“You look just like your father when you look at me like that,” I say darkly. I know it’s a low blow, but I can’t stop the words from coming out. He knew exactly how to hurt me, and it worked. He flinches, and backs away from me.
I step back, hoping to find the comfort that Seth had been offering moments earlier, but I feel nothing. I look behind me and he’s gone. I let out the tiniest cry of pain, and look back in front of me. Brandon runs a hand through his hair and has a conflicted look on his face. I should have just walked away.
“Um… they took Alec for some testing…,” I say, voice breaking from the sorrow I feel. I want to ask if he wants anything when Seth and I go out, but Seth isn’t here and I don’t know if he’s left me for good. What if what Blake said made him realize that I’m not worth his time?
I don’t and can’t say anything else, so I walk away, forcing back my tears.
Chapter 24
Seth
It takes so much fucking strength to walk away from that conversation.
It takes even more power to not race the fuck out of that parking lot and never look back. I slam my fist against the steering wheel, needing the bodily pain over the fury that’s burning inside.
She didn’t just push me away once up there, she pushed me away three times. Three fucking times. I thought we were over this bullshit, but he still gets to her.
I watch her walk out of the front entrance and look around. I can’t decipher her expression from this far, but she looks like she’s not sure what to do with herself. I’m pissed at her, but I’m not going to make her stand out there alone. I get out and walk up to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the side where there are no people.
“Why did you leave?” she asks, eyes wide with tears that she’s trying so hard not to shed.
“Why didn’t you just walk away, Jos? Why did you have to go up to him?”
She shakes her head. “I- I don’t know. I wanted to stand up for myself, I wanted him to know he can’t talk about me like that.”
“Josie! You don’t have to say anything to him. You two are done.”
“Why are you acting like this? What are you scared of?” she asks. And that’s the problem. I’m scared. I run a hand through my hair and debate how to approach this.
“Why did you shove me away?”
“We’re not getting anywhere if we keep asking questions and get no answers!” I wait for her to answer me, and she finally sighs and relents. “I’m not weak, Seth. I just wanted him to know he can’t push me around.”
“How did that work for you, Jos? He didn’t hurt you with what he said?” She looks away and I watch her clasp her hands together to stop the shaking. He did get to her. “I know you’re strong, baby, but he knows exactly how to hurt you. It killed me to have you push me away- for you to act like I was useless to help you.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do!” she exclaims, getting frustrated.
“Yes it is! You pushed me away, like you always do when you’re hurting because of him. He gets in your head, and you shove me away.” I walk closer to her, and cup her face. “You want to know why I’m scared? I’m scared because he promised he would destroy us and you walked right into another trap by him.”
“What do you mean?” she asks quietly.
“The last time I talked to him he was pissed and threatened to ruin us, and what he said up there was just another way to get you to break. If he makes you feel bad enough, he knows you’ll run away from me again.”
“I won’t,” she promises, shaking her head.
“I hate him, Josie. He’s playing a game I don’t want to be a part of. I need you to let him go, because he obviously still has some kind of hold on you.” Maybe that’s what hurt the most. The fact that she still cares if he sees her as an awful person.
“He doesn’t, Seth! I swear! I just don’t like being accused of something I feel I had every right to do. I mean, don’t you think I’ve felt guilty long enough? How can you stand here and tell me that I shouldn’t be fighting back! How can you say that I should just let it go, while he goes around telling people I have no business to be around that baby?”
“No, Jos, don’t be stupid. I mean, I saw the way you flinched when he looked at you. You didn’t like him looking at you with so much hatred. That’s what worries me.”
“And why did you walk away, Seth?” she asks pulling away from me. “It wouldn’t be because he reminded you about how I used you?”
“Do you not see what he did? Do you hear yourself? One fucking encounter with him, and we’re already fighting.”
“I see the man I love not trusting me. That’s what I see, Seth.”
