by Yu Hua
The sixty-something Blacksmith Tong was still as randy as a young man, and when he saw a young woman, his eyes would light up like a thief spotting money. When she was in her fifties, his formerly plump wife had two major operations, one that removed half her stomach and the other, her entire uterus. After his wife's body collapsed and she became reduced to skin and bones, her libido also completely collapsed. Blacksmith Tong, however, still full of vitality, needed to have sex at least twice a week and invariably would leave his wife so anguished that she no longer wanted to live. She said that each time they finished, she felt as though she had just had another hysterectomy, and it would take her at least half a month to recover, but within a few days Blacksmith Tong was raring to go again.
In order to survive, Blacksmith Tongs wife resolved not to let him have sex with her anymore, leading him to develop a temper like a boar in heat unable to find a sow. He smashed dishes while at home and cursed his employees at the supermarkets. Once he even came to blows with a customer. His wife felt that if he continued to throw these tantrums, sooner or later something would happen—either another woman would seduce him or else he would take a handful of mistresses, but either way the money he had painstakingly earned and couldn't bring himself to spend would all be taken away by some other woman. After considering every possibility, his wife finally decided to send him over to Madam Lin's and have one of her girls cure his explosive temper. The girls would want a tip, and Madam Lin would charge an administrative fee, all of which wouldn't come cheap, but though it distressed Tongs wife to have to part with all that money, she preferred to think of it as medical expenses for her husband. In this way she was able to put her mind at rest, telling herself that this was well-spent preventive care.
Every time Blacksmith Tong came to Madam Lin's place, he would enter boldly, his wife at his side. His wife was afraid that he would get cheated and therefore insisted on helping him pick the girls herself and negotiate a good price. She would leave only after having settled the bill and go home to wait for Blacksmith Tong to return with his report.
The first time he returned home after going whoring, his wife was very critical of the fact that he and the girl had carried on for more than an hour and demanded to know whether or not he had fallen in love with that slut. Blacksmith Tong retorted that, given that they had already spent the money, why shouldn't he reap the benefits? "This is called having the return be proportional to the investment."
Blacksmith Tongs wife felt that her husband had a point, and therefore each time she would always want to make sure that the girl had done it long enough. Despite his age, Tong was still indomitable, and each time he visited a prostitute, he would go on for more than an hour. His wife was very pleased, feeling they were getting a good return on their investment. Occasionally he would fail to give a good performance, and a few times he finished up after just half an hour, making his wife feel that they weren't getting a good enough return. Therefore, she adjusted her strategy and, rather than allowing him to go whoring twice a week, she switched to a once-a-week plan.
Blacksmith Tong felt humiliated because, in order to save money, his wife would always pick relatively homely girls for him. At first he felt that they were all right and told himself that, although they weren't very pretty, at least they were young. Gradually, however, he began to lose interest in girls who weren't pretty, and therefore the number of rounds he could rouse himself for carnal battle also diminished. In Madam Lin's building there were some very pretty girls whom Blacksmith Tong lusted after with all his heart. He would beg his wife to pick him a pretty one, but she would refuse on the ground that the pretty ones were more expensive and therefore her cost would dramatically increase. Blacksmith Tong swore that if he got a pretty girl, he would definitely do her for at least two hours and therefore make good on their investment.
During the several decades they had been married, Blacksmith Tong had always strutted about proudly in front of his wife. Especially since he opened his store, then his chain of supermarkets, his success in business made him even prouder, and he would often reprimand and curse her. Now, however, he frequently implored her to find him a pretty girl and didn't hesitate to kneel with tears streaming down his face. When his wife saw him like this and remembered his former cockiness, she couldn't help but shake her head and, sighing, ask, "Why are men such losers?"
