“Of course ah want to keep ye. What would make ye think otherwise?”
“Ah just thought that ye didn’t really need me. That ye had plenty of other options, and ah was just a means for peace between our clans.”
“Perhaps at first, but ye mean a lot to me, Malmuira. Ye’re a wonderful lass and very beautiful.”
“Oidche, can ah tell ye something?” She took his hand in hers and scooted closer to him on the bed. She didn’t wait for a reply before she spoke. “When ah came with ye on this trip ah was hoping that ye would allow me to stay here with me faither and sister. Ah didn’t think ye needed me. Ye have yer pick of lasses to bed, and ah can’t think of a reason ye’d want me more.”
Oidche was silent for a moment. He removed his hand from hers and turned to look at her. The ocean inside his eyes looked like a raging tempest. “And what do ye want now, Malmuira? Do ye still want to stay?”
She didn’t know what to say. Part of her heart was always with Siusan. She yearned to be with her and care for her the way that she used to. She was beginning to understand Oidche though, and she cared for him. Her silence was brief, but Oidche interrupted it.
His voice was stern and his eyes narrowed as he spoke. “If ye dunno ye want to be with me, then ye don’t have the same feelings for me. Ah’ll leave ye be.” He stood and left without another word, slamming the thick wooden door behind him.
Malmuira felt her heart fall into her stomach and a sadness and fear spread through her. She didn’t know what she wanted. How could she stay with him if she wasn’t even sure how she felt?
Oidche didn’t return to the room all night. Malmuira tossed and turned, barely sleeping. She fretted about her indecision. She had hurt Oidche and she worried that the damage couldn’t be undone. More than anything, she just wished she knew if it was best for her to be with him. Her father would care for her if she wanted to stay. She knew this, and she wasn’t in love with Oidche. Of course, most marriages weren’t for love. He was the kindest man she knew, besides her father.
In the morning, she dragged herself out of bed and dressed quickly. She went to the hall to break her fast. Her father was already eating and Oidche sat next to him. They were speaking in low tones so that nobody around them could overhear.
Malmuira approached the table and sat next to Oidche. A woman from the kitchens brought her some porridge and a cup of milk. Neither man broke the flow of the conversation. She may as well have been invisible.
She listened quietly to Oidche, not interrupting, as she ate.
Oidche spoke with confidence. “My clan has an abundance of clothing makers and materials. We also have a good amount of taters and other root vegetables. However, we are not as abundant in grains. During the war our ale ran dry and our whiskey barrels didn’t see a drop of liquor. We could use more grain in trade for our resources. Being closer to the sea, we have many successful fisherman and foragers. ‘Twould be possible to trade salted fish and some other preserved necessities for your grain and whiskey. Our master smith is quite skilled in forging advanced swords and weaponry, as well.”
Baile had his eyes focused on his food, but from watching him as a child, Malmuira knew that he listened raptly to what Oidche was saying. His mind worked so fast that he had probably already come up with a solution and planned how to implement the trades.
“My problem lies only in the fact that our grain sustains the McLeod clan a fair amount. They are reliant on our trade agreements for grain, whiskey and ale. If we withdraw our agreement from the McLeods to give it to ye, then it may spur anger from their clan. Grain is by far our greatest asset as a clan.”
Oidche looked contemplative as he ate a portion of the porridge in front of him. “If ye’ll give us a portion of the surplus that you have, ah could trade an equal amount of taters and clothing. But I can also ask our master smith to give yer own smithies techniques for weapon forging. That way ye can make similarly impressive weapons.”
Baile didn’t respond for a while. He had already finished his porridge and absently twirled the ring on his finger. “Ah’ll need to see yer master smith’s work in order to evaluate his skills. Then ah can respond to yer request for trade. Of course, all of this is tentative. We have to speak to the McLeods first. Ah’ll want a fair trade between us all.”
Malmuira hadn’t spoken a word or shown any interest in the proceedings that were happening next to her, but her father must have known that she wouldn’t forgo an opportunity to listen in on important things. “Is that to yer satisfaction, Mal?”
