by Lulu Taylor
Why not? she thought. I suppose we can raise a glass to Mum. It’ll be the last time anyone ever does, I should think.
They went to a pub close to the estate and sat with pints around a smeared table, talking about Michelle. Coco didn’t recognise much about the fun-loving, generous friend they all described, but that was the way of death, she supposed. It erased the bad and turned the good into golden virtue. It was the last tribute of the living, to remember only the good times.
She tried to join in, remembering what was good about her mother and that, despite everything, Michelle had loved her. I’m glad we had those last words together. I’m glad I was able to tell her I loved her too. I hope she died happier and more peaceful because of that.
A smiling Coco listened to the others talking. Her mum’s friend Rachel, looking almost as ravaged as Michelle had, kept popping out to smoke Benson & Hedges. Coco went to join her, though she hardly smoked now. But if there was ever a day when she needed a fag, then the day of her mother’s funeral was it.
As the two women stood in the late afternoon sun, puffing away on their cigarettes, Coco said suddenly, ‘Rachel, did my mum ever talk to you about my dad?’
The woman looked a little shifty. ‘What do ya mean, love?’
Coco pressed on, suddenly eager to see if she knew anything. ‘Mum told me that my dad was Gus, that artist type, the one who lived near the estate.’
Rachel looked surprised. ‘What, Gus Dangerfield?’
Coco nodded. The Dangerfield connection had been driving her mad. She hadn’t been able to find out anything about who Gus Dangerfield was, and in the drama of the last few days, hadn’t had much time to search. All she knew was that she could be Will’s close relative, and that meant nothing could ever happen between them.
Rachel took a long drag of her cigarette. ‘She told you Gus Dangerfield was your dad?’ She shot Coco a sympathetic look. ‘I don’t know what story she was spinning you, dear, but you weren’t his kid.’
‘What?’ She stared at Rachel in shock.
Rachel shook her head. ‘Nah. You were on the way before she even met Gus. It wasn’t long after, she told me. She was pregnant when Gus took her in one day off the streets and gave her a hot meal. He was her friend after that, and stuck by her all those years, helping out when he could. But she never knew who your dad was. A poor junkie like she was, no doubt. Or else she turned a few tricks and got up the duff.’ Rachel smiled at her. ‘Sounds awful, but she got you out of it, and she loved you even when she couldn’t show it.’
Coco felt as though she’d been winded. Not Gus? She was bewildered. So her mum had just told her that to keep her happy, to give her a father … any father.
‘I can’t believe it,’ she said in a small voice. But then an image that had been troubling her floated into her mind: it was Gus’s face with those twinkling dark brown eyes. ‘You’ve got his eyes’ Michelle had said. ‘There’s no mistaking that.’ But her own were greeny blue. Nothing like Gus’s at all. She knew in that instant that Rachel was right.
Rachel put out a comforting hand. ‘I hope I haven’t upset you, but I always say the truth as I see it. You shouldn’t go around believing old Gus was your dad, when he wasn’t.’
Coco took a deep breath. ‘Thanks, Rachel,’ she said at last. ‘You’re right. I’d rather know the truth.’
‘That’s the spirit. Now let’s go back inside and finish our drinks.’
88
THE DRAWING ROOM was cosy rather than elegant, scattered with a large collection of china ornaments on the many side tables. The sofas were perfectly matched and the cushions were of the same fabric as the curtains at the windows.
Daisy sat on the edge of her seat, facing a woman who was plain but neatly turned out, her grey hair showing the last streaks of what had once been a rich coppery red. She had come all this way to a pleasant house in the heart of a pretty Cumbrian village, hoping to find the missing pieces to the puzzle. Will and Sarah had diplomatically left them to it.
‘So you are Daisy,’ the woman said in a kind voice. ‘I always wondered what you were like, and now I can certainly see your mother in you.’
‘Thank you for seeing me, Mrs Dangerfield,’ Daisy said humbly.
‘Please, call me Elizabeth.’ The hazel-green eyes so like Will’s and Sarah’s were warm. ‘The children told me you were coming, of course. And I know why you’re here. You’re looking for answers.’
