I just feel awful to lack a sense of propriety, somehow Jane understands these things naturally, but I don't. How can I be a worthy Mrs Darcy if I just
don't seem to get it? Did you really get my mother a present?'
He had just been teasing her and now she felt bad. That was not his intent, he didn't care three straws about propriety, he wanted his beloved and nothing else.
'Actually, Simon did that, but I asked him to. It's a beautiful little mantle clock with gold-leaf ornamentation. He assures me she'll love it. And my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, I love you and no other. Suppose you did have Jane's innate sense of propriety, what part of you would have been lost in exchange? You might have been someone completely different, someone I couldn't love. You just stay who you are and let me love you. Preferably right now.'
The next morning they were on their way to Longbourn just after breakfast, the horses full of energy once more, and Elizabeth not stiff at all, she had really gotten used to riding. Of course, Fitzwilliam knew the road well.
'I keep being surprised actually having you by my side, love. I used to ride this route with Bingley, the morning you accepted me I was so nervous that my horse felt it and started to fidget.'
'I was nervous, too. Are you nervous now?'
'I'm not. When I'm not in a large crowd I'm fine meeting Wickham, and anyway, with you by my side I can face anything.'
Before they knew it they had arrived, the stable boy took their horses and Elizabeth knocked. Their butler opened and greeted Elizabeth heartily.
'Miss Elizabeth, of course I should say Mrs Darcy now! You are expected.'
Darcy got a very polite bow.
'Mr Darcy, please follow me to the drawing-room.'
Even with Lydia and Wickham staying over the family party seemed much reduced, and Darcy greeted his father-in-law with a hearty handshake, his mother-in-law with a handshake and a charming observation.
'Mrs Bennet, I don't need to inquire after your health for you look fantastic!
I have brought you a little something from London, I hope you'll like it.'
He handed Mrs Bennet the little clock in its colourful wrapping, then kissed Lydia's hand, knowing he looked like a veritable prince with his tall figure, handsome face, and stunning coat.
'Mrs Wickham, you are trying to out-glow Mrs Bennet, marriage clearly agrees with you.'
Stunned by his open friendliness, Lydia returned the compliment, still
eyeing him with admiration.
'You don't look half bad yourself, Mr Darcy, you must be as happy in your marriage as I am.'
Lydia clearly was very happy, but Wickham, though well-mannered as always, wasn't as insincerely friendly as usual. He actually looked rather downhearted, though he tried to make an effort to be lively. Darcy forced himself to meet Wickham's eye, but he just could not manage to shake his hand.
'Mr Wickham,' was all Darcy could think of. He still had nothing to say to this man.
'Mr Darcy,' of course Wickham could not treat Darcy with familiarity after such a greeting, his brother-in-law was way above him, but somehow it seemed as if Wickham didn't even want to be familiar. They both bowed, then Darcy greeted Miss Mary with grave politeness, just as she would prefer it, which she even noticed.
'Miss Mary, you will visit us at Pemberley this summer, won't you? You'll love the library there.'
Mary thanked him for the offer and promised she would come, she was very curious.
'Papa told me about your library in London, Mr Darcy, and he said the one at Pemberley was three times the size?'
'It is, Miss Mary, we have a special bell in the library to announce dinner, since people tend to lose track of time there.'
Having greeted her daughter and undoubtedly admired her beautiful riding dress, Mrs Bennet was now opening the present and she exclaimed in delight at her first sight of the little clock. Simon had been spot on once again. It was a nice piece, white lacquered wood ornamented with curls of gold leaf, with a gold-worked white dial and gold-plated hands and Roman numerals. It looked stunning. Mrs Bennet was actually speechless for once.
Darcy smiled ingratiatingly and observed, 'I'm certain you have a mantle that can use a little ornament like that, and of course it runs very well, too.'
'It is just beautiful, Mr Darcy, thank you very much.'
Points scored.
