Those things all made sense. They were plausible. True, even. But I knew they were also utter and complete horseshit.
I’d come here for this. I’d come here because the voice wanted me here.
Since we’d gotten here, Feigran’s drawings had changed.
Watching his downturned head, his shoulders hunched over the drawing pad as he went back to his current one, I sighed, biting my lip as I tried to make up my mind.
I would have to make it up soon.
At the same time, I knew I was lying to myself there, as well.
I’d made up my mind.
I’d made it up before I left Bangkok.
The voice is urgent, desperate maybe.
You must come to me now…
Come to me sister, for I cannot do the rest alone…
Fingering long strands of dark hair out of my eyes, I sighed, sitting down on the dingy bedspread. I listened to the springs creak under me in the old mattress as I watched Feigran draw, and for a long time, neither of us spoke.
We’d been there six days when we got word from Talei’s team that everything was a go.
The meet was on for the following day, Talei said…around three p.m.
That morning, I got up before dawn.
I got ready in the same room where I’d slept. We’d taken over the entire two floors of the cowboy-like Wild, Wild West Motel that we found on the outskirts of town, which was pretty run down and seedy but had boarded-up windows at least, and enough insulation in the ceilings and walls that it was less cold than outside.
We didn’t have much waiting for us here, construct-wise. Apart from a few government workers and the local SCARB branch, not a lot of seers had lived in this area.
We wouldn’t be here long enough for that to matter, either.
In better news, Jorag and Neela had already arranged to have one seer and four humans whose names were on the Lists sent back to Asia. The humans had been surprisingly open to the idea, all but one and we debated for a few hours whether we should take her against her will, given that her life was in danger now that she’d been ID’d.
In the end, we opted to leave her alone. Jorag erased her memory in the hopes that might protect her somewhat…at least from herself. The ones who decided to go to Asia opted to bring their families with them, which made the total group around nine.
Balidor already had a head’s up they were on their way.
Bending down, I grabbed the holster I’d brought out of the open bag.
I was in the process of straightening when a voice broke the quiet.
I must have jumped about two feet.
“What the fuck are you doing?” it demanded.
The voice was harsh. It was also male, contained a borderline threat…and came from only about a yard behind where I stood bent over my own belt, only half-dressed in a bra and armored combat pants.
So yeah, I jumped.
I also turned, unable to hide my startle…which I seemed to do a lot with this particular seer. I was beginning to think he was the male equivalent of Tarsi, some kind of light ninja who liked throwing people off balance by scaring the shit out of them.
I didn’t bother to answer him, though.
Well, not right away.
Instead I went back to strapping the holster around my waist. Once I had the belt clasp locked, I bent to tie the lower strap to my upper leg. Only then did I snatch up the armored shirt I’d left on the bed coverlet, pulling it over my head and shoving an arm into each sleeve before arranging it around my body.
I reached for a shoulder harness next.
“I’m going on a scouting run,” I said neutrally as I straightened. “I won’t need back-up, brother. I don’t intend to be gone that long.”
Dalejem let out a humorless snort. “The fuck you are.”
Glancing over my shoulder a second time, I quirked an eyebrow at him.
“You’re not going anywhere alone,” he said angrily, eyebrows furrowing as he gestured sharply with one hand. “Absolutely not.” His jaw hardened. “Gods above. Your husband warned me how fucking reckless you are. Adamantly. At the time, I thought he was being an overprotective ass but I’m beginning to think he understated it…”
I shook my head, fighting irritation and losing.
“I’m your fucking bodyguard, under the gods!” he snapped. “You really planned to sneak out of here without me…? Seriously? Are we children?”
Straightening from where I’d been looking for my headset in the duffel I’d brought into the small hotel room, I leveled the aforementioned irritation at him as I fitted the device to my ear.
“You really don’t get the whole ‘orders,’ concept, do you?” I said.
His mouth only hardened. “You’re not going anywhere by yourself, sister. No.”
“I’m not going alone,” I told him, blunt. “I just don’t need you.”
He flinched, which, okay, yeah…he was meant to. In my periphery I saw him frown when I went back to arming and dressing myself.
Only then did he seem to notice the other occupant of my room.
I saw Dalejem look at the bed. I saw him blink, do a double-take. Shock bled across his high-cheekboned face, altering his dark complexion. Smiling from the bed, the auburn-haired seer sitting on the coverlet waved to Dalejem in a friendly way…right before Dalejem’s frown twisted into a full-blown scowl.
He glared at me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” His scowl deepened when I didn’t answer. “You are kidding me, yes, Esteemed Bridge? Please tell me that you are.”
“No, actually,” I said, shoving a few more 9mm magazines into the armored vest I now wore over the harness. “But thank you for clarifying that my orders might be taken that way. I had no idea. I’ll be sure and specify ‘not kidding’ next time…”
He ignored my sarcasm.
“You’re taking Feigran out of here…alone?” He shook his head, gesturing with his hands. “No. Allie…no, no, no. You’re not bringing this rek’ k-sidre with you. No.”
I exhaled, facing him directly that time.
Placing my hands on my hips, I looked him right in the eye.
