He closed his eyes, unsure if they burned because he was drunk and tired or because Layla’s absence affected him more than the rest of the world’s presence. Summoning his cloak and an extra blanket, he searched for Weylin’s mind then waited for a response.
‘Whoa, man, I’m too drunk for this.’
Quin laughed and sharpened the mental connection. ‘I’m crashing on the west side of the island.’
‘What? You’re done?’
‘Yep.’
‘Lightweight. The redhead’s back and looking worn out. How was she?’
‘Enthusiastic.’
‘Excellent!’
‘Stop yelling into my head. I’m going to sleep. You’re staying the night, right?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Then I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘All right, man. Happy birthday.’
‘Thanks.’
Quin severed the mind search while resting his head on his cloak. Then he cast a few protection spells around his camp and returned his gaze to the moon. His lids soon grew heavy, forcing him to blink, and the next time the world came into view, it was more colorful than before. The sky was a vibrant shade of blue, the moon was brighter, and everything had hazy outlines.
“Beautiful.”
Her voice stole his breath, and he looked to the right, finding her rainbow sitting next to him. For a split second, his heart soared as he believed she was really there, in his reality. Then he realized he’d fallen asleep and entered her world.
He sighed and smiled, his heart settling back into his chest. “Layla.”
Her colors vibrated, but she didn’t speak or move closer. He was dying for both, to hear more of her seraphic voice and feel her heat on his skin.
“Were you talking about the moon?” he asked, slowly sliding his hand toward her lights.
“Sure,” she answered. “How was your birthday?”
“You already know.”
“So? Tell me about it.”
“It could have been better.”
“Or worse.”
“See?” he laughed. “You already know, so why ask?”
“Because you like sharing your life with me, and this is the only way you can do it.”
“Yeah, I guess it is, but there are parts I wish you didn’t see.”
“I’m not here to judge you, Quin.”
“I know. You’re an angel.”
She softly laughed, making his heart sing and beat faster.
“It’s taking everything I have not to pounce on you,” he whispered. “Will you come closer?”
The misty rainbow floated closer, and her warmth settled over his right hand.
“Thank you.” He wiggled his fingers and looked at the fuzzy moon, making sure she remained in his peripherals. “I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye last night. I hate letting you go. It gets harder every time I dream.”
“It’s been worse lately.”
“I thought you’d be home by now. The real you. Layla.”
“I get what you’re saying.”
“You always do. Yet I still seek your approval and understanding.”
“I’m here to give it.”
“I love that you’re here, but I want more. I want… everything. All of you. I know having you home doesn’t mean I’ll get it all, but I’d settle for seeing your face and feeling your hand in mine. I want to meet the woman who’s inspired nearly two decades of sweet dreams, and I want the chance to inspire her. I’m scared I’ll never have it, Layla. It hurts to imagine another twenty years without seeing the real you, without touching you like I want to. My life should be getting fuller as I get older, but every day that goes by without you makes me feel emptier than the day before.”
Her colors reflected his melancholy, but she didn’t respond or move.
“I’m a jerk to complain about my life,” he acknowledged. “I have a lot to be thankful for.”
“Love is important to you. It’s only natural you’d want it for yourself.”
He laughed and looked over. “I’m not sure we can call this natural. I just had a beautiful witch give me her body, yet I couldn’t wait to fall into my dreams and find your rainbow.”
Her colors swirled and brightened, charging the atmosphere and lifting the mood. “Then that witch wasn’t the woman for you. The day you stop running to me, you’ve found what you’re looking for. Until then, I’ll be here, waiting for your day to end, however it might go.”
“You provide sublime comfort amidst all the heartache, Layla. I’ll never regret finding you here.”
“You wouldn’t keep looking if you did.” She floated closer, wrapping his entire arm in tingling heat. “So, the moon.”
Soothed by her touch, he relaxed and looked at the blurry sky. “What about it?”
“I bet it’s pretty everywhere.”
He smiled, letting himself believe the real Layla shared his dream girl’s opinion. “I bet you’re right.”
A sparkling river of silver excitement swam through Caitlyn’s aura, highlighting the smooth strands of butterscotch-blond hair framing her fair face. Quin watched the silver flow into a braid of colorful ribbons that swirled near her heart. Then he looked up, finding her shiny, copper eyes.
“That was fun,” she approved, still out of breath.
He smiled and brushed her hair from her flushed cheeks. “Yes, it was.”
Her expression softened as her lungs slowed. Then she looked away, searching his room for a clock.
“It’s shortly after two,” he offered.
“That late?” She sat up and reached across the king-size mattress, gathering her jewelry from the nightstand.
While she wrapped a bracelet around her wrist, Quin sat up to help her with her necklace. She let him, gathering her long hair and holding it up. Then she summoned her dress from the chair he’d draped it over three hours before.
Quin watched her pull the gown over her head. Then he carefully freed her hair from the collar as he found her profile. “You don’t have to go, you know?”