Daisy nodded. It was a strange experience to be here with her father’s first wife, the one he had cast aside for Daisy’s mother. ‘I’m so grateful you agreed to see me. So many women might not have, after what happened.’
‘Oh!’ Elizabeth Dangerfield took a sip from her china teacup. ‘Don’t worry about that. I can safely say that life was much more pleasant once my marriage finished. My ex-husband was not an easy man, as I’m sure you know. I wanted to warn your poor mother, but there was no way I could.’ She smiled her serene smile. ‘She never would have believed me. I wanted to tell her that there was an overpowering reason why my husband found her so appealing – and that was because his brother was in love with her.’
Daisy gasped. ‘His brother?’
‘Yes. Gustavus. He was lovable and crazy, not at all like my ex-husband. He had no interest in business, wanting only to pursue his bohemian life, and his art and poetry. He liked to live in rundown areas and mix with the local people, although of course he always had a few friends of his own class too. Dear Gus. We all loved him. Except my ex-husband, of course.’ Elizabeth Dangerfield smiled again, as though to calm the emotion she could see on Daisy’s face. ‘You see, Gus was illegitimate and it drove your father wild. He was the legitimate son and Gus was only his half-brother, and yet his father, old Josef, seemed intent on giving Gus as much as a son born in wedlock might get.’ Elizabeth shook her head. ‘It was the beginning of the trouble, all the me-me-me selfishness that my ex-husband has let destroy his life, and once he had the power, he cut Gustavus out, buying the poor foolish chap’s agreement with a big sum in return for his surrendering his interest in the family trusts. Then he simply expunged him from history as much as he could.’
‘So how did Gus meet my mother?’ Daisy asked breathlessly.
‘Oh, young Julia worked as a publishing secretary and Gus published a small book of his poems. That was how they met. He was in love with her long before my ex-husband decided to have her for himself. I’m sure it was partly because Gus loved her that he decided to take her – as well as Julia’s excellent pedigree, of course.’ Elizabeth shook her head. ‘Poor Julia. I don’t think she realised what she was giving up until it was too late. From the warmth and laughter of Gus, to a life of being controlled and bullied. No wonder she went back to Gus when she could.’
‘You knew?’ Daisy asked, astonished.
The older woman nodded. ‘I was friends with Gus for some years, though we lost touch a long time ago. He told me about Julia. I said nothing. Why cause trouble? It could only end badly for Julia and for Gus – it was the same for anyone who crossed your father. I knew he thought he had made Julia pregnant.’ She shrugged lightly. ‘It was none of my business, and if Julia was carrying Gus’s child – well, it would be better if no one ever spoke of it unless she herself decided to.’
‘And that was me?’ Daisy asked faintly.
Elizabeth smiled again. ‘I think so. You have a look of them both. And certainly very little of my ex-husband.’
‘So … I am a Dangerfield,’ Daisy said wonderingly. ‘My grandfather is still my grandfather.’
Elizabeth laughed. ‘Yes. Whatever happens, you are still a Dangerfield. I’d stake my life on it.’
89
HOMELESS AGAIN, COCO thought. Alone again too.
Still, she had her bolthole for the moment. She’d taken the precaution of having the key to the South Kensington flat copied, and she’d also had her luggage sent there the night before the great showdown with the lawyers. She’d known when she took
the information from Margaret’s computer that she would soon be leaving the Belgravia house and never going back.
To keep everything above board, she’d written a formal letter to Will informing him that she was in the Dangerfield property and of her intention to use it while she sorted out her affairs. That was almost two weeks ago. She needed to find a new place to live. She had some money now – Daddy had been very generous to her and she hoped no one was going to demand it back – and every now and then her yellow diamond, or the insurance as she called it, winked on her finger and reminded her that it was still there.
