That's a Lie

by Victoria Klahr

  “You having fun?” she asks. Her face is so bright with happiness that my heart swells. I always thought she was happy before, having parents with money, partying, the amazing looks, and a large group of friends, but she’s never looked happier than she does tonight. I nod my head and smile, and we return our attention to the group.

  We talk- okay they talk- for a while, and I’m gradually getting bored. I’ve never been one to like to gossip and talk about all that stuff girls talk about, so I don’t feel like I really fit in with the conversation. I keep looking around for a sign of Seth, but I can’t find him anywhere.

  Someone grabs my arm, and pulls me away from the group. The hand is large and strong, but very unwanted. Anxiety and fear overshadows my mood, as I try to figure out how to not make a scene and still get out of this situation. He’s already drawn some guests’ attention by pulling me away and pushing me up against him.

  “Come on, love… dance with me,” Blake slurs, trying to get me to stop squirming. His grip tightens and I worry about getting a bruise from his hold. I can’t believe he’s doing this. He pulls me in again and talks into my ear. “You look so fucking hot tonight, Jo. All I can think about is fucking you again.”

  I throw up a little in my mouth. These words are not sexy. These words are stated with pungent disgust, and I don’t feel comfortable being around him.

  “Stop it, Blake,” I whisper harshly, trying to pull my arms out of his grip without drawing too much attention. As I look around, I see it’s too late. Multiple curious eyes are looking our way, wondering what’s happening. Blake’s dark brown eyes are almost black with bitterness and I can smell whisky on his breath.

  This is the Blake that I feared. I saw a glimpse of this once before in our relationship, but that glimpse is nothing in comparison to the revolting person standing in front of me.

  “No, I won’t stop until you let me fuck that tight pussy. You always were a good fuck, Jo. That last time wasn’t enough to satisfy all my needs.”

  “No, Blake. Stop it.” I successfully pull one of my arms out of his clutches, but he’s still got a hold on my other. There’s unquestionably going to be a bruise. Tears sting my eyes from the pain, but I don’t want him to see me weak. I turn my face away, and he takes the opportunity to talk back into my ear.

  Why is no one interfering? I scream in my head. This is like my worst nightmare coming true, and there’s no one to help me.

  “Oh, come on. Don’t you worry about a thing, love,” he mockingly reassures, running his hand against the side of my face.

  There’s a malevolent gleam in his eyes, and terror crashes around me. Coldness envelopes my body and I grow numb. He’s trying to hurt me. He’s not being some drunk idiot. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and that makes this whole situation ten times worse. He’s no longer keeping the conversation between the two of us. He announces his next words loudly and clearly.

  “I’ll make sure to double up on the condoms before I fuck your slutty cunt… That way you don’t have to worry about killing another one of our babies. Or… what did you say? Terminate another pregnancy.”

  His look is of pure abhorrence, and I know mine is reflecting the same amount of loathing. I’m embarrassed and sick, but most of all, I’m fucking livid! I raise my hand and slap him as hard as I can across his face. There’s a gasp in the now quiet room, but my focus is only on this man who just purposely hurt and humiliated me in front of everyone. Before I can raise my hand again, someone is grabbing me from behind and pulling me away from Blake. Seth rushes past me and punches Blake in his eye without a moment’s hesitation.

  Blake grunts, but he doesn’t look deterred. In fact, he leers at Seth, who looks like he’s about to kill Blake. Brandon comes up and holds Seth back, so Seth’s fuming, trying to get past him to get to Blake. Blake’s a pretty even match against Seth, but I see the rage pulsating from Seth and I absolutely believe that Seth could murder Blake, easily.

  “Oh lookie here, guys. Josie’s boyfriend is back in town,” Blake announces loudly with a smarmy tone. He looks at Seth condescendingly, and smiles. “She tell you I fucked her a couple weeks ago? I know how you like fucking whores. You want her whore ass, then you can have her. Just make sure not to knock her up if you don’t want her killing your kid too,” he spits the last part in my direction.

