by Nicole Thorn
Her gaze aimed up at me, and I was instantly disarmed.
“No. I just remember those guys. I didn’t like them when I was little.”
All right then. I went on, fighting the bad guys until I was free. I was still in the scary part for a while, and fingernails scratched down my back. Lightly, but enough to get my attention. She couldn’t have been doing this on purpose. She wouldn’t have a clue her behavior would be enticing. That was precisely why I had to be careful. I could treat her like a normal girl in every way but one.
Those nails stayed at my sides, holding onto me and digging in during the moments she was scared. I knew that the only things visible over my shoulder would be her eyes. Watching, but safely behind me, like I could keep the monsters away.
With her nose pressed to me, I could only guess that her lips were too. Face all smashed to me while she held on. I should have just switched games when I could.
Since she was so freaked out by the new darkness of the game, I decided to switch back to child Link. The mood instantly lightened, but she didn’t move. Her chin moved up so it was resting on my shoulder. Unafraid, she was free to enjoy the game.
I took to smashing pots for some quick cash, and I think she liked that. With every pot I broke, her nails would stab me like a pulse. Did she just enjoy destruction?
I looked over my shoulder at the same time she moved to give me nothing but the eyes again. I handed her the controller.
“You wanna play for a few minutes?”
She took it from me and started. She pressed the controller against my back while she destroyed everything in the room and then left to play some mini games. She was good with the slingshot, and won me a bigger wallet.
When she finished, she handed the controller back, and her arms went further around me. No longer gripping me, but holding me.
I went about my business, allowing the boys to direct me. And I listened, because I was a sucker. Also because I felt Riley’s cheek against my back. When her heart raced, I felt it. Same as her breathing. Eventually both evened out, and she was completely relaxed. On me. Against me.
I sighed.
I think I played for another few hours before the boys got restless. Jude got up for water and came back into the room. He cocked his head at me and stared.
“What?” I asked.
He looked harder. “I think she’s sleeping.”
That one took me a second. “Riley?” I asked quietly. Nothing. “Riley, sweetheart, are you awake?”
She didn’t give me anything.
Maxwell got up and took a closer look. “Yup. She’s sleeping.”
I laughed carefully, so I wouldn’t wake her. “Okay, then I think we’re done playing. How about you boys head up to Jude’s room?”
They did, and I was left with a girl sleeping on my back.
How… how do I take care of this? It was honestly a first. I started by leaning back, getting her against the back of the couch. It worked, and she slid to the side, slumping over. When I stood, she curled into a little ball on her side. I covered her with a blanket and turned all the games off.
I sat on the recliner, playing games on my phone while I waited for Sleeping Beauty to wake from her slumber. When she didn’t after an hour, I started getting antsy. Normally, I’d spend the time in my room, and I’d read. The problem was that I had vivid memories of being a kid and falling asleep everywhere. I always woke up alone, and I always hated it. Everyone was different, but I had a feeling Riley wouldn’t like waking up alone in the dark. The clouds outside made it seem like night, and I just couldn’t leave her here.
Carefully, I scooped her up and brought her upstairs with me. She never stirred more than to wrinkle her nose and grab my shirt. When we reached my room, I tucked her into my bed, and she let go of me. The bed was a comfy one, and she would probably be happy to know she was the only other body to have ever gotten the honor of sleeping in it.
I smiled when she held one of my pillows to her chest and buried her face in it. That multi-colored hair everywhere on her face and my pillow. She looked comfortable enough.
I left her there to go pick out a book from one of my many shelves. After I made my choice, I sat on a chair and waited.
liked the smell of whatever my face was pressed into when I woke up. As I started waking up, I realized it smelled like soap, a great-smelling soap Wilson must use. I took a deep breath before I opened my eyes.
He was sitting on a chair, reading a book I didn’t recognize. It only took me a moment to figure out where I was. I sat bolt upright in his bed, covering myself with the blanket.
