“I need to go home and help Dad with something, Pussy Cat. Mom says she has breakfast if you want to come over,” I say softly to her. She opens her eyes again, registering my words. She’s still groggy, and I wish I could stay in bed with her all day.
“I promised Dad I’d come over for breakfast,” she says, sleep still evident in her voice. I push her knotty hair back out of her face, gliding my thumb across her cheek.
“Okay… I’ll call you later. I want to take you somewhere tonight.” That gets her attention, and I notice she becomes more alert.
“Where?” she asks, excitement and caution lacing her tone. I smile and try not to let her adorability sway me into caving.
“You’ll know later, pretty girl. Go back to sleep, it’s still early. You have time before you need to go to your Dad’s house.” I kiss where her hair meets her forehead and get up. All I needed was to mention that she could get more sleep, and she easily gave up on the subject. “By the way, you need to move in with me.” She groans, and I chuckle, even though I’m serious. She doesn’t need to keep this place as a reminder of her failed relationship with Blake.
I grab my keys and wallet, put on my boots, and walk out into her living room. An idea strikes me as I look around and notice a lack of art on her walls, so I walk to her bookshelf quickly and quietly. I search, and find what I’m looking for on the bottom shelf. I pull it out, look through it until I find what I want, grab it, and then walk out the door. I make sure to lock the inside lock before I leave, knowing that Josie is still sleeping and would want me to lock it.
My house is about twenty-five minutes away, depending on how fast you drive, so I make it in about fifteen minutes. I can’t get the feel of her lips against my mouth out of my head; it’s been so long and I didn’t realize how starving I was for that.
When I walk into the kitchen at my house, my Mom looks up at me and frowns when she sees that I didn’t bring a companion. I walk up to her and rub her back slightly as I give her a hug. She’s about five-three so I’m much taller than her at six-one, but that doesn’t stop me from giving her a hug when I see her. She’s got blonde shoulder length hair and is wearing her favorite kitten apron. Her eyes are the same blue green as mine, and she has a slender build. She looks pretty good for being an old lady.
“She promised to eat breakfast with her Dad today, Mom,” I say, explaining why Josie didn’t come. She glares at me before reaching up and smacking the back of my head.
“Seth! You should have brought them both over!” she reprimands. I roll my eyes and go to the fridge to grab some orange juice. “You better get them over here soon.”
“I will… Where’s Dad?” My stomach grumbles as I smell the bacon cooking on the stove. Mom turns away from me and doesn’t answer. I walk over to her and pull her back from the stove.
“You little liar! You tricked me,” I accuse, trying to hold in a laugh. She shrugs and pulls away from me.
“I miss her. She used to be over here every other day growing up, and now I don’t ever get to see her,” she says, sadly. I let out a chuckle, but I feel a little guilty, too. If I didn’t leave, then Josie would have been around more. Although, that’s not necessarily true because Blake probably would have held her back, anyway.
“I know, Mom.” I grab a cup from the cabinet. “Hopefully she’ll be coming around more.”
“Good. She’s like a daughter I never had.” I lean against the cabinet next to the stove and smile at her.
“Aww, I’m not good enough?” She shoves my shoulder, making me spill some of my orange juice.
“Yeah, she’s not as messy as you,” she admonishes. I grab some paper towels to clean up the mess.
“I’m getting better. See, I didn’t even ask you to clean that up, and you’re the housekeeper, right?”
“You are asking for it, boy,” she says smacking me with her dish towel. I laugh as I walk out into the living room. It’s nice being around my family again.
Dad’s already sitting down in his recliner reading the newspaper. He has on huge reading glasses as he tries to solve the crossword puzzle that he’s never able to fill out entirely.
“Five letter word for someone who spends the night with the love of his life and doesn’t even bring her with him when he comes to breakfast the next morning?” he asks, still looking at the paper.
“You know it’s not that simple, Dad.” I flop onto the brown leather couch across from him.
