Reason to Believe (White Lace)

by Gina Gordon

  Unless she wanted it.

  “I think it’s a fact.” She grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer. “There’s about eight dildos and six vibrators, along with some costumes. I expect you to use every single one of them.”

  “What the hell are you doing with so many sex toys?”

  “They aren’t mine. They’re Everly’s.” She hiccuped, and it was the cutest sound I’d ever heard. “Were supposed to be Everly’s, but she never—” She waved her hand in front of her face. “It’s a long story.”

  Too much information.

  “I think I’ve proven on more than one occasion that I don’t need sex toys in order to get you off.” I placed my hands on her ass cheeks and squeezed, pulling her forward so that our lower bodies pressed together. “In fact, I know I’ve proven it. So if you’re looking for me to get really freaky, there’s only one question.”

  She looked up at me and cocked her head to the side. “What’s that?”

  “Does that bag have any bedtime stories?”

  She burst out laughing. I placed my palm over her mouth, stifling her laughter.

  “Things are about to get real freaky, Grace.” I replaced my hand with my lips and kissed her hard, thrusting my tongue inside her mouth without apology.

  When I pulled away, she panted heavily, her chest heaving, and her fingers dug into my forearms. “Promise?”

  Chapter 16

  Grace

  I had invited Ben to my office for lunch so we could go over his talk in a more conducive setting. Meaning, a place where it was guaranteed we wouldn’t be naked before he got to the second bullet point on his cheat sheet.

  He’d dropped me off at the front of the building and parked the car underground. I hadn’t even managed to make it to my office when Marta cornered me in the client waiting area.

  “Office Ass decided to grace us with his presence today, and it’s not even Friday.”

  I froze. I didn’t want Ben here at all while Office Ass—Scott—was in the building. I didn’t want any ties to my past popping up when it came to Ben, not after I saw how he’d reacted when Johnnie New York had shown up at the party.

  I paused. Wasn’t it just the other day that I didn’t want any indication of my past popping up at work? And now here I was, bringing Ben to the scene. Funny how my mindset had changed since…

  Since we’d had sex. Since he’d given me flowers. Since I’d realized he was not the man I had thought he was.

  When I noticed Marta smiling wide and blatantly ogling someone over my shoulder, I focused on the present. “Grace, a guy just walked off the elevator, and he is smokin’ ho— Oh, shit.” She crouched and hid behind me. “He’s looking over here.”

  I knew it was Ben. Smokin’ hot and male. Were there any other three words on the planet that described him?

  She continued to stare, peeking around my body. “Oh. My. God. He just leaned on the reception desk.” Her face flushed, turning beet red. “Shit. I made eye contact.” She stifled a groan, her head craning up to look at me. “I think I just came.”

  I choked out a laugh and finally turned, taking in the beauty of Ben Lockwood.

  “He’s looking at you.” She stepped up to me, resting her chin on my shoulder. “Like if his eyes were lasers, you’d be cut to shit right now.”

  He glanced up from charming the pants off the receptionist and our eyes locked. He straightened then sauntered over to where Marta and I were standing, a bag of takeout in his hand. Today he wore jeans. And I was never happier to see him so casual. The contrast between him and every other man in this office, in this whole building, was starkly apparent. And somehow I loved it. He was the exact opposite of everything I was looking for, but so far, no man in a suit had ever made my stomach flutter, my heart palpitate, and my loins quiver. Despite being so casual, he still looked like he’d just stepped out of the pages of GQ.

  “It just got damn hot in here.” Marta waved her hand in front of her face like a fan. “Never in my life have I seen anything like this.” We were standing shoulder to shoulder now and I looked over, giggling at her expression of pure disbelief. “The air is literally crackling with sexual tension. Look.” She pointed to nothing but the space in front of us. “Look at the sparks.”

  I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped my mouth. “Shut up.”

  She turned to me, her face serious. “Do you know him?”