“I don’t trust him! I will not risk losing you just so you can prove that he’s being an asshole. Everyone knows he’s a dick. Did you not see Brandon up there? Did you not care that you just started another fight on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of his life? Want to know why I walked away? It has nothing fucking to do with a reminder of how you used me, it has everything to do with my best friend hurting that his family is fighting when everyone should be laughing and swooning over his son!”
A single tear slides down her face, and she closes her eyes. She backs away and I see hurt written all over her. I don’t want to hurt her, I just want her to see that it’s unnecessary to keep fighting over what happened. It’s time to let go of that part of her life, and move on. With me.
“I’m calling my dad to pick me up,” she whispers, turning away and taking her phone out of her bag. Like hell she is.
“You’re running away right now, Josie,” I tell her. She stops herself from walking further away, and turns back to me.
“I’m not running. I just need to think.” She shakes her head, and I see uncertainty in her expression. She’s so confused, but she still scrolls through her contacts on her phone.
“I’ll be in my truck. I’m not leaving unless you’re with me.” I turn away from her, and walk back to the parking lot. As soon as I see her hang up her phone, I text her dad.
Me: Don’t pick her up and don’t tell her that you’re not coming. I’m here
Tony: Is she okay?
Me: She’s being stubborn as usual
Tony: Sounds about right. Take care of her
Me: Always
So for the next few hours, I alternate between listening to music in the car and going outside to lean against the hood and watching her. She’s frustrated- annoyed that I’m right and that her Dad still isn’t here, and it makes me smile more than it probably should. She’s so goddamn tenacious. I watch as she sends me defiant glares, straightening her shoulders to show me that she isn’t going to concede. But she will.
I don’t like fighting with her, but it makes my dick hard to see her so feisty. Speaking of a hard dick, if this girl doesn’t give up soon, I’m going to have to take care of it myself.
I think I fell in love with her even more today when she held baby Alec. She looked terrified when they asked if she wanted to hold him. Her hand started shaking, and I knew her fears of not being good enough were coming back. I’m not sure she’s ever held a baby before today, but she looked amazing. She was so cautious cradling him, but that look in her eyes…. Fuck, that look made her look even more gorgeous to me.
Visions of us living far away from here, married and with our own kids flashed to my mind. I pictured a little girl with long, dark brown hair just like Josie’s, who was every bit as gorgeous as her mother is. If there ever was a moment of feeling complete and utterly in love with someone, it was in that image. There was definitely a shift in our relationship as I held her and kissed her.
It just hit me, and my breath caught as I looked at her. I already knew I didn’t want anyone else, but the future never fully clicked until that moment. I wanted to marry her right there and make a ton of babies with her, starting in the next empty hospital bed. I want everything.
When she left to go get my camera bag, I almost felt like I coul
dn’t let go of her. I never want to let her go. I never want to be without her.
It was fucking intense. Girl has me acting like a pussy, but I love her.
Then Blake came and ruined the fucking moment. I expected him to be here, and I had planned to take Jos and leave until he left because I didn’t want to risk him pulling anything that would make her feel bad about herself. We’ve come so far since we’ve been together, working on her issues with the abortion and working on always being open with each other. We’re good together.
Every day my Mom tells me she can’t believe how perfect we are for each other. One day she even said that she felt like we both saved each other. I never felt like I saved her, I just know that she saved me. If I didn’t have her, and I don’t mean just as a friend, then I would be drowning in a dark cloud of guilt and anger.
I saw how Blake looked at Josie in the hospital room. Before she noticed and before he noticed we were looking, he was looking at her with the same longing I felt for so long. He knows he lost the greatest girl he could have ever had, and it showed on his face. It probably didn’t help that Josie was looking at me with the same wistful expression I had earlier for her.
When we walked up to Blake and Brandon, I was fucking pissed listening to what Blake was saying. Josie focused on just one part of that conversation, but she missed a lot more. She didn’t understand his meaning behind what he said. Blake made it obvious he’s not over her, and he still feels like he should be with her. He wanted it to be him and Josie as Alec’s godparents. He knew that since Brandon made Josie and me the godparents, Brandon was giving us his support.
