by Garth Wade
‘Thank you, Sonia. It means a lot for you to say that. And I will take you up on it once I’ve given tonight some thought and if it turns out to be difficult. Plus, I may need some advice about my assessments later.’
‘No worries at all, Sydney,’ Sonia said with her familiar smile and strolled back to the ED.
Syd needed to walk. He set off down the driveway leading to the public hospital car park, narrowly dodging a small pile of loose bricks and gravel on the way, which was barely lit. A large building shadowed the car park, and the few dull streetlights on the far side did little to lighten the gloom. The scattered, scudding clouds were lit faintly from beneath as though the sun was setting.
Sonia poked her head into the write-up room, told Cam she was going to talk with Syd, then walked out onto the street. When he wasn’t there she assumed he must’ve gone to the car park – there were few other options.
At the entrance to the car park, she could see a male figure with a similar build to Syd’s approaching her quickly. She thought it might somehow be Syd, since not many people frequented this car park after midnight.
‘That was a quick bit of fresh air,’ she said lightly.
The figure grunted and Sonia could now see his white-blond hair – it wasn’t Syd. She sensed that the man was trouble and wasn’t surprised when he thumped her shoulder hard with his as he passed.
A few steps away, she could see Syd standing directly under a light, and called out to him. ‘Hey, Sydney! Did you see that arsehole just then? He barged me as we passed!’ She turned but the man had disappeared.
‘I thought I saw someone, but he didn’t speak to me,’ Syd said. ‘I thought you were staying up there with Cam. Are you okay? Are you hurt?’
‘Yeah, I’m okay, thanks,’ she said, rubbing her shoulder. ‘I know you probably think everything is fine, but it’s so much better to get it off your chest before it causes issues—’
‘I know Sonia,’ Syd interrupted, ‘maybe I’m just not ready to talk yet. I think I said that before.’ Syd didn’t want to come across like an impatient know-all. He liked Sonia. She was an ICP who kept her head and didn’t pull rank.
ICPs, also known as Alphas, were sometimes known to have ‘Alpha-tude’ – where they mistook their professional standing for personal superiority. Alphas had more drugs to dispense, different tools, and different responsibilities, but were still simply paramedics helping people who were in trouble. Some Alphas were just plain dicks. Then again, so were some Bravos.
The student paramedics, like Syd, were Charlies.
Sonia, Syd had judged, was not one of the ‘dick’ ICPs. She had been a Bravo paramedic straight out of university and had learnt the essential skill of knowing how to talk to people, a skill not taught at high school or university. She applied for and was promoted to ICP two years after starting, and held the crown as the youngest ICP in the state at twenty-two years of age. Most of her peers respected her for it.
‘I know, maybe you’re not ready to talk. That’s fine. I’m just making sure you’re not going to go walkabout.’
Syd gave a gracious smile and thanked Sonia.
‘We should probably both be smoking shouldn’t we? Standing under a street light in a creepy dark car park?’ Sonia said.
Syd chuckled, ‘Don’t even joke. It’s two years since I quit the demon cigarettes and after tonight I—’
‘I’m sorry I even mentioned it,’ she interrupted, attempting to keep the conversation light. ‘Don’t take it up again. Smoking is the—’
Sonia’s phone lit up in her chest pocket, illuminating her shapely torso and soft face. ‘Ah it’s comms. We’ve been talking for too long obviously.’ She pressed the glass screen, turned from Syd, and said, ‘Hello. Sonia.’
Syd noticed himself smiling before his mind fell back to Amber making love with Sebastian, waking up beside each other and later having breakfast on Southbank, watching the river flow through the city, being playful and close and laughing together. Making memories together.
All of his memories were a lie. He was the ‘other man’, the ‘affair’. She must have enjoyed running the risk of being caught: Syd knew Sebastian lived in the city, and Syd and Amber often went to dinner with friends there or to other social events. He tried to make some sense of it. Maybe it was just that he led the predictable life of an honest and trustworthy shift worker and she took advantage of that? He felt humiliated for telling her he loved her, but he did truly love her. He wanted her forever. And her claim that she felt the same way seemed feeble.
