‘Upon returning home, Lexi was checking her emails and found one from a guy stating he had found the journal while hiking and wanted to return it to her. We were overjoyed and immediately asked our mother if we could give our address for postage. She was wary and instead opened a PO Box for the safe return of the journal. Lexi checked the box every day and three days later the journal and she were reunited with a letter from the angel, asking her if she wanted to keep in touch and confirming a return PO Box address.
‘Lexi had never had a pen pal before, but as a lover of writing she decided to write back, initially thanking him for returning the journal, but over time going back and forth with letters and then emails, they became friends. He informed her from the beginning that he had a girlfriend, but shared their dreams and plans for the future. Over time he became her best friend, the fact that she could not see his face made her able to reveal her most deep personal thoughts and feelings without ridicule. Sometime after they began writing to each other, he confessed that he was in love with her and had ended his relationship. She had fallen in love with him long ago, but had been careful not to express anything for fear of it being unrequited and losing him.
‘After confirming her true feelings for him they started their relationship albeit without physical contact.’ I paused to sense Nicholi’s reaction, his face taut, anticipating what would come next as though he was frightened. I reached in to stroke his hand.
‘Two further years passed before they were to meet, life events happening to both of them had prevented this sooner. Now was the perfect time and with that knowledge we booked the flight. I had an audition for the ballet company and our father was going to fly with us, wait with Lexi while I auditioned then we were going to make excuses to leave my dad and meet Cross after.
‘He got called away for work and instead our mom took us with the rest of my family. You know the rest.’ I reached to touch my lip with my free hand; the salty tears stinging where I had bitten down too hard. Nicholi suddenly lunged forward, grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, holding me so tightly our bodies felt every curve and flaw of the other.
‘You never left me,’ he proclaimed, pulling away to search for my mouth, his lips seeking out mine.
‘No,’ I near shouted, joining his quest, my body longing for him, his reciprocating.
‘Nic,’ I pulled away, there was something I needed to say before we went any further. ‘You thought I was Jake’s mom and now you know I’m not, does that change your feelings for me?’ My heart was aching for his response.
‘Caitlan Thomas, Sophia Nichols, it is you I love.’
‘Last night with Cross, he kissed me and I kissed him back.’ I paused, searching his eyes. He kept his expression even without emotion. ‘Then we went back to his house, we just talked, and I didn’t want to be alone so he stayed with me, but that’s all.’ Lowering my eyes. ‘Nicholi, I’m a virgin,’ I whispered, my voice barely audible.
Without saying a word he pulled me into his arms, there was no going back. I lifted my arms for him to remove my shirt, kissing my neck, my skin sending out electrical pulses, fuelling him on. I removed his shirt, and he pulled me under him, running his tongue down my throat, healing its rawness until he met my breasts, circling each one, his hands shaping the curves of my hips, kissing every inch of me. I shuddered with pleasure, reaching to unbutton his jeans, wanting no barriers to our touch. He groaned as we rolled over, me straddling him, searching for his eyes.
‘You’re so beautiful, my angel,’ his voice husky and seductive, rolling us back over, teasing with his touch until I could take no more and reached to be one.
The Return
‘Marry me,’ he whispered, arm propping him up on his side, my leg wrapped around his waist, head nestled into his chest listening to his heart beat rise and fall with my every touch.
‘You know in some customs it’s traditional to ask for the lady’s hand in marriage before taking their virtue,’ I replied, humouring him. ‘There is more I have to tell you…’ Nicholi lifted my chin to meet his eyes.
‘You will tell me when you’re ready and I will propose properly in the manner you deserve. I thought I had lost you forever and I will never let that happen again,’ he declared, as our mouths met and our bodies once again danced in symmetry, as though they were tailor-made for just each other.
I lay there watching Nicholi sleep, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest the only sound in the silent house. Without really thinking, but feeling my heartache, I reached for the cell phone in my bag and headed to the bathroom. Seating myself next to the window, the moon the only light around for many miles, casting its illuminating silver path across the pond, shimmering in the darkness, I began to type.
Cross are you awake? I hit send and waited for the illuminating indicator stating there was a reply. I did not wait long.
Yes, I am here, are you okay? No, I really was not.
Do you remember that story about the fisherman you told me last night, who was lost at sea and threw the bottle over leaving his coordinates? What happened at the end? I waited once more for his reply, feeling almost whole again at the mere communication we were partaking in.
The bottle was washed ashore in Alaska and he was rescued, miracles do happen. I smiled and part of my heart twisted, cutting off circulation with the words I was about to write.
I miss you. There was no pause, no second thoughts, I hit send and knew exactly what I was doing, yet the guilt was eating my soul alive. Last night we had shared so many stories from those early years, my family, everything. He was there at that time, albeit technologically speaking, but there all the same. How did I feel now that he was back? So confused. I loved Nicholi so much, but there was more to it than that and I was not ready to face it yet.
His reply illuminating the darkness disturbed me from my musing.
I miss you too baby, I will be there soon I promise. The reply warmed my now chilled body, and I pulled the shirt lower over my knees, my skin mottled with blue.