“Faither, ye know me too well. Ah’ll never surprise ye, will ah?”
“Ah think ye have a few surprises for everyone up yer sleeve.” Oidche’s comment sounded innocent, but Malmuira could sense the bite that the words held within them.
“If ah have time to think and explain my thoughts, then nobody would be surprised.” She realized that her comment was less subtle than his and her father may catch on to their argument.
“If ye know what ye want, then ye don’t need time to think and explain. Ye just ask for it.”
Oidche stood abruptly and walked away, leaving the hall. Malmuira sat, speechless.
“Lass, that’s a good man ye have there. Whatever ye’re quarreling about, ye need to make it right. There’s never a guarantee on how much time ye get with yer wedded. Ye need to cherish the moments ye have with him. And ah’m not blind. Ah see the way ye look at him. Lass, ye have deep feelings for him. He needs to know that.”
Malmuira didn’t think that this could be fixed with a mere apology, but she left the hall nonetheless. She didn’t go to Oidche as her father suggested, she left in search of Maizy. Perhaps she could help her sort out what she needed to do. She only wished Mae were here. If she were here, she would know exactly what to say.
Malmuira waited in the keep until late that night and eventually went to her room. Maizy had been busy and unable to console Malmuira in her distress over the argument with her husband. Oidche still hadn’t returned from wherever he had wandered off to. Malmuira hadn’t seen him anywhere in the keep. She just assumed he had gone out to the stables or perhaps for a walk.
She paced back and forth in front of the fire built in the hearth. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts that she couldn’t seem to sort out on her own.
What if he doesn’t want me? That thought alone made her stomach feel sick and her head light and dizzy. After what she guessed was over an hour of pacing, she sat down and took up her needlepoint, determined to continue the project that she had started. She worked until her eyes began to droop and her mind slowed, leaving her thoughts in a dull roar. Oidche had not returned and she didn’t think he would be back tonight.
Anger bubbled within at her husband. He could have at least told me he wouldn’t be back. Despite her anger, or maybe because of it, she put her needlepoint down and climbed into bed. Fully clothed and still upset, she fell into a fitful sleep. Her dreams tormented her with visions of sadness and guilt that had long since passed.
Dawn broke on the keep and Malmuira was already awake. She paced around the room. This time, the fear she had felt at Oidche’s rejection was replaced with anger that he hadn’t the decency to let her know he wouldn’t be back. She had waited for him well into the night. She decided it was best to get out of her bedroom and get her mind off of her troubles, so she started to get ready for the day.
She thought about not talking to him when he did return. She also thought that perhaps her choice to stay with her father and Siusan was more appropriate for her circumstances. A small voice in the back of her mind told her the thoughts she was having were just angry and not what she really wanted, but it made her feel satisfied to think them, nonetheless.
She sat down again and began to brush her hair. What did she really want? She thought about her current situation. She was married to a man she was getting to know and despite his right to have her, had forgone intimate relations with her in order to gain her trust. Not only had he respecte
d her in the bedroom but had not shamed her in front of her family or his.
She didn’t love him yet. Her father had spoken of the love he had for his departed wife, Moire, and how much they loved each other. Their closeness had always been a beacon of hope for Malmuira. She desperately wanted to have what her mother and father had but knew it was probably a dream that could never come true. Perhaps it was time to talk to her father and seek his advice.
Maizy would be back to straighten the room later, having left a hair ribbon with Malmuira. Yesterday, Malmuira had picked a handful of Maizy’s favorite flower which grew just outside the keep. She tied the ribbon around them and left them at the foot of the bed where Maizy was sure to see them.
Her father wasn’t in the hall yet to break his fast, and Malmuira had risen too early for anyone else to be there. It was eerily quiet, but allowed more time for Malmuira to think about how to speak to her father.
“Porridge, lass?” Kyle asked from over her shoulder. He had made himself comfortable in the kitchen as soon as they arrived.
“Aye, Kyle. Thank ye.” She took a bowl of porridge. He sat next to her with his own bowl.