Wilson looked up, putting his book against his chest. “Are you okay?”
Why would he ask that? Oh, I must look panicked. That made sense. I was panicked. In a bed that wasn’t mine, in a room that wasn’t mine. It was stupid, but I checked to make sure I still had all my clothes on. I did, of course. Wilson wouldn’t touch me like that. But I was in a boy’s bed. I had to make sure.
“I’m fine,” I said with a forced smile. “Why am I in your bed?”
His eyes looked sad when he stared back at me. “I guess I didn’t think very smartly. You fell asleep. I didn’t want to leave you downstairs alone.”
Well, I kinda wished he did. Maybe he thought I would freak out if I woke up alone down there, but the bed was a bit much for me. I stayed quiet about it because I didn’t plan on staying for long.
Wilson set his book down. Every step was tentative, but he walked over to me, sitting on the side of the bed. I folded my legs up to make room for him.
“Did I make you uncomfortable?”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. I just didn’t think I’d be waking up here.”
Wilson put his hand on mine, somehow making me feel a little better. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
My eyes were stuck on his hand over mine. I let my fingers explore his skin. Soft and real.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t keep touching you.” He laughed it off. “You’ll think I have ulterior motives.”
When he tried pulling his hand away, I kept hold of him. “Please don’t,” I nearly begged. “Nobody touches me. They won’t come near me, and you do.”
I didn’t look at him, and he didn’t say anything as I brought his hand to my face. It was big, and it was like he was cradling me. His palm was against my cheek, and his fingers were in my hair.
“I like this,” I admitted.
Wilson’s face was far too empty for me to read anything from it.
“I do too, but I don’t want you to do things that you’re not ready for.”
“What am I not ready for?”
He withdrew his hand, and I felt abandoned.
“A lot of things. I think it would be best if you were a little more careful.”
That did something to me. Careful? I didn’t want to be careful. I spent too much time being careful and locked up. Safe while being right in the middle of danger. Maybe danger wasn’t such a bad idea.
I threw the blanket off of me and started for the door. I was barely getting there when hands went to my hips and flipped me around, forcing my back to the door.
Wilson reached for the door, right next to my head. His eyebrow was arched at me.
“And where do you think you’re going?”
“Out,” I said with all the confidence in my body.
He smirked at me. “You think I’m going to let you walk out because you’re pouting? Not a chance.”
My arms crossed. “I’m not pouting. I’m an adult, and I can do adult things.”
“That’s just what a kid would say.”
My thinly veiled anger dropped and was replaced with melancholy and defeat. “Is that why you won’t touch me? You think I’m a kid.”
He breathed out of his nose. “I don’t think you’re a kid. I think you’re more of an adult than I am.”
“Then why?”
His eyes moved up and down the length of me. I caught sight of his hand twitching beside
my head as the air left the room. “I do want to touch you.”
“And why won’t you?”
Because he was lying to me. Trying to make me feel like less of a freak.
“Baby,” he said with the same melancholy I wore on my sleeve. “You don’t want me to touch you in the way I want to touch you.”
My eyes widened, and I wanted to be out of this room I was trapped in.
“Why? Do you want to hurt me?”
I didn’t think he would, but I wasn’t the best judge of character. My stomach roiled at the thought of it. That he might be like him. He liked when he got to hurt us, even if the sight of the aftereffects were too much for him to deal with.
Everything about Wilson softened in front of me, like he deflated. His head shook, but the motion was so subtle I could have missed it.
“I wouldn’t hurt you. Why the hell would you think that?”
I wiggled in place, my instincts telling me to break eye contact. “Is it not obvious? Clearly there’s something about me that screams ‘take me and do what you will.’ Otherwise I would have grown up in my parent’s house. I would have met you five years ago, and maybe you wouldn’t be so scared to touch me.”
Again, I went to leave. This time I got my hand around the doorknob before he stopped me. Wilson snagged me under the arms and pinned me to the door. Needless to say, I was shocked as my feet dangled in the air. He wouldn’t hurt me, I just needed to keep telling myself that. He wouldn’t hurt me.
