The Dollhouse (Paperdolls #1)

by Nicole Thorn

“Carry on,” Layla continued as they reached us. Her hands slipped into the pocket of her jacket, and she lifted her eyebrows. “Well? I’m waiting. And I expect to see some tongue.”

  Adalyn shook her head at the ground.

  I let go of Wilson and folded my arms over my chest. I couldn’t say anything.

  “Aw.” Layla frowned and smacked Adalyn on the shoulder. “Look what you did. You totally cock-blocked Riley.”

  Adalyn glowered at her while I almost choked on air. “Stop it, Layla. We weren’t doing anything.”

  “Sure. I get all snuggly with Adalyn all the time. I often find myself putting my mouth all over her. Ya know, just for fun.”

  Wilson didn’t seem as uncomfortable as I was. “I promise I wasn’t about to violate your sister.”

  Layla smirked. “Too bad. Riley could probably use a little…”

  Her eyes went up and down Wilson’s body, and it made me have a flash of anger toward her for the first time in my life.

  “…fun,” she said.

  Adalyn was trying not to look at anyone, but soon came the time for her to speak up. “We thought you could use a little company, Riley. But if you’re busy, we can just call my dad and have him turn around.”

  “No,” Wilson said. “I don’t want to screw anything up.”

  “Too late,” Layla declared. “Clearly your game is off here. I highly suggest you put Riley out of her misery real soon.”

  I blushed. “Shut up.”

  She snorted. “Not a chance. Come on. Be a man and throw her over your shoulder in a manly fashion. Carry her off behind a bush. We’ll wait.”

  I think I have to hurt her…

  Wilson laughed. “You seem to know a lot about ‘manly’ things for…”

  “I’m still a person,” Layla said, a little snippier. “I might not have done much with my life, but I still know when a girl needs to get laid out so someone can give it to her.”

  “What is wrong with you?!” I shouted.

  “Well…” She gestured out to no one in particular, laying her and out flat and speaking in the most offhand tone I’d ever heard. “This creep kidnapped me when I was a kid and made me follow all these fucked-up orders. And I have a tummy ache. So, I guess… flip a coin.”

  I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. “This is not what love is.”

  “This is exactly what love is. Getting people laid.”

  Wilson stared wide-eyed at her. “Christ.”

  “Call me Layla.” She nodded.

  Where, oh, where is a rock to hide under when you need one?

  As if sensing my horror, Wilson put his arm around me, kissing the side of my head before speaking so only I can hear. “It’s okay. It won’t happen again.” He then turned to Layla. “I’m Wilson, but I assume you guessed that.”

  “I did. But Riley didn’t tell us you were hot. I can’t imagine why.”

  I cleared my throat. “So, what did you guys wanna do today? Anything but this.”

  Adalyn looked up timidly. “We thought maybe dinner. Dad can come back in a little while and bring us.”

  Shocking me completely, Wilson said, “I can take you guys.”

  I blinked. “Huh?”

  “Sounds perfect,” Layla interrupted.

  Wilson put his arm around my shoulders. “I can get your mom to pick Jude up when she gets Maxwell. They can spend some time together, and so can you girls. I don’t see any issues with it. Do you?”

  Way to put me on the spot. “Um, no. I guess not.”

  “Great.” Layla clapped. “Show us your frog.”

  God, why did I get out of bed this morning?

  The four of us went over to my house, and my mother was shocked and a little concerned to see my sisters with me. This felt all kinds of awkward, and I didn’t have the social skills to make it better. Mom saw the girls as painful reminders for me instead of what they really were: my family. Maybe if I was a different person, I could understand that more.

  “Girls.” She nodded to them.

  “Hey,” Layla said, leaving it at that.

  Adalyn waved and said nothing.

  “We’re here for Kermit,” Layla told her. “And Wilson over here needs you to pick up his brother so that we can go and eat too many fries and then cry about it later.”

  “Okay…” Mom drew out the word. “I can get Jude. The boys wanted to do a sleepover anyway.” She looked between Wilson and me. “Glad to see you two have recovered.”