  I whimper in the arms of the stranger holding me back. The pain is unbearable. I look to the right and see Brooke staring at me. Her face is pale and her mouth is open. One hand covers her mouth as if she’s going to be sick, and the other holds her stomach. I can see the disdain in her expression, and she shakes her head and walks away from the scene.

  I feel like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in my throat, chest, and stomach. Do I deserve this? Is this my punishment for getting an abortion? The tiny fragments of my heart and soul that had been starting to mend since Seth came back, shatter at my realization. I hate Blake. But I hate myself, too. I’m going to be punished for the rest of my life for my choice.

  Chapter 12

  Seth

  If there ever was a reason to go to prison for murder, it would be the moment I saw Blake hurting Josie.

  Brandon and I were walking back into the building from unloading some amps into the restaurant, and I searched for her immediately. I saw her pushed up against Blake, and fear and anger were evident in her eyes. He was talking to her, and I saw her trying to get out of his grip.

  And no one was fucking helping! What the fuck were they doing standing there?

  “Motherfucker…,” I said harshly. All that mattered was getting to her. He waited until I was gone to approach her, and I didn’t trust that his intentions were pure. I saw the way he looked at her earlier. He looked like he wanted to destroy her. I noticed her walls go back up instantly, and I could have killed him then for causing that.

  I pushed through the crowd to get to her, but they were making it harder to reach her quickly. It felt like time was in slow motion as I approached them. Her tanned skin looked pale as she looked at him in hatred and terror. My heart was pounding in my chest and anger ran through my blood.

  And then he announced the abortion to the room. I had finally reached them and I watched as Josie slapped him across his face. Brody held her back from hitting him again, but I rushed past them and punched him again for her. I want to murder him.

  Brandon blocks me from hitting him, but everything in me needs to make him bleed. I haven’t been this driven with fury since I found Josie in the alley being raped. By this asshole’s father.

  Then he calls her a whore. He can say whatever bullshit he wants about me, but when he starts insulting the girl that I love, my consideration about beating his ass at my best friend’s engagement party flies out the window.

  I look at Brandon in annoyance, and he sighs and shrugs. He backs off, giving me permission to give another blow to Blake. I grab his shirt with one hand and bring my other fist into his nose.

  “Get her out of here, Brody. Take her out front, I’ll be there in a minute,” I throw behind my shoulder.

  I turn back around, not waiting for a reply, and shove Blake against the closest wall. I lose count of how many times I punch him, but he doesn’t fight back, only stares vacantly ahead, accepting the punishment. I don’t say anything, I just zone in on hurting him. He hurt my girl. The look on her face was one of utter brokenness, one I haven’t seen since before I got her to start talking again after being raped. That look inflames my motivation to hurt him back, until I feel someone trying to pull me back.

  “Stop it, Seth! Finish it somewhere else, but stop for Brooke’s sake. Please,” Brandon begs trying to grab my arm. I don’t want to stop, but I also know that if I don’t break myself away, I’ll knock him out.

  I shove Blake one last time, and he lets out a grunt. His face is swollen and his lip and nose are bleeding. I lean down next to his ear.

  “You touch or talk to her ever again, and I will not stop. You’re fucking lucky you
r brother is here, because I want to murder you,” I whisper harshly to him.

  I don’t wait for a response and I let him go, stalking to the front door. People let me pass much more easily this time, and I search for Josie as soon as I get outside. I see her crouched at the end of the building, rocking back and forth. Brody is squatted in front of her, talking to her gently.

  “Go,” I demand when I walk up to them. He looks at me, and doesn’t question my instruction, getting up and moving back so I can get through. I kneel down in front of her and grab her chin. She keeps her eyes closed, but I can see the streak of tears marked against her perfect face.

  “Look at me, Josie,” I say to her softly. She refuses to look at me and she crushes her eyes together harder. I stroke my thumb across her jaw, and wait. “Please… I’m here, baby. Just look at me.”

  It takes her a moment, but she finally opens her eyes and looks at me. My heart fragments when I see the look in her eyes. Her eyes are bloodshot, but worse than that, I can see a haunted look in the depths of them. She was more than hurt back there, she was shattered.

