by Nicole Thorn
She gave me a look before walking off into the kitchen.
Wilson stepped inside, closing the front door. “Well, look at you, princess. You got all gussied up for me.”
“And I thought you didn’t do costumes, Mr. Adult.”
“I don’t. But I thought you might get a kick out of it.”
My look was one of frustration. “I’m taking Welly out tonight, Wilson.”
His hands slipped into his pockets, and his eyes went to his brother. “Are you really going to let the kids suffer because you think I’m better off away from you?”
“Yes,” I said selfishly.
Wilson’s expression darkened behind the silly costume. “Just one night, Riley. I’m only asking for one. Then you can go off into the darkness that you seem to want to wallow in. Fuck me for trying to be nice to you, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sorry. How about we toss you in an underground bunker so that you can grow up with a psycho playing with you like you’re a Barbie? Let’s also throw in you going through puberty and getting punished for it along the way. I’m not wallowing. I’m trying to make it through the days in front of me without taking down the people around me.”
Wilson rubbed his hands down his face. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
His tone was sharp, and the frustration was clear. “I’m sorry, baby, but you’re killing me. You seemed to like me just fine, and then you told me to leave. I did, and you never came back. I thought you just needed some space, and I got a little impatient.”
“I told you that I didn’t want to involve you in this.”
“Too late.” He threw his hands up. “I’m involved. I was involved the second you decided to talk to me. If you wanna plaster on that fake smile you had for your mother and pretend you’re fine, then I guess you can drown all on your own. The fact that you completely fooled her is as unbelievable as it is upsetting.”
He noticed. Of course he noticed. And he was mad at me. Really and truly mad at me as if I’d done something wrong. I suppose I did, but he was the only one who would dare to call me out on it.
Since I got back, every soul around me walked on eggshells. So frustrating. Yet, Wilson wasn’t soft enough for that. He stated facts as harsh as they might sound.
Might hurt me, my mind said. Hurt. Hurt was real. Real and vibrant. Getting hurt would be more than this numbness. It might be worth the devastation.
I took a deep breath. “One night. You can have one night.”
“Really?” he asked, dubious and unsure of himself.
My hand settled on my hip. “Yeah, really. We can take the kids out, and that’ll be the end of it.”
Wilson took one big step, putting him right in front of me. “I can’t convince you to keep me?”
I shook my head.
He took the bag out of my hand and set it aside, replacing it with his hand and doing the same for the other.
“Ya know, a lot of girls think I’m charming.” His fingers laced with mine as he pulled me to his chest, swaying me without music.
My nose wrinkled. “Do a lot of girls see you in a fake mustache and overalls?”
Wilson looked down and cursed before looking back with an unearned, cocky smile. “No, only you get the pleasure, Cookie.”
Somehow we got into a dancing position. His hand moved to my lower back, and one of mine went to his shoulder.
“I’m not so easily charmed, you’ll find.”
“Oh, I have found. I’ve found lots of things. I bet it wouldn’t even work on you if I put on my moves. Or, it would work perfectly. You’ll be in love by the stroke of midnight.”
I laughed at him. “Moves? You think you’re some kind of knight in shining armor, and I’ve been just up in my tower waiting for you?”
“If the shoe fits.”
He got another eye roll. “I’m not a damsel in distress that needs to find someone to save me. I can save myself.”
Wilson was completely serious now. “Then do it.”
“I’m trying,” I whispered. To change the subject, I smiled. “You talked yourself up quite a bit. Don’t suppose I could see a few of those moves that won’t work on me.”
“Oh.” He chuckled. “I don’t know if you can handle them.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I bet I can. Put up or shut up.”
With a look of intrigue, he removed the fake mustache, and he began. “First…” He leaned in, putting his lips at my ear. “I’d make sure you knew you were the only person on the planet that had my attention.”
“How would you do that?”
“By making you the center of everything.”
He moved from my ear, and I felt his lips at the corner of my jaw. Then, he dragged those lips along my skin. Hands slid to my hips, and I was plastered against him without enough room for a piece of paper.
Wilson moved down my neck while his hand moved up my side. His fingers slowly pulled my sleeve further down, revealing much more skin than I intended on showing him. Oh well. That flashing neon danger sign never looked prettier.
His breath tickled my skin, and my own hitched. There was a brief pause, and I was convinced he was done. Not the case. His lips pressed to me, moving gracefully across the bottom of my neck and over my shoulder.
This was kissing. Wilson was kissing me. Oh my God, he was kissing me.
I guess I shouldn’t have underestimated his moves. My body reacted like it had been kicked into overdrive. I felt like fire was taking me over, leaking from my fingertips and licking across my skin. Muscles between my legs clenched while my stomach filled with butterflies. I prayed Wilson couldn’t feel the changes in my chest. Huh, that was an odd reaction. The slight tingling feeling in the tips of my breasts. Odd, but it felt appropriate for what he was doing to me.
His breath came a little fast when he spoke into my ear again. “How do you feel right now?”
Pliable. Willing. “Warm,” I whispered. And the heat didn’t even bother me. I liked it. I liked why I was feeling it.
