Darcy relished the opportunity to show his sly observer how civil and friendly he could be, and with true sincerity he invited his new acquaintance to come and fish with him, he already liked this gentleman for himself, not only because he was rapidly falling for his niece once again. It would truly be a pleasure to have someone in their party who actually had something sensible and new to say. Mr Hurst was a great bore, and Bingley was a really good friend, but not someone with a distinct opinion on various interesting subjects, as Darcy was sure Mr Gardiner would turn out to be.
They talked about fishing tackle and species of fish for some time, and Darcy took Miss Elizabeth's uncle to the water's edge to show him a very rare species of water plant that John had recently discovered there. They admired it through the crystal-clear water of the stream, and when they returned to the path Mr Gardiner was claimed by his wife, who was clearly not a kindred spirit to her niece in that she was not a walker by choice. She wanted her husband's arm to support her. That meant it fell to Darcy to accompany their niece, and the very thought caused him anxiety and excitement all in one. Dared he offer her his arm? Better not, she was a great walker and couldn't possibly be tired already, and he dared not become too familiar, for Miss Elizabeth was clearly not at ease at all in his company.
Was it his fault? Had he been too familiar already?
'We were very surprised to see you, Mr Darcy,' she said, and she proceeded to explain they had been assured the family was not at home before they decided to view the house and grounds, as if she expected him to blame her for visiting his house in the course of a journey through Derbyshire. Of course he was not sorry at all at this chance to redeem himself in her eyes, but he didn't tell her that, he merely explained how his housekeeper hadn't known he would be a day early, since he hadn't told anyone.
'I had business with my steward, and frankly, I felt like riding by myself, sometimes I just like to spend some hours all alone. The rest of the party will arrive tomorrow.'
He mentioned Bingley and Bingley's sisters being in that party but instantly regretted it, it was clearly too sensitive a subject to be mentioned for both of them, and he changed the course of their conversation quickly by daring to ask a very great favour of her, hoping it wouldn't put her off.
Darcy really wanted to introduce Georgie to Miss Elizabeth, not only to prove to her that he valued their acquaintance, and to secure a chance to see her again, but also because he felt Georgie might benefit from Miss Elizabeth's example of being a little more outspoken and self-assured.
Again, Miss Elizabeth was very surprised at his civility, and she reacted almost shyly, assenting to his request in a manner totally opposed to her usual assuredness. She didn't seem to hate him anymore, but what was her feeling for him? He really couldn't place it, she seemed rather embarrassed, but not displeased by his forwardness. Was she still feeling uncomfortable to be on his estate? Was she plagued by memories of Hunsford?
They walked on rather quickly, lagging was in neither of their characters, and they soon reached the carriage, with her uncle and aunt far behind. He dared to ask her to come into the house, but she replied she wasn't tired, he could clearly see she was still very uncomfortable to be here, but why? She agreed to let him introduce her to his sister, hadn't he made it clear by now she was very welcome here?
Maybe she was one of those people who couldn't enjoy a moment of silence in good company. He had noticed in Kent that while quietly experiencing the moment was one of his favourite pastimes, apparently it made her uncomfortable. Too bad, for he was feeling very good just being with her, drinking in the sight of her, she looked really well, as pretty as ever, her skin a shade darker in summer, her features as pleasing as he remembered them, her beautiful eyes avoiding his own.
That wasn't right, what reason did she have to avoid facing him? She who stood up to him when he treated her without the proper respect, like no-one else had ever done, why would she avert her eyes now? She hadn't done anything wrong, had she? The fault had been all on his side. But what if she didn't think so, what if she was convinced part of the blame of that evening was hers? He would so love to tell her his opinion on that, but that was way
too intimate. He would love to fall on his knees and beg her to forgive him, but that would be even less decorous. All he could do was be as friendly and as polite to her as he could, show her he repented his past behaviour, and hope to be forgiven.
Miss Elizabeth now truly couldn't bear the silence any longer and started to tell him about her travels in Derbyshire. Hearing her talk was even better than just watching her, for her observations always managed to surprise him, from the very first of their acquaintance, like that time she said a good sonnet could starve away an inclination to love quite efficiently. As he replied to her remarks on local sights he knew quite well, and even asked some questions about others, he couldn't keep himself from recognising that his love for her was already in full bloom again, way beyond even considering the application of poetry.
No matter how hopeless his love would turn out to be this time, it was already making his veins throb and his chest contract. He was constantly aware of the odour of horse on his own trousers, which was probably for the best, for it he got a whiff of her scent his desire would be back instantly as well. It was nagging at the edge of his consciousness already, making him want to stand closer to her, or take her hand. How would that ever help him to make her forget what happened that night, help to give him another chance?
She managed to keep up the conversation, with a little of his help, until her aunt reached the carriage. Knowing they would not accept, he nonetheless invited all of them into the house for refreshments, just to have tried. But they indeed refused politely, and he handed the ladies into the carriage, Miss Elizabeth's hand hardly touching his. Despite the lightness of her touch he had to suppress an urge to hold the spot of his hand that had been into contact with hers to his face, which he managed quite well. Until the carriage started to move and he returned to the house. As soon as he was out of sight he did it anyway, and he imagined her hand still in his and now resting on his face. He couldn't even fault himself for letting his self-discipline go this badly, his feeling was so much stronger than his control had ever been, even if he were to get hurt even worse than last time there was nothing he could do to stop this.
