I see another tick, and I know my suspicion is right. “Whose name does she call for when she sleeps? When she has a bad dream? When she whispers sweetly in her sleep? Who does she cry for? I’ve been sleeping with her since we were kids, and there’s only one name she says in her sleep… Mine.” He makes a fist at his side, and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head. “Must’ve been hard to constantly be reminded of who she really wanted every night, huh?”
“She always fucking wanted you. I never understood her fascination. I did everything right for her and she still wanted you,” he says, irritably.
“I felt the same way about you.” My phone vibrates in my pocket and I grab it, smiling when I see the message, and my anger dissolves into calmness. “You want to know how Josie is, Blake? When I say happy, that’s putting it mildly. I’ve never seen her this happy. She trembles with need before I even touch her. She smiles every time she looks at me.” I lean against the back of the couch and take delight in the fact that Josie’s better with me than she was with him. I see his pain in his eyes, darkening with each sentence.
“When I hold her before she falls asleep, she tells me she loves me, and it’s the most incredible thing to hear. I never take it for granted. When I make love to her softly and sweetly, she always has tears in her eyes, and tells me over and over that she’s so in love with me. Oh, and you have no idea how good it feels to hear her constantly tell me that I’m the best she’s ever had. That I make her body feel things she’s never felt. That when I make love to her, every time is her new favorite. And just now? She texted me and told me that she wants me to do what I did last night to her again when she gets home- to our place, because she agreed to move in with me.” My phone buzzes again and I get another text. I smile bigger knowing this will help with the last blow to this asshole’s ego. “And this text she just sent me, she tells me how she never thought she could love anyone as much as she loves me. That she would never be able to or want to go the rest of her life without loving me… So sweet.” I mutter the last part and text her back. I tell her I love her and I’ll make her feel all sorts of good when she gets home.
I look back up at Blake, and see him trying to keep his composure together. “So you see, Blake, she was never yours. She never chose you. You never even had a shot with her, because you couldn’t love her the way I do, and she couldn’t love you with the same depth as she loves me. It was never going to happen for you.”
He lunges for me, no longer able to keep it together and shoves me back. This is the Blake that Josie doesn’t know about, the one he only showed me because he knows I’m a threat. I lose my balance for a second and get back up to go after him.
“Five fucking minutes, Seth! That’s all you had to wait!” Brandon yells, shoving Blake back and out of my reach.
“I’ll fucking ruin you guys,” Blake threatens darkly.
“Give it your best! Josie and I have something stronger than what you can do to us.” I don’t back away from his challenging look. Finally he breaks eye contact, grabs his papers, and walks out the back door.
Brandon waits until we’re in his car before he asks about what happened.
“What the hell did you say to him? He was pissed!” He backs out of the driveway and heads to town.
“Just explained to him how much of a jackass he is… and informed him of how much happier Jos is with me than she was with him.” I shrug my shoulders, and look out the window. I feel him look at me, but I don’t look back.
“She is, though,” he says. “Look, he’s my brother and I love him, but you’re my best friend. I’ve seen her with you. When we all went out to dinner last week, I’ve never seen her like that before. It was like she no longer carried all the weight of the world on her shoulders. She looks freer than before. Blake will get over it. He’s not going to do anything.”
I’m glad someone else sees that she’s happy, so I know I’m not delusional. But I don’t believe for one second that Blake will leave us alone. I have no doubt he’ll try to bring us down. It’s just a matter of when and how.
* * *
“Who the fuck knew putting a crib together would be this difficult?” I ask, tightening the last bolt.
Brandon wanted me to come over and help him set up the nursery while Brooke had her baby shower, hoping to surprise her when she got home. The room was already painted green, so we just had to put up the wall decals and put together all the furniture. Brandon ordered a nursery set that Brooke had her eyes on, and we were able to pick them up today.
I get up and look around the room, impressed with our work.