I have to work out what I’m going to do, she thought as she stared out into the Kensington night, thinking over all that had happened. She could never go back to her old life now. She’d lost the sense of completeness she’d had for a brief moment when she’d thought that Gus was her father, but had discovered a new strength within herself. I’ll find something. Maybe it’s time for me and Roberto to start that dance studio together, like we always wanted to, now I’ve got some money to invest.
But all she could think about was Will, despite her efforts to shut him out of her mind. Seeing him at his hotel and then at the lawyers’ that day had been intensely bitter-sweet. Being close to him again was amazing. She’d had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him, or to get near enough to breathe in his sweet, enticing smell. He’d looked so incredibly handsome, better than she remembered. Just picturing him made her stomach cartwheel. She’d forgotten how deeply attracted she was to him and the bond that still tied her to him.
But soon I’ll leave the flat. And then the last tie will be cut.
She sighed, and wondered whether to pour herself a glass of wine from the bottle chilling in the fridge.
The buzz of the doorbell made her jump. Her heart started to pound and she felt a lump in her throat as she tried to swallow. She went over to the intercom and pressed it. ‘Yes?’
‘Coco?’
She was seized by pleasure and fear. ‘Will?’
‘Can I come up?’
‘Of course.’ She pressed the key release, realising that her hands were shaking. She had a feeling that the next few minutes were going to decide the course of her life. There was just time to race to the mirror, inspect her reflection and shake out her hair before a knock sounded on the door.
She opened it and there he was, standing on the doorstep, gazing at her. He looked less formal than the last time they’d met, in jeans, brown Loake boots, a dark Ralph Lauren jacket over his sweater. Her skin tingled with the desire to reach out to him but she held back. Who knew what he’d come to say? Perhaps he was about to throw her out of the flat.
‘Hi, Coco,’ he said, his expression still impossible to read. ‘May I come in?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said, stepping back. His presence was affecting her badly and she knew her hands were shaking. She hoped he hadn’t noticed. He followed her to the sitting room. ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘Yeah, thanks. Anything. Anything strong.’
‘Sure.’ Was he nervous too, then? Was that a good sign? She found the bottle of wine in the fridge and poured them both a glass, then took it over to him. They sat down opposite one another, both tongue-tied.
At last Will broke the silence. ‘I got your letter.’
So that was it. He was here about the flat. She tried to look businesslike. ‘Oh. Yes. No need to worry, I’ll be out of here soon. Maybe just a few more weeks …’
‘Stay as long as you like. Seriously.’ He stared over at her. ‘It’s the least I can do. You’ve done a lot for us.’ He looked down into his wine and added quietly, ‘For me.’
She shrugged and took a nervous slug of her drink. ‘Yeah. Well, it was the least I could do. You know why.’ She couldn’t look at him. ‘You must hate me,’ she said huskily.
‘You know I don’t,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I wanted to. But I can’t. And you did something amazing for me. You brought my sister back.’
Coco still couldn’t meet his gaze but laughed hollowly. ‘Yeah, you wanted to get rid of your father and instead you end up having to share the inheritance with her after all.’
‘Don’t be silly. We have more than enough. We’d rather have family than money any day. That’s what this was all about, you know – not the money but the issue of love and respect. Dad didn’t love or respect us enough to protect our inheritance or to tell us the truth. The money doesn’t really matter. But you …’ Will seemed to be choosing his words carefully. ‘You threw away financial security to help me.’
Now she looked up, staring straight into his eyes, trying to convey the sincerity of her words. ‘I never wanted to be with him. I only stayed so I could help you. And you know that nothing happened with him. Nothing.’
Will gazed back, his eyes suddenly soft. ‘But something happened between us,’ he said quietly.
‘Yes …’ She was lost in the intensity of his gaze.
‘I owe you an apology. I was vile to you in LA.’
‘But I deserved it. I’d been sent there to spy on you, by Margaret and your father.’ Coco’s voice cracked. ‘I had no idea I was going to fall in love with you.’ She looked away again, miserable at the memory of their happiness and how it had been destroyed.
‘Coco …’ Will’s voice was tender. ‘Look at me.’