Darcy merely bowed to his mother-in-law, it was a trifle after all, and took a quick look at what Elizabeth was doing at the moment. She was just shaking hands with Wickham, and he held onto hers a tiny bit longer than strictly
appropriate, but of course they were brother and sister now. Now he was talking to her, and first she smiled and her face went soft, but that was not the end of their interaction. Elizabeth clearly didn't like the rest of what he said, though Darcy could see that because he knew her so well, to Wickham she probably looked politely interested.
'You are more beautiful than ever, my dear sister, as your esteemed husband just told Mrs Wickham, marriage clearly agrees with you.'
Wickham's address was as gentle and polite as it had ever been, and he had a certain melancholy air that became him really well, but Elizabeth was not fooled by her former favourite. This man was manipulative, and though she smiled at his compliments, she was constantly aware of that.
'Thank you, Mr Wickham, you look fine yourself.'
'We used to be rather close, my dear sister, and though I realise I've lost the right to your compassion, can I implore you to take a turn in the garden together after coffee? We shared so many thoughts in the past, and I would impose on you for half an hour to do so once again. Please?'
Elizabeth would dare call his expression not so much melancholy anymore, but rather tortured. Something was bothering Wickham very much, and though Elizabeth could not justify his way of life and his actions, she could not mercilessly deny him what he asked for either. It was not that much, she, and Fitzwilliam, would get over it.
'All right, Mr Wickham, I'll lend you my ear for half an hour. But first I have duties to my mother and father, and husband.'
That seemed to be painful to him, husband, and Elizabeth couldn't help trying to narrow it down a bit more. Was it the term 'husband' in general, didn't Wickham like being a husband? Or did this concern Fitzwilliam, didn't he like Elizabeth being married to Mr Darcy?
'You know, Mr Wickham, that I didn't have a clue my beloved was going to give my mother a present? It was such a pleasant surprise.'
It was Fitzwilliam, no doubt about it, hearing Elizabeth talk about him with sincere affection was agony to Wickham. There was nothing he dared say at the present, though, so he merely bowed in acknowledgement and turned towards the rest of the party, to receive the rather indecorous affections of his wife, who ran towards him like the girl she still was and embraced him, kissing him full on the lips. Wickham accepted her caresses with indifference and even a bit of embarrassment, Fitzwilliam could indeed
congratulate himself on having shackled the shameless philanderer to the woman he had tempted into sin, a woman who would not make him happy.
Since that woman was her own sister, Elizabeth should feel some fear over Lydia's fate, but for now Lydia seemed very happy with her husband, Elizabeth was certain she would marry Wickham again even if she could be made to realise he would never love her.
Observing the interaction between her sister and her sister's husband, Elizabeth suddenly felt a hand take her own, and a warm breath in her hair.
Looking up she could see Fitzwilliam bending over her with a loving smile, and tightly controlled merriment in his eyes.
'I want to kiss you right now but that would be very improper and injurious to my dignity,' he said softly, 'so please consider yourself embraced and kissed.'
Smiling infatuatedly, Elizabeth could not see herself but she was pretty sure she must look totally smitten, she imagined Fitzwilliam taking her in his arms, his nice, manly scent enveloping her, then his lips on hers, the taste of his mo
uth, the feel of his tongue against hers. With a bit of difficulty she dismissed the image, she was in company.
'Done! Thank you so much for the kiss, love, it was great, as ever.'
Now his face clearly showed his happiness, and they walked to the drawing-room together, where the familiar servants served familiar coffee with familiar treats.
Chapter 39
While Mary, Lydia and her mother still admired the little clock, the latter two loudly discussing where to place it, her father sat with the two of them, obviously very glad to have his favourite daughter back into her parental house, be it just for a few hours.
'This place hasn't been the same without you, dearest Lizzy. And you seem as spry as ever, no sore muscles from our trip yesterday?'
'No, papa, I had a warm bath and a great massage by my faithful husband as soon as we arrived, and I woke up right as rain.'
'Oh, to be young again,' her father remarked with mock-melancholia.
'You don't seem to be suffering from the long ride, Mr Bennet.'
