His words made that harder resistance in my light collapse, though.
Forcing a sigh, I leaned my head into his chest. Then I clicked softly, still looking down at the deck rather than at his face.
“Who the hell do you think I wore it for?” I said. Pressing deeper into him, maybe in part so I could continue avoiding looking at his face, I slid my arm around his waist. “It was stupid. And clearly it’s not…” I let out a choked laugh. “…Not the dress code for group sex. I just thought…I don’t know. I thought you’d like it.”
I felt a reaction plume off his light, a mixture of things that swam through my aleimi too fast, confused and conflicted for me to make out most of the individual emotions.
I felt grief on him the strongest though.
It was more than I could handle right then, truthfully.
“Revik.” I stepped back, removing myself from the embrace. “I’ll just go change. Really. It’s not a big deal. Why don’t I just do that?”
He was already shaking his head though, stepping towards me before I’d finished speaking. I felt a flush of anger on him. It felt mostly aimed at himself that time.
He stopped when he stood directly in front of me again.
“I’m sorry I grabbed you,” he said, blunt. “I panicked.”
Clicking softly, I smiled at that, snorting a soft laugh in spite of myself. I didn’t look up though, putting my hands on my hips as I glanced back at the bar instead.
Too many seers were staring at the two of us.
“They’re watching to make sure I’m not being an asshole,” he grunted.
When I still didn’t look over, he caught a hold of my chin with his fingers, gently that time. Softening his light, he guided me to gradually look up at him.
When I met his gaze, his jaw hardened.
He shook his head. Once. Adamant.
“And no,” he said. “No, Alyson…I don’t want you to change. Not unless you really want to. Thank you, but no. And thank you for wearing it. I should have done the same.” Releasing my face after caressing my cheek with his fingers, he caught hold of my hand, gripping it tightly in his. “Do you want a drink?”
I exhaled, feeling my shoulders relax for real.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” I told him.
A few others teased me about the clothes, maybe just to make light of my blunder.
As we all sat cross-legged around the low table they set on the upper floor of the deck, Yumi even explained the custom to me. She said the casual clothes were symbolic, meant to convey that the light-sharing was being done not from lust or an attempt to manipulate one another, but from our relationship as people. So more like friends. Comrades. Brothers and sisters.
Versus, I guess, a group orgy designed to get into one another’s pants.
It made a lot of sense, once I thought about it.
Yumi informed me further that the custom originated in the Adhipan…which immediately caused a heated debate between Adhipan seers and ex-rebel seers, most of the latter of whom thought the First Race started the custom, not the Adhipan. The whole idea of arguing about the origins of culturally-dictated clothing choices for group sex was funny to me, but seers take their traditions as seriously as humans, I suppose.
To me, the other bonus would have been to be able to sit cross-legged with the rest of them, since they’d gone more Japanese-style on the tables. Instead I had to kneel with my legs curled under me because of the dumb short dress.
Revik didn’t participate in the debate, although he laughed at some of the more outrageous claims. He continued to hold my hand on the cushion under the low table, not speaking much.
Once we sat down for dinner he switched from bourbon to water, I noticed.
He didn’t eat much.
The food was mostly from local ingredients, a mish-mash of rice, curry, vegetables and fish that tasted better than anything I could remember us eating since New York. Revik still didn’t eat much of it, which was unusual for him, especially with seer food. I couldn’t quite tell if the current spread was completely seer food or a mix of seer and human, but given how happy my light felt as I ate it, I guessed it had to be more seer than not.
Even after we finished eating, we all just sat there for awhile, talking and laughing about nothing, essentially. It wasn’t quite small talk, at least not in the stilted, awkward or even purely superficial chit-chatty sense, but it wasn’t too heavy either. People talked philosophy and even a little about the Myths but not about operations or what we’d be facing when we left Thailand.
I don’t know when or how that changed, exactly.
I’m pretty sure it was Revik’s fault.
