by Yu Hua
Cautiously entering Writer Liu's room, where Liu was lying in bed with his eyes shut, Song Gang walked to the front of the bed. Liu opened his eyes to glance at him, then quickly shut them again. Song Gang stood in front of Liu's bed for a while and eventually softly said, "I'm sorry."
Writer Liu opened his eyes but quickly closed them again. Song Gang stood there a while longer, then opened his book bag and took out the four apples. When Liu saw the four apples on the table, he smiled and said to Song Gang, "You are truly courteous."
As Writer Liu was saying this he took an apple, wiped it on the bed-sheet, then hurriedly took a bite. Liu's eyes narrowed to small slits in delight, and he crunched down melodiously, chewed melodiously, and swallowed the apple in a melodious manner. As Baldy Li had expected, after Writer Liu took a bite of the apple he immediately recovered his intellectual airs and began animatedly discussing literature with Song Gang as if nothing had transpired between them.
CHAPTER 29
HALF A YEAR passed, and not only did Baldy Li not find an opportunity to beat Poet Zhao's laborer identity back into him; he even pretty much forgot all about his promise to do so. Instead, he found himself increasingly busy, having been appointed director of Liu Town s Good Works Factory. When he first arrived, two cripples served as the factory's director and deputy director, but within half a year both of them were obediently following Baldy Li's orders.
Thus Baldy Li became Factory Director Li, even though he was still only twenty years old. Originally, when the factory had only two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men working for it, it would lose money hand over fist, and therefore year after year it was necessary to ask Tao Qing to bail them out. Tao Qing had built the factory for the sole purpose of providing its fourteen handicapped workers with a way of making a living. The factory, however, did not make a profit—he constantly had to make up for its losses out of his own pocket. Tao Qing hired Baldy Li because Baldy Li's mother had kowtowed to him so vigorously that she bloodied her forehead. What he didn't expect was that during Baldy Li's first year at the factory he would manage to turn the entire place around. Baldy Li not only brought in enough money to pay the salaries of the fourteen employees but also earned a profit of 57,224 yuan. The second year he was even more impressive, earning Tao Qing a profit of more than 150,000 yuan, or 10,000 yuan per employee. When the county governor saw Tao Qing, he was full of smiles, saying that Tao was the richest Civil Affairs Bureau director in all of China. He then privately asked that Tao Qing use some of the Good Works Factory's profits to plug a hole in the county's public finance deficit.
Tao Qing was therefore promoted to bureau director, and although he had not been to the Good Works Factory for the preceding several years, on that particular day he happened to wander up to the factory. Tao Qing had long known that the two crippled directors were ineffective to the point of being merely figureheads and that Baldy Li had become the de facto director. Tao Qing also knew that within half a year of Baldy Li's arrival, he had taken the two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men to the photography studio to pose for a group portrait, and then had taken this family photo on a long bus ride to Shanghai. Before getting on the bus, Baldy Li bought ten plain steamed buns at Mama Sus snack shop. He rushed around Shanghai for two days, visiting seven stores and eight companies and showing everyone his Good Works Factory group portrait. He would introduce each of the people in the photo to the corporate directors he met, explaining which were the cripples, the idiots, the blind and deaf men. Then he would point himself out in the photo, saying, "That only leaves this one, who is neither blind, deaf, crippled, nor an idiot."
Everywhere he went, Baldy Li tried to solicit people s sympathy. By the time he finished all ten of his steamed buns, he had received a long-term contract from a large company to put the finishing touches on paper boxes, and thus began the Good Works Factory's glorious path to brilliance.
When Tao Qing entered the factory that day, the crippled deputy factory director was just emerging from the restroom. Tao Qing asked him where the factory director was, and the deputy director replied that he was working in the workshop. Tao asked him to call the director over, and then he walked into the director's office. Tao Qing noted the group portrait hanging on the wall and remembered that the last time he came to this office there had been two desks, where the crippled directors had been playing chess, retracting illegal moves and happily cursing each other. Now there was just one desk. Tao Qing felt that something was a little fishy—perhaps the crippled factory director had kicked the crippled deputy director out of the office? As Tao Qing was sitting down in the chair behind the desk, Baldy Li ran in, shouting, "Bureau Director Tao has arrived, Bureau Director Tao has arrived!"