She then agreed to find him a pretty girl for holidays and festivals. Blacksmith Tong reacted as though he had just received a royal blessing and immediately rushed off to find a calendar and make a list of all of the holidays. Starting with the Chinese Lunar New Year, he first wrote down the traditional Chinese holidays, including the Mid-Autumn Festival, the Duanwu Dragon Boat Festival, the Chongyang Double Ninth Festival, the Qingming Ancestors’ Festival, and so forth. Then he added Labor Day, Youth Day, Army Building Day, and National Day, together with Teachers’ Day, Valentines Day, Bachelors’ Day, and Elders’ Day, as well as the foreigners’ holidays of Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and finally added Women's Day and Children's Day as well. When Blacksmith Tong told his wife all of the holidays he had found, she jumped in alarm and cried out hoarsely, "Oh, my God!"
Then the two started bargaining feverishly. Blacksmith Tongs wife first tried to eliminate all the foreigners’ holidays, declaring nationalis-tically "We are Chinese and don't observe foreigners’ holidays."
Blacksmith Tong didn't agree. He had worked in business for more than ten years and naturally knew more than his wife, and therefore he admonished her, "What era do we live in? This is the age of globalization. Our refrigerator, television, and washing machine are all foreign brands. Can you possibly claim that, because you are Chinese, therefore you won't use foreign brands?"
His wife opened her mouth, but no words came out. Finally, she simply said, "I'm no match for you."
After the foreigners’ holidays were preserved, Blacksmith Tongs wife picked out the Qingming Ancestors’ Festival from among the traditional Chinese holidays and said, "This is a festival of the dead, and therefore you can't count it among your own."
Blacksmith Tong didn't agree with that either and said, "The Qingming festival is for the living to mourn the deceased, and therefore it is actually a holiday for the living. On that day every year, we first go visit my parents’ graves and then visit yours. Why wouldn't this count?"
His wife pondered for a long time and finally again conceded, "I'm no match for you."
Therefore, the Qingming festival was also preserved. Next, his wife firmly opposed his inclusion of Youth Day, Teachers’ Day, and Children's Day. Blacksmith Tong agreed to leave out Teachers’ Day but insisted that he be allowed to keep the others. He said that it was only after having experienced his own childhood and youth that he was able to have his current old age, and he declared boldly, "Comrade Lenin taught us: To forget the past is to betray it."
The two continued going back and forth, and after they had argued for more than an hour, Blacksmith Tongs wife once again gave in, saying, "I'm no match for you."
Finally, the dispute came down to Women's Day, and Blacksmith Tongs wife asked him, "What does Women's Day have to do with you?"
Blacksmith Tong replied, "Precisely because it is Women's Day, one must go find oneself a woman."
His wife suddenly became downcast and, wiping her tears, said, "No matter what I say, I'll never be a match for you."
Buoyed by his success, Blacksmith Tong thought of two more holidays. "There are two more: your birthday and mine."
His wife finally became infuriated and cried out, "So you want to go find a prostitute even on my birthday?"
Blacksmith Tong realized his mistake and immediately corrected himself. He shook his head and waved away the thought. "No, no, of course not! I won't go anywhere on your birthday but will spend the entire day with you. I won't go anywhere on my birthday either and will spend that entire day with you as well. Our two birthdays count as my Chastity Days, and not only will I not sleep with ot
her women on either of those days, I won't even look in their direction."
Blacksmith Tongs last concession made his simpleminded wife believe that she had finally achieved a victory. Gratified, she said, "At any rate, I'm no match for you."
Blacksmith Tongs wife continued to personally escort him to Madam Lin's, and every holiday and festival he received a bonus allowing him to hire a more expensive girl. All the married men in Liu Town were extremely envious and remarked that this proved that Blacksmith Tong was indeed born lucky, to have such a sensible and enlightened wife who supported him when he went whoring while she herself remained chaste. They decided that, even if Tong were reduced to a pile of dog shit, he would still manage to find some dog-shit fortune— he was that lucky. They then looked again at their own wives, each of whom was unreasonable and had a rigid way of thinking, grasping their husbands’ wallets with one hand and their belts with the other. The men sighed, and when they ran into Blacksmith Tong they would ask quietly, "How did you manage to have such good fortune?"
With a pleasant expression, Tong would say modestly, "I simply had the fortune to find a good wife."
If his wife was by his side, he would add, "This good wife of mine is one of a kind, and even if you took a red lantern to search heaven, hell, and the bottom of the sea, you still wouldn't find another like her."