I started to notice he was touching me more. He did it gradually, working it into the background of our conversations almost without my noticing at first. He started by massaging my shoulder with one hand, then my thigh, then further down to my calf.
I’d already taken my shoes off by then and said the hell with it and sat cross-legged despite the dress, since my feet had been falling asleep the other way and it was too dark for me to care at that point. Sitting in the candlelight so close to the low table, it’s not like anyone was looking at my crotch anyway.
Even Revik didn’t look down at me much, not even while he touched me. After a few more minutes of rubbing my calf, he started massaging my feet through the sheer stockings, too.
His hands were lulling, soothing.
His light most definitely was not.
In fact, it hit me suddenly, as I laughed at something Dalai said, that the dense, sick feeling in my gut was mostly coming from him. Once I realized that much, it was impossible to ignore his light, or his hands. Pain seethed off him, more pain than I’d felt on him even before Dubai, when we’d been re-bonding overtly.
I didn’t know how to deal with it.
I ended up fidgeting a lot. Blushing. Not knowing what to do with my hands.
I drank more, instead of less. I probably ate more, too.
I could feel others reacting to his light. I saw eyes noticing his hands on me, even though he was being more or less discreet about it. I saw Torek and Raddi watching in particular, both of whom I somehow hadn’t noticed were there until then. I also saw Varlan watching us. Given that I’d seen him getting his dick sucked pretty enthusiastically by Feigran only a few days ago, I couldn’t make myself return his stare.
In fact, the memory weirded me out enough that I fought to shove my awareness of Varlan even being there out of my mind and out of my light.
I saw Dalai and Argo watching us as well, the latter of whom I was beginning to think might have a crush on Revik, if a mild one.
I tried not to let that bother me, either.
I found myself noticing more faces the longer I sat there…until I was really looking at them, letting myself see them all for the first time since I’d come upstairs. Jon and Wreg, who I’d been studiously avoiding looking at, sat around the other table, thank goodness, so that their backs were to us. I briefly watched Wreg rub Jon’s shoulder with a muscular hand while he ate, then averted my gaze from them, too.
Most of the others I’d known for years now. They were friends.
Balidor. Neela. Yumi. Mutkar. Hondo. Jax and Holo. Tenzi. Poresh. Illeg. Wanai. Mila. Pagoj. Vikram.
Then there were seers I knew but didn’t know personally.
Like the other intermediary, Stanley. And the aforementioned Varlan. I knew there’d been some debate about whether or not to even include Varlan, given his past with the Rooks and his obscenely high sight rank in actual. In the end, I guessed Revik decided Varlan was just too important of an infiltrator not to include.
The rest were seers I didn’t know at all.
The new Adhipan seers, Dalai and Nulek.
Mara, another new Adhipan seer who reminded me vaguely of Kat and got my hackles up pretty much right off by staring at Revik’s ass for a lot too long.
Chandre’s ex-girlfriend, Talei.
I notic
ed who wasn’t there, too.
Ullysa. Kat. Chandre.
Mika, Chinja and Anale weren’t there, either…they’d all left with Loki a few days ago. Deklan left with Chandre that afternoon. Surli also joined Chandre’s team, along with Jorag. Apparently Balidor fought for those last three names to be included in this, but Revik vetoed Surli and Jorag outright, refusing to discuss either one of them.
I knew that was part of the reason why Revik pushed Chandre and her team to leave about fourteen hours early, too. Originally the plan had them leaving tomorrow morning.
Yarli didn’t make it, presumably because of Balidor.
Tarsi wasn’t there, either (thank the gods).
I was pretty sure Dalejem was still being monitored by the medical techs or we might have had to discuss him, too.
Maygar, being Revik’s blood son, had not been invited.
Loki wasn’t there either, but only because he’d already left for Afghanistan…something I’d been chewed out for pretty heatedly by Loki’s new girlfriend, Gina, just that morning. I could feel on her light that she hadn’t been too happy with some of the assignments to Loki’s team, either…Mika especially. I sensed a story behind that but didn’t probe her to learn what it was.