Fitzwilliam either didn't get it or didn't want to spoil his father-in-law's joke.
'I'll have you know I can still spend a whole day in the saddle, young man, I'm not that old! It's the massage and what undoubtedly happened after that I was referring to.'
That did shock Fitzwilliam a little, such an impertinent remark from someone he thought was a gentleman, but he recovered quickly and joined Elizabeth and her father in a hearty laugh. As Elizabeth checked whether her sisters had heard papa's impropriety she could see Wickham sitting alone, not interested in his wife's and her mother's chatting, but not daring to join the other three in their conversation. Again, she felt sorry for him, and she immediately asked Fitzwilliam, 'Beloved, Mr Wickham asked me to take a stroll in the garden with him, I think he has something on his liver and no-one to show him some sympathy. Would you mind very much if I indulged him? He seems rather forlorn somehow.'
'Do you want to?'
That was not exactly the right expression.
'I don't actually want to, but I don't want to bluntly refuse him either. Let's say I feel I ought to, and I don't really mind talking to him. I have to confess to being quite curious how things are between them.'
'Well, you are brother and sister after all, and I know for a certainty he has no family left in this world to confide in.'
'Let the girl do her duty to my favourite son-in-law, Darcy, can't have him moping about on a wedding after all, and we'll retreat to my library and compare notes on a certain disease that is ravaging the less fortunate in the tiny part of this world I feel responsible for. It's supposed to have come from the north, have you heard of it?'
That had Fitzwilliam's attention instantly, Elizabeth could remember Mrs Annesley talking about such a disease last summer, when Elizabeth had visited Pemberley with her aunt Gardiner. If this was the same sickness it was serious, and Fitzwilliam knew how to keep more people from dying, the landowners in Derbyshire had successfully combated it with clean water and better disposal of human waste.
'Didn't Bingley tell you about that? He was there when we discussed it one whole evening.'
They were already in deep conversation and moving towards the library, Fitzwilliam kissing Elizabeth absently as Mr Bennet replied.
'Bingley only heard of this neighbourhood being struck less than a week ago, remember, he doesn't have any villages or poor among his dependants, he just leases the house and the hunting grounds. He told me to ask you, but somehow London caused me to forget.'
As they left the room, talking with animation, Elizabeth threw Wickham a significant look, and he got up and started to excuse himself to his wife and mother-in-law. Elizabeth acted as if she was still living here, not a visitor, for she merely announced, 'I'm in the garden,' then left the room, had her coat fetched and waited in the hall for Wickham. He didn't need much longer to get there, and without giving him the chance to take her arm she stepped outside, into the winter cold. Apparently he could take a hint, for even here he didn't try to walk arm in arm as they used to, but he did walk as close to her as was allowable for brother and sister.
Elizabeth had learned to be silent and just enjoy the moment, and despite being with Wickham there was plenty to enjoy, it was so good to be back at Longbourn. The garden and the house looked as if they were made of sugar with their coating of snow, the sky was blue now, though it felt as if more snow was on its way soon. Never mind, Fitzwilliam's black probably knew the way to Netherfield, and Daisy followed him everywhere. How long had it been since she had been here last? Two months? Nearly three?
'Are you happy, Elizabeth?'
Wickham obviously could not bear the silence anymore, of course he did have something he wanted to talk about. She didn't answer him straight away, her contemplations still had a hold on her and she let her feelings for her beloved take over from her love of nature before she spoke.
'I've never been happier in my life,' she replied earnestly, ignoring Wickham's familiarity in addressing her, somehow it was fitting at this particular moment. 'I never thought the idea of a married couple being one could be taken seriously, but Fitzwilliam and I have truly become two parts of a whole. When we are separated for as short a time as half an hour or an hour, we celebrate our reunion as if it had been days.'
'I envy you your happiness, but most of all I envy Darcy.'