“Ah! IDIOT! Something about you walking into the room made me think of that,” he says, looking up at me with a wry smile. I roll my eyes and let out a light laugh.
“I’ll bring her over next weekend.”
“You better… I actually do need your help today. One of the horses got spooked the other night by the storm and messed up the stall door.”
“Which one? Kitten?” I ask, knowing she gets scared easily.
“Yup.”
“Will she be good for riding later?”
Dad looks up at me and smiles. “Oh yeah, she’s fine.” He gets up from his chair and I get up with him. He always knows when a meal is ready. He and Mom seem to have a telepathic connection. He clasps my shoulder proudly. “Now you’re thinking.”
Bastard always knows things before they even happen. He’s about an inch shorter than me, and has brown hair that is getting washed away by growing greys. He’s still in great shape, even though he has settled down much more in the last four years. Makes me feel a little better about how I’ll look when I’m older.
“So what did you guys do last night?” Mom asks when we all settle down at the table. I oscillate whether or not I should tell her about what Josie revealed to me last night. It’s not really my story to tell, and I don’t want to see another disappointed look in my mom’s face.
“We went to a self-defense class, and then went to Will’s grave,” I say, shoveling in another forkful of eggs. They both look up, clearly curious about how that went. “It was fine. I said my goodbyes. It was hard, but it’s even harder for Josie. You should have seen her. It was like she wasn’t even on the same planet. She was gone. Then she was okay, and talked to him herself. I guess she did well though, considering she just buried him a month ago. Anyway, we went back to her apartment and watched a movie and talked.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Mom says sadly referring to Will’s death. None of us can.
We continue our breakfast, talking about my travels in Europe and how the farm has been running since I’ve been gone. All the while, my focus is on Josie and those damn perfect lips that I want to take advantage of tonight.
Chapter 7
Josie
How can I possibly feel this way about my best friend?
How can one simple kiss make my insides go crazy, and keep my thoughts muddled for the rest of the day?
When I was with Blake a few weeks ago, I thought for sure that he was the only one who had ever made me feel loved and sexy at the same time. I thought he was the only one I ever felt these butterflies for. I’ve blocked and hidden what I felt for Seth for so long, that I forgot what he had always been able to make me feel.
I forgot how it felt to be with him that first time four summers ago.
I forgot how I never wanted to see him with another girl. It slipped my mind that he’s still the one I consider my best kiss. I’ve blocked the way my heart would swell when he would look at me intimately. I’ve dismissed the love that ran through my veins whenever he looked at me or touched me.
I forgot I loved him.
I fell in love with him for a reason, and when he didn’t want to continue things with me, my heart was broken. I decided to never act on those emotions again. When I was with Seth again after Blake and I broke up, I made sure I didn’t let myself fall for him. I was still hurting from the break-up, so I didn’t pay attention to how Seth made me feel.
I’ve been missing out.
When his hot breath hit my face this morning, I didn’t think my heart could race a
ny faster in anticipation. I wanted him to close the space between us more than I needed my next breath. I closed my eyes and savored every second that his full lips were against mine. His kiss was so soft, promising everything he could do and would do for me in a single moment. We both know what that kiss meant. We both are now undoubtedly aware that there is still some kind of connection between us. I’m still worked up over the bond, and it’s been hours since Seth left my apartment.
What keeps eating away at me is the fact that if I were to pursue these emotions, then I could end up with an even more severed heart, lose my best friend, or worse than anything, not be able to give him my whole being. Out of every single human being I know, Seth is the one who is most worthy of love in the most passionate and zealous form.
I’ve been broken down over and over again. How am I supposed to give him my entire heart like I want, if there are ashes of my soul scattered in every heartache I’ve experienced? I’m slowly trying to repair myself, but there’s no guarantee that I will ever be whole again.