“’Tis not like ye to be up so early,” Kyle observed.
She didn’t have the appetite to eat, but ate a couple bites just to try to calm her stomach. “My mind won’t quiet enough for me to get a good night’s sleep, and ah awoke far too early. Best not to waste time in bed.”
“If ye don’t mind me asking ye, what kept ye up?” Kyle asked.
Malmuira was taken aback for a moment. It was very unusual for a man to care what a woman thought. Her surprise threw off her defenses and she found herself being candid with Oidche’s friend. “Ah’m not sure what ah want. Ah have the chance to stay here with me faither and sister. Ah miss them so much and worry about them when ah’m away, but ah’m not sure if that is what ah should do.”
“Do ye have any reason to leave yer faither and sister?”
“Oidche, of course, but ah don’t love him, and ah don’t think he loves me either. Ah know marriage isn’t about love. Ah accepted that when ah agreed to marry Oidche. It’s just that there is going to be peace no matter what, and he would let me stay. Ah hoped to have what my faither and maither had. Theirs was real love, and something ah always hoped for. ‘Tis a silly dream for a woman to have.”
“Ye may not be in love with Oidche, but ah’ve never seen him so enamored with a woman before. Not since his wife passed on. Ah don’t know if it’s love, lass, but ye have to give it time. Ye were meant to marry and have bairns and wee little ones running round yer feet. Love is not a silly dream, but it comes with time. Ah have seen it many times. Ye’ll not find a better mate, lass.”
He didn’t wait for a reply before he stood and left Malmuira to think on his words. Her father came in a few moments after Kyle left and sat just where he had been sitting.
“Mal, ye’re up early. Where’s yer husband?”
“Ah dunno, Faither. He didn’t return last night.” She was always honest with her father, a trait he had taught her when she was small. He didn’t respond, so she continued. “Faither, ah think ah may want to stay with ye. The peace will still be sustained and Oidche will allow me to choose. Ah miss ye and my sister.”
“Nighean, why would ye want to stay when ye have such a good man?” He looked troubled.
“Ah’m not in love with him, like Maither and ye.”
“Ye didn’t see what our early years were like, Mal. It took two years before yer maither said she loved me. It was after she birthed ye. Ah was holding ye on me knee and bouncing ye. Ye had been crying all night and yer maither was exhausted. She needed sleep and so ah took ye and bounced ye. Ye fell asleep and so did yer maither. When she awoke, ah had nodded off with ye in my arms and she kissed my cheek and said she loved me. Later, she told me that she had loved me for a long time, but the kindness that ah showed her helped her see it clearly. Don’t hold yerself back, waiting for someone else’s story, daughter. Let yer story progress and move on. Yer sister is safe and loved, and she will be okay without ye here. Ye’ll have bairns of yer own soon to care for. Give yerself a chance to be happy, Mal.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks while he spoke. He wiped one off her face in a tender gesture and began to eat his morning meal. She knew what she needed to do. She left her porridge uneaten on the table and went in search of her husband.
The keep was full of people and not one had seen Oidche. Malmuira was starting to worry that he had returned home to the Murray clan. She found Culloden in a corridor and pulled him aside.
“Have ye seen my husband? Ah can’t seem to find him anywhere.”
Culloden shook his head. “Haven’t seen him, lass. Perhaps he went out to tend to the horses?”
“Thank ye. If ye see him before ah find him, let him know ah’m lookin’ for him.”
“That ah will, lass.”
She turned on her heel and headed out towards the stables. Oidche’s horse was nowhere to be found. His saddle was also missing from its location.
“Lad, when did ye last see Oidche?”
The stable hand looked up at her with his fair skin and freckles and scrunched his eyes in a look of concentration. “Ah think ‘twas yesterday. Ah’ve been here all day. Not seen him since.”
Malmuira’s heart began to race and panic took over her mind. She worried and fretted. Perhaps he had left her and headed back to the Murrays’ keep. Or worse, what if he was injured? If she rode hard she may be able to catch up with him. Which way did he go?