But if he was going to suffer again, at least he was determined to enjoy this moment while it lasted. Therefore he went straight to his own rooms and
allowed himself to let his imagination run away with him for half an hour, seeing himself accompany her on long walks through his woods, silence between them no longer uncomfortable, but bringing them closer together.
Then they spent an evening together in serious conversation on topics that moved them, something they had in fact never even come close to. But Darcy was so very certain she would not disappoint him, she had so much depth, it would be such a privilege to explore her mind in endless private conversations. And last of all he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to touch her, to hold her hand, to nuzzle her bare throat, how soft would her skin really be? He'd feel her hands on his cheeks, and through his hair, and then they'd kiss, slowly, he'd never done that before and he knew she hadn't either. What would it be like? How would it feel to hold her close, to slowly undo a button, and another one...
Right, that was plenty of fantasy for one night. He was a gentleman, and gentlemen didn't undress a lady before they were married to her. Not even in their fantasy, it would be indecent and demeaning. But a kiss was still acceptable, he would most likely suffer mental agony over this again, and to make up for that he would allow himself to drown in that sweet delusion once in awhile.
But first, his steward was waiting.
Chapter 4
After a very productive visit to his steward, Darcy took his love-sickness outside, walking the path along the river once more, trying to deduce what Miss Elizabeth had thought of him that afternoon. He really couldn't tel
l, he thought her quite pleased by his civility, though embarrassed as well. But he once thought himself loved by her, and that turned out to be the worst mistake of his life so far. No, it was quite clear he couldn't trust his own observations at all in this matter, and he would have to suffer suspense for a long, long time yet, be happy with every kind word she gave him, and with every saucy speech or smart remark it pleased her to direct at him.
But one thing he dared conclude from this day's events: Miss Elizabeth Bennet did not hate him anymore, that much his letter had accomplished at the very least.
It took Darcy a very long time to find sleep that night, first he took another stroll across his grounds, after which he paced his bedroom feverishly until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. Then he lay on his bed and fell asleep instantly, waking early because he had forgotten to close the window and the drapes, bedroom bathing in early sunlight, and ears filled with the songs of countless birds. He rose, bathed and dressed carefully despite the early hour, then went out by himself once again, not on horseback this time, he would not smell of horse today. An hour's walk settled him reasonably well, and he entered the house for breakfast, finding Georgiana and her lady companion Mrs Annesley arrived and just having breakfast themselves.
Darcy was having a hard time checking his feelings, knowing he would meet Miss Elizabeth again so very soon, but he tried his very best, and no-one seemed to notice how he drifted between elation and anxiety.
'Georgie, Mrs Annesley, good morning to the both of you, did you have a good journey?'
Fitzwilliam certainly seemed to be in an excellent mood today! Georgiana was amazed, but very pleased. Nothing hurt her as much as seeing her beloved brother dispirited and in pain.
Mrs Annesley replied, 'Very fine, Mr Darcy, getting up early and travelling is no hardship on a beautiful day like this.'
He didn't even wait for Georgiana to answer his question, he seemed excited somehow, and immediately launched into another question, this time just for his sister.
'I know you've had an early day and have already travelled for some hours, Georgie, but would you mind accompanying me on a morning visit as soon as you've finished your breakfast?'
Seriously, Georgiana could not remember having seen her brother this anxious ever before. Where was his composure, where had his sedate voice and relaxed stance gone? He looked closer to her age than his thirties all of a sudden. He had to be in love!
'I ran into Miss Elizabeth yesterday, totally by accident, Miss Elizabeth Bennet that is, I met her when I was staying with Bingley in Hertfordshire. I so much want you to meet her, Georgie, she is the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure to know, and not just superbly intelligent, but witty as well and completely original. I have never met anyone like her, nor will I ever again. I begged her to let me introduce the two of you and she assented readily, I suppose she is curious to meet you, too.'
Though glad to see him eager to do anything at all, after having been totally listless for weeks, even months, Georgiana thought this was not Fitzwilliam as he should be. He was too excited, nervous almost, though Mrs Annesley might think her master merely in a very good mood, knowing him better than anyone else betrayed the depth of his feelings to Georgiana. He was certainly in love, and very eager to meet the object of his affection.
'I'll be delighted to meet your Miss Elizabeth, Fitzwilliam, even after our journey, you're making me very curious. I've never heard you praise a woman before.'
'Miss Elizabeth is closer to your age than mine, Georgie, almost a girl yet, she's only twenty, but she is so lovely. You'll see when you meet her!'
Fitzwilliam seemed to admire this young lady very much. He thought he was hiding his feelings well, but Georgiana might be just sixteen and shy by nature, she was as keen an observer as her brother, only much more subtle.