What was wrong with her? Why would she do that? Why say things that weren’t true? Why live a lie?
He felt loss, deep loss. Again, his mood darkened. Then he remembered the loss he felt in the embrace of Ken’s wife earlier this evening. He told himself that he didn’t really know loss – Ken’s wife, she knew loss. The saddest kind.
He thought about the dream he had had at station, and how, even subconsciously, he must want to live ‘happily ever after’. He knew himself well, but was still being shown aspects of his life he had not really considered until tonight. His patients were adding to the pressure, and his personal life felt as though he was being pushed into a corner with no chance of repose.
Suddenly Sonia was there before him, eyes wide. ‘Cameron’s been hurt. Let’s get back up to ED.’
Promotion emotion
Nine years earlier – Danielle
The click of Danielle’s high heels turned the heads of the men in the office. Her legs made them linger like schoolboys with one-track minds. Their jaws would drop as she passed, and once she was out of sight, they would catch each other out, and then grin dopily, as if they now knew that perving was a hobby they shared.
The blue woollen dress started just above the knee, contrasting beautifully with her tanned legs, and swelled over her shapely hips, snuggling tight against her waist, then stretching over her full breasts, below a neckline that managed to look attractive as well as professional.
Danielle had the middle of three generously sized offices reserved for managers, which were separated by walls of glass. She entered her office through a heavy glass door after addressing her secretary and sat at her desk. On either side she could see clearly her two managerial colleagues at their own desks, which looked out and over the floor to their subordinates’ cubicles. She had never liked the layout of this office as she often felt closed in. Today, she felt imprisoned. She stood up, and saw the beady-eyed director loitering outside his office, raising a coffee cup to her with a smile.
Her stomach sank and she felt a sudden urge to vomit. Instead, she returned the smile. Danielle had been taught in the early days of working for this company that a weakness shown is a weakness proved.
She picked up her phone and pressed a speed-dial key. ‘Rebekah, we need to have a meeting about the merger. Now.’ Rebekah soon appeared and coolly strolled past Danielle’s secretary and into the office.
Rebekah’s professional responsibilities were on par with Danielle’s, but she lacked the same ambition.
‘Good morning colleague,’ Rebekah said after the glass door whispered shut, ‘are you okay?’
‘Fuck no. Francis the Fucker is all over me now,’ Danielle replied. Both the women kept their faces expressionless. They knew they could be seen by their competitors.
‘What happened last night? Did you finally give in to him?’
‘Absolutely not. I wouldn’t let that pig touch me if life on earth depended on it. I went home not long after you.’
‘He was trying it on Cindy earlier on in the evening, I heard. And then, what on earth was he thinking mixing his drink with yours and downing it like he was at a uni party? In front of everyone!’
‘How on earth is he still here?’ Danielle asked.
‘You know how: by keeping the women he is sexually harassing under control with the promise of promotion. You included. You shouldn’t stand for it Danielle. If you don’t contact that support group, I will, and
get his arse fired.’
‘I know I should. But then the promotion goes out the window though doesn’t it? And senior staff will all think of me as the woman who got the Fucker fired. I’d be an outcast.’
‘Why give a hell about the promotion? Look where you are now!’ Rebekah caught herself showing too much expression. She glanced left, then right, and then purposefully straightened her face and leant back in the chair.
‘I’ve wanted to be in that role since I started here. It’s the only reason I left PWC.’
Women neatly dressed in pastels buzzed about the central open office space carrying papers and coffees as though their minds were paralysed by the ambient lighting.
‘I’ve got the number here,’ said Rebekah, sliding a sheet of paper across the desk. ‘Again. Call this later. Not at work. Have a chat. See what your options are. Please. This is no good for you. No good for us.’
‘Us?’
‘Yeah us. Women!’ Rebekah again had to remind herself to mute her passion.
