by Yu Hua
"That's right," Popsicle Wang said. "Isn't that like trying to hawk your wares as a whore but still competing for a chastity medal?"
Soon even the county governor started wearing a Japanese junk suit. His was embroidered with the surname Nakasone, which was the name of the Japanese prime minister at the time: Yasuhiro Nakasone. The governor had heard that Baldy Li had obtained a shipment of Japanese suits, and he noticed that the people in the provincial government were all wearing these suits. He immediately wanted one for himself and asked Tao Qing to accompany him to Baldy Li's warehouse to take a look. The governor got himself this Nakasone suit, and Tao Qing got a Takeshita one. When the governor tried his on, he found that it fit very well, almost as if it had been specifically tailored for him. He looked at himself in the mirror, thinking he never would have guessed he was so similar to Yasuhiro Nakasone. Of course, the governor could not go about town flashing his adopted family name as Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang did. As a result, it was only when he removed his jacket to drape it over his chair that people spotted the Nakasone name, whereupon they would invariably cry out, "Governor, you are wearing a suit of the Japanese prime minister!"
The governor would be secretly pleased but feign disapproval, saying, "It's coincidental, purely coincidental."
Tao Qing, however, was quite displeased, given that he was the one who had found the Nakasone suit in the first place. He was on the verge of trying it on when he noticed the governor glaring at him. Tao Qing therefore didn't dare take the Nakasone suit, and the governor snatched it up. Tao Qing managed to squeeze out a smile and compliment the governor on how well the suit fit, and in order not to expose his own political ambitions, he then grabbed another suit, a Takeshita, for himself. After this, every morning when Tao put on his Takeshita suit, he would remember bitterly the Nakasone. Unexpectedly, half a year later, Yasuhiro Nakasone stepped down as prime minister, and his replacement's name turned out to be Noboru Takeshita. Meanwhile, the county governor was transferred away, and Tao Qing was promoted in his place. In his new capacity as county governor, Tao gazed at his reflection in the mirror in his Takeshita suit, and as a flood of emotions rushed through his mind, he muttered, "It is indeed fate."
CHAPTER 52
AFTER BALDY LI made his fortune from junk suits, his first thought was of Song Gang. Now that his plans had come to fruition, he decided to invite Song Gang to join him in creating a business empire together. Baldy Li turned the house upside down looking for the sweater Song Gang had knit him when he first became factory director. The next day he wore it, with his coat open so that the image of the Great Prospects Ship embroidered on the front of the sweater was clearly visible, and sailed majestically through the streets of Liu to Song Gangs place. He hadn't been there since the day he had shown up with his vasectomy certificate following Song Gangs wedding. Baldy Li stood there, watching Song Gang and Lin Hong through the window, and when the two of them opened the door and walked out, he excitedly pulled open his tattered coat and said warmly, "Song Gang, do you remember this sweater? Do you remember this Great Prospects Ship? Song Gang, you were right, I am now finally captain of my own Great Prospects Ship. Song Gang, why don't you come and be the ship's first mate?"
When Song Gang opened the door and saw Baldy Li standing there, he jumped with surprise, never expecting to see his brother waiting outside his house. He hadn't said a word to Baldy Li for several years, and when they would run into each other in the street, he would quickly ride past on his bike. Therefore, when Baldy Li started shouting something about a Great Prospects Ship, Song Gang looked uneasily at Lin Hong, but Lin Hong remained calm and collected. Song Gang bowed his head as he pushed his bike across the threshold and then, his head still bowed, waited for Lin Hong to climb on and sit behind him.
Baldy Li continued warmly, "Song Gang, I didn't sleep well last night since I was thinking all this through. It occurred to me that you are too honest, too easy to be taken advantage of, so I can't put you in charge of anything except the finances, but if you would come and manage my finances, it would take an enormous load off my mind."
As Song Gang started to ride away he told Baldy Li coldly, "I already told you: You should give up hope."