Tao Qing saw that Baldy Li was very happy and cheerfully said, "You're not doing bad at all. Not bad at all."
Baldy Li shook his head modestly. "I've only just begun and still need to work harder."
Tao Qing nodded approvingly and asked Baldy Li whether he was satisfied with his job. Baldy Li nodded repeatedly, saying that he was indeed. Tao Qing chatted with Baldy Li for a while, then glanced out the door and wondered why the crippled director hadn't arrived yet. The workshop was right next door, and although it was true that the crippled director walked slowly he should still have arrived by now. Tao Qing asked Baldy Li, "Why hasn't your factory director arrived yet?"
Baldy Li was momentarily speechless, but he recovered in an instant, pointing to himself and saying, "I'm here. I'm the director."
"You're the director?" Now it was Tao Qing's turn to be taken aback. "Why was I not informed?"
Baldy Li laughed. "You are so busy, I was reluctant to take up your time, so I simply neglected to tell you."
Tao Qing's face fell. He asked, "What happened to the original two directors?"
Baldy Li shook his head. "They are not directors anymore."
Tao Qing understood now why there was just one desk in the office. He asked Baldy Li, "Is this your desk?"
Baldy Li nodded. "Yes."
Tao Qing declared sternly, "The appointment and removal of the factory director should be approved by committee, discussed first with the head of the Civil Affairs Bureau, and then approved by the county government."
Baldy Li nodded repeatedly. "Yes, that's right, you can officially remove the former factory director, and then officially hire me for the same position."
Tao Qing became serious. "I don't have that authority."
"Director Tao, you are too modest." Baldy Li laughed as he pointed to Tao Qing. "When it comes to who serves as the director of the Good Works Factory, doesn't your word go?"
Tao Qing didn't know whether to laugh or cry and replied, "You simply don't follow the rules, do you?"
What came next rendered Tao Qing even more at a loss for words. Baldy Li, who seemed to have already appointed himself factory director, escorted Tao Qing on a tour of the workshop in charge of gluing cardboard boxes, where fourteen handicapped workers all greeted him by calling out, "Director Li!" Even the original two crippled factory directors respectfully called out, "Director Li." Factory Director Baldy Li stood next to Bureau Director Tao Qing and applauded vigorously, as did the fourteen handicapped workers. Baldy Li felt that the applause was not loud enough and therefore shouted to his loyal minions, "Director Tao has come to see us! Make your applause as loud as fireworks!"
His loyal minions applauded so vigorously that their entire bodies swung into motion. Baldy Li still felt that it was not enough, and gestured frantically, saying, "Shout, ‘Welcome, Bureau Director Tao!'"
The two cripples and the four blind men all shouted at the top of their lungs, "Welcome, Bureau Director Tao!"
The five deaf workers opened their mouths and laughed, not knowing what the two cripples and four blind workers were shouting. Baldy Li rushed over and signaled for the deaf workers to watch his lips. His mouth opened and closed like a fish spurting out water, and finally he was able to
teach the five deaf workers the correct formations. Of the five, three were also mute, and therefore only two of them were able to vocalize at all. The sound of the "Welcome, Bureau Director Tao" was now deafening, which pleased Baldy Li immensely, and he gave everyone a thumbs-up sign. Then Baldy Li discovered a new problem, which was that the three idiots couldn't pronounce the words "Bureau Director Tao" and instead were calling out, "Welcome, Factory Director Li." This embarrassed Baldy Li, and he immediately rushed over to the three idiots and taught them to shout "Welcome, Bureau Director Tao" as if he were teaching them to sing a song. Baldy Li's two arms danced up and down, his voice grew hoarse from shouting, but the three idiots still called out, "Welcome, Factory Director Li." Tao Qing couldn't help laughing, and Baldy Li said with embarrassment, "Director Tao, give me a little time. The next time you come, I guarantee that they'll all call out ‘Director Tao.'"
"No need." Tao Qing shook his head. "They are shouting ‘Director Li’ very capably."