From the time Blacksmith Tongs wife started accompanying him to Madam Lin's to hire girls, his tantrums abruptly disappeared. The cockiness his wife had endured for decades disappeared too, and he stopped cursing his employees, becoming instead as polite and refined as an intellectual, always smiling and not uttering a single curse word when he spoke. His wife was very pleased with his transformation, because not only did he abandon his cocky attitude but he furthermore became quite subservient when he was with her. Before, he wasn't even willing to go shopping with her, and now he would carry her bag; previously he refused to discuss anything with her, but now he asked her permission for everything. Blacksmith Tong even dismissed the chairman of his company's board of directors and appointed his wife in his place, and he himself settled for being company president. Therefore, his wife had to sign all the company's papers—she had no understanding of what was going on, she just knew that she had to sign everything her husband brought her. When other people brought her documents, she would categorically refuse to sign anything she didn't fully understand—unless she saw that her husband had signed it before her. Blacksmith Tongs wife was no longer a housewife and instead went to work with her husband every day. As a result, she began to pay more attention to her dress and makeup, to the point of wearing name-brand clothing and name-brand lipstick. The company's employees would nod and bow when they saw her, making her feel as if she had a successful career. She liked to lecture others, and whenever she ran into women who had been housewives for several decades, like herself, she would try to enlighten them, saying that women shouldn't rely entirely on men but, rather, should have their own careers. At the end of her lecture, she would add a fashionable phrase: "They should find their own self-worth."
Blacksmith Tong now had each holiday and festival etched in his memory and therefore became Liu Town's own living calendar. When the women of Liu wanted their husbands to let them buy some new outfit, they would call out to Blacksmith Tong, "Are there any holidays coming up?"
When the men of Liu wanted to find an excuse for their wives to let them spend the night out playing mahjong, they too would ask Blacksmith Tong, "What holiday is it today?"
When children were harassing their parents to purchase them a toy, if Blacksmith Tong happened to walk by, they would ask him, "Blacksmith Tong, is there a kid's holiday today?"
After Tong became Liu Town's famous King of Holidays, he attacked his work with increased vigor, and not only did business at his supermarkets continue to improve but he expanded into a wholesale business in household products. Many of the shops in Liu Town bought their goods through Blacksmith Tongs company, and therefore his profits increased each quarter. His wife decided that this was due to her brilliant tactics, because ever since she made her timely intervention to resolve Blacksmith Tongs libido crisis, his vigor increased dramatically and his company's fortunes rose day by day. Compared with the rise in his profits, the money they spent on girls didn't amount to much. Blacksmith Tongs wife felt that their rewards already far outweighed her investment, and occasionally she would splurge and hire her husband a pretty, high-class call girl even when it wasn't a holiday or a festival.
Twice each week this sixty-something couple would climb up the stairs of Madam Lin's bordello—Blacksmith Tong glowing and his wife panting heavily, the two speaking to each other heedless of who might be listening. After the first time Tong was allowed to hire a pretty call girl even though it wasn't a holiday, he wanted to do so every time. He would stand in front of the building entreating his wife like a child begging his parents to buy him a toy, saying pathetically, "Darling, please find me a high-class call girl."
His wife would say firmly, like the chairman of the board, "No, today is not a holiday, and neither is it a festival."
Like one of the chairman's subordinates, he would reply, "Today an account receivable was deposited to our account."
When his board-chairman wife heard this, she would smile and nod and say, "Okay, I'll find you a high-class call girl."
None of the girls working there liked Blacksmith Tong, and in fact they all agreed they couldn't stand him, because once he got started, there was no stopping him. Tong already had gray hair and a gray beard, but when he got into bed, he was like a man in his twenties, though afterward he would leave a smaller tip than anyone else. Furthermore, his invalid wife would always accompany him and insist on receiving a discount, leading to an exhausting, teeth-grinding negotiation that could last up to an hour. After his wife had spoken for a few minutes, she would have to take a drink of water and catch her breath for a few minutes, and only after resting for a while would she be able to continue to bargain down the girl's asking price. The girls all felt that servicing Blacksmith Tong was more exhausting than servicing any four other men combined, but with him they received payment for only a single customer and even had to grant him a discount. Therefore, they were all unwilling to service Blacksmith Tong, but since he was an important figure in Liu and furthermore was one of Madam Lin's VIPs, they couldn't refuse. Whenever Tong and his wife picked out a girl, she would laugh bitterly and sigh, saying, "That's it. I will need to imitate the revolutionary martyr, Lei Feng."