“Did he tell ye where he was headed?”
The small boy nodded. “Aye. He said he was headed to the loch. Somethin’ about needing to clear his head or somethin’.”
Not waiting to thank him, she grabbed her mare, put the bit in her mouth and tied the bridle, threw herself over her back and left the stable at a trot. She urged her mare faster and faster until she was at a full gallop.
At a dead run, there was a small loch a little less than an hour from the keep. For anyone else it took over an hour and a half. She only hoped that he knew about this particular loch and headed to that one. The next loch was nearly half a day’s ride at a brisk trot.
She tried to clear her mind while she rode through the beautiful Scottish landscape. The sun was already up in the sky, the clouds fluffy and white. She kept up the pace and began to count the steps of the horse in rhythm. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8… and again, repeating the sequence. The number pattern calmed her anxiety and helped her to keep her thoughts quiet.
The clouds started growing darker before she arrived at the loch. She said a quiet plea to whichever god heard her that the weather would be kind. Seeing a mound of something unusual at the far side of the loch, she wondered what it could be. She urged the horse over to the other side.
As she approached the opposite side of the loch, she realized what she was looking at. A horse had fallen to the ground and lay quite still on its side. Her mare started huffing and squealing, while rearing away from the fallen horse. Hearing those noises she realized that the prostrate horse was dead. She jumped off of her mare and ran, hoping beyond all hope that it wasn’t Oidche’s steed.
The beautiful stallion was bloated from heat, but she knew it was his. The horse’s neck had been cut with a knife; she only hoped that he hadn’t been seized by thieves or marauders. Oidche was nowhere near the horse.
“Oidche!” She yelled as loud as she could. She ran around the loch, looking around for any sign of her mate.
“Mal?” A voice called out.
“Oidche!” She repeated.
“Mal! I’m here.” He seemed to yell, but his voice was raspy. She wandered towards the sound and found him leaned back against a tree. His leg was straight in front of him and he was covered in blood and a layer of dirt.
“Are ye okay?” He had to be wounded to still be out here and laid up under the tree, but
his face was noticeably pale and his lips a light shade that blended with the
color of his face.
“My leg is broken.”
Malmuira knelt down next to him and examined his leg. The bone lay at an odd angle, but it hadn’t gone through the skin yet. “Aye, definitely broken. What happened to yer horse?”
He grimaced in pain before he spoke and grunted. “Ah was riding at a run and his hoof found a hole. He broke his leg and fell to the ground. The bone came out of the skin. Ah had to put the poor beast out of its misery.”
“How’d ye break yer leg?”
His eyes started to roll into the back of his head and Malmuira realized how much pain he was in. “Never ye mind. Ah need to get ye back to the keep.”
She whistled as loud as she could, and her mare came running over. She was happy she had taught her mare how to lie down. Malmuira coaxed the mare with words and signals and got her to lie down on the grass with her legs folded under her.
“Oidche, ah can’t carry ye to the horse. Ye’ll have to do it yerself. Ah’m sorry.”
He didn’t say anything. He grunted in pain while rolling onto his side. He stood on one leg and cried out in pain. The sound was so loud and heartbreaking that Malmuira started to cry. She put her shoulder under his arm and helped him limp over to the horse. She was surprised he didn’t lose consciousness before reaching the mare.
He draped himself over the horse, lying on his stomach with his legs hanging off the side. “Ah’ll probably pass out, Mal. Just keep going.”
She shuddered internally and started to lead the mare at a slow walk. She would leave his gear for someone else to pick up.
Chapter 8
Every step the mare took elicited a groan from Oidche. At one point the horse casually skipped over a small creek and he screamed aloud. After the small jump, Oidche floated in and out of consciousness for the remainder of the journey.
At first, Malmuira worried about him losing consciousness, but realized it was better than feeling the constant pain. The sun was low on the horizon when they arrived back at the keep. Dinner had come and gone, and supper would be soon.
Given to the Highlander (Highlander Bride Series Book 1) Page 8