by Susan Gable
“So that business and the building is all I’ve got right now to support myself and my baby.”
“That’s not true. You’ve got my dad, too.”
Sloan started to speak, but Jenna tightened her fingers around his thigh. “I didn’t set out to steal your father away from you, Brook.”
Brook’s hands slipped to her sides, shoulders drooping. Her lower lip trembled. “But you did,” she whispered, her voice just audible on the far side of the room. “When I needed him the most. And just when he’d started to love me. Me!”
His chest constricted at his child’s revelation. “Brook, honey, I’ve always loved you.” He fled the sofa, striding in her direction. “I haven’t always understood you, I haven’t always liked the things you’ve done, but I’ve always loved you.”
Brook rushed down the final two stairs and threw herself into his open arms. “Oh Daddy!”
He held her tight, stroking the hair she’d stopped coloring like a chameleon since finding out she was pregnant.
“I— I hope you still love me when I tell you something.”
“Sweetheart, no matter what, I’ll always love you.”
Brook raised her face from his chest. Tears flowed down her cheeks. “G-good. Because for once, I’m going to do the right thing. I— I’ve decided I’m going to put my baby up for adoption.”
A small sound of shock mingled with dismay came from behind him, from Jenna.
His brain heard the words, but it refused to process them. Or maybe it was his heart that wouldn’t do the processing—or couldn’t, given that it felt like it was being crushed in a huge vise grip.
“D-Daddy?” Brook’s tears continued to flow, and the uncertainty in her eyes proved his undoing once again.
“Let’s sit down, honey.” Numbly he guided her to the couch, where she settled down beside Jenna without a squeak of protest. He sat on the other side of her. “What—” he cleared his throat, hoping to sound unflustered by her announcement “—what made you decide that’s the right thing to do?”
Brook took the tissue Jenna offered, mopping at her face. “I had a meeting with Mrs. Jackowski today. We went over the results of the infant simulator. We talked for a long time. I’m just not ready to take care of a baby!”
She blew her nose, then clenched the tissue in her fist. “It was a lot harder than I thought it would be—and that baby wasn’t real.” Brook’s hands splayed across her belly. “I want something better for her, Dad. I want her to have a mother who knows what she’s doing. Someone who’s ready for her, who’s waiting for her. Not someone like me. And I want her to have a dad in her life, too. Dylan doesn’t want to be a dad.”
“There’s no need to be hasty, Brook. You’ve still got time—”
“I’m not being hasty! I’ve been thinking about it and thinking about it. I can’t take care of her.” A fresh set of tears streamed down her face. “She deserves better, Daddy. I’m not good enough for her. Not now.”
“Oh, Brook.” Sloan pulled her into his embrace, blinking hard. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true, Dad, and you know it. I’m a screwup. I need to make sure I have myself together before I worry about someone else.”
“Sounds to me like you’ve got yourself amazingly together right now. Like you’re putting the baby first.” But he didn’t have to like the fact that her first mature decision meant his grandchild would be raised by strangers. Suddenly he found himself relating to Dylan’s mother’s outburst when he’d mentioned adoption as one of Brook’s choices. Funny, it didn’t feel like much of a choice at the moment.
Over Brook’s head, he locked gazes with Jenna, finding tears filling her eyes, too. Good. “Don’t give her away to strangers, Brook. Give her to me and Jenna. We’ll raise this baby together with our own.”
Jenna’s mouth dropped open. Brook went dead still in his arms. For a long moment, none of them moved. Then Brook shoved from his embrace, bolting to her feet. She whirled to face him. “Are you crazy? Do you know what that would do to me, having to see my baby every day but not being able to say she’s mine? To hear her call Jenna momma and not me? Hell, for that matter, have you even thought about how much it’s going to kill me to give up this baby and then see yours every day?”
Brook ran to the stairs but paused halfway up. “Who’s being self-centered now, Dad? I can’t believe you said that!” A sob broke free from her throat, and she bolted up the rest of the steps.