“Is that good?”
I nodded. “My heart is racing again.” Nervously, my eyes flickered to his. “Do you wanna feel it?”
My heart skipped a beat when the hand he had on my hip started moving. It slid up my stomach, between my breasts, and to the center of my chest. Our eyes were locked as my heart attempted to meet his hand.
His hand moved again, past my collarbone and to the back of my neck. We were almost pressed together again, but there was room for him to look down at me and see just what I didn’t want him to see.
My cheeks turned bright red with the fire under my skin. Wilson pressed his lips to the heat. “Please don’t be embarrassed.”
Easier said than done.
“Eww!” a boy said from behind us. “You’re not gonna kiss, are you?”
We turned, and the first thing I did was cross my arms. Wilson fixed my sleeve and we stared at the boys.
Jude hit Welly in the shoulder. “No, if they kiss, then they like each other. If they like each other, then they might start to love each other. Then they’ll get married, and we’ll be brothers.”
Welly’s mouth dropped open. “That can happen?!”
“Yes.” Jude nodded and looked back at us. “You can keep going.”
Okay, so I would never recover from this. Fine then. I deserved it for inviting Wilson to put the moves on me. I just didn’t know I would like what he was doing. His mouth was soft and warm, and I would have let him keep going if he had been willing.
He didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with my… reaction. So I guess it was normal. I wouldn’t really know, since I’d never been aroused before. The worst part was that Wilson knew he did that to me. I couldn’t imagine what he must be thinking right now.
Wilson
ith far too much dignity, I reapplied my mustache. “All right. Nobody is kissing anybody.”
The most crushing statement of my life. God, I wanted
to taste her skin, and I think she would have let me. I had her in the palm of my hands, and I just let her go. It would have scared her if I’d done what my body was urging me to.
I had to have control. Riley didn’t need this from me right now, and I was having a very difficult time keeping myself at bay. It felt very wrong, even looking at her with anything akin to lust. The problem was that she was so very tempting, in about every way she could have been. Riley was fun, cute, and far too delightful to be around for her own good. She deserved someone better than me, so I figured it would be best if I just tried to get over it. Find someone else. Maybe I could be nothing more than a friend to Riley? Or maybe I would get lucky and her father would just up and kill me one of these days. He didn’t believe me when I said I just wanted to be her friend, and that was fair. I didn’t only want to be her friend. I was too selfish to want only that from her. It was exactly why I couldn’t have her.
“We should head out,” I said. “Tell your mom we’re going.”
The boys ran off, and Riley left my side to gather up her candy bag. Clearly I made her uncomfortable in what I did. She literally asked me to do it. So why do I feel so bad about it? Oh, yeah, because she was young and inexperienced. I doubt she’d ever even kissed anyone. If she did, it was almost a decade ago. She was by no means a child, but that didn’t mean she was up for grabs. She needed a friend. One who wouldn’t be all over her. I could be that… maybe.
We left, and the kids could hardly keep themselves from exploding. There was a lot of screaming and running around. We watched them go from house to house while we stood on the sidewalk. Each piece of candy was like a little victory for them. I wasn’t sure why it mattered so much since I could just buy them the candy aisle at the store tomorrow. Half-off and plentiful.
Riley was timid at my side, watching the kids go while she quietly mourned the childhood she didn’t get. No one could give it back to her, but maybe I could help her steal a little happiness for herself.
When the kids started walking up to the next house, I took Riley’s hand and dragged her along with me.
“What are you doing?” she squeaked as she tugged her hand back.
I didn’t let go of her. “We’re getting you candy.”
She looked petrified as I brought her up to the door. I took her hand and forced her to press the bell. So she wouldn’t bolt, I held her shoulders and stood behind her.
An older lady answered, and the boys yelled, “Trick or treat!”
I patted Riley’s hip. “You have to say it or you don’t get candy, baby.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have whispered it into her ear because she went rigid. I couldn’t tell if it was a good reaction or a bad one, but I shouldn’t be allowed to think about it. She just got home. She needed time before she could even think about a relationship.
Christ. Now my brain was using the word relationship. I was bad off and far too quick. I didn’t do relationships. I had too much to deal with to also balance some girl. Riley deserved more than that. More than anything I could offer her. Oh, how grounding that was. She deserved more than me. Simple as that.
Riley let out a timid, “Trick or treat.”
The lady eyed her funny, but she dropped some candy in her bag. Riley thanked her, looking so happy at the little gift. It lightened up the old lady, and she gave the boys double what Riley got.
I was walking her back down the walk when she said, “I got candy.”
“You did. And you’ll do the same at the next house.”
Her big blue eyes widened. “You’re making me go to another?”
“Of course. We’re not stopping ‘til your bag is full.”
She was terrified, but that was when a person really shined. When you saw someone for who they truly were. People liked to think it was when you’re happy. Joy is the real form of a person’s soul. That just wasn’t true. When you saw someone at their worst, when you put them in a situation where they were closed in or hopeless, that was when you saw someone’s soul. And I could see all of Riley tonight.