“Well if the instructions weren’t in French then maybe it would have been easier,” Brandon says, putting some baby clothes in the dresser.
“Don’t get furniture they only make in France next time.”
“Brooke wanted it, and I wanted her to be happy.” I move the rocking chair next to the crib and put this cute stuffed frog in the seat. “Thanks for helping me out, man.” He pats me on the back as we both survey the room. Brooke will probably cry when she sees it. She cried at dinner a week ago when the waiter got her some extra bread.
“No problem. I’m here for you whenever you need me.” I grip the edge of the crib and peek inside. “Is it bad that I totally want to hop in here and take a nap?”
“I’d prefer you not to ruin it before the kid gets here.”
“I bet the kid wouldn’t mind. When he gets here, I’m gonna come over and take naps with him.” Brandon chuckles and sits in the rocking chair, squishing Mr. Froggy. I liked that frog.
“Speaking of the baby, I wanted to ask you something.”
I lean against the crib and look at him. “Go for it.”
“I was wondering if you’d be cool being the godfather.”
I grin broadly. “Yeah? For real?”
“Yeah… you and Josie would be perfect godparents. We both trust that you two would love and take care of the kid if anything happened to us.” It’s a big deal, being asked to be the godparents of another human being- to give Brooke and Brandon full confidence that their child will be taken care of if anything were to happen to them.
“Thanks, man. I’d fucking love to. I’ll teach him how to unhook a bra in 1 second flat.”
“See that’s why I knew you’d be perfect… but actually that’s the same reason Brooke wasn’t sure at first.”
“She’ll get over it… So, Josie and me as godparents…” I smile wistfully, thinking about the future that sentence holds. I’d love to have a family with Jos, so this might be a good way to ease her into the idea. “When are y’all telling Jos?”
“Brooke’s telling her today at the shower,” he looks at his watch. “Which should be about over now.”
“Wait. She’s telling her today? At a baby shower?”
“Yeah…,” Brandon says hesitantly.
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath. That’s not a good idea. “I need to go.”
“What’s wrong?”
I pick up my jacket off the floor and jog down the stairs. “I need to get there before she asks Josie.” I turn around and put my jacket on. “The answer will be yes, so if something happens and Brooke comes home upset, just know that Josie’s scared. I’ll text you tomorrow.”
I run to my car and speed over to Brooke’s friend’s house. I could see what planning this baby shower was doing to Josie, and being asked to be responsible for a child while feeling guilty for aborting the one she could have had, won’t help. I would catch Josie looking at the decorations with sadness in her eyes and once I saw a tear fall when she looked at the sonogram she framed for Brooke. It’s been hard on her to see what she could have had because her guilt isn’t gone yet. When I pull up to the house, I jog to the front door and walk in, looking for her immediately. I see Brooke talking to one of her friends. The place is almost empty, so the party must be over.
“Brooke…” I call to her. She turns around and starts in my direction immediately. I walk back outsi
de, and wait for her to waddle to me.
“Seth! She left. She freaked out and left. I don’t even know what I did. We finished playing that poopy diaper game and I asked her to be the godmother, and she said she couldn’t breathe and she left.” Brooke’s on the verge of tears, and the friend part of me wants to comfort her, but the majority of me needs to find Josie and make sure she’s okay.
I give Brooke a quick side hug. “Today just wasn’t the right day to ask, Brooke. I’ll find her and talk to her.” As I walk to my truck, I try to call Josie, but it keeps going straight to voicemail. I call my mom and ask if she’s home, but she’s not there. I call her dad and ask if she’s there, but she’s not. I slam my fist against the steering wheel and try to think.
Her apartment! I’m a fucking idiot. I press harder on the gas and rush over to her place. She’s only been there once to get more clothes since she’s been staying with me, so it didn’t click at first. I run up her stairs and try the knob on the door. She must have been really upset because she didn’t lock it. I walk in and start toward her room.