I glanced around at all of them, not counting heads but maybe getting used to the idea all over again. I looked at them and I didn’t look at Revik.
I felt my skin flush regardless, growing increasingly warm as his hands massaged my skin. I knew it might be bothering him how little I was engaging with him on this. If so, I couldn’t feel it on his light. As for me, I mostly felt confused. Some of that might have been simply shock that he was actually touching me. Some of it might have been the whole idea of this, meaning doing the group thing with all of our friends.
And yeah, Revik had barely let me near him in weeks. I guess I’d assumed I’d need to be the aggressor with him tonight, too.
As it turned out, not so much.
He leaned by my ear as I thought it, speaking low.
“Is it too early?” he murmured. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
Thinking, I shook my head, once.
No, I sent.
I felt a coil of reaction on his light, but I still didn’t look up at his face.
When I didn’t say any more, he slid an arm around me carefully. He wrapped his hand around my hip just as cautiously, sliding me over nearer to him, a hint of asking permission in his light. When I softened my aleimi in response, his fingers tightened.
He had me more or less in his lap a few seconds later.
Well, sitting in front of him to be more accurate…but it felt like being in his lap.
Either way, I think I turned red up to my hairline. He wrapped an arm around my waist when I leaned against his chest, his other arm sliding around me in a near-hug as he gripped my opposite shoulder and pressed his chest to my back.
Another hard coil of pain left his light.
He’d always liked to hold me that way. He’d done it since we first started dating…if you could call it that, given that we’d already been married at the time. He liked doing it during sex, too, especially when we were far inside one another’s light.
And yeah, it was just as distracting now as it had been the first time he’d done it, in that upstairs bedroom in Vash’s compound in Seertown.
I fought to relax, and to listen to the others talk.
They’d veered back into shop-talk by then.
“…Did I really hear the Americans are thinking of nuking Asia?” Raddi said. Popping what looked like a piece of mango in his mouth, he looked directly at me. I felt a pulse of heat off his light once he had, right before his eyes shifted to Revik sitting behind me.
I didn’t follow his gaze to see what he was looking at.
“I don’t know,” I told him, flushing. “I only heard about it a few hours ago––”
“We’re not talking about that tonight,” Wreg cut in, turning to look over his shoulder at us from the other table. His black eyes met mine. “Not tonight, princess. You said so yourself. It will be there in the morning…”
Barely hesitating, I nodded.
I was about to say something, maybe to change the subject, but Revik picked then to kiss my neck, putting a heated thread of light into his lips and tongue and causing my vision to slant. My mind stuttered in the same set of seconds, even before he started using his teeth lightly on my skin, pulling on me sensually with his light.
Something about the combination of his light and his teeth forced me silent.
Raddi laughed. I felt pain on him too.
“Gods. You should see your wife’s face, Illustrious Sword…”
“Don’t encourage him,” Wreg joked, again looking over from the other table. “Brother Sword’s got the patience of a drunk adolescent tonight…not that I blame him.”
Jon smacked Wreg in the chest from the other side, using the flat of his hand.
I felt a pulse of real anger on him as he did it. When I glanced at Jon, quirking an eyebrow, I saw him flush, blushing nearly to the roots of his blond-streaked hair.
He barely looked at me. When I continued to stare at him, he exuded a pale cloud of annoyance in my general direction.
Do you mind? he sent. I’m trying to forget you’re here…
I laughed. My voice sounded strange to my ears…but then, it was probably more discomfort and surprise than real humor.
Still, I sent a pulse of agreement his way.
I plan to be as far away from you as humanly possible, Jon added, maybe to emphasize the point. So control your husband’s exhibitionist tendencies…or at least warn me. Jesus.
Yeah, I sighed. Gotcha…and ditto. But you’re on your own with Revik.