Sloan turned to Jenna, his own shock mirrored on her face. She waved toward the staircase. “Go. Go to her, Sloan. Make it right.”
“How?”
Jenna shrugged.
JENNA WENT HOME, giving Sloan the space and time he needed to work things out with Brook. But the house next door continued to draw her attention, sending her out to prowl the edge of her deck, which butted close to the top of the fence between their properties. The inch-or-so opening of Brook’s bedroom window allowed Jenna to catch some of the emotion spilling out, but not the actual words.
About an hour after she’d left, a silver SUV pulled into the driveway. Sloan’s brother-in-law, a psychologist if she remembered correctly, climbed out and entered the house through the back door. Apparently Sloan had felt the need for professional reinforcement.
Jenna’s stomach knotted, and she swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks. Poor Brook.
The sliding glass door resisted her tug, but Jenna yanked harder. Inside her apartment, she poured herself some cold water, wishing she could have something stronger.
But the little one inside her deserved better.
Just like Brook felt her baby deserved a better life than she could provide.
Jenna flopped on the couch, staring at the tiny lump just under her tunic. Breathing gently, she calmed herself and waited. Sure enough, the faint fluttering began, the palpable proof of her child’s existence. “You know, when I first found out about you, I wasn’t sure what to do. Wasn’t sure I was ready to be a mother. I’m still not sure what kind of mother I’m going to be. But to even think about giving you up, now that you’re on your way…”
Brook’s words about how it was going kill her to give up her baby and then see Sloan and Jenna’s child every day echoed in Jenna’s head. The teen’s plan of action would probably be the hardest thing she would ever do in her life. And she was doing it at sixteen.
How could Jenna live with herself if she inflicted further pain on the grieving girl?
Brook’s willingness to sacrifice deserved to be honored. Reciprocated. Kids needed to come first—and that included Sloan’s oldest child. Thank goodness Jenna hadn’t managed to tell him everything she’d wanted to earlier. Because her plans had changed again.
New tears welled up in her eyes, and Jenna cursed the pregnancy hormones that seemed to make her cry so much these days. But she had to face the facts.
She couldn’t marry him.
SLOAN SLUMPED at the kitchen table, head propped on one palm, the other hand wrapped around a mug of coffee that had gone cold an hour ago.
“You look like you could use some fresh air.”
He jumped at James’s voice. “I didn’t hear you come back down.”
“So I gathered.” James picked up his fleece jacket from the back of a chair. “Grab a sweatshirt or something and let’s go outside. We can talk out there.”
Sloan followed his brother-in-law down the back porch steps. James dragged a pair of battered lawn chairs to the corner of the garage. “Sit.”
“Well, don’t keep me waiting all night. How did Brook seem to you?”
“Brook seems to me like a young woman going through a very rough time. But I have to tell you, she’s definitely matured a lot in the past few months. I honestly feel that she’s given this adoption decision a lot of thought, Sloan.”
“What? Come on, how can that be?”
“She’s been reading Internet stories on open adoptions for weeks now. Give her some credit. This is definitely not an eas
y decision.”
Sloan rubbed his hands over his face. “No kidding.”
“She needs your support and your strength to do this, Sloan. She has to know that you’re in her corner here. In a lot of ways, she’s trying desperately to measure up to your standards of ‘do the right thing.’ Your approval means everything to her.”
“Now she wants my approval?”
“She’s wanted it all along. Brook feels like you disconnected from her when her mother died. Ashley was a toddler and needed more of your attention. I think a lot of the things Brook’s done in the past have been all about getting your attention. Look, Sloan, I know your father raised you and Rachel to keep a stiff upper lip, to control your emotions. But Brook really needs you to try to share your feelings with her.”
Sloan shifted, uncomfortable in the chair—hell, uncomfortable in his skin. He’d spent the recent part of his life trying to compensate his girls for the loss of their mother, trying to do the best he could for them. And it turned out that his best had left his older daughter doubting the basic foundation of their family—the fact that he loved her.