When Tao Qing walked out of the workshop, he turned around, looked at the two crippled factory directors, and said to Baldy Li, "I originally thought that the two factory directors were mere figureheads, but now I realize that they can't even be considered ornaments."
Two months later, Baldy Li received his official appointment as the director of the Good Works Factory. Baldy Li was summoned to Tao Qing's office, where Tao read the county-approved promotion letter out loud. Baldy Li blushed with excitement and told Tao Qing that the three idiots at the Good Works Factory could now shout "Bureau Director Tao" quite fluently. Tao Qing laughed and confessed that there was considerable resistance to officially appointing Baldy Li as factory director, due to his spotty past. Tao Qing chuckled, but then confided quite seriously that everyone saw Baldy Li as his surrogate, and therefore he hoped Baldy Li would take better care of his public image and in particular curb his hoodlum behavior. Finally, he gave Baldy Li his profit target, sticking out two fingers and saying, "This year you must bring in two hundred thousand yuan in profit."
Baldy Li held up three fingers. "I will raise three hundred thousand yuan, and if I don't, I will resign."
Tao Qing nodded with satisfaction. Baldy Li rolled up the appointment letter approved by the county government and was about to stick it in his pocket when Tao Qing pointed to the document and said, "What are you doing with that?"
Baldy Li said, "I'm taking it home."
Tao Qing shook his head. "You really don't understand how things are done. This document must be taken to the Organization Bureau for filing; you are now a national cadre."
"I'm a national cadre?" Baldy Li registered a look of pleasurable shock, adding, "Then it is all the more important that I take this home to show Song Gang."
Tao Qing recalled the Song Gang he knew from twenty years earlier—a pitiful but adorable little boy. Tao hesitated a moment, then he agreed to let Baldy Li take the appointment letter home to show Song Gang, but on the condition that he return it the very next afternoon. As Baldy Li was leaving he bowed to Tao Qing and said earnestly, "Thank you, Director Tao, for appointing me factory director."
Tao Qing patted his shoulder and said, "What are you thanking me for? It was you who carried out the execution first and sought a permit for it later."
The expression to carry out the execution first and seek a permit for it later gave Baldy Li a good chuckle. After walking out of the courtyard of the Civil Affairs Bureau, he repeated the phrase to himself yet again, but this time he found that it had somehow soured on his lips.
Carrying the appointment letter in his hands, Baldy Li walked home and showed the letter to everyone he met, telling them proudly that he was now Director Li. When he encountered Blacksmith Tong on the bridge, he pulled Tong over to sit next to him on the railing and proudly told him he was now director of the Good Works Factory. He added that, actually, he had long been running the factory but, extending the letter with trembling hands, he added, "This piece of paper makes it official."
"That's right," Blacksmith Tong agreed. "Its just like a marriage certificate—who waits until the day of their marriage before sleeping together? The marriage certificate simply grants them an official identity. This is called legitimization."
"Yes, legitimization—that's what it's called," Baldy Li exclaimed, adding, "It's as if I knocked a girl up and left her no choice but to marry me. Or, as Director Tao put it, I carried out the execution first and sought a permit for it later."
When Baldy Li returned home, Song Gang had prepared lunch, had set the table, and was sitting there waiting for him. Baldy Li, flushed with success, sat down at the table, glanced disdainfully at the food, and muttered, "The formidable Factory Director Li has to eat this cheap food every day."
Song Gang did not realize that Baldy Li had been officially appointed factory director and thought that he was still bragging about his de facto directorship. He grinned, then picked up his rice bowl and began to eat, whereupon Baldy Li opened up his director's-appointment letter and extended it for Song Gang to read. Song Gang read it while chewing his rice, then excitedly jumped up from his seat and started crying out. Since his mouth was still full of food, however, he was totally incomprehensible. He spat the food into his hand and shouted, "Baldy Li, you really are—"
Baldy Li calmly corrected Song Gang, "I'm Director Li."
"Director Li, you really are Director Li!"