‘Okay, okay. I get it, okay. I’ll ring and I’ll have a chat.’
‘I’m so sick of seeing him drooling over you at work, and then there was that whole turning off the lights debacle. Creepy arsehole.’
‘Well, yes, now that was creepy. “I’ll turn them back on if you let me touch your hand.” Touch my hand? Really? He sickens me. Those black, beady eyes. And it’s not like I’ve ever given him a reason to flirt with me.’ She looked thoughtfully at her friend. ‘I’m just a normal person, you know. And I just want that job.’
‘Ambition is no reason to be harassed. You really should talk to someone about it, someone who can help.’
‘Okay, okay. I’ll take your advice, I promise. You’re the only person I’ve told about this, you know? But for now, let’s call it a day.’ Danielle smiled. ‘Should we get a coffee?’
‘I’ve had three already this morning. I’m a little jumpy. Maybe I’ll just have water,’ Rebekah said with a smirk, ‘and you really need to talk to other friends about that pig you know. Then tell the fucking world.’
‘I don’t like telling everybody everything, I’m just not like that. But I do agree with you about this, I’ll contact the support line.’
They left Danielle’s office and ambled across the office, chatting openly about yoga. The director sat at his desk and spotted them as they approached his office. He hurried to the glass door to catch them, but the two women had seen him move and increased their pace. They were not quite quick enough. Francis the Fucker popped his head around the open door. ‘Good morning ladies. Danielle, can I have a word?’
Rebekah rolled her eyes as Danielle said quietly, ‘I’ll just be a tick,’ before sauntering into the Fucker’s office.
Francis was one of the directors of the accounting firm and had been with the company for his entire working life. He knew all of the staff on his floor. And he knew what to look for in his employees – apart from the standard degrees and exceptional grades – it was a somewhat submissive personality.
‘So, Danielle,’ he said as he closed the door behind her, ‘how are you today?’
Danielle nodded and smiled.
Francis circled her at a sensible distance as he went around to his chair. ‘Have a seat Danielle,’ he said, motioning her to sit across from him, ‘I won’t keep you long. I’ve just called you in to chat about the senior manager’s positions that have been open for a little while.’
Danielle shifted in her chair. She could feel her face flush.
Francis continued. ‘I sat in on the partners meeting yesterday, and aside from the merger being confirmed, there are now three senior manager’s positions. Infrastructure, Energy O&G, and the one I know you’ve got your eye on, Healthcare.’
Danielle felt her pulse bounding. Her composure, though, was absolute. She sat upright with one leg crossed over the other, hands in lap, and chin held high.
‘I have been very much interested for some time, Francis. And I continue to believe I can lead the Healthcare division to excellent results. I have proved I can work on diversified projects and can face and manage the complex challenges in this field. I am excited about the future.’ Danielle’s heart rate settled. She looked directly into his untrustworthy eyes.
‘Yes, yes. I do know that. Thank you Danielle.’ He pushed back so far on his leather chair that it reclined almost horizontally. ‘There’s not much that happens in this office, Danielle, that I don’t know about.’ He squinted at her before jackknifing on the chair and resting both forearms on his desk. ‘And that’s why, I have been informed to tell you, that you are …’ he paused.
He could hear Danielle’s shallow breaths. Her face was pale. She felt her bottom lip break gently from the top. The view before her had dwindled down, from Francis’ whole office, to his face, and now to his mouth. The box closed around it with each word he spoke. That is all she saw.
‘Unsuccessful. Smith, Stewart, and Waters have been given the jobs. They have been asked to keep it quiet for the next week.’
Danielle felt the words like a punch in the chest. The air was forced out of her. ‘I’m … unsuccessful?’
‘So sorry Danielle,’ he said smugly, ‘but those guys simply put out better numbers than you do, and lead their teams with more, ah, how do I say it … nous.’
Danielle crumpled in the oversized chair. ‘Nous?’ She looked at the director. ‘But, I’ve worked much harder, than Smith … and—’
‘It’s okay Danielle, you’ll still be leading your current team, as small as it is; it’s still an important element of the firm.’