“I must be the world’s worst father.”
James snorted. “Hardly. Hey, where would I be if all kids, even the long grown-up ones, didn’t have issues with their parents?”
“Unemployed?”
“Pretty much.” James launched into more detail of how Brook had researched her decision, and her emotional state regarding giving the baby up for adoption.
“It’s going to hurt her bad,” Sloan said. He already felt the sting of even thinking about giving up the baby, and he wasn’t the one carrying the child.
“Yes, which is why she needs you. This isn’t something she’s ever going to ‘get over,’ Sloan, any more than Rachel’s ‘gotten over’ losing Daniel. But Brook will learn to live with it just like your sister has, and she’ll move on with her life. Open adoption is a much better system, in my opinion, because it lets the birth mother have control—from choosing the people who will raise the baby, to getting updates and future contact, if both parties are comfortable with that.”
Sloan slouched lower in his chair, crossing his ankles. “So she’ll know who has the baby?”
“Absolutely. She’ll pick the parents.”
“Hmm.” Sloan considered that for a while. Occasional cars zoomed by on Twelfth Street, and a plane landed at the nearby airport, engines roaring as it slowed on the runway.
How could the whole world continue on as normal when his life was so damn upside down?
“Now let me tell you what I’m worried about as far as Brook’s concerned.”
“What?” That brought him upright fast, making the webbing of the old chair creak in protest. “There’s more?”
James nodded. “The whole ‘Jenna’s baby’ issue.”
“Jenna’s baby issue?” Sloan rubbed the back of his neck, where the muscles had contracted into two-by-fours.
“Not only does Brook feel she’s going to have to compete with another baby for your attention now, but she’s jealous of Jenna in so many ways. If not for Jenna being pregnant, I think Brook would have been okay with your new relationship. But the fact that Jenna’s having your baby twists everything for Brook.”
Sloan sighed. “What the hell am I supposed to do about that? It’s not like I can take it back.”
“No, you can’t. But you can go out of your way to make sure Brook feels secure in your love. Give her the attention she needs. I think it’s really good that you didn’t let your old man pressure you into marrying Jenna.”
“Ha! Let me tell you what. It’s not me that’s the problem there, it’s Jenna. Nobody pressures her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.” Which made him damn glad she’d decided to have his baby. A shiver crawled down his spine as he suddenly got a flash of insight into Brook’s dilemma—what if Jenna had aborted his baby, and he’d been forced to see Brook’s child, a constant reminder of what he’d lost?
“Oh, God.” He thumped the heel of his palm against his forehead. “I am such an idiot.”
No wonder she’d reacted the way she had when he’d offered to raise her baby with Jenna. And no wonder she predicted such pain in seeing her baby sister—he firmly believed they were having a girl—every day.
He slumped forward in the chair. “Help me, James. I need to know the right thing to do. Jenna’s child is as much my responsibility as Brook is. I want to marry Jenna and be one big family. Happy at some point in the future would be nice. But having our baby around is going to hurt Brook. What’s the right thing?”
His brother-in-law gave Sloan’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Sometimes there really isn’t one clear, right thing.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AFTER JAMES LEFT, Sloan went next door and let himself into Jenna’s dark apartment. He dropped the keys on the kitchen island, then slogged toward her bedroom. Sound asleep, she sprawled in the middle of the bed, one arm over her head.
His stomach tightened as he watched her. The woman loved him. Her revelation earlier had hit him like an eighteen-wheeler without brakes.
And God help him, he loved her. She’d taught him to laugh again. She carried his child. And yet, he didn’t know if he should be campaigning for her to accept his proposal, or, given Brook’s frame of mind, be grateful that she hadn’t accepted.
Torn in too many directions, he didn’t know what to do. Part of him felt as though he owed Brook far more loyalty—sixteen years’ worth—than the new baby. And yet, how the hell fair was that? It wasn’t the baby’s fault that her presence was going to hurt her older sister so much.