She glanced up, almost unable to bear the way he made her feel. Her whole body yearned for him and she felt that familiar pull of magnetic attraction. It was almost too hard to be so close to that mouth and not be able to kiss it.
Suddenly he got up and in two strides was across the room and sitting next to her, taking her hand in his. ‘Coco …’
Her stomach swooped with desire. She’d been longing for, dreaming of, his skin on hers for so long, and the simple touch of his hand was driving her wild.
He was gazing at her but Coco still couldn’t look up. ‘That’s not all I came to say,’ he murmured.
She could hardly speak from the dizziness of longing that was consuming her.
‘Coco, look at me, please.’ Will put a gentle hand under her chin and tilted her face upwards. She stared into his beautiful eyes. The closeness of his mouth was almost unbearable. ‘I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. I can’t get you out of my mind … I need you. I think this is too important to throw away. But I need to know if you feel the same?’
She wanted to sob or laugh with the extraordinary relief that possessed her then. She realised that she hadn’t known how to live without him. ‘Of course I do,’ she gasped. Impulsively, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, burying one hand in his hair and pulling his head to hers. Instantly they were engulfed in a kiss of such depth and mutual longing that it took their breath away.
‘Coco … Coco,’ said Will when they pulled apart for an instant, yearning in his voice. He gazed at her with delight.
‘I thought we were never going to be together again,’ she said, her eyes shining. ‘If you knew how desperate I’ve been …’
‘I know, I felt the same. It was unbearable.’ He pulled her to him. ‘But we had to be apart to know how we felt.’
She nodded. ‘We met through lies and pretence – we needed to come together again in complete honesty.’
‘I didn’t know we’d fallen in love until I felt the pain of losing you,’ he said simply. ‘But I do now.’
They kissed again, and didn’t speak for a long time, lost in the ecstasy of one another’s touch and the bliss of two bodies desperate for each other, finally meeting and becoming one.
‘Let’s not be apart again,’ said Will afterwards, when she lay in his arms.
‘Never,’ Coco said simply. ‘I’ll go wherever you go.’ And kissed him again.
90
‘SO IT LOOKS like your father has been well and truly beaten.’ Christophe raised his glass in a toast. ‘You did it!’
Daisy lifted her glass in return as they sat across the table from e
ach other in the luxurious dining room of the Florey. ‘Yes. We did it.’ She smiled. Things had progressed at great speed since the meeting a fortnight ago. Daddy had backed down entirely and resigned both from the family trusts and from the company. Will had gone into the office at once to convene an emergency meeting of the board and had put himself forward as chairman. He was voted in unanimously, and had told Daisy that her job was still open for her if she wanted it. She hadn’t yet decided about that. Meanwhile, the lawyers were pressing ahead, with full cooperation from Daddy’s side, now that he had been so comprehensively blown out of the water. It was obvious he had no spirit left for the fight any longer. ‘But more important than anything, I know who I am now,’ she said.
Christophe put down his glass and reached for her hand. ‘I know what that means to you. And you really had no idea about your father’s brother?’
She shook her head. ‘Perhaps it was mentioned in passing when I was tiny, but no … I really had no idea. Daddy controlled me absolutely – and he tried to control my mother too.’ Her voice softened as she thought of Julia. ‘It’s hard to imagine what she suffered. No wonder she turned to drink to numb the pain. But I wish she’d told me about Gus. That’s my one real regret.’
‘I’m sure she wished things had turned out differently too.’
She looked up into Christophe’s brown eyes. ‘I’m just so pleased I had the chance to correct the mistake I made with you. Going through this without you would have been unbearable.’
He tightened his hand around hers. ‘We need to decide what happens next,’ he reminded her.
‘I know. But whatever happens, we’ll be together. And before I can decide anything, there’s something I have to do first …’
The cemetery was on a hillside, sloping gently away from the massive stone pillars and wrought-iron gates at the entrance to an abandoned roofless chapel at the top. Around the chapel more graves stretched away, some now lost in thick brambles and ivy, others laid out on clear ground. These newer ones still boasted shiny granite headstones, bright lettering and fresh floral tributes.