Song Gong excitedly cried out as he jumped around the house, shouting "Director Li" over and over again, pounding Baldy Li in the chest three times with his fist full of food, splattering the food all over Baldy Li's face. Baldy Li wiped Song Gang's chewed-up food from his face and began laughing uncontrollably. But Song Gang was still pounding his chest with his fist, so Baldy Li sprang out of the way. It was like the time when Song Gang returned from the countryside, travel bag in hand: The two of them ran around the room laughing hysterically, with Song Gang chasing Baldy Li and Baldy Li trying to stay out of the way of Song Gang's fist. They upended all the chairs and stools in the room and jostled the table so hard that the bowls of rice and food went flying. Song Gang finally lowered his fist and, realizing that he was still clutching the food he had spit out of his mouth, wiped his hand with a rag. He tidied up the spilled food on the table and straightened up the chairs that had been knocked over. Then, making a please gesture to Baldy Li, who was still laughing hysterically, he bowed and said, "Director Li, please eat."
Baldy Li exhaled and shook his head. "I, Director Li, want to have a bowl of house-special noodles."
Song Gangs eyes lit up, and he waved his hand. "Yes, lets eat house-special noodles. Lets celebrate."
Song Gang looked disdainfully at the food on the table, patted Baldy Li on the shoulder, then walked out of the room with him and locked the door. He proceeded a few steps, paused, and asked Baldy Li how much a bowl of house-special noodles cost. Baldy Li replied thirty-five cents a bowl. Song Gang nodded and walked back to the door, then leaned against it as he unfastened his pants and reached into his underwear. After fumbling about for a while, he pulled out seventy cents and placed it in his pocket, then spiritedly continued forward. As they walked Song Gang explained to Baldy Li, "You are now a factory director, making me a factory directors brother. I can't continue reaching into my pants for money in public, making you lose face."
The two brothers paraded like heroes down the main street in Liu Town. Baldy Li continued to grasp the promotion letter in his hand, and Song Gang stopped twice and asked to see the letter again. Song Gang stood in the middle of the street reading the letter aloud as if he were reciting poetry, and when he finished he turned to Baldy Li and said sincerely, "I am truly happy."
The two brothers walked into the Peoples Restaurant, and as soon as Song Gang stepped in the door, he shouted to the woman at the counter, "Two bowls of house-special noodles!"
Song Gang then walked up to the cashier and pulled exactly seventy cents out of his pocket. Slapping the money down on the counter, he startled t
he female cashier, who muttered, "Only seventy cents—you'd think it was ten yuan, with all that ruckus."
The two brothers finished their house-special noodles and returned home with their faces covered in sweat. On the way home, Baldy Li opened up his appointment letter three more times to read it to various acquaintances, and Song Gong stopped twice more to recite it. Once they returned home, Song Gang offered to keep the letter, afraid that Baldy Li would lose it. Upon hearing Song Gang's suggestion, Baldy Li mimicked Bureau Director Tao, explaining, "You really don't understand how things are done. This appointment letter must be taken to the Organization Bureau to be put on file, because now I am a national cadre."
Baldy Li's comment made Song Gang even more elated, and he felt that this little brother of his was truly extraordinary. Song Gang then grasped the appointment letter in his hand and read it one more time, as if he were trying to devour every word. It occurred to him that he would never see this appointment letter again, and the thought filled him with regret. But then he had an inspiration. He immediately fetched a sheet of paper and used black ink to neatly copy the letter, then used red ink to carefully draw the seal mark that appeared on top. Baldy Li expressed his approval, saying that Song Gang's seal was even more realistic than the original. After drawing it, Song Gang laughed, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders, and handed the letter back to Baldy Li. Taking up his own copy, he said proudly, "In the future, we can look at this one."
Song Gang kept track of both of their salaries, and every time he wanted to spend money, he made a point of consulting with Baldy Li and securing his permission. After Baldy Li formally assumed his position as factory director, Song Gang offered to go buy him a pair of black leather shoes, arguing that as factory director he couldn't keep wearing his tattered old sneakers. Baldy Li was very pleased to see his new shoes, and counting on his fingers all the important people in the county—from the county's party secretary, governor, and bureau chief on down to the various factory directors—he concluded that all of them wore black leather shoes. He added, "Now I'm an important person, too."