Danielle tried to speak but no words came. Her lips quivered as her clear eyes became wet. ‘You said I was … I was a, a shoe-in,’ she forced the words out while trying not to sob.
‘Well, that was a while ago now, wasn’t it. And, frankly, your performance since then has been a little lacklustre.’
‘I’ve put in … all my time, my life,’ she said as the tears rolled across a thin layer of foundation.
‘And that’s a good thing Danielle. You should be proud of that. And I’m sure positions will come up eventually.’
‘Eventually? Come on Francis,’ Danielle stared at her hands as the teardrops fell into them. ‘No. Hold on. Actually, this isn’t happening, is it? This is you being funny. This is not a good joke Francis.’
‘I’m not joking Danielle,’ he said.
‘I know you, Francis. You must be joking, right? One minute you’re coming on to me, next minute giving me devastating news about my career? Yeah right, I don’t—’
‘Danielle. Hello? Are you in there? You didn’t get the position. And I have no idea what you’re talking about – me coming onto you? It’s probably better for you to take the rest of the day off and we will see you tomorrow.’ He was as implacable as a brick wall.
‘You want me, to go … home?’ she said, unconsciously chewing the inside of her cheek.
‘I think that’s probably a good idea at this stage Danielle, yes.’
‘And, I haven’t got … I haven’t got the promotion?’
‘No, you haven’t.’
‘And, there were three positions, not just two?’
‘That’s correct Danielle. I’m sorry you didn’t make it.’
‘And, my performance, of late, has been … has been, a little, lacklustre?’ She gripped more inner cheek between her teeth.
‘Yes, it has been a little, Danielle, yes. Look, I’m really sorry about it, but you and your team can still improve and you know you are still an important facet of the firm.’
‘Yes, you’ve already said that Francis.’ Danielle looked at him through saturated eyes and running mascara. ‘Do you remember the time you turned the lights off and came into my office?’
‘Innocent mistake, that was. I wasn’t sure if you were even still there or not. You know that Danielle,’ he said, his voice expressionless.
‘And you walked up behind me and touched my hand?’ she said softly.
/>
‘Well, I was guiding you through a report spreadsheet at the time.’
Abruptly, Danielle launched stood up, slamming both hands down on the desk. She stood over Francis and stared. He continued to sit there, gritting his teeth and widening his unfeeling eyes. ‘And what are you going to do about it? Bitch.’
Every muscle in her arms burnt. The iron taste of the blood filled her mouth. Her vision was speckled with black at the edges. Francis’ sickeningly strong cologne filled her nostrils. She could feel her breakfast begin to rise in her throat.
He stood up powerfully and glared back at her. Danielle slowly moved her face closer to his and turned her head to the side. If they weren’t both snorting air like conquistadores, it would appear they were about to kiss.
Francis broke his stare and quickly looked down at her mouth. As he did, Danielle spat a liberal mouthful of blood-laden saliva directly into one of his eyes which spattered his cheek and ear.
She stepped back and covered her mouth with both hands, eyes still wide and shocked.
He looked across at her with one eye, then wiped the other eye clear of bloody spit. His movements were measured and deliberate, as if he were savouring the moment.
‘Oh Danielle,’ he said before sitting back and reclining, ‘professionally, this is one occasion you are going to regret.’
A tooth ache killed her
01:55 hrs – Lyndon
They have seen mum and taken her in. I was seen and cleared. This is taking sooo long. Im bored. What r u doing?
Lyndon drew hard on the remainder of the cigarette and threw the butt in the gutter, thoughtlessly sending it on its way to the ocean. He stared at the full moon and wanted to howl, not as a joke, but as a release. He felt energy inside himself that he could not describe, energy that he thought was strangely fuelled by communicating with Riley.
Mum is up n down again. Dad ignores her. I just don’t get it!
and
Mum set another place at the table 2night, no1 sat there. Wtf? Is she nuts?