“It’s me, Pussy Cat.” I don’t want her freaking out that a stranger may have just come into her house.
I walk into her room and see her curled in a fetal position, rocking while she cries. My chest aches and my throat feels like someone just stabbed it with a hundred needles. “Oh, baby…” I say gently, getting on the bed and pulling her into me. I brush her hair back and rub her arms.
“It’s okay, Jos… I’ve got you.” Her crying gets softer as I whisper to her and hold her tightly. I’m angry and devastated. I don’t know how to fucking help her! She suffers anytime there’s mention of a baby, and I don’t know how to make it better for her. “I’m so sorry, Josie. I want to take away all the pain, but I don’t know how.”
I lean down and kiss every stray tear I see on her face, wanting more than anything to wipe away her hurt. “You can’t,” she whispers, choked with sadness. “I’m so sorry, Seth. I’m a fucking mess. You deserve so much better than me.”
“Stop, Jos. Don’t do that again. I’ll take you fucked up any day over not having you at all.”
“She wants me to be a godmother to her baby. That sweet baby… I felt him kick today and it was so precious… Why would she trust me with that?”
“Because she loves you, and she knows you’ll make a great mom one day. It’s the same thing I see in you, Jos.”
“But after everything I did-,”
“Stop it, Josie! It’s done. You can’t take it back. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you fucking human. That’s not a reflection on how great of a mom you’ll be. That’s absolutely not a reflection on your competence to take care and love your best friend’s child.”
“I feel so much guilt, Seth.”
“Get rid of it. Give it to me. I’ll take whatever burdens you have. Just please try to get past this.” I pull myself over her and caress her cheek in my hand. “You have such a beautiful heart and soul, Jos. You are so much more than one thing you did. You are gorgeous. Smart as hell. Tougher than any person I’ve ever met. You suck at the monkey bars, but you’re still pretty cool for a girl. And I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. You’re more than this, Jos, and everyone sees it but you.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you,” she says sadly, closing her eyes and turning into my hand.
“Stop worrying about that so much, and just let go.” I lean down and kiss her lips, wet and swollen from crying. I pull back and tell her emphatically and softly, “I’ll love you forever, Pussy Cat. I’ll love you when I’m dead and gone. I’ll love you through every life I live after this one. I’ll love you every second I have left to live, and I won’t regret one single moment of loving you. I’ll choose you over and over again, because I can’t and won’t get over this feeling. You’ll probably piss me off some days and I’ll probably annoy the hell out of you other days, but nothing will change the fact that I am madly in love with you, Jos.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I don’t need her to. The way she looks at me is enough. She’s never been good at expressing how she’s feeling, but I know with one look exactly what she’s thinking. She reaches up to touch my face, and brings her face up so she’s kissing me. She kisses me softly and the way her lips touch mine says everything I need to hear without the words.
“I am so madly in love with you,” she whispers. I capture her lips again and kiss her harder. I run my hand up her side and run them over her stomach.
“I can’t take back the abortion for you, Pussy Cat, but I sure as hell can help make a whole lot of new babies with you,” I say hoarsely, kissing my way down her neck. I look up and see a smile on her lips. She’s getting there.
I make love to her slowly, taking my time showing her that I love her and that she’s perfect to me. I show her with every kiss that she’s worthy of the love of her friends and me, and I try to push away the last of the guilt that she’s been carrying. I thrust into her headily but slowly, enjoying every inch that enters her. Her hands grip my back, and I keep my hands in her hair, leaning my forehead against hers. She whimpers every time I slide out, and lets out a cry when I push myself back in roughly.
I see tears welling in her eyes, and I love that she’s getting my message vividly. My lips stay on her, alternating between kissing, and breathing her in.
“I’m going to come, Jos. I need you… I can’t do it without you, too.” I kiss the tear that falls as she looks at me.