  Pain sears my chest, making it hard to breathe. I continue to stroke her jaw and bring my other hand to her hair, trying to comfort her as she looks at me with her wrecked soul completely on display.

  “It’ll be okay, Josie. Do not let him get to you. You did nothing wrong,” I try to reassure her. I can see her slipping away from me.

  I’m losing her.

  “I killed my baby, Seth. Brooke couldn’t even look at me,” she rasps, her voice cracking.

  “Fuck Brooke. She’s pregnant so she doesn’t get it. Josie, you did what you had to do. You made a choice that you felt was right. No one else gets to judge you for that.”

  “I judge me for it. I could have made some other choices.”

  “But you didn’t. You can’t go back in time and change it. But you also can’t let it ruin your future.”

  “It’s ruining my future whether I try to stop it or not. This is payback. I can’t…,” she whimpers a little as she tries to speak. Every sob she lets out is another stab into my heart.

  I’m really losing her.

  “Please, Josie. Listen to me… You are perfect in every way to me. I support the choice you made… don’t let him take this away from you.” I’m talking about more than her pain from getting the abortion. I know exactly what she’s going to say. I know she’s backing away from the relationship we had just started to build.

  She stands up, pulling away from my hold on her. She’s hardening herself, and I watch as the pain in her eyes is blocked by a stoic expression that I can’t assess.

  “I can’t do this, Seth. I can’t be with you like this. I just need you to be my friend,” she states. My heart breaks some more at her words. Why is she doing this?

  “Jos… Please… this doesn’t change anything. I love you for every accomplishment you’ve made, and every single mistake you’ve made. Categorize that abortion however you want, but it does not change the fact that I am so in love with you.”

  “This changes everything, Seth!” she says, raising her voice.

  “This changes nothing, Josie!” I roar, getting in her space. She flinches slightly, but she hides it quickly by looking away from me. “I promise we’ll take things slow, Jos. I won’t push you, just don’t give up on this,” I plead, softening my voice.

  “It’s not about taking it slow. It’s that I don’t want it anymore,” she replies looking right into my eyes. I can’t figure out what she’s really feeling, she’s hiding from me.

  “Don’t want it, Josie? Or won’t let yourself have what you want because you don’t think you’re worthy?” I inquire roughly. She’s hurting me.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she answers, no longer looking at me. Her indirect answer proves that my theory is right. She doesn’t think she deserves something good.

  “It matters a whole lot, Jos…,” I say sadly. She looks back at me, but doesn’t really look at me.

  I’ve lost her. She’s done talking.

  “I want you as my friend and that’s it, Seth. Just let it go.” I walk up to her until my chest is against hers. There’s so much pain piercing my insides, but I can’t let it go.

  “You’re fucking stupid if you think I’ll let this go, Jos. You can run. You can hide your feelings away. You can do whatever the fuck you need to do to make yourself feel better, but make no mistake, I will keep trying. You’re not something I can just let go of. You’re everything to me, and I will love you even when you don’t want me to.” I push her hair behind her ear and trace her jaw, the only reaction I get is the show of chills across her collar bone. It’s enough for me. “So run and hide, Pussy cat, but I’ll keep coming back. I’ll always fight for you.”

  She takes a shuddering breath, but she still walks out of my embrace. It hurts, but I wasn’t lying when I told her I wouldn’t give up.

  “Can you take me home?” she asks quietly to Brody. My blood boils again at her request.

  “What the fuck, Josie! I’ll take you home. You’re not asking some stranger to take you home. Don’t be dumb.” She’s going out of her way to hurt me, and it’s working.

  Brody looks at me, and even though I don’t think he’ll hurt her, I don’t want her to go with him.

  “I don’t mind taking you home,” Brody says talking to Josie but keeping his eyes on me.

  “Josie!” I exclaim, walking back to her. “He’s one of them… you can’t go with him.”

  “One of them, Seth? What about Brandon? You would trust Brandon!”