  “Ooh. From?” Layla asked, too interested.

  Mom started laughing, and I shot her a warning look she thankfully accepted. “Nothing.”

  I started marching up the stairs, done with the world. People were following me, and I could hear Layla chatting with Wilson. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t know why I didn’t like it. My fists clenched at my sides until I needed to open the door.

  Kermit sat on his log house when I greeted him. “Hey, buddy. Mama is not pleased.”

  Three bodies walked into the room, and Wilson led my sisters. Why did it not subdue my worry even as he saddled up beside me, not hesitating at all? We were both bent to the frog’s house as we peeked in.

  Wilson looked at me, his forehead wrinkled. “Is something wrong, baby?”

  I shook my head, standing straight. “I’m fine.”

  The girls both checked out Kermit while I sat on my bed, wanting to be away from everything for a few minutes. This was beginning to overwhelm me, and I didn’t want to push my limits. Everything in me felt raw and exposed.

  My eyes were on the floor when a hand brushed along my shoulder, and the mattress sank beside me.

  “I know something’s wrong,” Wilson said. “You can tell me.”

  I turned my head to him. “I don’t know if I can.”

  Wilson glanced at the girls, as ifs to make sure they weren’t paying attention. “Are you worried about what I might think?”

  I nodded.

  He smiled, and it was the warmest thing I’d ever seen. “You can say anything to me.”

  I bit my lower lip, allowing myself to stare at his mouth for a couple seconds. Such a pull to taste them. I didn’t understand it at all. “Before,” I started. “When we were outside.”

  “What about it?”

  I forced words out of my mouth. “Were you going to kiss me?”

  His eyes were unfocused for a moment or two. “Would that have upset you?”

  “I think you know the answer to that.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  Layla didn’t mean to, but she jumped right in at the worst time. “I like the toad guy. He looks pissed off. But I like it. I appreciate when a creature doesn’t mind letting everyone know how he feels.”

  I kept my head down while Adalyn jumped in with some comment about how it was too predictable for Layla to like something angry. It made them start bickering about it, but both sides were right. Layla was always angry, and she gravitated to things that were dark or “off” in some way. It was just who she was. Who The Dollhouse made her into. We couldn’t help what came out of the house that night.

  Four people that were completely different than the ones that went in.

  ayla was very smooth in her game. She slid right up to Adalyn when we got to the restaurant, so I would have to sit with Wilson. Something in the back of my mind was grateful. I think I would have been jealous if someone else was beside him. Our legs touched, and it was lighting me on fire.

  All sorts of pictures were in my head, and I stopped bothering to chase them away. Not when they were so pleasant. I knew what was happening to me, and why I was feeling what I was feeling physically. I just wasn’t expecting to experience what I was dealing with emotionally. Wilson was sweet, and I knew why I liked him. I just didn’t know why he liked me.

  As a distraction, I pretended to look at the menu while my brain sent some very inappropriate thoughts into the forefront of my mind. I’d thankfully never seen a man naked, yet my brain had come up with a lovely image of
Wilson in my bed and his clothes on the floor. God, I was utterly ravenous in that moment; my hands twitching with need while my skin heated. Like, without warning, I could just drag him to the ground right now.

  Was this happening because it was all built up for so long? I went my whole life without really getting the chance to be sexually attracted to someone, so my head blew up the first time it happened? I guess it made some kind of sense. Everything was turned all the way up for me, and it was like I was being blinded by light. Instead of fighting it, I was letting it blind me.

  I was nudged in the middle of a very nice daydream where Wilson was under me. I blinked, and he elbowed me, nodding to a waiter. He wanted my drink order. Oops. I told him I wanted water, and then he took all of our food orders. Being deprived of real food for so long made picking easier. Something big with lots of cheese.

  Someone took my menu, and I didn’t have anything to hide my face when I went back into my daydreams. I had to cross and uncross my legs when things started happening. Lots of fidgeting and clenching.