When Baldy Li heard this, he simply stared in astonishment. He had never imagined Song Gang could be so heartless. After staring for a while, he rushed after Song Gang, cursing, "Song Gang, you bastard. You fucking listen to me—last time it was you who severed our relationship, but this time I'm the one who is breaking things off. From now on, we are no longer brothers!"
Baldy Li was crushed, and as he rushed after Song Gang and Lin Hong, he called out, "Song Gang, you bastard. You have forgotten about our childhood!"
Song Gang heard Baldy Li's curses as he was riding away, and that final "You have forgotten about our childhood" instantly brought tears to his eyes. He rode away in silence, and Lin Hong, sitting behind him, also didn't utter a sound. Song Gang's attempts to be heartless toward Baldy Li were all for the sake of Lin Hong, but she showed no reaction whatsoever, making him uneasy. After he turned the corner, Song Gang softly called out, "Lin Hong, Lin Hong …"
Lin Hong grunted in response and whispered back, "Baldy Li meant well…"
Song Gang felt even more uneasy, and he asked her in a hoarse voice, "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, you didn't say anything wrong." Lin Hong wrapped her arms around Song Gang and pressed her cheek against his back. Song Gang finally relaxed and let out a long sigh. He heard her say, "No matter how much money he now has, it's from collecting scrap. What's so great about that? At the end of the day, we still have our state-issued jobs, and if he doesn't have one, things will be very difficult for him down the road."
After being rebuffed at Song Gang's, Baldy Li thought back to his fourteen loyal minions at the Good Works Factory. He went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to look for Director Tao Qing, who was about to become county governor, although he himself didn't know it yet. Tao Qing was in the process of agonizing over what to do with the Good Works Factory, which was bleeding money year after year, when Baldy Li walked in and announced that he wanted to purchase it. Tao Qing stared at him in astonishment, not knowing whether or not Baldy Li was for real. Baldy Li explained emotionally that, although those fourteen handicapped workers were not his relatives, they were nevertheless closer than kin. Tao Qing was secretly elated: The Good Works Factory had become the Civil Affairs Bureau's biggest burden—they couldn't even give it away—but now here was Baldy Li wanting to spend good money to buy it. The two of them immediately reached an agreement and shook on it. After buying the Good Works Factory, Baldy Li proceeded to renovate it and transform it into the Liu Town Economic Research Center, even changing the nameplate on the door. Within a few days he decided that the word center was too ordinary, and since he had just been to Japan, he altered the nameplate to say Liu Town Economic Research Business Corporation. He then issued each of his fourteen loyal minions a letter of appointment, appointing the crippled factory director to the position of corporation director and the deputy factory director to the position of deputy corporation director. The remaining twelve workers he appointed as senior researchers, allowing each of them to enjoy a salary equivalent to that of a university professor. When the two cripples accepted their letters of appointment, they were both extremely excited, knowing that Baldy Li would now provide for them for life. However, they tearfully asked him, "Director Li, what will we study?"
"You can study chess," Baldy Li said. "What else are you capable of studying?"
"Okay." They nodded, then asked, "And what about the twelve senior researchers?"
"The twelve senior researchers?" Baldy Li thought for a moment and then said, "The four blind men will study light and the five deaf men will study sound. But about the three idiots? Fuck, let them study evolution."
After providing for his fourteen loyal minions, Baldy Li hired two horticulturists from the province to reseed the area outside the county government
building, plant some flowers, and even build a fountain. The entranceway became a scenic spot, and every evening and weekend the townspeople would bring the young and elderly, sighing at the beautiful scenery. When the senior leaders came for their inspection, they saw that in place of the mountains of scrap there were now green grass, fresh flowers, and a fountain. They couldn't resist pausing for a while in the entranceway to express their admiration. The county officials were ecstatic, and the Nakasone suit-wearing county governor personally paid a call to Baldy Li, thanking him on behalf of the county government as well as the entire province. Baldy Li not only didn't gloat or trumpet his successes; he even took the governor's hand and apologized repeatedly to the governor himself, the county government, and the people of the entire province, saying that he should never have left those mountains of scrap in the entranceway. Paying for the new landscaping, he explained, was simply his way of making amends.
