Would we do it again?
There was a stirring in my pants at the thought of that. I hoped it would happen again. Just thinking about how that orgasm felt when I was balls-deep in Oliver while Crim was balls-deep in me was just… mind-blowing.
I never thought something like that could happen to me. But alas, here I was.
I wanted to prolong the flesh-colored images flashing through my mind in private, so I walked back down to the beach on foot. I could have easily called a Lyft or something to take me back to my trailer, but I didn’t want the presence of someone else interrupting my quiet introspection.
In the quiet of the morning, it was like this town was all mine. No one else was up yet — not even the local coffee shop was open as I strolled by.
I passed the flower shop bar where me and Oliver went a few days ago. How we’d had that moment of camaraderie— the moment where I thought we became genuine friends. The things he’d said about Reese there — that there were rumors about them.
And the fact that Rachel’s husband or whatever had some dirt on him.
If he had the same kind of dirt that he had on Alina — her sex video — I could only imagine what that could mean for Reese. What could have been so bad that it could take down someone so well-known in the film industry, who’d spent his career building up a golden reputation? There was a certain level of fame where people seemed like they were untouchable; immune to the laws that applied to the rest of society. Hell, whenever there was any kind of scandal, it was like the public got interested for a few days, then the media would get bored, and move on to the next one with someone else.
My mind conjured up the image of Reese pacing back and forth on his cell phone yesterday, running his hand through his hair with stress. He could have been having that heated conversation with anyone. But some inkling in the back of my mind suspected that it had something to do with the dirt that was on him…
What could it be? What could knock him off his saddle of fame?
When I was almost back to the sand, I heard the padding crunch of footsteps approaching in the distance.
I frowned. Of all things to distract me, it was going to be a jogger?
Internally I cursed whoever it was that dared go out for a morning run and pull me out of my head; yank my attention away from the details in my memory…
But everything in me brightened when Leo rounded the corner.
When he saw me and stopped in his tracks.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Charlie!” He exclaimed, his golden eyes going wide.
“Leo, you’re out for a morning run?” I asked stupidly.
He smiled as he panted, the red rushing through his cheeks. “Yeah, the gym here is… it leaves a lot to be desired,” he answered breathlessly.
I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger on the broadness of his shoulders, the roundness of his biceps, and the way sweat was rolling down his neck.
I wanted to lick it off.
“What are you doing out here so early?” he asked.
Unlike Mason, Leo wasn’t fishing for secrets. There was no ounce of suspicion in his eyes; no distrust. He was merely trying to be polite.
“O-oh, I was just…” what did I say? I hadn’t thought of the right thing to tell him, and I was put on the spot. It was impossible to just make something up, so I told him a half-truth: “I wake up early sometimes, and I’m out walking to clear my head.”
His movie star smile bloomed on his face, just when the sun burst over the horizon. “Mind if I join you for a bit? I’m pretty much done with my run here…”
“Y-yeah, sure,” I said before I could refuse him. I thought I wanted some quiet alone time to collect my thoughts, but I couldn’t deny this golden man my company.
“I’m sorry about the other day,” he said when we started walking.
“Oh, huh?” I asked. So much had happened since I had my last face-to-face meeting with Leo that I barely remembered what was said; I just remembered that I felt angry with him.
“I didn’t mean to brush off your feelings like that…” he said slowly, carefully.
Then it struck me like lightning. I had made some kind of pass at him and he changed the subject immediately, brushing everything under the rug.
“Oh, uh, I’m over that,” I said quickly, running my hand through my hair. “I shouldn’t have been so… so…”
“You were straightforward,” Leo said, cutting right to the point. “And I didn’t really know how to react to that, If I’m being honest.”
“Why?” I asked earnestly.
“Because here, I’m used to people playing games. Everyone seems to have an agenda, so I’m very careful with my words. But I thought about what you said… and you were being open and honest with me. For once, I didn’t feel like I was being manipulated.”
I was quiet for a few steps, letting his words sink in.
“I don’t think I know how to manipulate people, even if I wanted to,” I said carefully, diverting the subject. I didn’t want to talk about how he low-key rejected me.
“It’s refreshing,” Leo said, looking off into the morning sun.
The dawn light washed over his features, making everything about him shine gold. He looked like some type of golden god, a true idol.
“It’s refreshing talking to you too,” I admitted. “We’re both from the midwest. We’re both down to earth, not like all of these Hollywood people…”
Leo nodded and smiled. It was this nice, boy-next-door smile. “I know exactly what you mean. I was raised on a farm.”
“No way!” I said with a chuckle. “Does Oliver know?”
“No. I’m very… guarded around everyone here,” he said slowly. “From my perspective, the less these people know about me, the better. They don’t need to know anything about me. All I have to do is my job; that’s what they’re paying me for. I show up, do the job, and then I’m done. Getting involved with all of the drama is just… it takes so much extra energy.”
Leo was looking more and more handsome to me by the second.
“So you grew up in Ohio?” he asked, changing the subject back to me. That’s what I always did to people when I got uncomfortable with talking about myself too much.
“You’re introverted, aren’t you?” I asked out of nowhere.
He sighed. “Is it that obvious?”
“Not to anyone except other super introverted people,” I winked.