“Okay.” His tone was tense. “I am not scared to touch you. I’m just trying to be decent here. I’m not too used to things like that, but you deserve better than what I’m capable of.”
While I hung there, I asked, “What are you capable of?”
He set me back on my feet, and the aggressiveness seemed to leave him. Thank goodness.
“I do bad things to pretty little girls like you, Riley. So I think it would be best if you weren’t so desperate to touch me.”
All I could do was blink at him as my blood raced in my veins. “Bad things? I thought you didn’t want to hurt me.”
He shook his head again, more obviously this time. With a grin that could only be described as wicked, he said, “Not that kind of bad at all, sweetheart. Selfish, but not harmful.” He pressed his forehead to mine for a moment. “Hold on.”
Wilson left me by the door, and I nearly bolted right there. Some long dead instinct in me was telling me that I should run, that I shouldn’t be all alone with someone like Wilson Abbey. Maybe that instinct was right, but my feet stayed planted on the dark gray carpet.
I looked at the bedroom I was in, trying to decide if it was the bedroom of a man that could hurt me. A man, yes. A man was who took me before. Part of me twitched when I saw men. All but my father. I knew in my head not all men were like the one I’d killed, but my body was missing that. Wilson looked nothing like he did. His hair was always clean. Messy, but in a careful way. Jet black. His eyes were so bright. Not dull like his were. Wilson had the life in him the other man couldn’t find, no matter how hard he forced the issue.
This bedroom had books on every wall. Shelf upon shelf, all filled to the brim with books I was dying to touch. To feel the spins and the ridges of the letters on them. My body refused to bring me to them. Firmly stuck. How appropriate for me.
Wilson returned to me with the phone I gave him. “I set this up for you. My number is in it, as well as your parents. I also loaded up five hundred of my favorite songs. It’s easy to use.” He showed me a couple of things on it. Basic maneuvers. It looked self-explanatory.
“Thank you.” The words came out icier than I intended them. “I’ll see you later.”
This time I got most of the way down the hall before Wilson stopped me. He ran until he was in front of me. “I can’t tell if you’re upset or not, and it’s very confusing.”
I crossed my arms again. “I get it. I’m a lot to deal with. I’m self-aware enough to know what I am. Wrong in the head. A time bomb. Like everyone else, you’re worried about when I might explode into a compete wreck. I can’t pretend to know when and if it’ll happen. So, take what I’m giving you, because I don’t know if I’ll be in my right mind enough to offer it again.”
It felt like I was drifting as I walked down the stairs and out the door. My bare feet touched cold, damp concrete as I tried getting home as fast as I could. Back to another cage.
The chill in the air felt just as comforting as a blanket. This, the weather, it didn’t give me discomfort. It was real, and real was all I wanted. Cold and all, I would take it.
Authenticity was beautiful. The weather couldn’t be anything but that. It couldn’t lie. Living in a state of always being just what it was. I breathed deeply, taking in the smell of the trees and mud and earth. How could anyone live their life inside?
“I just cannot fucking keep up with you.” Wilson griped hard as he caught up with me. He glared as he got to me.
“Then why are you trying?”
“Because unfortunately for you”—he lightly poked my shoulder—“I like you. I happen to think your complete and irrevocable case of the bonkers is adorable to the point where I want to spend more time talking to you than on top of you, and that is quite new for me.”
He spoke very fast, and I found myself paying more attention to some specific things. I should have gone home earlier. “Um, on top of me? Those are the bad things you were talking about?”
He looked like he was caught with his hand in a cookie jar. “Not for you, Cookie. I’m not the kind of guy who would prowl around a girl who can’t even tell when I’m prowling.”
“Oh,” I sighed. “Good.”
Wilson laughed into a sigh. “Yeah, I’m making the right call here.”
“Being?”