K, night, was my response, and I leant over to the sink to splash water on my face, to cleanse away the guilt and I headed back to bed. He had replied with a picture of a hippo, both my sister’s favourite wild animal and mine and written with love. I switched the phone off and placed it back into my bag, curling up in the patchwork blanket my grandmother had made me and let sleep take me where it may. I finally fell asleep sometime later, listening to the rain keeping beat with Nicholi’s heart, our heart as he carried mine alongside it. Slowly rejuvenating, the seams were healing together.
I awoke the next morning before Nicholi upon hearing a car door close outside and flew out of bed.
‘Soph, what is it?’ Nicholi jumped up, his hair tousled and his voice on edge.
‘My grandparents get up quickly,’ I urged, my face flushing crimson, he reached to pull me into his arms laughing.
‘Baby, we are both consenting adults, I am sure they would not be offended,’ he replied, stroking my back trying to calm me.
‘Really, oh, well my grandfather still views me as a twelve-year-old and finding me in bed with a man I’m not married to, well let’s just say he has a gun, many in fact, so yeah, get dressed.’ I threw my clothes on as fast as I could, leaving Nicholi alone and headed into the hall to greet them, checking that Jacob and Max were still fast asleep in the guest bedroom.
‘Grandma,’ I began. ‘We have company,’ I announced awaiting her response eagerly.
‘Really, how lovely, I thought that may have been the case, seeing the truck and all. Everything all right?’ she whispered, leaning into my ear. ‘Is it Nicholi?’ questioning me further.
‘Yes and he has JC and Max with him, everything is fine, Grandma,’ I gushed, my eyes dancing with delight.
‘Caitlan, I have called your father, he is overseas, but will be flying back as soon as possible, and I have also called our lawyer.’ She either thought I was crazy or being taken advantage of in the worst possible way.
‘Grandma, it’s all true, I couldn’t believe it at first, but wait until you see him, it’s JC, I swear it is.’ I reached to take her hand in mine, trying desperately to make her believe, but it was a fruitless task, she would need proof and I understood.
‘Grandma, Cross is having the grave exhumed and I will take JC for testing, but it’s him, I have no doubt.’ She just stared at me for the longest time, the cogs speeding in her head, not knowing what to think, I had been there and it was nauseating. Drifting into the kitchen, she turned to the one thing that gave her comfort in extreme stress, cooking.
‘Now, do your guests like pancakes? I have some strawberries just harvested that are simple divine,’ she confirmed, heading to the cupboards to make a start.
‘Grandma, they know me by Sophia.’ She knew I had changed my name, not wanting everywhere I went to be reminded of that girl in the paper who lost her family. She understood what I meant, and I ran back upstairs to greet Nicholi, his arms outstretched to meet me.
‘Everything okay, do I need to take cover?’ he mocked, leaning in to kiss my neck, my body groaning in response, its memory of last night vivid.
‘My grandma is making breakfast as we speak, just wait until you try it, her cooking is to die for,’ I confirmed, reaching to kiss him. ‘She is having a hard time coming to terms with everything and thinks I am either insane or completely had.’ I took Nicholi’s hand in mine. ‘Nic, what should we say to Jacob?’
‘I think for now we should just get ourselves back together, we need to be strong with what’s coming ahead and I think your family need time to process too. There is something I wanted to talk to you about before the kids wake up, Jacob’s father, what happened with him?’ I had been waiting for him to ask and now he had I realised it would not be this great apocalyptic explanation, just a simple one.
‘Lexi was upset with my father after another huge argument and she had run off to meet a guy she had been dating. Jacob’s dad was home on leave from the military and was being deployed to Afghanistan; she lost her virginity, in what ended up being a one-night thing, and got pregnant at the same time. She left before he woke up and things ended with them shortly after. He never knew about Jacob.’ I explained. She was deeply embarrassed, but at the same time, Lexi got the most precious gift from that night and the patter of small feet ceased any further conversation.
‘Wow, Sophia, are there horses? Can we ride them?’ Jacob had been clearly admiring the view from his bedroom window of the horse stables before coming to find us and the sight of his face, my little boy, made my heart swell in my chest. We had been so close; I had helped Lexi in every way when he was a baby, taking care of him. I had felt a bond with him from the moment we met again, though never really seeing him until now. Aside from losing his blond hair, he was my mirror image, same eyes, nose, and mouth, even down to the freckle on our right finger. Why had I not seen it? Others had. The waitress at the restaurant where we ate with Nicholi’s mother had immediately.
‘Ah, what a beautiful family, you both look so alike.’ I had thought she was referring to Cross and Max when she patted Jacob on the head. ‘Just like your momma.’ Nicholi’s face had beamed upon hearing those words and now I know why. This was my nephew, my JC.
‘Is anyone hungry?’ I asked, putting Jacob back down and picking up Max who was waiting for his turn to be spun round and round. I suddenly felt like dancing, pirouetting across the room with Max in my arms, Jacob copying, he really was my mirror image.
We proceeded downstairs to greet my grandmother who was busy in the kitchen and my grandfather had just returned from feeding the livestock. I heard a gasp from the kitchen and my grandmother attempted to steady herself, turning to face us.
