Fighting to control that harder pain that wanted to twist back on his light, Revik shook his head, making his voice cold. “I find it interesting you’re such a champion of my wife’s rights all of a sudden…” he said, staring back out the window. “I seem to remember you having less of a ‘sisterly’ perspective on our marriage in the past…”
She laughed at him though, her voice marveling.
“Gods. This is driving you crazy. It really is…”
“Are you here for any real reason, Elan?” he said.
“You’ve felt them together, haven’t you?” she said, still studying his light. “She is enjoying him, isn’t she? From the look on your face right now, she’s enjoying him a lot…”
“I don’t have time for this shit.” Not caring how it looked anymore, he pushed past her, walking towards the only doorway into the high-ceilinged room. “Contact me when you intend to accomplish something productive,” he added coldly, not looking back.
She followed him though, still watching his light.
“Gods.” Raven laughed again. “Are you watching them fuck every night? That’s almost hot, brother. Twisted…but hot.”
Revik closed his light, lengthening his strides.
He struggled as he walked, still fighting the memories. He could feel it now, in the construct. He knew now that they wanted him to remember. He could feel that pulling and coaxing of his light, tempting him to look, to keep looking…to feel it. They wanted him to see it, to experience it again and again and again. They wanted him to draw the obvious conclusions. Menlim. Raven. Fuck knew who else. He could feel Raven pulling on him even now, trying to figure out what he knew, what he’d seen and felt in his view of Allie with that other male.
He felt the construct messing with him, trying to get him to lose control, to react past where he could think, past where he could pull his light back.
He’d known this would hurt.
Of course he’d known.
He’d known he would be jealous. He’d known, braced for it…but nothing could have prepared him for feeling his wife’s confusion about who she was with, her frightened realization that she wanted someone else. Her guilt. Her fucking guilt towards him.
Her light had been open…so fucking open. She’d been really turned on.
He’d felt the vulnerability there. Whoever he was, he got to her…he got to her in a way that Revik couldn’t wrap his mind around, that threatened him more than he could even think about.
Pain writhed through him at the memory, slanting out his vision.
Gaos…she’d been making love to the son of a bitch. She hadn’t just been fucking him. She’d been making love to him…letting him make love to her.
She couldn’t be faking that, could she?
He’d felt the desire there, the intensity behind the sex…her wanting. She’d been half out of her mind with it, fighting it and him…there’d been aggression there, anger, fear...other, softer emotions, things that made her feel worse. She’d wanted him badly enough that it scared her, that she felt like shit about it…
How could she be faking that?
Revik had tried to see more…who he was, what they were doing. Some part of him needed to see it. Whatever he saw, he figured it could never be as bad as what his mind invented. Something like that probably should have made him feel guilty, dirty, invasive, but instead he only felt frustrated that he’d been thwarted. He felt betrayed that she’d locked him out, that she wouldn’t include him. It hurt his goddamned feelings.
She’d protected him. Not Revik…him. The other guy.
She’d fucking protected the bastard…from Revik himself.
He’d asked her, point blank, who the guy was. She wouldn’t tell him. She’d forced him out of her light, that guilt seething off her like a bad smell.
His mind fought with the tastes he’d gotten, trying to feel past her shield.
He tried not to think about who it was, but his mind obsessed on that, too.
Balidor? It wasn’t Balidor was it? He’d almost gotten a flavor of Adhipan, something that felt familiar, known to him…but he couldn’t pin that down either. She’d said her bodyguard was off the table, that he wouldn’t work for some reason…so it had to be someone else. He’d asked her to stay away from Balidor…she’d fucking promised him she would stay away from Balidor, that she wouldn’t sleep with the Adhipan leader again.
Would she have broken that vow to him, too?
He was losing her. He was fucking losing his wife. He could feel it.
Who the fuck was she with? Who could have made her light react like that?
Revik forced the memory out of the front of his mind even as he clenched his jaw harder, hard enough to hurt his teeth. He had to get out of here.
He had to get the fuck out of here.
Raven continued to follow him, that amusement lilting her words.
“Do you really want my help in finding a name, brother?” she said, smiling. “I could ask around. Find out who’s monitoring the channels there. Ask me, Revi’. Ask me to find out who’s fucking your wife…”
He clenched his jaw, not answering her.
“I’m sure we can negotiate…something…”
Feeling the pull of her light, he turned before he could stop himself. When he looked into her eyes, she smiled again, right before her gaze slid down to his crotch.
He came to a dead stop.
Igniting the telekinesis, he slammed out at her, before he could pull it back. He hit her, hard, right in the middle of her body. Watched her fly backwards, he barely took a breath before her back slammed into the hardwood wall decorated with small carvings, easily ten feet from where he stood. He saw her eyes widen in fear, her face pale to the color of chalk.
“Revi’!” she said, gasping, barely able to fight out words. Her voice grew openly afraid. “Revi’…don’t.” She fought for breath, fear bleeding out of her light. He saw blood trickle down from her hairline, her face contort in panic as she held up a hand. “Revi’, Maygar…Maygar! He loves me…I love him…please! Please, brother! Father of my son…please!”