Once she got her confidence, she was running up to the houses with the boys. I was left in the dust and I couldn’t be happier. Her candy haul got bigger and bigger as she ran around.
She got back to me, showing me the full bag. “I am unstoppable.”
“Truer words were never spoken, sweetheart.”
I walked with her, and the boys to the next house for yet another dose of candy. Everything was fine right up until the door opened up.
There was a teenager girl on the other side. Normal in every way. That wasn’t the issue. It was her costume. She was in a baby doll dress. Pink, tattered and torn. Along her arms and her face were cracks, carefully painted. The one on her forehead was made to look like an impact spot where the china was cracked.
The look on Riley’s face was that of someone who’d seen death incarnate. She staggered back like she’d been shot and her legs couldn’t hold her any longer. She backed right into me, and I caught her by the hips.
I swung her around to make her face me. I watched her chest pump as her eyes panicked.
“Shh,” I said, holding her face. “Stay with me, Riley.”
She whimpered. Whimpered. Like she was wounded. The sight of the girl was enough to make her tailspin. Riley started shaking as she clutched the fabric of my shirt. She started mumbling incoherently, and I pulled her against me.
“Talk to me,” I said.
Maybe I should have let it go. I knew what was wrong. Dolls. The man that took her treated her like a doll for seven years.
“Riley.”
She made that sound again while she looked at me. “Everywhere. Everywhere I go I’ll see it. No way out. Not here. Not like this. I can’t make it go away.”
“Make what go away?”
“Him.”
Haunted by a man that was rotting as we spoke. It wasn’t fair. I don’t know what made him choose her, but she didn’t deserve this. I knew what she was afraid of. What would probably come. A lifetime of nightmares and jumping at shadows. Things that someone wouldn’t think twice of would send her right back to the place she came from.
I held her tightly, hoping I didn’t hurt her at the same time I was so sure I was incapable of loosening my hold. “I’ll take you home.”
She whimpered once more and tilted her chin up. “Can’t go home. They can’t see this. They think I’m okay. I have to be okay. If I go home, I’ll go to sleep and dream of it again. I don’t wanna go back to The Dollhouse.”
Her forehead pressed to my heart.
“Not again,” she cried.
I held her to me still, looking at the boys. “Hey, we need to head back.”
They sighed but followed behind me. Once we were back at the house, I stayed next to Riley.
“How about you guys see if Maxwell’s parents want to take you around again? Tell them that Riley’s gonna be at my house for a while.”
They screamed in joy, and I watched until they were inside and the door was closed.
I got Riley into my house and to my bedroom. I sat her down, and she was almost comatose. After I slipped her boots off, I moved her candy bag to my nightstand and sat down. My hat and stupid mustache were already off and on the floor.
“Say something,” I begged her.
She looked at me with dull eyes and ripped the crown off of her head, harshly setting it down. “This is going to be my life. If I keep living it.”
“Don’t say things like that.” I almost growled. “You’re not allowed to just check out, Riley. You have to stick around. And I know that you got fucked over pretty bad in this life, but killing yourself isn’t going to change that. You have to keep going because there aren’t any other options.”
She shook her head. “It hurts.”
“Of course it hurts. That’s what life is. Pain. Pain is the realest thing you’re ever going to feel, and it sucks, but we deal with it. It’s not always going to be like this. Not for you. You’re smart
, and you’re wonderful. I know you want to be alive. You’re going to do amazing things with the rest of your life. Just as soon as you figure out how to get past this. One day, this is just going to be a memory. The wound is going to scar over. You’ll still see it, feel it, but it won’t hurt as much anymore.”
Everything about her was hopeless.
“I can’t just be another human being. What happens if I have a family? I can’t be trusted with my own children.”
My hand went to her leg, rubbing soothingly. “You won’t be like this by the time you have children. You have time to heal.”
She leaned forward, looking less broken and just bleaker. “People don’t heal from things like this.”
I scooted closer, holding her head to my shoulder. “They do. The thing about people is that we’re hard to keep down. Stupidly resilient when we don’t have any right to be. One day, you’re going to wake up, and you’ll forget for a while what you’ve been through. Then another day where you forget a little longer. Maybe one day you’ll go weeks without thinking about it. But you’ll never know unless you keep going.”
Riley wouldn’t say anything more. I held her, running my hand up and down her back until I was sure she wouldn’t go all the way back down to that dark place. She was right; it would always haunt her. It was just a matter of how much power she gave it.
I laid her down, and she flipped onto her side. While I pulled the blanket around her, she blinked at me.
“I don’t want to sleep.”
“You don’t have to. Just rest here. How about I get you some candy.”
She shrugged.
I moved to her other side and started changing. I didn’t need to be in this stupid costume anymore. Since I was decent, I made sure she didn’t see anything that would traumatize her. She wasn’t facing me anyway. I threw on a shirt and my pajama pants before I grabbed her candy bag.
It wasn’t until I moved away from the light switch that I realized that I should have turned it on. My room was primarily illuminated by moonlight that was shined through my window and right onto my bed. It was enough to sort through the candy and check it for holes or other tampering.