Blake switched things around and took out his anger on her, making her feel bad and making her feel like he thought the baby wasn’t safe with someone like her- which is bullshit, by the way. It turned into another fight about her past as a way to try and break her. Telling her he loves her won’t work in his attempt to ruin us, so he just tries to get her to run away from me.
Fucking cock sucker.
I couldn’t keep watching the look on Brandon’s face fall with each sentence the two of them spat at each other. I was pissed she pushed me away. I was pissed he was making her upset. I was pissed they were upsetting my best friend. So I walked away, hoping Josie would notice and wouldn’t be far behind.
I’m unwrapping my third piece of gum by the time Josie starts walking toward me. Well, more like stomping. I turn my face away slightly so I can hide the grin of satisfaction I have. When I’m composed, I stare at her intently, watching every stomp she makes. She throws her purse on the hood that I’m leaning against, and my dick twitches. She’s so goddamn sexy when she’s pissed.
Three hours and thirteen minutes until she came to her fucking senses.
“Your Kindle die?” I ask, casually.
“Yes,” she responds curtly. I smash my lips together- it’s fucking hard not to laugh at her annoyance.
“You should start remembering to charge it at night.” She rolls her eyes and looks away. She mumbles something while her head is turned, and I grin. “What was that, Pussy Cat?”
She whips her head around and glares again. I shift my feet, trying to calm the erection I have, but there’s only one way this problem will be solved- and she’s standing in front of me with look that makes it clear that sex is the last thing on her mind. She’s sexy as fuck- strands of her long hair fling in front of her face and her dark blue eyes have a beautiful darkness to them.
“Stop distracting me at night, and I’d remember!”
“No way that’ll happen… figure something else out.” I slip my fingers through her wayward hair, and push it back behind her ear. She can’t hide the little shiver that shakes her when I touch her. “Is this really what you want to be bickering about, baby?”
“Dad didn’t come.”
“I know.” I have to hide another grin. She’s so pissed off, but it’s fucking cute as hell.
“You were right…,” she mutters, looking at her feet.
I lean into her and ask, “I’m sorry…. What did you just say?”
“I said you were right, Seth!” She’s even more pissed she just admitted that, and I let out a loud laugh.
“I know I am, but I want you to list every reason why. I will cherish this moment forever.”
Ahhhh, another eye roll. That’s my girl.
“I shouldn’t have let that escalate into that in there. I should have just walked away when you asked me to. And I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I want you to know though, that I don’t feel sorry for standing my ground, but I am sorry for doing it here. Today.”
“Pussy Cat, I don’t want you to not stand up for yourself. We’ve never let any of those kids get away with picking on you growing up, and I have no intention of letting that happen now. This just wasn’t the time or place for it. Also, we’re a team. You don’t do these things alone, and you sure as hell don’t get to push me away and do it yourself. We’ve been taking down bullies together since we were six, and we’re not changing that now.”
“I want to be strong.”
“You’re the strongest person I know.” She really is.
“I’m not. I’m weak.” There’s so much sadness in her voice, like she actually believes that.
“Bullshit, Jos. That’s fucking stupid, and that’s Blake getting into your head again. You’re far from weak. It’s more than the fact that you’ve overcome a lot of shit in your life, it’s the person you are. You’re tiny, but you’ve got some motherfucking power in you.”
“Did what he said make you rethink being with me? About me using you and how I’m a terrible person?” she asks softly, kicking her shoe against the pavement. I move to stand in front of her and lean her against the truck.