  “What the hell is up with you?” Layla laughed.

  I laughed back, but it was shaky. “Nothing. Just thinking about a book I was reading this morning.”

  “What was it about?” Adalyn asked, wide-eyed and interested.

  Uh, oh. “Um, it was about… witches. Sort of. It’s complicated.”

  “If you like it, I’ll borrow it when you’re done.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  It was odd, fighting off the little movies in my head just as hard as I was concentrating on them. I wanted to feel the things I was daydreaming about. I wanted the rush of Wilson’s skin under my fingertips. I wanted his lips pressing softly to my body. I wanted him to inhabit me, chasing away what it felt like to be numb. All these things and more were dwelling in my head, urging me to make them real.

  I spoke when I realized something. “You don’t smell like smoke,” I told Wilson.

  He looked almost embarrassed. “Yeah. I haven’t been smoking.”

  “Why?”

  He smiled. “Because a certain girl gets all pissy when I do.”

  “Aww. How cute.” Layla said.

  We both ignored her.

  A hand appeared on my thigh, and that did all kinds of things to me. It was only made better and worse when Wilson leaned into my ear.

  “I can feel your anxiety from here, sweetheart.”

  My body decided to tell my brain to take a long walk off a short pier, and I leaned into him, careful about my positioning so the girls wouldn’t see. I guess my body had some okay instincts.

  A voice that was far sultrier than I had any right to have come out, and I focused it all on Wilson. “It’s not anxiety. Sweetheart.” While my hand caressed his thigh, I caught his earlobe between my lips and dragged down.

  He was a million times better to taste when I was sober. I could recall this in perfect detail later. And I would want to, of course. His skin was soft in all the right ways. His reaction when I touched his thigh was one I would remember for a lifetime. He seemed nervous in a way a person like him shouldn’t have been.

  Then I dropped him like it was nothing. I sipped my drink while he watched me in shock. I smiled to myself with the little bit of satisfaction I had.

  The food came, and we all ate. Well, most of us did. Wilson was kind of just… there. Staring at his plate.

  “You okay?” Adalyn asked as she nibbled a fry.

  Wilson blinked and pulled at the fabric of his jeans. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

  Layla arched a brow, hamburger in hand. “You look a little green, buddy.”

  Wilson responded with a shaking of his head. “I’m good.”

  I doubted that, but we ate anyway. The meal was mostly silent as I gloated internally at what I’d done. It may not have been right, but it felt amazing, like I had a little bit of power of my own. I’d never had power before. I’d never had the ability to cause such a reaction in someone.

  “So,” Layla said to Wilson. “We all know how the three of us have spent our week. How about you lighten up the mood with your activities?”

  “I was teaching my brother to ride a bike.”

  “I used to love riding my bike,” Adalyn said. “We should ride bikes sometime. …Kylie would have liked that.”

  Layla stared at the table. “Don’t go there, Adalyn. We can be sad. We can even be miserable. But we can’t be nothing at all. We don’t stop our lives to cry over her. Do you understand?”

  Adalyn was like a child looking back at our sister. “I understand. I just don’t know how we’re supposed to go about our business like it doesn’t matter that she’s gone.”

  “Of course it matters. But she made a choice. We’re making a choice too. I’m going to do the things I want to do, and I’m not going to let myself rot away in this body. I’m not letting either of you die along with her. If you wanna ride bikes, we ride bikes.”

  The sternness in her voice was such that no one could fight it. Not that I even wanted to. We were all knee deep in grief, but that couldn’t make us stop being people. The ache in my heart wouldn’t ever leave me. I would carry my sister with me all the days of my life. I just had to do enough living for the both of us.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Layla asked as she poked her head into the car window.

  We were parked outside of her house, and Adalyn was on her feet behind her, staring at the stormy sky.

  My head touched the side of the car. “My mom would kill me if I didn’t wake up in my own bed tomorrow morning.”