“Dalejem…brother. I appreciate your concern. I do. But I don’t need you for this. I’m going on a short scouting mission. I need brother Feigran there, for reasons I don’t really want to get into right now. I would also like him with me more generally, since Shadow has a habit of kidnapping brother Feigran whenever I let him out of my sight for too long…”
Dalejem shook his head.
I didn’t let him speak, holding up a hand as I smacked him lightly with my aleimi.
“Brother,” I said. “The conversation is over.”
“No, sister,” he said. “…It’s not over. And you’re not going alone. I would have said no if it was just you. With him, it’s not even a fucking discussion, my beautiful sister…not even a fucking discussion. Do you hear me?”
I stared at him, fighting incredulity.
Instead of getting angry that time, I found myself pausing, looking at the older seer’s light more closely. I found myself studying the emotion coming off his aleimi as he looked at Feigran specifically.
Once I had, a light bulb went off.
“Jesus,” I said, clicking in annoyance. “You know him. Terian.” Watching Dalejem click back at me, his eyes narrowing in anger, I let out an irritated grunt. “Gaos. I should have known. What? Did he fuck your boyfriend or something?” Wincing at my own words as I realized he had, I gritted my teeth, shaking my head. “Get over it, my handsome brother. We don’t have time for psychological breakdowns out here…or hissy fits about past lovers.”
Dalejem frowned, even as his expression grew harder to read.
“I do know him,” he said. “But it’s not the point––”
“It’s part of it,” I said, still studying his light. “I’m guessing it’s a big fucking part of it, from what you’re trying to hide in your light right now.”
&nb
sp; For a moment Dalejem only stared at the far wall, his expression hard enough that I could tell he was controlling his temper with an effort.
Then he turned, looking at me directly again.
“Just tell me what the fuck you’re doing, Allie,” he said.
Some kind of wall dropped in his voice and light, letting enough of him through that I found my own light reacting, caught off guard. Shifting my weight on my feet, I folded my arms as he went on, his voice and light holding more emotion the longer he spoke.
“…Just tell me what the fuck we’re even doing here, Allie,” he said, his voice frustrated, still holding that strange vulnerability. “Chandre doesn’t need us here. This isn’t about Brooks. Why are we here?”
“It is about Brooks,” I said, gesturing in irritation.
“Bullshit!”
I raised my voice. “She’s on the fucking List, brother!”
Dalejem stared at me, his eyes holding a faint surprise.
I exhaled, shaking my head. “We’re keeping it quiet. But Brooks is on the List. We need to try and create an alliance with her…even Balidor agreed it would be better if I did that myself. Also,” I shrugged, looking down at my shirt as I tucked it in. “Balidor wanted me here to take Novak out myself. And I agreed.”
“They didn’t catch that before?” Dalejem said, skeptical. When I glanced over, he clarified, “Brooks. Being on the List.”
“The human List is long, brother.”
Clicking angrily, Dalejem gave me an angry look.
Sighing, I conceded his point. “They fucked up with married names for the female humans in the first round.” At Dalejem’s puzzled look, I explained, “…Human custom. Not all human females take their husband’s family names after marriage, but some do. No one told our predominantly seer tech team. Dante caught it when she found her mom’s maiden name on there. So they re-ran the whole List, realizing they might have missed others.”
Dalejem’s eyes cleared. “I see.”
“So it is about Brooks,” I said, exhaling as I smoothed my braided hair. “Primarily, that’s why I’m here. I’m going to try and negotiate a treaty with Brooks before Shadow figures out that she might be an asset and kills her. I suspect she’s got a target painted on her already, which is why I’d appreciate it if you kept this information to yourself.”
He nodded, gesturing dismissively.
His green eyes didn’t lose their scrutiny.
“In any case,” I said, exhaling again. “I’m out of time. The meet is this afternoon…so I’m going to very quickly and very quietly deal with another matter while the rest of you stay here.” I hardened my voice at the last. “I’ll be back before they are…I promise you.”
Raising my voice slightly when he started to shake his head again, I hammered my words.
“Dalejem! You need to let it go.”
Dalejem’s expression didn’t soften, nor did he stop shaking his head.
“And why must you go alone?” he said. “Without back up? Why are you bringing that piece of monkey excrement with you…without any of us there to watch your back? You said yourself that having him with you makes you more of a target, not less.”
I felt my jaw harden.
Then, shrugging, I told him the truth.
“Because I can’t risk any of you turning on me in the field,” I told him. Feeling the shocked reaction in his light, I looked him directly in the eye. “My husband may have trusted you…” I swallowed, forcing a sudden shock of emotion off my light. “…I’m hoping you will not be offended if I tell you I’m still reserving judgment, particularly where my own life is concerned. In any case, I have only your word for it that Revik asked you to come with me at all.”
I’d meant to say more, but I stopped, still battling emotion out of my light.
Then I shrugged, still not quite meeting his gaze.
“I mean no offense,” I said. I used formal Prexci that time, making a further polite symbol with my hand. “But I’m sure you understand why I might need to be careful. Surely you can’t begrudge me that?”