Struggling against his own light, he stood there, fighting to breathe.
He couldn’t fucking breathe.
It felt like a long number of minutes went by.
More than he could count.
Then he turned on his heel, walking out of the room.
That time, he didn’t look back.
His mind blanked. Lost for however long he lay there after he rolled off her, after he rested on his back, watching the ceiling spin behind his eyes. He was drunk. He knew he was drunk. He barely remembered how he’d gotten here, much less any of the preamble before he took off her clothes…before she undressed him.
He’d tried to open his light.
He’d tried…but that time, he hadn’t been able to. He couldn’t fucking do it. No matter what he told himself…no matter how closely he knew he was being watched, especially now. He couldn’t make himself want to, no matter whose face he pictured behind his eyes. No matter what he told himself about why.
He lay there now, in so much pain he couldn’t see.
He didn’t think he’d had an orgasm either, but he might have. He couldn’t remember coming, but he supposed it didn’t matter, either way.
His vision blurred as he stared up at the ceiling.
For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt that longing to die he remembered from when he was a kid. He had to fight it back, like he had then, to ignore it, when that didn’t work. Pain suffocated him as the thought grew real, as his chest clenched more, trying to crush him from the inside out. He fought Lily out of his light…Allie…
Somewhere in that, he felt the unwilling near him again. He didn’t look up. He couldn’t see, didn’t know where he was anymore.
“Revi’…” she said, her voice soft, coaxing.
Like with an animal. Like someone would talk to an animal.
“Revi’…” She caressed
his hands, his chest, his arms, feeding him light. “Revi’…calm down, brother. It’s all right. Calm, brother…calm…” Her voice grew softer, more soothing. She moved closer to him, lying less than a foot away, feeding him warmer light. Her fingers touched his face. “I’m sorry, brother,” she murmured. “I am sorry, Illustrious Sword…I should be helping you more with this…it is my fault…”
He let out a strangled laugh.
Jerking from her touch, he felt her flinch back.
He didn’t look at her.
He didn’t look at anything.
“Don’t you want to pretend I’m her, lover?” she said softly, rubbing his arm more cautiously that time, massaging the muscle with her fingers. “We can do it like we did the other night. You can use her name, brother…I don’t mind. You can do it whenever you want…really, truly, brother, I don’t mind. It’s beautiful, how much you love her…”
He shook his head, even as his chest tightened more.
She continued to massage his body with her hands, and Revik closed his eyes, fighting to relax, to pull himself out of that dark…to ignore it, at least.
As if she sensed him trying, her voice grew lighter, almost cheerful.
“Did you hear the rumors, brother?” she said.
He closed his eyes, feeling his jaw harden. “No more rumors today, sister…please.”
She smiled at him though, caressing his face and jaw.
“I just wondered which part of them were true,” she said, her voice a smile. “I know some are outrageous…about the rooms of gold. The labs filled with Elaerian hybrids, with enough food to last through to the end of the world…”
Revik blinked up at the ceiling, fighting confusion.
Replaying her words, he frowned, even as his mind cleared slightly.
“What?” he said finally. He turned his head. “What are you talking about?”
“The underground compartment, brother,” she said, her voice still cheerful. Smiling, she rubbed his stomach with her hands, feeding him light. “They say it stretches farther than the City walls…so deep that none knew it existed. The stories are wild. That there are horses down there. Seer children with pale white eyes who can manipulate objects with their light…rooms and rooms of jewels and organic computers that can think and reproduce…”
It took a few seconds for her words to penetrate.
Then he opened his eyes, fighting his light back around his body.
He looked up at her, and saw her smiling at him.
The Chinese seer had light blue eyes, tinged with enough green that they gave him a hard-on the first time he’d seen her. By then, he missed his wife so badly he was picking out unwillings almost exclusively according to how much they reminded him of her, either in terms of their light or some element in their physical appearance.
This one was kind-hearted, too…and more understanding than most about his desire to open to them but only under certain conditions.
He didn’t want to think about how many of these consort seers might have known Allie.
He didn’t want to do know if this one did…or if that was the true reason for her kindness towards him in relation to his wife. He’d told them not to tell him if they did know her. He’d told this one that…or he was reasonably sure he had.
But then, he didn’t sleep with any of them more than a few times.
He’d assumed his wife would prefer that.
He fought to think back on what she’d just said, if only to distract himself from his current train of thought, where his mind still wanted to go. It felt like a repeating loop lately, like his own form of self-torture, like some kind of masochistic itch he could never scratch. He fought to remember what caught his attention.
In playing back her words, his mind clicked on for real.
He sat up, rubbing his face with a hand as he propped his weight up with his other arm.
“What?” he said. He blinked at her, fighting to get his mind working again, to push past the effects of the alcohol, past the feelings that had been crushing him since that morning.