  “Brandon’s my best friend!” I yell. She winces marginally, but I’m too angry to care. “I’ll take you home, Jos. Stop trying to hurt me.”

  There’s a flash of remorse in her eyes, but it vanishes rapidly. She turns back to Brody, whose eyes haven’t left mine. I don’t see any challenge in his expression, just sympathy.

  “Where’s your car?” she whispers, not looking at me. Brody looks at her and points to his silver Audi that sits only a few feet away.

  “Jesus fucking Christ,” I mutter, running my hands through my hair. She goes to the car and doesn’t spare me a glance as she gets in the front seat. Brody stands there waiting for me to say something, and I approach him angrily and shove his shoulder. “I’m following you. Hurt her, and I’ll kill you and your brother together.”

  He nods and goes to the front seat of his car. I walk to my truck and as soon as I get in my front seat I bang my fists against the steering wheel.

  Why does she always have to make things ten times harder?

  I follow her the whole way, and appreciate when Brody goes out of his way to make sure I don’t get stuck at a stoplight or get far behind them. I seethe as I watch him walk her up to her apartment, but I’m thankful he makes sure she gets there safely. I lean against the truck and wait for him to come back down the stairs.

  He sees me when he comes out and walks to me.

  “She’s just hurting, man. She doesn’t mean what she said,” he tries to reassure me.

  “What the fuck do you care?” I hiss, anger nowhere near close to gone.

  “You never tried to push her away to try to make her happy?” he questions, leaning against my truck also.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Actually, I do. I know exactly what it means to push someone away for their own protection. And that’s exactly what she’s doing.”

  I shake my head and look up to the window of Josie’s apartment. I don’t know why this guy is still talking. “I thought we were done with this drama shit, and then Blake had to hurt her again. Now she’s hiding from me,” I admit. I don’t know why I don’t just get in my truck and leave.

  “She wants you, though. When you were talking to Alice earlier, she looked like she was going to murder her,” he says chuckling. I breathe out a laugh. That bitch wouldn’t leave no matter how many times I tried to get away. The fact that Josie was a little jealous makes me
smirk.

  “She’s never liked when I talk to other girls… It’s the only thing that made me think she felt something for me.”

  “When you came out there and knelt with her, I could see something there. You two have something that most people don’t have or understand. Just give her time,” he says, pulling himself away from the truck.

  “Thanks for taking her back,” I say reluctantly. I’m not pleased that she didn’t ride with me, but I’m glad he kept her safe.

  “No problem, man. See you around,” he says and walks back to his car. I get back in my car and drive home.

  I feel an emptiness control my actions. I’ve lost a piece of my soul tonight by allowing Josie to get hurt, and it fucking kills me. I’m never there to stop her pain, and now I’m getting payback for it. She’s pushing me away, making me feel hollow and incomplete. I need that girl more than I need to live.

  The pain is a catalyst to try even harder. I lost her once to that prick, and it’s not happening again. My old therapist would tell me to put my pain into something productive, so as soon as I get home I grab my easel and sit out on my balcony. I set up the easel, lay out my paints, and clip a picture to the top of the canvas. I take a deep breath and paint.

  I’m fighting for her. That’s my inspiration.

  Chapter 13

  Josie

  Pretending like I don’t care and that nothing affects me is difficult this time around.

  I try my hardest to not let my feelings show and for the most part I’m successful, but then there are those moments when Seth makes me smile. I can make my face stoic and act like I am impenetrable, but that doesn’t mean that my insides don’t rage with my feelings.

  A lot of days when I get home, I have to go directly to my shower as a way to help calm the sentiments. I cry, I laugh, I feel in there, but I never bring it back out into the real world. I can’t show it, or I’ll get hurt again. Or worse than that, I’ll hurt Seth again.

  Seth. The hurt on his face the night of the engagement party three months ago broke my heart. I still think about it and feel the pain spread over me all over again. I wanted him. I wanted to be his and I had every intention of telling him exactly how I felt, but after what Blake did, I knew I didn’t deserve him.