  Layla wrinkled her nose. “Okay, then. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  She leaned in to kiss my cheek and started walking up the driveway. I waved to Adalyn, and she waved back before we started driving away.

  Wilson had been acting like nothing happened. It wasn’t frustrating like I thought it would be. It was actually kind of amusing. He was flustered for the first time in probably a very long time. I had zero skills in this department, yet I threw him for a loop.

  “You wanna go home?” Wilson asked.

  Casually, I asked, “As opposed to?”

  His hand gripped the wheel and released almost as quickly. “I don’t know. I guess it’s getting late. I thought you may have wanted to come over for a little while.”

  I smiled at him. “For what?”

  He glanced at me with what I could only assume was irritation. “Maybe to watch TV. Play a game. That’s all.”

  “Is it?”

  He gripped the wheel again. “It’s the only thing I’m going to do with you.”

  And that was the last thing he said on the way home.

  I watched the rain fall onto the windshield as darkness took the sky over. It was a light rain today, and I liked the sound it made when it fell onto my house. It was gentle and powerful at the same time. I could watch it for hours.

  We pulled into Wilson’s driveway when we got home. Not worth the hassle of stopping in mine and then going to his. When I opened my door and started for home, he told me to wait.

  “I’ll walk you,” he said as he got to my side.

  We walked quickly through the drizzle and got to my door. There was only a little bit of protection from the rain, yet we still stood there. The porch light was still on, and I guessed Mom did that for me. She would want to check up on me when I got inside. My mother remained understandably edgy when it came to my moods, wanting to make sure I wasn’t leaning toward a way out of this world.

  Wilson and I stood parallel to each other in a standoff. I knew that much. Or was it a game of “Chicken?” I wasn’t sure. My hands were behind my back while his were at his sides.

  “Get a good night’s sleep, baby,” Wilson told me, giving me a light kiss on the cheek.

  I caught him by the arm as he started walking away. I laughed as I spoke. “Are you kidding me?”

  I released him, and he turned three quarters to me. “What are you talking about?”

  “I
don’t think I need to say it. I think you know, and for some reason you’re trying to ignore it. I’d like to know why. Am I too messed up for you to look at twice?”

  Wilson sighed with defeat. “Don’t do this to me, Riley.”

  My arms crossed. “I am most certainly doing this to you.”

  “You’re the one all over me. That’s all this is. Anything else is all in your head.”

  I literally flinched like he hit me. I could even feel the familiar sting of a hand across my face. I’d gotten it enough in my lifetime. My mouth hung open, but I couldn’t make words come out.

  All in my head… I guess that was true. I was always the one touching him. He only ever touched me like anyone else would. If I forgot about Halloween. But I asked him to do that. Well, I knew I was crazy. This just cinched it.

  Wilson had regret in his eyes he moved forward, and I stepped back. He extended his hands.

  “I didn’t mean that.”

  “Didn’t you?”

  “No.” His voice was empty. “I didn’t mean it. Just like you don’t mean any of this.”

  My eyebrows knit. “I don’t mean it?”

  “No,” he said. “Does it matter at all to you that it’s me that you’re screwing with, or would you be happy with anybody that let you?”

  “I don’t even know who you’re insulting more. Am I just a desperate whore to you, or do you think so little of yourself that you don’t believe I would want you? Tell me, because I can’t tell.”

  His tongue hit his canine as he avoided eye contact. “You don’t want this. Not really.”

  “And you know what I want?”

  “I know that you just got home, and you need to focus on yourself. Your sister just died. You’re grieving.”

  There it was. He called her my sister. He always called her my sister. And he was almost yelling at me. Wilson was the only one other than the girls that didn’t treat me like what I was. I was a person to him, and that was wonderful. I wanted him because it was him, and no one else.

  “I know I’m grieving. I’ll always be grieving. But I want to do things that normal people do.”

  “And what is it that you’re looking for from me?”

  I couldn’t take this anymore. I couldn’t take the anger from him, and I couldn’t take the heat inside of me. The only thing I could think of was us together.