Baldy Li became a favorite of the county officials, and soon he was appointed as representative to the provincial Peoples Congress. Half a year later, when the county governorship was handed over to the Takeshita suit-wearing Tao Qing, Baldy Li's status was elevated even higher, as he was appointed representative to the Standing Committee of the provincial Peoples Congress. Even after making his fortune, however, Baldy Li continued to wear his tattered clothes, even when attending the provincial People s Congress—looking like a beggar who had wandered up to the platform. County Governor Tao Qing couldn't bear it any longer and while addressing the assembly, publicly beseeched Baldy Li to take care of his appearance. As soon as Tao uttered his request, Baldy Li, who had just finished giving his comments, returned to the stage. The representatives thought he was about to announce that he wouldn't wear tattered clothes anymore, but he surprised everyone by explaining instead why he dressed this way: Back when he had no money, he had to struggle arduously, and now that he had money, he had to struggle more arduously. Pointing to his tattered clothing, he said, "This is inspired, on the one hand, by the Spring and Autumn Period story of King Gou Jian of Yue, who slept on sticks and ate bitter food; and, more recently, by how the poor and middle-class peasants during the Cultural Revolution contrasted their past misery with their present happiness."
At the end of the year, Baldy Li called Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang to his office at Li's Salvage and Recycling Company, announcing that profits and dividends from the past year had not been bad at all. Yanker Yu had two shares for his two thousand yuan investment and Popsicle Wang had one share for his thousand yuan, meaning that Yanker Yu would receive dividends of twenty thousand yuan and Popsicle Wang ten thousand yuan. At the time there didn't yet exist one-hundred-yuan bills, the largest bill being only ten yuan. Therefore, Baldy Li pushed twenty thick piles of bills toward Yanker Yu and ten thick piles toward Popsicle Wang. The two of them looked at each other, unable to believe their good fortune. Baldy Li leaned back in his chair as if he were watching a movie, laughing at them.
Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang counted to themselves, calculating that in less than a year their initial investment had yielded a return of 1,000 percent. Yu and Wang laughed idiotically, and Yanker Yu mumbled to himself, "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that a two-thousand-yuan investment would yield twenty thousand yuan in profits."
"Its not profit," Baldy Li corrected him. "These are dividend payments. You two are my shareholders, and from now on you will receive dividend payments every year."
Popsicle Wang asked as if in a dream, "I'll receive another ten thousand yuan every year?"
"Not necessarily," Baldy Li answered. "Next year you might receive fifty thousand yuan."
Popsicle Wang seemed as if he were about to have a seizure, almost falling out of his chair. Yanker Yu asked in astonishment, "And will I receive a hundred thousand yuan?"
"Of course," Baldy Li nodded. "If Popsicle Wang receives fifty thousand yuan, you will receive a hundred thousand yuan."
Yu and Wang again looked skeptical. They glanced at each other and wondered how there could ever be such a good deal. Popsicle Wang asked Yanker Yu carefully, "Is this for real?"
Yanker Yu nodded but then shook his head and said, "I don't know."
Baldy Li laughed out loud and said, "You can pinch yourselves, and if it hurts, then you'll know it's real."
They quickly pinched themselves, and then Yanker Yu asked Popsicle Wang, "Did it hurt?"
Popsicle Wang shook his head nervously. "No, it didn't."
Yanker Yu also became nervous. "I didn't feel it either."
Baldy Li laughed uproariously, shouting, "I'm laughing so hard my belly hurts. You didn't pinch yourselves hard enough. Give me your hands; I'll pinch them for you."
Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang extended their hands to Baldy Li, who gave them both a fierce pinch, making them cry out in pain: "Ouch!"
Yanker Yu was overjoyed and said to Popsicle Wang, "It's real!"
Popsicle Wang was even more pleased. He extended his hand to Yanker Yu, saying, "Mine is even bleeding."