But then, when he pulled my lip into his mouth, running his warm tongue against my dry lip deliciously slowly, I felt whole- even if it was for a brief instant. I felt like I could give him the world if it meant more kisses like that. I could breathe and consume his lips against mine for the rest of my life and feel complete, never needing another conversation, interaction, or touch from anyone ever again.
So basically, I have no idea what to think or do.
“Come on, Josie. Pay attention to what you’re doing,” Dad says grumpily, pulling my thoughts away from Seth for the hundredth- nay, millionth- time.
Today isn’t a good day for him. For the last couple of weeks, I thought Dad had been doing better. Every time I called or came over, he seemed to be pulling himself out of the dark pits of depression, and started living again. He had gone back to work, and I think that really helped. But with so much good, there has to be days that are bad.
“I got it, Dad,” I say, getting frustrated. I’ve dropped that damn bolt three times since I started trying to tighten it. “You’re big hand can’t even fit in there, so don’t give me any crap.”
We’re working on the Barracuda today, which is why I think he’s in such a foul mood. Finding the time to work on it instead of mourning the loss of his husband is hard for him to accept. He doesn’t think he should be doing something recreational when the love of his life is no longer existing in this world. But I really wanted to work on it, for his sake and mine.
I need to redirect my thoughts so I can come to a clear and thought out conclusion about how to approach this situation with Seth. Working on a car has always been a good outlet for me to think. I just don’t want to lose him again, and I know that is exactly what will hold me back from being with him. A sign is what I need. I need to know if I should jump in, letting go of my reservations, or if I should make sure that Seth and I don’t give into the desires our bodies and souls are yearning for.
“Got it,” I breathe out, relieved that the bolt tightened. “Let’s hear it”
Dad sits in the front seat in the redone tan leather seats, and starts it up. The V8 engine sounds great, and I can’t help the pride that creeps through me. I look at Dad and we both beam at each other. This has been a work in progress, and now we’re reaping the benefits. We still need to fix some cosmetic things, some sensor errors, and some other problems, but this is the first time that the car sounded near-perfect while running.
I let out a little shriek and do a small happy dance. Dad laughs and cuts off the engine before walking toward me. He wraps me in a hug and holds me tight. It’s bittersweet. We want to celebrate our accomplishment, but we want to share it with our biggest supporter. Daddy was always there to call us to lunch or dinner when Dad and I would spend hours fixing the car, and he always kept up to date on what we were doing, even though he had no interest in cars.
“Well done, Josie Bean.”
“Yeah well, I learned from the best,” I say, pulling away. We clean up our tools and wash our hands before we head back into the house.
“I might need your help at the shop this summer.” I look over at him and visibly see the worry lines around his eyes.
“No problem, Dad. Whenever you need me,” I reply. I’ll always help him out when he needs me. It’s the least I can do, and I know Daddy would want me to help him get back on his feet.
We make our way to the kitchen where I have dinner ready in the crockpot. The first thing Dad asked when I walked in this morning was where Seth was. Dad was upset I didn’t invite him over, since he knew I had hung out with him last night. I rolled my eyes, and explained that Seth had to go back home to help his dad this morning so he couldn’t come over.
Simply to appease my father, I decided to text Seth and ask if he could come over for dinner… this had nothing to do with me and the fact that I want him here. Touching me. Kissing me…. I sigh as I think about the possibilities for tonight. I got a text almost immediately saying that he would be here around 5.
Dad helps me set the table, getting three plates, cups, and forks ready. All day, I’ve been so giddy and anxious about tonight. First, Seth told me he wants to take me somewhere, and then I invited him over for dinner. There’s nothing strange about asking your best friend to come over, but there is something daunting about asking your best friend who is making your heart race and who kissed you briefly this morning, to come over.
I want more than anything to tell him that the feel of his skin against mine is the most electrifying and satisfying feeling I have ever felt, and that my mind, body, and soul are craving attention from him, but I wonder if it’s too soon. Too soon after Blake left me stranded in my room. It’s been almost a month, and I feel like I’ve moved on, but I just want to be sure before I let Seth know how I’m feeling when I am around him.