She looked up from the ribbon she was tying around her waist, but she didn’t look at him. She stared at a bookshelf across the room for several thoughtful seconds. Then she cleared her throat and went back to tying her sash. “I’m not going to ask you to get rid of the dreams, but I don’t want to hear about them. I realize they’re a part of you that you’re unwilling to change, and I’m okay with that or I wouldn’t be here. But I’ve been around long enough to know that you and I will never be more than what we are as long as you need those dreams, so I’m not going to pretend otherwise by staying the night. Besides,” she added, finally meeting his gaze, “we both know that’s the quickest way for a girl to lose her place in your bed, and this is a pretty fun place to be.”
Quin wasn’t sure what to say – a rarity to anyone who knew him, and Caitlyn knew him well.
She smiled and reached for his cheek. “Drop the sad puppy look, Quin. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into.”
He wasn’t so sure anymore. He was almost twenty-two and had sowed his fair share of wild oats. He was certain in every aspect of his life save for one. Yet with one of Oregon’s hottest witches in his bed, a witch as lovely on the inside as she was on the outside, a witch he’d known and cared about for more than twenty years, he still felt compelled to trade companionship for subconscious visions. Caitlyn would stay if he asked the right way. She might even reshape her life to fit his. But if he made the sole sacrifice she required, he feared his life would shatter.
He took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm. “I hope that’s true. I care about you and would hate to lose your friendship.”
She smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Is the end so near?”
He kept her hand as he searched her eyes and aura, trying to decide how sad the idea made her. Resignation was the most recognizable emotion, but he found enough sorrow to squeeze his heart. With most women, that would have been the end, but with Caitlyn
, a woman he considered a friend above all else, the sorrow he found in her was overshadowed by the understanding she offered.
“I’m not ready to end it,” he answered, “but I’ll understand if you need to step away. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you, Cait. Using women has never been my intention, but that’s particularly true with you. I’ve always enjoyed spending time with you, and… well, tonight was fantastic.”
She smiled and looked down. “It was, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” he answered, tilting her chin back up. “But you’re right. I’m not ready to get rid of the dreams. Maybe someday that will change, but not yet.”
“I know. I didn’t expect to be the woman who changed you.”
“It’s not you, Caitlyn.”
“That’s what I’m saying, Quin.”
He shook his head. “There will never be a woman who can replace my dreams, so don’t ever think you’re inadequate. I’d be a lucky man to call you my girl.”
“Everyone would think I cast a spell on you.”
“Then they wouldn’t be seeing you clearly. You’re worthy of a wonderful man and deserve better than I can give you.”
“Yet here I am.”
“Here you are,” he quietly repeated, sliding his hand from her cheek to her hair. “It’s more than I deserve, and I’d understand if you don’t want to come back.”
She grinned and tilted her chin up. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.”
He smiled at her teasing, and she gave him a quick kiss before pulling her hand from his and crawling out of bed. “Thank you for dinner. The food was good, but dessert was better.”
“Yes, it was,” he agreed, summoning a pair of shorts as he stood up behind her. “Will you let me fly you home?”
She grabbed her cloak off his dresser and handed it over, letting him hold it open for her. “No, but you can walk me out.”
They quietly made their way through the dark house then halted on the front porch. After pulling her hood over her hair and fastening the clasp at her neck, he took her cheeks and gave her a kiss. “Thank you for spending the evening with me.”
“Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”
“Anytime.”
He dropped his hands, and she smiled and waved as she walked to the edge of the porch. With a slight bend of the knees, she took flight, gracefully soaring toward night sky, and Quin leaned against a wooden beam while watching her aura disappear over the trees.
He wanted her to come back. Lying next to a woman was better than lying alone, but he didn’t blame her for leaving. If he was thinking rationally, he wouldn’t have told her she could stay. He’d surprised himself by making the offer, and as he headed back to his room, he searched for a reason.
Why now? Why, after twenty-two years of living for his dreams, was he reaching for someone in his reality? And why Caitlyn? Was she the one who had him reaching? Or was she merely standing in the place he wanted to be?
He didn’t know the answers, and a long shower offered no help, so he turned off the lights and climbed into bed. He could smell Caitlyn on his sheets, and it enhanced his mental replay of their evening – a feminine bouquet rocking him to sleep.
As his mind drifted, his confused and heavy heart lifted, and he quickly found himself in a world of sweet dreams.
“Hey.”
Her angelic voice came from behind him, like a breath of fresh air. Then he sensed her presence, which often felt like the only air in the world.
He smiled and rolled over, finding Layla lying beside him. As always, she stunned him with her beauty, and she didn’t even have a face. He stayed silent as he searched the spot a normal person’s face would be, the area her gentle voice had floated from, and he found everything he loved in it. The rainbow mist that comprised her heavenly body captivated him more than the detailed features of the fairest witches in his reality.