With their big mouths, Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang functioned as the town's radio broadcast station. After their bumper crop, they both eagerly told everyone about how they had struck it rich. Everyone became extremely envious, and when Blacksmith Tong, Tailor Zhang, and Little Scissors Guan heard, they fell into a deep funk. Those days, Tailor Zhang and Scissors Guan met every day to complain about Blacksmith Tong, regretting that they hadn't invested in Baldy Li's new enterprise. Under their repeated retellings, the story eventually mor-phed into Blacksmith Tongs having prevented them from investing, and they became convinced that if it hadn't been for his interference, they would now be as impressive as Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang, or more so. In hindsight they both became as prescient as the legendary Three Kingdoms strategist Zhuge Liang, saying that they would have sold off their possessions and invested the resulting money in Baldy Li's scrap business if it hadn't been for Blacksmith Tong.
Tong knew those two bastards were getting together every day and cursing him, but he pretended not to notice. He sat in his shop and also regretted his missed opportunity, thinking that the first time he invested when he shouldn't have and the second time he failed to invest when he should have. Blacksmith Tong sat rubbing his fists together, thinking he must have been blind, and venting his frustration on his ten fingers.
Mama Su was also regretful. The second time Baldy Li had set off from Liu Town, he had asked her if she wanted to invest; Mama Su had thought about how she hadn't been to the temple in a long time, so had shook her head and declined. Later, every time she recalled this, she would sigh, thinking that if only she had gone to the temple to burn incense, she would definitely have invested. She told everyone she encountered, "I hadn't burned incense at the temple, and that's why things didn't work out for me."
After returning from Japan, Baldy Li realized that his scrap business had reached its peak and would have nowhere to go but down. Therefore he decided to develop some new enterprises. First he opened a clothing factory, and in memory of old times he appointed Tailor Zhang to serve as his technical deputy director. Tailor Zhang was extremely grateful. With a tape measure draped around his neck, he conscientiously oversaw the quality in the workshop, being always the first to come to work in the morning and the last to leave in the evening. After the clothing factory started to enjoy some success, Baldy Li redoubled his efforts, opening two restaurants and a bathhouse and even dabbling in real estate. When it came time, at the end of the following year, to distribute dividends again, Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang did indeed receive one hundred thousand and fifty thousand yuan, respectively. This time, however, they weren't surprised but, rather, acted as if they were expecting it. When they arrived, they each brought a travel bag and, while stuffing the bags full of bills, they appeared as relaxed as if they were filling a rice jar with rice.
Baldy Li sat in his chair watching Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang as they calmly stuffed one pile of bills after another into their travel bags. He was very
satisfied with their attitude and complimented them. "Both of you have matured."
Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang laughed reservedly and calmly sat down. Baldy Li bowed his head as if lost in thought, then looked up and mused, "It is said that a tradesman walks while a mogul sits. In other words, only when your business dealings have reached the point where you can trade while staying put can they be considered as having reached their maximum potential, and only then can you be considered a major player in the business world. If you have to run around yourself, then you must be engaged in only small deals—meaning that you're a mere tradesman."
Baldy Li told Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang that his family of businesses kept on growing: He was still pursuing his scrap business and hiring more and more workers for his clothing factory, even as his two restaurants and his bathhouse were booming, and he also had several ongoing real estate projects. As a result, he spent every day running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He said that for now he was still okay, but that in the future, when he had forty or even four hundred businesses, he couldn't possibly manage even if he bought himself an F-16 fighter plane for transportation. He had thought that he had become a major player in the business world, but now he had come to realize that he was still a salesman on the go. Baldy Li then stood up and announced that he had decided to be a sitting mogul, establishing a holding company modeled on the Qin emperor's unification of China. He would bundle his various businesses into his holding company, then simply sit in his office and trade from there, using a centralized model to do business and only occasionally going to visit his various businesses in person. When Baldy Li saw Yu and Wang nodding enthusiastically, he asked them, "Do you know why the first Qin emperor unified China?"
The two looked at each other and shook their heads. "We don't know."