“What did you say?” he said.
“The underground chamber,” she said, smiling faintly. He felt a pulse of relief off her light, could feel that she was glad that her distraction was working. “That’s where those other soldiers went, isn’t it? The ones you brought here?”
Revik’s jaw tightened.
He scanned her light, doing his best to keep the evidence of his scan off his face and expression. He couldn’t get much. Not because he was drunk, but because she didn’t seem to know much. He got images of her eavesdropping, hearing soldiers of Shadow’s talking while they visited the consort chambers. He saw them talking, laughing, oblivious to the consorts below them, sucking their cocks…or their cunts in some cases.
Seers could be such fucking idiots when it came to sex.
“Where?” he said only.
“Under the City,” she said. Her voice and eyes grew puzzled, even as she slid closer, massaging his shoulder with practiced hands. “You know about this, brother. Surely. You are the leader here…you sent them there, did you not?”
Revik let out a half-humorous snort. “Right.”
Still fighting to get his brain moving again, he rubbed his face a second time, blinking against the low light.
He met her gaze again. “Did you hear them talking about the entrance to this place, sister?” he said, more to direct her light so he could read her than because he expected an answer. “Where did they find it?”
She clicked softly, a lulling, nearly purring sound.
“I do not know,” she sighed, pulling on him sensually with her aleimi again, massaging his back. “…Only rumors. But Voi Pai is very angry, I hear. They laughed about this, too. She did not know the extent of this underground chamber, although it seems she knew something was there. I heard them say that Voi Pai would not grant them access to some parts…that she claimed its presence here is some condition of their alliance…and that this alliance that was broken by your leader…and then by your invasion here.” The unwilling’s voice grew apologetic. “They brought her down there to force her to open this chamber in some way…”
Revik nodded, fighting to keep his reactions out of his light.
Unlike Shadow’s grunts, he knew better than to underestimate the infiltration skills of the consorts here. He knew most of them were trained in those arts even more extensively than they were in sex. He also knew they’d used those skills for centuries to protect the sovereignty of the Lao Hu, including through blackmail and related intelligence matters.
Apparently a good number of Shadow’s people didn’t get that memo.
Then again, most of them weren’t married to an ex-consort of the Lao Hu.
Fighting that out of his light as well, Revik continued to study her light.
“Will you show me, sister?” he said politely. “Where this entrance is rumored to be?”
She looked nervous now though, wary as she studied his light.
Feeling the nature of her concern, he opened more, letting her look at him. He felt his transparency relax her slightly, but the thread of those nerves remained, vibrating where he could almost see them. She didn’t speak as her eyes slid over his face.
“Are you the leader here?” she said finally.
Shaking his head, he clicked at her ruefully. “Only in some respects, sister.”
“What does that mean, Illustrious Sword?” she said.
“It means they do not trust me,” he said, blunt. He met her gaze, opening his light still more, so she could feel the truthfulness there. “They do not tell me everything,” he added. “I was not aware of this chamber at all, sister.”
A silence fell between them.
“I have a daughter,” she said, a thread of fear in her voice.
Revik felt his jaw harden. Nodding, he withdrew his light. “I understand.”
The fear grew more prominent in her light. “I would not deny you anything, Illust
rious brother,” she said. “But I am a prisoner here. So is my child.”
He looked up, meeting her gaze. “I have a daughter, too,” he told her, softer. “It makes me a slave too, sister…so believe me when I say I understand. I will not ask you any more on this.”
He saw the relief touch her eyes, even as his words seemed to touch her. She caressed his face with her fingers, then leaned closer, kissing his mouth.
He felt her fighting back and forth inside her light.
Then her fingers touched his face, caressing his skin.
“By the main horse paddock,” she said softly, kissing his mouth again. “Near the southwest wall, brother…the outer one. That is the place they discussed…”
Wrapping his hand into her dark hair, he kissed her back, sending a pulse of gratitude.
“Thank you, sister,” he murmured. “Thank you…”
He kissed her again, using his tongue that time, feeling a corresponding ripple in her light as she opened, tugging achingly on his aleimi. Fighting back the image of Allie that wanted to rise, he kissed her a last time then released her, climbing up off the sleeping mat.
His mind felt strangely clear as he searched for his clothes, pulling articles on one by one as he found them.
He fought to keep his mind level, to keep his reactions to a minimum.
Even so, he felt the pain coil back up into his light, along with a pale flicker that could only be hope. Real hope. Something he could actually feel…something tangible. Something that even managed to let him delude himself into thinking he might actually go home.
Finally, a fucking break.
He couldn’t think about any of that, though. Not now.
Tugging on his last shoe, he bowed to her again, murmuring his thanks as he backed out through the open door. Closing the sliding panel behind him, he shielded his light for real, clicking into infiltrator mode as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Once he had his bearings, he began to walk, moving soundlessly across the wooden floors of the consort building until he reached an exit into the nearest stone courtyard.
Dragon: Allie's War Book Nine Page 48