I mean it, Al…
So do I. Trust me. If I could control him, I would.
Jon’s light retracted slightly, conceding defeat, but I felt his discomfort there still. More than discomfort. His emotions felt charged into a near-anger, mixed with confusion as he gazed out over the city lights now visible past the edges of the roof. I could feel him reacting to the group dynamic in that, too, which probably only jacked up his emotions even more.
It reminded me that Jon had never dealt with this before.
Meaning the whole group dynamic thing with seers. He was probably having a lot harder time with this than I’d really let myself think about before now.
You can leave, I offered to him. Seriously, Jon. I know Revik really wants you and Wreg here, but if this flat-out isn’t working for you––
I’ll be fine, Jon sent back, sharper. I get what this is for…Revik was articulate on that point. And I promised him I’d stay. Just keep your distance, Al. Stay away from Wreg, too. I mean it…
I fought another weird burst of inappropriate laughter.
It only hit me then that Jon was drunk.
Like, really drunk. Drunker than I’d felt on him since me and Revik’s wedding ceremony.
Jon was drunker than Wreg, which had to be a first.
I looked away from both of them when Revik started nuzzling my neck again. Pain pulsed off his light as he felt me react. I found myself looking up at him that time, turning my head before I thought about it well enough to stop myself. When I met his gaze, I got lost there for a few seconds. His eyes were glowing, which was part of it.
His face was infiltrator smooth, but even with the light in his eyes, they were strangely expressive. Or maybe that was his light, too.
Either way, I reached up, caressing his face and jaw with my hand. I found myself looking at what I could see of his collarbones and chest at the V of his partly open shirt. I had a nearly overwhelming urge to slide my hand under the fabric, even before I felt him reacting to my stare. It hit me again how long it had been.
I noticed his hand then, where he’d coiled it around my thigh.
His knuckles were bruised. With new bruises. Brand spanking new, in fact…the knuckles on his left hand were actually swollen and
still red.
How had I not noticed that before now?
Knowing him, he’d probably been hiding it from me.
I clicked at him, frowning before the thought fully penetrated.
“Jesus,” I slid my fingers under his palm, raising his hand closer to my eyes. “Revik. You didn’t. Did you? Really?”
When I glanced up, his skin had darkened. I didn’t feel embarrassment on him though, more a low throb of anger. The pain in his light retracted slightly, but his expression didn’t change and he didn’t let me go. After a few more seconds, he shrugged.
The infiltrator thing leaked to his eyes, too.
“It’s none of your business, Allie,” he said.
I gave an incredulous snort. “It’s not?”
He met my gaze, his eyes a touch colder. “No, it’s not. Not unless she’s your lover. Then it’s your business…otherwise, stay the fuck out of it.”
I frowned, less bothered by his tone than lost somewhere in the nuances of seer logic. I knew they had different rules when it came to this kind of thing. It scared me that I almost understood what he’d just said, even though it didn’t make any sense whatsoever.
“It makes perfect sense,” Revik muttered.
“Punching one of your oldest friends?” I said, exasperated.
I don’t want to talk about this here, he sent, his thoughts warning.
Did you have to hit her? I sent back. Seriously?
“Allie, I don’t want to talk about it,” he growled. When others looked over at his tone, he switched back to my mind. She kissed my fucking wife. She grabbed my wife’s ass. She would have fucked my wife, if my wife had consented. She didn’t deny it. Nor did she dispute my right to lodge a strong fucking complaint as a result…
I let out another snort. Nice euphemism.
It’s not your business, Revik sent, sharper. I mean it, Allie. Stay out of it.
Thinking about that, I nodded slowly.
I did understand, when all was said and done.
Revik considered Chandre a friend. She’d crossed a line with him. In that respect, it really wasn’t anything to do with me. I couldn’t decide if it reassured me or bothered me that he didn’t treat her any differently than he would have treated a male who’d made a pass at me.
Dragon: Allie's War Book Nine Page 15