“No, Jos. I mean he’s a fucking prick for bringing it up, but I’m over that. Neither one of us were in a good place then. I shouldn’t have agreed to be with you until you knew how I felt.” I kiss the side of her mouth, feeling a jolt of pleasure from touching her soft skin again. “He doesn’t know how we are together, Jos. He doesn’t know how much you love me, too. He thinks he can throw that in our faces and cause a rift, but he doesn’t realize how strong we are together. Nothing will make me stop loving you. It’s impossible.” She nods her head, and I finally see understanding in her eyes.
“I didn’t like that you walked away,” she confesses, quietly.
“Then I won’t ever do it again. I’ll throw you over my shoulder next time.” Her thin lips tilt up in a cute smile, and she leans into me.
Her breasts brush my chest softly, but it’s enough to cause a fire to start roaring inside of me. “We’re getting a hotel room, let’s go. We’ll come back later.” I open her door and wait for her to sit down.
“I can’t believe my Dad didn’t show,” she ponders as we buckle our seatbelts. Apparently I didn’t hide my grin in time, because she hits my chest. “You didn’t!”
“Of course I did. Told you I’m not letting you run.”
Instead of arguing that I shouldn’t have done that, she leans in and kisses me hard.
I make it to the hotel room in less than a quarter of the time it should have taken.
* * *
“I swear, Seth! He just smiled at me!” Josie exclaims clapping her hands and bouncing on her toes. My stomach gets that warm feeling again as I watch her.
“I don’t believe you. Do it again,” I tell her standing on the opposite side of the bassinet.
“Okay… Okay,” she says, waving her hands up and down the front of her body as a way to calm down her excitement.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. I get my camera ready while she’s not looking, and when she opens her eyes, her face contorts into a look that should make me run and hide. Her fingers pull her cheeks together, her mouth is crooked, her tongue is sticking out, her eyes are crossed, and her eyebrows are all over the place. She looks ridiculous, so of course I snap the picture of her, and then I take a picture of Alec as he smiles
at her. He sure as hell is smiling, too. Weirdo.
The bastard loves Josie. Any time she’s around, he’s all cute and sweet. But I’ve heard him with Brooke and Brandon, and the kid is Satan reincarnate. My main little man.
“Please tell me you took a picture of that! I wanna rub it in Brooke’s face!”
“I got it, Pussy Cat. I also got one of you making that face.”
“No you didn’t!” she says, eyes widening and hands reaching for my camera. I hold it away from her and roll my eyes.
“You’ll never win, baby. Stop trying.” She pouts just like Alec does when he’s hungry, and I lean across to kiss those sweet lips. She sighs, knowing she’ll never get the camera, and then grins.
“Told you he smiled at me,” she said proudly.
“Brooke’s gonna be pissed,” I say with a laugh.
“I don’t even care.” She picks Alec up, and kisses his nose. Fuck, she’s so cute. “Aunt Josie doesn’t care ‘cause she loves you sooooo much,” she fusses, rubbing her nose against his. I take another picture.
“Just remember this moment when you’re eleven and you want to ask to see some of the pictures I’ve taken, little man. You want in on my good side, then you better smile for me next time.” I wrap my arm around Josie’s waist, loving the way she smiles longingly at Alec and me.
Every time I look at her like that, it solidifies what I already know. Only two more weeks.
“Should I be concerned about all these pictures of naked people you’re taking?”
I kiss her cheek. “Of course not. But Brooke should be scared, ‘cause I’m gonna be making her son the most wanted kid on campus. Teach him everything I know.”
She looks up at me and smiles seductively. “Well then I guess he will be pretty good then.”
“More than pretty good, Pussy Cat.” She chuckles softly and moves to cradle Alec in her arms.
“I thought I heard their car pull up,” she says.
“They did. They’re probably getting a quick fuck in before they come in.”
It’s not farfetched. Brandon was complaining to me the other day that ever since Alec was born two months ago that they hardly had sex anymore. He was worried that even on their honeymoon in two weeks he won’t get laid. It’s probably why they’ve been so fucking cranky lately, too. That’s why Jos and I offered to babysit for them while they went out on a date.
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