Not even Fitzwilliam would realise she was onto him, but she could easily connect this lady's willingness to meet Georgiana with her brother's being in a very good mood for the first time in months. It would be very interesting to finally meet the lady of Fitzwilliam's choice, it had taken him long enough to find her, and if his mood of the last three months was any indication, he hadn't been very lucky in winning her so far. Though not looking forward to meeting new people, she was very keen to meet this young lady, and observe Fitzwilliam in her company.
'Will I have time after breakfast to change before we leave, Fitzwilliam? My travelling dress is very comfortable but I prefer to wear something a little less wrinkled and more suitable for making new acquaintances, especially someone you seem to admire.'
'Miss Elizabeth is not like that at all, Georgie, she doesn't judge people on their appearance. But if it makes you feel more comfortable, by all means, put on a fashionable dress, I know you don't like meeting strangers.'
As Darcy had his own breakfast he watched his sister with admiration.
Georgie looked lovely, she was so womanly already, and maybe her being a little shy wasn't all that bad. She was still so young, maybe she would find some self-confidence soon. Bingley also appeared at the breakfast table, just as Darcy proposed, 'Will half an hour be enough time to put on a more suitable dress, Georgie? If we arrive much later Miss Elizabeth may have left for her morning entertainment, remember, she's travelling with her aunt and uncle.'
She replied, 'Certainly, I'll go straight away and meet you here in half an hour,' and Bingley inquired, 'Is Miss Eliza Bennet staying near Pemberley?'
Darcy's confirmation seemed to please his friend, and he wanted to know whether she was by herself, and whether he could join them in their visit?
At the first yes, his friend seemed to show a little disappointment, but it was just a fleeting shadow across his friendly, open face, for he did like the affirmative answer to the other question. Seeing Miss Elizabeth apparently pleased him, too.
Soon, Georgiana and himself were on their way, Bingley to follow later on horseback, and Darcy was again having trouble controlling his excitement.
He had to, though, not to give himself away to his sister. Of course he failed miserably, she could spot his emotions in everything, his face, his posture, his voice, but he didn't realise that, since she was much better at hiding her
feelings than anyone, even her brother, had any idea of. Despite Fitzwilliam being the elder sibling, she did worry about him, she loved him dearly and he had been so very unhappy these last few months. It really hurt her to find him unwilling to talk about what happened, but she didn't dare insist.
Georgiana was planning to observe her brother closely in the presence of this young woman, she felt she had the right to know what was happening in Fitzwilliam's life, he had changed so much, showing his love for herself much more openly, and much more physically, hugging her, holding her close, kissing her hair absently. He never used to do that, he had been so formal even with her, his own sister.
And he showed interest now in people he didn't even use to see unless he had some kind of business with them, like Mrs Annesley or Mrs Reynolds, the staff in their London house, the stable boys and the gardeners here, all of them. He seemed positively concerned about them now, knew their first names, knew about their lives, their families. He had taken good care of them before, and they loved him for that and didn't expect him to talk to them about personal things, but Georgiana thought he was a much better person lately.
Georgiana felt torn, on the one hand her brother's love for Miss Elizabeth nearly broke his heart, on the other it had clearly made him a better person, for she didn't hesitate to find his interest in other people a sign of his having improved himself. Whatever had happened between those two? And what would happen with this renewal of their contact? Would she hurt him even further? Fitzwilliam didn't seem to think so, he had told Georgiana nothing but good of the woman of his choice, he clearly felt there was only one like her in this entire world, he had been quite open to her about that just now.
Sitting in the curricle with her beloved brother she hoped h
e would find happiness, he had done so much good for the people around him even before they started to interest him, he deserved someone to love, and to love him, she hoped so much Fitzwilliam was right about Miss Elizabeth.
In mutual silence, since they were much alike Georgiana didn't get restless when her brother didn't say much, they arrived at the inn, Georgiana embarrassed at being treated with deference by the staff, she was just a girl after all. Of course she was used to people's deference, though she never quite knew how to respond, she realised a lot of people called her proud because of that. But that was something she couldn't help, it was not in her nature to be outgoing, if they couldn't see that, there was nothing she could
do about it, not for them and not for herself. Maybe that was what had kept Fitzwilliam from showing an interest in the people around him, maybe he used to be shy like her, except it was so much more difficult for him to keep a distance, he had to talk to everyone about business. With the staff it was different, it was easier for Georgiana to talk to the staff, at least they weren't strangers and they didn't treat her with as much deference as other people, but they still treated Fitzwilliam like that.
She looked at his face right beside her, he was very handsome, and he seemed torn between anticipation and anxiety. When she took his hand in hers and squeezed it to show him her support he looked at her, slightly surprised, but he smiled sweetly at her loving gesture. Maybe she should set aside her fear and confront him today, see if she could get him to talk. She was no longer a child, after all, maybe they could be brother and sister for real from now on.
When they reached the door to Miss Elizabeth's apartment at the inn, Georgiana was glad to be out of sight of most folk, though she would have to meet even more strangers in there. Better get it over with soon, so she could just observe in silence. She entered the room behind the tall figure of her brother, a very safe place to be for now, though she would have to emerge eventually.
Revelations Page 4