He closed his eyes, fighting tears. Brook wasn’t the only one the whole situation was hurting.
Guess you should have thought of all this before you unzipped, old man.
Princess crept across the comforter, cramming her nose under his elbow and giving it a flip. He patted her with one hand while he toed off his shoes, then he scooped the dog from the bed and set her on the floor. “Go on,” he whispered. “Bunk on the couch for now. I’m not staying that long.”
The dog gave him a reproachful look, then turned and padded away.
Sloan lifted the comforter and slipped in between the sheets, cuddling up alongside Jenna’s warm body. She stirred, and he pulled her into his arms.
“Mmm.” Her leg sprawled across his hips and her hand caressed a circle on his chest. “You’re dressed.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “I just need to hold you for a while.”
“Bad time with Brook?”
“You could say that. Shh. Go back to sleep.”
“No. Talk to me.” She shrugged off the arm he’d slung around her, then climbed from the bed. The nightstand drawer squeaked as she opened it. A lighter appeared in her hand, and she turned toward the metal screen. Soon the glow of candlelight cast flickering shadows around the room.
Sloan groaned. “Sugar, really, I just needed to hold you for a while. Don’t go to all that trouble. Blow them out and come back to bed.”
“I’ll come back, but I want to see you.” She duplicated his slide between the sheets. “So tell me.”
Instead, he tightened his arms around her. A deep inhale brought the scent of the rose body wash she favored. He burrowed his fingers into her silky hair. “I hope our baby is a redhead.”
She pushed herself up on one elbow, staring deep into his eyes. “Sloan, I can see you’re upset. Why don’t you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Why did it take you so long tonight to tell me that you love me?”
“Because I wanted to do it right. Instead I just blurted it out.”
A small smile fought its way to his lips. “It was perfect. Very you. I wish I had more of your jump-right-in-and-forget-the-alligators attitude.”
“Hey, I don’t mess with alligators, mister.” She brushed her fingertips over his cheek. “But you know, there’s something else I need to tell you.”
“Well, ladies
first.”
Jenna blinked hard against the moisture already gathering in her eyes. Damn it. She wasn’t going to blubber on him. Think light. Think dessert. While part of her mourned the loss of their easygoing relationship, she wouldn’t change the way this man had taught her to dig deeper. To give more of herself. To compromise and put others first. But he’d only been able to do that because of who he was. “There’s those lovely manners, Tex.”
“Spill it, sugar.”
“Okay. I… I can’t marry you.”
“What?” He recoiled from her, brows drawing together. “Why not?”
She pretended not to see the quick flash of pain in his eyes. “Because. It’s not the right thing to do.”
“Because of Brook?”
She nodded.
He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, then let it out.
“Hey.” She tapped on his nose with her finger. “Just because I’m not marrying you doesn’t mean I’m cutting you loose. I figured we’d carry on kinda like…”
“Like we’ve been carrying on?” His blond lashes fluttered open and he offered her a lopsided half smile that tugged at her heart.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m still right next door, and you can come over whenever you want, and so can Ashley. I still expect you to be a good father to our baby. I’ll be calling you when I need help or a breather. But this way Brook…”
“Won’t have to face our child every day?”
A tear slipped down Jenna’s face as she nodded again. “I— I can’t do that to her, Sloan. The pain…”
“Oh, Jenna.” His voice quivered. “Look at you, sugar. You’re crying over my little girl’s broken heart. Have I told you how amazing you are?” He took her hands in his and leaned closer, kissing her tenderly. The covers tangled around them as he rolled her over so she lay on her back, looking up at him. “Remember on our first date, you said you didn’t do kids?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I think you do kids just great. You’re going to be a fantastic mom. Ashley loves you. And so do I.”
Jenna shut her eyes, swallowing the huge lump threatening to clog her throat. “W-what?”