  I nodded, just a little, not wanting to give away to Ben the fact that I might actually be talking about him.

  She cocked her hip and crossed her arms over her chest. “Have you screwed him?”

  I lowered my eyes, but nodded again.

  She rested her head on my shoulder and sighed. “Lucky bitch.”

  I let out a heavy breath. “You have no idea.”

  The closer he got, that tingle I experienced every time we were together turned into a full-body vibration. It felt like the entire office had frozen and we were the only two people in the world.

  He stopped right in front of us and his only acknowledgment was a jerk of his chin. I sucked in a deep breath when he threaded his fingers through his hair and lifted it off his face.

  “Hi,” I croaked out the word then cleared my throat.

  To my surprise, Ben pulled me into a hug and planted a kiss on my mouth. It was so quick, I barely had time to kiss him back. Partly because I couldn’t register the fact that he’d just kissed me—in public.

  Marta wasn’t the only one who was fascinated by Ben. Two of the women from the marketing department had made their way to the foyer and introduced themselves, their eyes roaming up and down his body in pure female appreciation.

  Not that I blamed them. He was the perfection of the male species.

  Eventually, one of them asked why he was at the office, and before I knew it, Ben, my three co-workers, and I were huddled inside one of the boardrooms while he practiced his speech.

  Once they found out what he did for a living, the professional chat didn’t last long.

  “So how gross is anal sex, really?”

  “Marta!” I shoved her in the arm.

  “I’m serious. You hear things…” She eased back in her chair. “Like, there’s poo so…it must make an appearance occasionally.”

  “She’s right.” Ben wasn’t offended by the question. He seemed perfectly at ease giving his answer. “Sometimes there are accidents. It’s just par for the course.” He shrugged with his last statement. If only he could channel this attitude the next time he had to address the students.

  “How great would it be to have a job where you can literally say shit is just par for the course.” Marta folded her arms across her chest, a disappointed look passing over her face. “You know what’s par for the course here? Paper cuts.”

  Ben barked out a laugh. For the first time, I felt…jealous, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Should I shrug it off? Should I acknowledge it? Should I say something?

  No. Shrug it off and move on.

  You don’t have to make Ben laugh. You give Ben orgasms.

  I win.

  “Ben, will you be coming to Bob Crane’s retirement party Saturday night?” Marta asked as she stabbed her fork into the green leaves of her salad.

  “Marta, I don’t think…” My eyes darted to where Ben sat at the head of the table.

  Bob Crane might just be the only Elle executive I didn’t want to see retire, but that didn’t mean I wanted to introduce him to Ben.

  Ben was not my boyfriend, although our interactions this afternoon may have proven otherwise. He had no obligation to come to that party, and I’d had no plans to invite him.

  But Ben didn’t look nearly as stunned as I felt. “That sounds like fun,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “But I can’t commit just yet.”

  My three co-workers actually sighed in disappointment, and I had to admit their fawning over him was beginning to leave a bad taste in my mouth. But more importantly, Ben knew without hesitation where we stood. Clo
se, but not too close. Together, but not really together. And our unspoken understanding left me feeling confident in our agreement, yet disappointed at the same time. Did I want him to go to the party? As my boyfriend?

  I shook off the thought.

  For the next thirty minutes, Ben entertained my colleagues with funny stories and anecdotes while we ate. I didn’t see why he couldn’t be like this in front of the students. He was charming, and despite the taboo topic, he made it all seem so down-to-earth.

  Maybe next time, instead of going up there trying to be the vice president, he should just be Ben Lockwood. It wasn’t something I admitted often, but I had been wrong. I had convinced him that he needed to be someone other than himself in order to impress. I had projected, because that’s how I felt about myself.

  Ben and my co-workers continued to banter, but I couldn’t concentrate. Scott wasn’t supposed to be here. It wasn’t Friday. To my dismay, he walked by the boardroom, stopping short when he realized what was going on.