I hear the front door open, and my heart speeds up in chest and I hold my breath. Seth’s been to my house a million times, so I can’t believe I’m even acting this way. It’s the most ridiculous thing in the world. I roll my eyes at myself and start scooping out globs of the tater tot casserole onto the plates.
“Where are you, Kitty Kitty?” Seth coos when he enters the house. He calls to me like a cat because of that silly nickname he has for me, and it still makes me groan in annoyance.
“In here, and stop calling me that!” I yell from the kitchen. I hear my dad chuckle lightly as he gets ice water for each seat.
“Aw, now what’s the fun in that, Pussy Cat?” Seth says as he enters the kitchen. I purposely don’t look at him because I don’t want to betray my annoyance, and even though it’s impossible, I don’t want him to see my heart pounding in my chest.
Once I finish putting food on the last plate, I no longer have a reason not to face Seth. I grab two plates and turn around, giving Seth a playful glare. He’s leaning in the doorframe in our kitchen, sandy blonde hair swept to the side, hands in his pockets, boots crossed at his ankles, and the sexiest smirk playing on his lips as he looks at me. My grip tightens on the plates I’m holding, completely nonplused by the effects of his smile on me, and I look away. I finish setting the table, and sit down. I stick my tongue out at him when he sits down next to me, and he laughs.
“I can think of a lot of things that tongue could be doing other than that, pretty girl,” he says, leaning in and wiggling his eyebrows while my dad is washing his hands. I scrunch up my nose and shove his shoulder, even though the thought sends a jolt of pleasure in the bottom of my stomach. I can’t help the smile that starts on my mouth, and I bite my lip trying to hide it from him. This only gets me an even bigger smile on Seth’s face.
“Yeah like putting it in a blender, because I’m sure there is nothing better to do with it,” I quip.
“Ha!” he barks out.
My Dad walks to the table to sit down. “What are you laughing about?” he asks, before digging into his food. He and Seth can eat like it’s nobody’s business.
“Jos sa
ys she’d rather eat dog shit than kiss me,” Seth answers shrugging his shoulders. I can’t believe how easily he comes up with this shit. I stare at him with my mouth wide open in shock. My dad laughs and looks at us.
“Yeah, right… because you two haven’t already kissed a million times,” he says sarcastically, taking another bite. I turn my surprised gape toward him, even more shocked by his response. Seth just starts cracking up laughing, and I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. What the hell is going on? Dad sees my startled look, “What? You didn’t think we knew?”
“No!” I exclaim, my cheeks heating in embarrassment.
“Oh, everyone knew,” Dad says with a smile. I’m glad he is happy, but it’s at my expense, and I’m not sure how I feel about this new information.
I look at Seth, and he’s just looking at me with a smile. I can see him thinking as he looks at me, and then I watch as his hand reaches out and lightly touches my cheek. That one touch is all it takes for my embarrassment and shock to dissolve into a longing that is so strong my heart aches in response. He’s pensive for a moment longer, then drops his hand.
I want to groan at the loss, but I keep myself in check by shoving some unhealthy food in my mouth. I want him so bad. I want him to touch me. I want to feel his rough, calloused hands run across my soft, smooth skin. I want to kiss him. I want to show him that I want to love him, and am ready to love him instead of hiding from the truth of my feelings. But I can’t yet because I’m still troubled with fear. Dad changes the subject, and starts talking about the car, but I don’t pay much attention.
Seth’s pinky grazes the side of my leg, delicately. It could easily be mistaken as an accident, but I don’t think it is. My breath catches in my throat as he touches the bare skin on my thigh, and I shift in my seat, feeling uncomfortable from the amount of desire that’s flooding my insides. Seth’s hand comes back and this time, he keeps it resting on the top of my leg. I take a deep breath, trying to control myself, but the shock that he sends straight to my core can’t go unnoticed.
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