“I love you, Seth,” telling me what I need to hear without me asking. I need her to never forget those words and that she means them, but I need them, too. I need to know this is real. She closes her eyes briefly, and I feel her nails bite into my back. I moan and thrust into her harder. She cries out, and shudders under me. I push into her a couple more times before I fill her with my come, holding her face and kissing her heatedly.
“I was wrong,” she admits quietly a few minutes later while I hold her, both of us trying to recover from the fervent passion we just experienced.
“’Bout what, pretty girl?”
“I said you can’t take the pain away, but you did. You do every day, but this time it feels different. I feel like I can move on,” she says, turning in my arms and looking at me. “I mean, I know the guilt’s not completely gone, but I feel so much better. I feel like we can get through anything. I feel lighter when I’m with you. And most of all I feel loved, and I feel worthy of your love. That’s something I thought would be impossible a month ago.”
“I love you, Jos. And I know we can get through anything.”
Chapter 23
Josie
“Pussy Cat…” I groan, not wanting to wake up. “Come on, pretty girl… wake up.” I feel a rough hand slide up my bare back, making me shiver and grin.
“Why?” I whine, hiding my smile in the bed. I’m not ready to open my eyes yet.
“I wanna take you somewhere,” Seth tells me, his breath hitting my shoulder.
“Is it romantic?” I ask.
“I don’t do romantic, Jos. You’re my first girlfriend…”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t be romantic with me,” I mumble. Seth’s hand tugs my hair playfully, and kisses my back.
“It’s not romantic, but it’ll be fun. Come on.” He spanks my butt lightly, and I feel the bed move as he gets up. I groan again, and take a few minutes before I force my eyes open. We must have fallen asleep after we had sex. It’s dark outside, so it’s been a couple hours.
“What should I wear?” I ask, finally rolling over and pulling myself up.
“Sweatshirt.” I stick my tongue out and make a face behind his back as he puts his shoes on. “And I know you’re making faces, so you better stop before I punish you for it later.”
“Ugh!” I know exactly how he thinks he’ll punish me, but he never comes without letting me get off, too. “That threat is getting old.”
“Watch it, Pussy Cat,” he warns, turning around
and smiling at me. When he sees me still not getting dressed he scowls. “Get dressed!”
I groan and flop back down on the bed. I just want to go back to sleep. I feel my leg being pulled, and look up to find Seth trying to put on my jeans for me. I giggle, and let him continue his task with no help from me. He pulls them up and tickles my side until I move my butt for him to get them the rest of the way up. He buttons and zips it, placing a kiss on the birthmark on my hip before grabbing a sports bra and shirt. He tugs on my arm and pulls me up. He pushes my arms and head through the bra, kissing each of my breasts before he pulls it down. The shirt follows next, and I’m officially dressed.
“You forgot my shoes,” I tease, wiggling my toes in his direction. He chuckles softly and kisses my mouth quickly. He goes to my dresser and grabs a pair of bright green socks and a pair of tennis shoes.
“Not kissing these bad boys,” he says with a playful grin, crouching in front of me. He puts my socks and shoes on, and stands back up. “Ok… no more excuses. Come on.”
I get off the bed and stomp to my closet to grab a sweatshirt. “Stop pouting, Jos. I did all the work… as usual.”
I gasp and glare at him after I pull the hoodie over my head. “That was mean!”
He comes up to me and lifts me off my feet. “It’s not mean. I love doing all the work.” I wrap my arms around his neck, and let him kiss me while walking me to the door. He puts me down, and locks the door.
We drive for about ten minutes before we pull into an empty parking lot at the community park. Unlike Seneca Park, Great Junction Park is catered towards kids and extracurricular activities. They have skate ramps, fishing ponds, and a big ass playground. I turn in my seat, and give Seth questioning look.
“What are we doing?”
“Okay. So, they tore down the playground we met on, so we couldn’t go there, but I thought I’d take you here, instead. Have you seen this playground? It’s fucking badass.”
“It’s closed!” I exclaim, laughing.
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