  He watched for a few moments and I didn’t waste the opportunity to walk up to Ben and put my arms around him in a blatant display of affection. Maybe if Scott thought I was taken, he’d back off. Even though I had zero expectations that Ben would claim me in real life, it didn’t mean Scott couldn’t think it.

  To my surprise, Ben didn’t pull away, nor did he question my action. Instead, he tugged me closer, planting a kiss on my forehead.

  Sometimes I had real trouble trying to reconcile the man who was holding me and the one who’d had sex with me. The man who wanted desperately to keep me at a distance, and I had no idea why. Despite wanting the exact same thing, despite doing my best to keep myself from falling head over heels, it pained me to know he was doing his best to do it, too.

  When my forty-five-minute lunch was up, I walked Ben to the lobby.

  “I think this was exactly what I needed,” he said as he pushed the button to call the elevator. “Will I see you tonight?” He grabbed my hand, his fingers playfully touching mine. “My place?”

  I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face, and his touch righted something inside me. Calmed me.

  From the moment we’d first had sex, I had become a Pavlovian experiment. Just his presence evoked a sexual response. But the more time we spent together, and now the more we had sex, the less that response happened. I was sure it was because the novelty was wearing off, but there was a part of me, a very small, confused part that knew the simple touch of his playful fingers in mine had been the thing I’d been searching for this whole time.

  So I pulled away, thankful that I had a valid excuse to refuse his invitation. “I promised Everly a girls’ night. We’ve both been so busy we barely see each other anymore.”

  The elevator binged and the doors opened behind him.

  “Tomorrow?” He looked hopeful and vulnerable at the same time.

  “Tomorrow is great.”

  He stepped back slowly, without even having to watch where he was going.

  With a wink, the doors closed and he was gone. But the flutter in my chest didn’t stop with his exit. Neither did the smile leave my face.

  I went to my office, disappointed that I had to wait a whole twenty-four hours before I saw him again. And I realized I hadn’t ever felt this before. There was only one other person in my life that I couldn’t stand not seeing every day, and that was Everly.

  The rest of the afternoon went by quickly and when 7:30 rolled around I was just about to shut down my computer when I looked up from my desk.

  My blood ran cold. There, standing on the opposite side of the glass wall at the front of my office, were Scott and two friends, peering in like humans at a zoo.

  Scott clapped his friend on the arm. “I told you it was her.”

  The friend he hit smirked, the surly curve of his thin lips reminiscent of Scott’s creepy ways. “Hookers in the workplace. Sounds like a reality show.”

  All three of them laughed.

  I recognized one of Scott’s friends from the frat party, the other one I’d never seen before.

  I was terrified. I couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t here out of fascination. They were here for…something. And they wouldn’t give me a choice. All because I had been an escort and somehow that forfeited my right to say no.

  I clenched my pen in my hand under the desk, moving in a stabbing formation just in case.

  “Does your sister know she hired a hooker?”

  They were talking about me like I wasn’t even in the room.

  Scott shook his head. “I’m debating how I should tell her. Maybe at one of her managers’ meetings. For once the golden girl did something wrong.”

  He would use his knowledge of my past to not only humiliate me, but to ruin his sister.

  This guy was a grade-A asshole.

  “I’m really busy,” I said. “Not much time to chat, so if you don’t mind…”

  All three of them just stood there. Their eyes were red, pupils dilated. They were definitely on something.

  “Come on, Jade. We’re just having some fun.”

  “My name isn’t—”

  “We’re going out for a few drinks. You should come with us.” The third guy, the one I didn’t recognize, pointed at the door.

  Marta’s words spun inside my head—all of the stories and accusations of illicit behavior with drugs and sexual inappropriateness. Even if I left here tonight untouched, how could I bring this forward? For one, he was family. His sister would no doubt take his side over mine. And then there was the pesky truth that I had in fact been an escort.