He smiled, and his arm came around my shoulders. “I think you need a friend. And though I am the most dangerous choice you could make, I volunteer.”
“Dangerous?” I tested the word on my tongue. I smiled at the thought. “You think you’re dangerous?”
“I don’t think it. I am.”
I smiled. “Then do something dangerous with me.”
There was a moment or two of doubt. He stared at me like I spoke in Latin. “What?”
My phone was securely in my pocket, so I was free to run my hands down Wilson’s arms. He didn’t stop me, and I knew he wouldn’t. With a step forward, I repeated myself. “I want to do something dangerous. Are you all talk, or do you have something to offer me?”
He smiled back at me. “I have a lot to offer you. None of which I think you’ll want after I’m finished doing it.”
“Why do you think that?”
He shrugged. “Because I know better.”
He pulled my hands off him. They were placed at my sides.
“I think danger is the last thing you need. How about you tell me what you really want?”
That one was easy. “I want to feel alive.”
Wilson nodded. “Well, maybe I can help you after all.”
I couldn’t help but smile at him. When I decided what to do, I covered his eyes with my hand.
“I’m going to run, and you’re going to come find me. Count to ten. Okay?”
He smiled crookedly. “Why not?”
When I uncovered his eyes, they were closed. The moment he started counting, I took off.
I got onto the soft grass, and my feet thanked me as my heart pumped in my chest. Ten seconds was not very much time at all. I needed a plan. Ah, I had one. I started running again, moving alongside my house to a tree I knew well. Quickly, I scurried up, grabbing anything I could so I could move higher. When I was hidden behind the branches, I tried to remember to breathe.
My chest rose and fell while I tried to keep quiet. It felt like my panting was louder than the wind whistling by my head. Even with the darker cover the clouds gave me, I thought I might be too obvious. The lack of breath was uncomfortable, and it added to my anxiety. But my heart was racing, and
my body felt warm. I was human right now.
When I saw Wilson coming around the corner, I held my breath. I peered over a branch and looked down at him as he searched. His hands were behind his back, and he was moving oh so slowly. Eventually, I had to pull in a breath. It was loud, and Wilson paused. I waited and waited, but he never looked up. I took to breathing out of my mouth, because it was quieter and I was still completely out of breath. My lips were just barely parted as I drew in the cold air.
Wilson sighed and turned around, heading back around the corner. With him gone, I could move to a new spot. I jumped to the ground as I allowed myself a few heavy breaths. Now I just needed a new place to go.
I followed the path I took to get here, passing the fence and bushes. Out of nowhere, something grabbed me from behind. The first thing I wanted to do was scream. Something had me. Last time this happened, I was a prisoner for almost a third of my life. But I felt Wilson’s hands on me, and I knew I was safe. The fear was trickling away, and he made it go away faster when he tossed me in the air and caught me. I was over his shoulder, and I kicked my legs with futility.
“You win!” I said. “I get it.”
“Do you?”
I couldn’t see, but I knew he was smirking.
“Yes,” I said shortly.
He lowered me onto the grass and placed me on my back. Wilson sat up next to me, looking pleased.
I felt my heart racing again, and it was amazing. Not racing from fear, like it usually was. This was another kind of adrenaline. Something born from joy.
I sat up quickly and pulled Wilson’s hand to my chest. “Do you feel that?” I panted. “My heart’s racing.”
Wilson got a funny look on his face as his hand pressed into the bare skin on my chest. “I feel it. Is that good?”
“Of course it’s good. It means that I’m part of it. Everything that’s alive. I get to be one of them.” I dropped his hand and I tucked my multi-colored hair behind my ear. “If I run, will you chase me?” The idea was exhilarating.
Wilson laughed. “If you want.”
I was on my feet quickly, and I was running. The wind was in my hair, and Wilson was just behind me. I looked over my shoulder at him when it happened. When every bit of light left my body, and I was punished for ever thinking I could have what everyone else has.