that, Jason.” Kira forced herself to look at him again. “What I said and did yesterday. Was it me?”
He scowled, then nodded. “Yeah. But, you magnified. Or amplified. Like the good things and the bad things in you were all hugely exaggerated.”
“So I really was angry at you. I really did want to release you from our engagement. I really did want to hit you.”
“Yes and no,” Jason said, watching her, his expression both earnest and worried again. “Like, we get upset with each other sometimes. And we think we’ve addressed that. But there’s still stuff left behind, right? Like, how could he have said that even if he didn’t mean what I thought he did? Or we have doubts, worries, about each other. I think that’s normal. It’s a huge step, right? Getting married. And we both have tempers. Yours really isn’t that bad. Not compared to someone like my mom on Earth, who you hardly ever mention and that’s just one reason why I love you. But if you blow any of those things up, multiply them, they seem bigger than they are. I think that’s what was happening. It was like everything in you was happening at some exponentially boosted level. Still you, but so much so that it was distorted and not you.”
She thought that over. “So much me that it wasn’t me anymore. That’s kind of scary, isn’t it? Jason, if I ever hit you again—”
“You won’t.”
The certainty in his voice made her smile. “I hope you’re not being delusional this time. Let’s go before Maxim and his army of mercenaries hit this hostel.”
But when they opened the door into the hallway, both Kira and Jason paused, looking and listening. “It’s really quiet,” Jason whispered.
“Yeah. Spooky quiet. Shouldn’t the cleaning staff be working right now?” Kira backed into the room again, closing and locking the door. “You said we already paid for the room? Good. Fire escape?”
“I’ll go first.”
“I’ll cover you.” Kira drew her weapon as Jason opened the side window giving access to the fire escape ladder. On the landing outside their window, she studied the alley beneath her. A few large receptacles for trash, a smaller, sealed one for garbage, and a few small pieces of junk. Nothing unusual there at all.
She didn’t like it. As Jason went down the stepped ladders to the ground below, Kira chambered a round and let off the safety.
At least she didn’t have to worry about a Mage suddenly hitting them with a spell. The closest Mage was a few streets over.
How did she know that? Her Mage powers were supposed to be completely suppressed. Kira swallowed nervously. Jason reached ground level, looked around the alley, and waved her down. She started down the ladders, a little awkward with the pistol still held in one hand, the pack on her back not helping her balance any.
She had reached the last section of stairs, a straight drop down about two lances, when three people suddenly ran out of the side door of the hostel. One leaped toward Jason while the other two raised weapons to target her.
Aunt Bev had always emphasized the importance of reacting quickly. Don’t freeze. Do something.
Kira pushed away from the ladder.
She fell, aiming her boots to hit the head of one of their attackers.
Her boots hit with a jolt, the man collapsing under the blow, Kira trying to fall free of him and turn her drop into a roll.
As she came up, one of the attackers jumped her from behind, slamming her against the wall of the alley. Kira twisted, shedding her pack and jacket into the attacker’s grasp, and tried to slam her pistol into the woman’s face. But she countered, blocking Kira’s blow, and landing a hit that rocked Kira back against the wall again.
Kira had a confused glimpse of Jason with his knife out, barely holding off the woman attacking him. The man Kira had landed on was out cold. She brought up one arm in time to stop another blow aimed at her head, realizing that the two attackers who were still conscious weren’t using their weapons, instead trying to capture Kira and Jason unharmed, and without making any noise that would summon bystanders or police.
She didn’t want to attract attention either, but there didn’t seem to be any good options other than that. Both of these attackers were very good fighters. Kira barely blocked another blow, but at the cost of taking a painful kick in her side. She twisted, getting her pistol around just enough to point at her foe and fire.
Another kick knocked Kira’s gun hand hard enough that she nearly lost her grip on the weapon, but her attacker stumbled backwards, holding the side of her torso where red blood was spreading. Kira lined up a shot to the side and took out the woman facing Jason. “Come on!”
She grabbed her jacket and backpack with her free hand as they ran from the alley, Kira immediately holstering her weapon and pulling on her jacket again. The sound of the two shots was already drawing curious onlookers. “Somebody was hurt!” Kira called to them. “In there! She needs a healer!”
As the well-intentioned bystanders blocked the exit from the alley in their search for the woman Kira had wounded, she and Jason walked quickly away. “Are you okay?” Jason asked her.
“Yeah. A little banged up.”
“We should probably slow down and start walking like a couple of teens on a stroll,” Jason suggested.
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