  “I have plans. Sorry.” I clicked Control-Alt-Delete on my keyboard and locked it, not bothering to wait for it to shut down. “I really have to go. I just sent my friend a text to let her know I’m on my way.”

  I rounded my desk and shimmied by them to get to the door. Luckily, they didn’t stand in my way.

  I bolted from the office, straight to my car. I climbed inside and locked the doors, breathing for the first time since Scott and his posse had walked into my office.

  With shaky hands, I dug my phone out of my purse and sent Everly a text. And I lied. I told her that something had come up and I had to stay even later at work. I felt awful. I never lied. Especially not to Everly. But I needed to be somewhere…anywhere I could be a basket case without questions. Without judgment. Everly was my best friend, but she’d know something was wrong right away and demand answers. Like a dog with a bone, she’d keep at me, when all I wanted to do was forget. And there was only one person who could help me forget.

  Ben.

  I made the drive to his house north of the city in record time and said a silent prayer when I turned into his driveway that the rumble under my tires was a rock and not a small animal.

  I rang the doorbell, pressing it five or six times until the ring was a continuous blare in my head. Then I knocked. I needed to see him. To calm the uncontrollable shake that seemed to have hijacked my body.

  As soon as he opened the door, he smiled. “Grace. I’m so happy you’re here.”

  A feeling of safety washed over me and I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He didn’t hesitate to return the affection. He held me tight as one hand found the back of my head, the other cupped my ass, pulling me up. I squeezed my legs around his waist, never wanting to let go.

  I liked to think that he had been waiting for me to show up even though I had declined his offer. That he’d been sitting around thinking about me, about us, and how absolutely undeniable the chemistry was between us.

  But that was just a fantasy. The sex was real. Dirty. Hot. Consuming. But the emotions attached to it, the ones I had promised myself I wasn’t going to feel, were slowly creeping into my psyche and I just didn’t know what to do with them.

  “You’re shaking,” he whispered into my hair. “What happened?”

  I shook my head, almost as fast as the terrified quiver inside my bones. “Later.”
Talking wasn’t what I needed right now.

  Right now I needed Ben, in the only way he knew how to give himself.

  I smashed my lips against his, the softness and warmth of his hands on my body exactly what I had been craving. Exactly what was going to make me forget all about the encounter, all about my past.

  The next thing I knew we were upstairs and kissing furiously on our way into his bedroom. My lower back banged up against something when I stumbled over the threshold. I groaned, pulling my mouth away, then cursed.

  “You all right?” Ben pressed his hand to my spine, massaging his fingers on the exact spot that throbbed.

  My nod was all he needed to keep going, resuming the utter annihilation of my lips.

  He slid my coat over my shoulders and I ripped my arms through the fabric, slamming it onto the carpet. My hands reached for his cheeks, pulling him down so I could press my lips to his again. My heart thundered in my chest. I couldn’t get enough, close enough, hard enough, intimate enough.

  He went to work on the rest of my clothes and ripped open my blouse, the buttons snapping and popping on the floor and furniture. But when I looked up, he was already hiding himself, his eyes fixated on my breasts.

  He whirled me around, pressing me into the dresser. And when he looked up, our eyes met in the mirror. He sucked in a hard breath against my ear. Had he forgotten about the mirror? I nuzzled the back of my head into him, letting him know I was ready. I was always ready for him.

  But he pulled away, pressing his palm to my back and pushing me down until my breasts hit the top of the dresser. Once again he was hiding from me. Purposely removing the intimacy from our encounters, for reasons he wouldn’t acknowledge. Reasons I might never get to know.

  With my palms flat on either side of me, I settled in; the cool wood was refreshing against my cheek and stomach. He stepped away, walking over to the nightstand to grab a condom. The strip he pulled out was enough to satisfy the needs of any porn shoot. My stomach clenched. I wasn’t naive. I knew I hadn’t been the one to pop Ben’s cherry, but the thought of him with other women made me crazy. And I had no right to be, considering the circumstances. Considering my history.