‘It’s so lovely to see you all,’ she voiced, tears building in her eyes that she could not draw away from Jacob’s face. She reached to take his hand that he had sweetly provided for her to shake and knelt down in front of him.
‘Now I bet you love pancakes, don’t you?’ she teased, knowing that as a baby he was obsessed with them.
‘Strawberry?’ Jacob questioned, enjoying the undivided attention he was receiving.
‘The only way pancakes should be served,’ grandmother proclaimed, welcoming us all to the table and turning her attention to Nicholi while I assisted the boys, serving them their breakfast.
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,’ my grandmother added, offering her hand to Nicholi graciously.
‘The pleasure is all mine, ma’am,’ he replied politely, standing to greet my grandfather, and began eating his breakfast.
We all had pancakes and bacon, the boys managing to fit in some Jell-O when the doorbell rang. I knew instantly who it was and offered to answer, floating there in a state of euphoria, he was here. Cross’s face lit up when he saw me as did mine and reached to pull me into his arms, the embrace lingering just a little longer than it should have, our bodies sensing the other, remembering only too well the night we had shared in each other’s arms and I pulled away.
‘Hi,’ was all I could muster as Max, having realised it was his dad, came running over to meet him.
‘Hey, champ; have you been a good boy?’ Cross drew the little boy into his arms and ruffled his curls affectionately. ‘I see you had a good breakfast, was it strawberry pancakes?’ Cross questioned, his eyes on fire whenever they met my gaze.
‘Yes, Daddy, horses, can we see?’ Max pleaded, desperate to venture outside. My grandfather, upon hearing both boys’ pleas, offered to take them to visit with the horses while we talked inside, Jacob and Max almost trampling over us to go with him. I led Cross inside and my grandmother poured us all another cup of coffee.
‘Sophia has told me everything, and I have spoken with her father, he is en route from Afghanistan.’ Both men turned to face me and I clarified.
‘My dad is an officer in the navy,’ I confirmed, sipping my coffee and waited for my grandmother to continue.
‘Having seen the boy, there is no doubt he is our JC, but upon my son’s wishes and if Sophia agrees I would like to confirm this medically.’
‘I understand and if Sophia is in agreement we can arrange that as soon as possible.’ Nicholi turned to face me, awaiting my response.
‘As long as Jacob is comfortable having the tests then it’s fine with me,’ I reiterated, my eyes wandering over to Cross unintentionally.
‘I have filed for exhumation of the grave and it will be carried out on Friday.’ Today being Monday, I shuddered, the thought of disturbing their peace haunted me, but in the back of mind, I knew it had to be done. There had been a major cover up somewhere along the lines for me to have a buried a coffin that was meant to have housed Jacob, and they could not get away with it. There was also a part of me that questioned whether the other two coffins housed my sister and brother, though I would never reveal that openly. To think that there was a chance they could have been saved too that day was so small it bordered on insanity to question further.
‘Now the question remains concerning custody,’ I interjected immediately.
‘Grandma, that’s something between me and Nicholi to discuss,’ I voiced, with an authoritative tone, ensuring the matter was clear.
‘Oh course, sweetheart, I only have your and JC’s best interests at heart,’ she replied and I instantly felt guilty.
‘JC?’ Nicholi questioned. ‘What does it stand for? Your mother only had the time to tell me his name was Jacob.’ I froze at the thought of my mother; so desperate to save him that she sacrificed herself.
‘Jacob Christopher,’ I advised and left it at that, excusing myself to use the bathroom; I stared at the reflection facing me. In the space of two days I had discovered my nephew was alive and found Cross, I only hoped the days that followed would be kind to us further, not feeling able to cope with anything more. A knock at the door made me jump, and Nicholi was by my side nuzzling my neck with kisses.
‘Your grandfather wants us to join him horseback riding. Do
you want to go?’ Nicholi questioned, still kissing my neck, my skin tingling.
‘Yes, the fresh air will do us all good,’ I agreed, and grabbed my boots, meeting everyone at the stables. Both Jacob and Max were mounted, with my grandfather leading the horses’ one on each side. My horse, a Camarillo White named Bell, had been saddled ready to go with Cross and Nicholi following behind on my grandfather’s Colorado Rangers.
Being back in the saddle was exhilarating, I had started slow, keeping pace with the boys when Bell had insisted on stretching her legs. We cantered away towards the hills, my hair blowing wild and free, forgetting everything, but the feel of the wind on my face, my skin glowing under the sunlight peeking through before being consumed by some ominous black clouds. Realising the weather was turning, I started back and found Cross just up ahead.
‘Hey you, how’s it going?’ he asked, attempting to sound cool, but his face deceiving him completely.
‘Oh you know, same old same old,’ I replied, nonchalantly, shrugging my shoulders and grinning at him. I could not help but smile seeing him there on horseback. I remembered him saying how much he had wanted to ride as a child, but his mother never allowing it, saying horses were dangerous and unpredictable, coming from her that was a misnomer.
‘Cross, I, we need to…’ I could not find the words, spluttering out nonsense instead.
In The End (Butterfly #1) Page 13