“Why don’t you just look?” he said.
His voice came out gruff.
It was more than that. I felt emotion there. A lot of it.
More than I wanted to deal with right then, truthfully.
When I glanced over, I caught him studying my face. That same emotion lived in his eyes as I’d felt in his light, intense enough that it was difficult for me to hold his gaze. I did it anyway, still trying to decide what I was seeing in him.
“Just look,” he said. His voice held a note of surrender, his light opening even as I felt a darker coil of anger on him. “I give the memory to you, sister…all of them, if you desire more from me than the specific one I offer. Look. Look at me in entirety. Then perhaps you will believe me and we can stop wasting time with this fucking dance…I’ll let you see any part of my light you want, if it will reassure you.”
I was already shaking my head.
I felt the openness in his light. I felt the sincerity of the offer. I could tell he meant it about the open-ended part, too.
Even so, I couldn’t go there. Not now.
He didn’t need to spell it out. I could plainly feel that his and Revik’s little chat had been emotional. And I wasn’t exactly in the mood to watch my husband have an ex-lover’s spat with a seer who obviously still had feelings for him.
“No, thank you,” I said, my voice stiffly polite.
Dalejem let out an incredulous snort. Shaking his head, he clicked at me, a kind of disbelieving anger touching his voice.
I heard the understanding there, too.
“Gaos. You really are hanging on by a thread, aren’t you…sister?” he said. “This whole military front is nothing but a load of shit…just a big fucking avoidance.”
I heard scorn in his voice, but I felt something different on his light. His aleimi pulsed with a more complex mix of anger and understanding and empathy.
Somehow, I flinched more from the empathy than the anger.
“You can’t even bear to hear his fucking name,” Dalejem continued harshly, still staring at me with that understanding in his eyes. “You can’t bear to have him mentioned at all, can you? Now you won’t look at a memory of him…a fucking memory. Even if it might save your life. Why? Because you don’t want to be reminded he exists?” Lowering his voice to a growl, he hit out at me with more light. “…Or are you afraid of seeing something you don’t want to see? Do you really trust your husband so little, sister?”
I felt my jaw harden.
Enough to hurt my teeth.
I didn’t lower my gaze though.
“You’re willing to risk your life to avoid knowing whether or not you can trust him with me?” he said, his voice bordering on incredulous. “Because I think that’s pretty fucking childish…don’t you?”
I forced myself to look away.
Making another polite motion with my hand, I put my hands on my hips.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I said.
He let out another incredulous snort.
I felt my temper surge before I could stop it.
“What the fuck business is it of yours how I feel?” I gritted my teeth. “Or what I want to avoid? Who the fuck do you think you are, asking me about that?”
Seeing his eyes change, I forced myself silent, averting my gaze.
“He left you, too,” I said, colder. “Or does it somehow reassure you when you can mock me for the same? Does that make us ‘even’ in your eyes?”
When I glanced at him that time, Dalejem stared at me. His expression bled into an open bewilderment the few seconds I watched, even as he opened his light, startling me again by the sheer amount of himself he seemed willing to have me see and feel.
Most of what I felt was confusion, though.
Waving off what I saw forming there, I went back to arming myself, shoving a knife in my boot sheath and pulling a few more magazines out of the open
crate.
Shaking my head, and maybe regretting my own words by then, I let my voice grow more subdued. “An offer of your memories is enough for me right now, brother. Do with that what you will.” Still scanning weapons with my eyes, I added, “I don’t have time to get in a pissing match with you about Revik. However, if you stick around long enough, there are plenty of others here you can spar with on that front. You don’t need to do it with me.”
I started to move past him, towards the door where my armored coat hung, but he stepped directly into my path. I looked up at once, sending out a pulse of heat with my light.
I didn’t turn it into anything other than that, but I felt myself restraining it that time.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” I said.
“Take me with you,” he said, blurting the words. “If you’ve decided to trust me on the one point, you should trust me on the rest.”
“Should I?” I said.
“Yes,” he said, his eyes meeting mine. “Yes…you should. For tactical reasons alone, my Esteemed Bridge.”
I stared up at him incredulously, then clicked again, shaking my head.
“You don’t fucking give up, do you?”
“No,” he said, blunt.
I forced myself to dial down my light. It wasn’t easy.
“What tactical reasons would those be?” I said.
His voice and light grew openly deferential. “You need someone to watch your back. Anyone would…even on a scouting mission. I will ask you no more questions. I will follow orders…” At my derisive snort, he made a further deferential motion with his hand. “Please, Esteemed Sister. It is better if you have a second aleimi and a second pair of eyes…if only for the fact that you are bringing a prisoner with you.”
He spoke faster, maybe in response to the resistance he felt in my light.
“…You said yourself that having him with you increases the risk,” Dalejem repeated, releasing me but continuing to stand in my path. “There are those who will risk more for both of you than they might for only one. Take me with you, sister…please. I can at least hold the Rook for you. I can keep him from distracting you at a critical moment.”
Looking up at him, I felt my frustration turn into a near-anger again.
Dragon: Allie's War Book Nine Page 23