“Hey back,” he returned, watching the colorful ribbons flow, for it was within that flow that he found everything he’d ever needed to survive. Tranquility, confidence and strength were a small portion of the necessities she provided.
A long moment of silence passed as he scanned her from top to bottom then back up. She always knew when he wanted to quietly stare, and she always let him, not saying a word until he was ready.
“You’re conflicted,” she whispered.
Her voice swept over him, as physical as anything else he’d felt, and he closed his eyes, letting it flood his senses. He breathed deep, catching a whiff of roses and lilacs. Then he sighed and opened his eyes. “I love you, Layla.”
“I know.”
She moved closer, and his heart skipped a beat, the way it always did when she drew near. “I don’t want to lose you,” he added, wishing she would touch him, and she did. Ribbons of tingling warmth settled over the back of his right hand then slithered through his fingers.
“I’ll always be here when you need me,” she assured.
He looked down, ashamed of the thought that skipped through his head, and she laughed – a gorgeous, musical laugh that sped up his heart and made it grow bigger.
“You think a spell and a few gemstones will get rid of me?” she asked. “Not likely.” She paused, and the next time she spoke, her voice was soft and serious. “I’ll only go for as long as you ask. I’ll return the moment you let me back in.”
He’d assumed as much, but that wasn’t the problem. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Part of you isn’t so sure anymore. You’re wondering how much it would hurt, and if it would hurt me.”
He grinned and found her rainbow. “Tell me what else I’m wondering.”
She laughed again, making his smile widen. “Let’s see, you’re wondering if I can feel your hand as surely as you feel me, and you want to know if I like what I feel. You’re also wondering which would be harder – living your entire life without companionship or without ever seeing me again. And you’re wondering what I think of Caitlyn.”
He quietly laughed and wiggled the fingers she held. “You’re good.”
“You’re silly, because you know I see you clearly.”
“Clearer than I see myself.”
She giggled, and he got the sense she was shaking her head, but of course he couldn’t tell.
“So do you have any answers?” he asked, basking in the dream as if it were his last, which was no different than the way he celebrated every dream she starred in.
“Sure,” she agreed, enveloping his hand more thoroughly. “But you won’t like them.”
“I love everything you say.”
“What if I said I was hideous?”
“I’d think you must be joking, because you’re the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
“But I’m just a thing, Quin, a hazy vision, which brings me to my answers. No, I can’t feel you, but I want you to feel me. That’s why I’m here. If I could feel you, I would love everything about it – the warmth, the solidity, and the realness of an incredible man. As for which would be harder – never settling down with a woman or giving up your visions of me, you already know the answer. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself, and you’d feel guilty admitting it to me. As much as I want to, I can’t fulfill your desire for physical contact, which is a need as vital as any other you live to fulfill. Caitlyn can give you what I can’t, and you enjoy her company, so what I think of her doesn’t matter. It’s what you think of her that’s important.”
Heartache was rare in the dreams Quin shared with Layla, but he felt it now. “I don’t want to choose.”
“I know. I wish I could make it easier on you.”
“Then come home,” he insisted, flexing his fingers around her warmth. But as usual, his physical persistence merely dulled the sensations she gave him. “Come home and let me touch you the way you touch me.”
She didn’t answer, and his heart grew heavy as he relaxed his fingers, trying to retrieve the feel of her. “I don’t know why I say things like tha
t. I know you’re not her.”
“I’m here because she can’t be, and because there’s still hope she might someday take my place.”
Quin’s pulse quickened. “She’s alive?”
“Would there be hope if she wasn’t?”
“What else do you know about her?”
“Nothing.”
“Then how do you know she lives?”
“Because I’m still here.”
His heart rate slowed as those four words immersed him in peace. “I love that you’re here.”
“I know, and I know you’d love it even more if she were here.”
“Yes,” he confessed, pulling his hand from the colorful ribbons. Then he slowly reached out, wanting so badly to dip his fingers into her haze and find soft skin and silky hair. “I want to touch you. Her… Layla.”
The rainbow mist moved closer, filling his palm with warmth. “But that’s not why I’m here tonight. You’re getting off track.”
“You do that to me.”
“Does Caitlyn do that to you?”
He gave the question some serious consideration. Then he hesitated to answer. “She did tonight.”
A quiet laugh flowed from the mist. “The distraction was long overdue.”
“I care about Caitlyn.”
“I know. You want to be fair to her. That’s why you’re trying to decide how much it will hurt to let me go.”
“I don’t want to let you go.”
“You keep saying that.”
“But I don’t want to hurt Caitlyn and destroy what could be my best chance at a real relationship.”
“No, that doesn’t seem like a very pleasant thing to do.”
He smiled and closed his fingers around a pink swirl. “You’re not going to tell me what to do, are you?”
She was silent for several seconds, and he thought she might actually reveal his best course of action, but it was a foolish notion, because she never turned him one way or another. She merely helped him figure out which way he wanted to turn.
Quin 2 (The Mystic Series) Page 4