And indeed, Wickham's gentle demeanour was more harsh than Elizabeth had ever seen it. 'I hated him for being an heir, hated him for being Richard's son instead of me. I hated him for being a righteous prig and for judging me when Richard didn't. Why should he always be right, because he was a few years older? Because he was going to be lording it over hundreds of people, never having to work a single day of his life? His father had all of that already and he nonetheless celebrated life with me, told me my mother had the rights of it to live her only life to the full. He taught his son to keep the family fortune safe, and then spent it with me.'
That obviously atoned but little to Wickham for the advantages Fitzwilliam had always had over him and Elizabeth felt sorry for both young men, the one doing all the work, for of course Wickham was very much mistaken that Fitzwilliam never worked, but she suspected he knew that by now. And the other having all the fun, never learning how to handle any kind of responsibility. The late Mr Darcy had a lot to answer for, though of course both men had made their own life's decisions as well.
'He promised me he'd provide for me, but who knows what went through his mind those last months, to put such an unfair condition on my independence. He cannot have expected me to take orders. Which is why I suspected Fitzwilliam of getting his revenge on me in this way. I should have known he didn't even have the gumption to pull such a trick on me, it must have been Richard himself. Do you think he didn't want me to enjoy life when he was no longer there to participate?'
Wickham clearly thought this a possibility.
'Of course my own father begged me to take it, to live according to my
means as he had always done. But what did that get him? Mother did what pleased her anyway. Though father really loved her and he seemed to enjoy his work. Sometimes I think I may have made the wrong decision, if I had taken orders at least I could have married a woman I could love, and relate to. And that is why I envy Fitzwilliam still. I thought he was a prude for denying himself for nearly a decade, but in the end his way prevailed. He is a different man, his love changed him. And to think I gave all that up, years ago, carousing with his father, while he studied, learned to run an estate, kept his mother and Georgiana company. We were good friends once, you know. Would you have married me if I had been the man I could have been?
Steward to Fitzwilliam Darcy, or a minister?'
Though Elizabeth could have sworn Wickham never had any serious intentions towards her when she had so unwisely showed her preference for him, he might have come to regret her later, when he married a featherhead and Elizabeth his eternal rival.
'We probabl
y wouldn't have met if you hadn't been in the militia. There was a time when I admired you even as you were then, brother, but had I become aware of your transgressions and habits after marrying you I'm quite sure I would have learned to hate you. I'm glad you showed your true colours with Miss King. And though it took me months to find out for myself, Fitzwilliam was always worthy of being loved, I never cared for his money, I married him because he loved me and was an admirable man. Had he been a steward or a minister I would have married him without hesitation. Your lies caused him a lot of undeserved pain by prejudicing me against him, but he stayed true to himself and finally managed to win my hand and heart.'
'And still I envy him. I know you love your sister, and I know I can only blame myself for marrying her to relieve my debts, but she is not good company. She knows nothing and is happy to stay that way. She is loud, and her spirits cannot be checked in any way. Her adulation makes me sick instead of proud of myself. Frankly, I can only bear her presence in the bedchamber, where her lack of inhibition is a kind of asset, but by now I'm so afraid to get her with child I hardly dare to indulge myself in her anymore. Imagine raising a brood of little Lydia's!'
Elizabeth could hear him adding mentally: as your father did.
'Just get a good maid, Mr Wickham, as our father did. Jane and I didn't turn out all that badly, and I hear Kitty has improved immensely since you took
Lydia away from her. Hire a good governess, we never had one and I think it would have helped. You have experienced yourself what influence education has on young people. Did the late Mr Darcy indulge your mother in any of her life's enjoyments?'
It was a bit low to use Wickham's depressed mood to further her own ends, but Elizabeth so wanted to know whether they had been intimate, the late Mr Darcy and Wickham's mother.
'You think my children need not be hopelessly lost?'
That actually seemed to cheer him more than a little.
'We can ill afford more staff, but when your father was staying in London with you I could see Mrs Hill managing your mother quite readily, without her noticing. I'll rest a bit easier for that thought, for in fact I do not dislike children at all, and Jane and yourself certainly show no resemblance at all to my beloved wife.'
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