SUCCESS LIU —a.k.a. Writer Liu, a.k.a. PR Liu, a.k.a. Deputy Liu—was now CEO Liu and also one of Madam Lin's VIPs. After Song Gang's death, Baldy Li gave Liu the position of company president, and after Executive Deputy Liu became President Liu, he decided he didn't like people calling him President Liu and instead asked them to call him CEO Liu. The people of Liu Town decided that pronouncing four syllables was altogether too much trouble and furthermore said that it sounded more like a Japanese name than a Chinese one; therefore they shortened it to C Liu. In this way, Success Liu was transformed from the poor bachelor Writer Liu to the tycoon C Liu. He wore Italian name-brand suits, rode in the white BMW sedan Baldy Li had given him, and spent a million yuan buying his way out of his marriage, saying that this was compensation for his wife's loss of her youthful innocence. In this way he was finally able to rid himself of the woman he had tried to abandon twenty years earlier, and then proceeded to find one, two, three, four, even five pretty girls to be his girlfriends. As he put it, these girlfriends were sunshine girls. His house was already filled with spring beauty, but often he still couldn't resist coming over to Madam Lin's to roam. He said that after eating in most nights, he needed to drop by Madam Lin's and tickle his palate with some exotic flavors.
By this point C Liu had become more disdainful than ever toward Poet Zhao. Zhao still boasted about his constant toiling at his craft, while C Liu said that Zhao's playing around with words was a form of suicide, and that he might as w
ell tie a noose around his neck and hang himself. C Liu held up four fingers and enumerated Poet Zhao's failings: "He has been writing for almost thirty years, starting with that early mimeographed magazine in which he published those four lines of poetry. But after all these years he hasn't published even a single punctuation mark. And he still calls himself Poet Zhao! Wouldn't it be more appropriate if he called himself Mimeographed Magazine Poet Zhao?"
Poet Zhao, who had been laid off and unemployed for several years, was equally disdainful toward C Liu. When he heard that Liu was enumerating his failings and calling him a mimeographed magazine poet, he initially became furious but then laughed disdainfully and said that he didn't even need to hold up four fingers in appraising an opportunist like C Liu, since even one finger would be more than he deserved. Poet Zhao held up one finger and said simply, "He has sold his soul."
After Poet Zhao moved out of his house in Liu Town s red-light district, he rented a cheap room next to the railroad tracks on the west side of town. Every day more than a hundred trains would rumble by, making his room tremble as though it had been hit by an earthquake. His table, chairs, and bed would also tremble, as would his cabinet, dishes, and chopsticks and even his ceiling and floor. Zhao would compare the trembling of his cheap room to contractions from an electrical shock, and this metaphor pleased him to no end. At night, when the trains passing by made his room go into tremors, he would frequently dream that he was sitting in an electric chair and, his face full of tears, bidding farewell to the mortal world.
The abjectly poor Poet Zhao depended for his survival on the rent Madam Lin paid him every month, and although he continued to wear a suit every day, it was now all wrinkled and dirty. The people of Liu had been watching color television for more than twenty years and now were beginning to switch over to high-definition rear-projection and plasma units, while Poet Zhao was still watching his fourteen-inch black-and-white television, which frequently would go blank. Zhao would carry it around throughout the towns streets and alleys but couldn't find anyone able to fix a black-and-white television, so in the end he had no choice but to fix it himself. Therefore, the next time the picture went out, he hit it as if he were slapping someone across the face, and sure enough the picture reappeared. Sometimes, however, the picture wouldn't reappear even after he had hit it several times, and he would have to resort to the leg-sweeping kick of his youth and sweep-kick the picture back on.