“Well, thanks for being here. It was… lonely without someone who gets it,” Leo said. “Most people around here think I’m aloof or whatever, because I never want to hang out or be a part of their reindeer games. But I’m fine with everyone — it’s just that my idea of a good time is being alone at a coffee shop working on some project, or reading quietly, or going on long road trips.”
“Me too!” I said excitedly, coasting on the sensation of validation at finally being understood. “People around here don’t get that. It’s all party this, brunch that, let’s go to a happy hour, let’s all go dancing…”
Leo laughed. “You hit the nail on the head. Being in Hollywood, it’s just… it’s all so exhausting. I find myself thinking about being on the farm again from time to time. I don’t think city life is for me. The money is nice, though.”
“Yeah, I saw my contract the other day for finishing this show. I’ve never seen that much money in my life…” I admitted.
“It makes all the difference in the world,” Leo said. “For people like us — coming from small-town midwest, it’s like a whole new kind of culture shock. I kind of feel like an imposter half the time.”
“Oh, you feel like an imposter?” I asked incredulously, punching him on the arm playfully. “I’m just some hairstylist that Reese decided needed to be an actor.”
“Hah, yeah that’s pretty amazing,” Leo said. “But seriously, that scene you did with Mason… it was impossible not to watch you.”
“Wait, are you serious?” I asked, my mouth dropping open
.
Leo nodded. “There was talent in that room, and it wasn’t coming from Mason,” he said softly.
I burst into laughter. “You’ve got to be pulling my leg…” I said.
“Charlie, you can’t let that get to you,” Leo said. “That midwest modesty doesn’t get you far here. This is the land of fake it till you make it.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “I just have trouble believing that some rando like me is so over-the-top talented— and that all I was doing was a sex scene, and now all of a sudden I’m an actor in The Black Castle! If I’m so talented, why didn’t any of those plays I auditioned for call me back?”
“Because that’s all bullshit,” Leo said, his face pulling into a frown. “Nepotism. Bad scripts. Layers of managerial bullshit. Only a few lucky ones have the keys to the kingdom, like Mason. His parents are both in show business, so he could have screwed up if he tried. Otherwise, if you’re like you and me, you have to have talent of course. But that’s not enough. There are a thousand points of failure between talent and fame, and they’re all in the hands of other people. People like us — we’re talented, but we got lucky is all.”
I liked that — I liked the way he said us like that.
For once, I felt like I was good enough. Leo wasn’t like the others. He wasn’t gatekeeping or protecting his ego by trying to make me feel rejected from this little club.
No; Leo had summited the Mt. Everest of fame and instead of pushing me off the peak, he was reaching down to lend me a helping hand.
“…thanks,” I said, looking down and blushing.
“I’m just telling it how it is,” he said stiffly.
We walked in silence for a few minutes, and I found myself wondering what it would be like to be with Leo; if we were a couple. Now that we were both standing on this mountain, that he was inviting me into this world, I felt like I might be good enough to be with him.
Just maybe.
As we were walking side-by-side, our hands grazed. Neither of us said anything about it, but there was that wonderful spark of chemistry, still alive and well.
“So… you and Mason,” he said out of the blue.
My heart began to beat faster. “What about Mason?”
A million questions whizzed through my head at supersonic speed. Was Mason spreading rumors? Were other people talking about me and him? Was he talking shit about me to get me off the show?
“There’s something between you two,” Leo said.
I tried to examine his face out of the corner of my eye. His jaw was tight.
“There isn’t,” I lied.
Leo visibly relaxed.
“Isn’t there something between you and Reese?” I asked before I could stop myself. “Sorry, I—”
“No, it’s fine,” Leo said with a wave of his hand. “There’s nothing between me and Reese. I don’t think it’s right to have something with my boss.”
“But you like him,” I said, my face falling.
“What I feel isn’t important,” Leo said with a stony face. “What’s important is the quality of my work, and that might fall if me and Reese were ever a thing. Plus, that’s not an appropriate relationship…”
I chuckled. “You sound so midwest right now…”
“Well, I was raised by Christian parents on a farm in a small town. How much more midwest can you get?”
“You have a point. But you still didn’t answer my question,” I pressed. “Do you have feelings for Reese?”
Leo looked off into the distance, his hands fidgeting.
“The world thinks I’m straight,” he said carefully.
“Why do you hide who you are?” I asked.
There was a shift in the energy of our conversation; it had gone from lighthearted teasing to something far more serious. The change was palpable.
“Do your parents know?” I asked.
“No. No one knows. No one except my friend who’s been pretending to be my girlfriend this entire time.”
“Why?” I asked, unable to wrap my mind about the lie he was living day in and day out. “Don’t you… don’t you date guys?”
“Sometimes,” he said, his eyes staring at something a million miles away. “It never lasts long, though. You know how L.A. Guys are…”
I chuckled and it lightened the mood. “Yes. I know all too well.”
“Hey,” Leo said in a low tone.
“Hey,” I mocked.
We shared a laugh at that.
“God, Grindr Guys really are the worst aren’t they?” I asked.
“Oh, they’re so bad,” he said. “They’re even worse after you get any kind of fame. Then they don’t even pretend to want to date me—”
“Pretend they want to date you?” I asked. “You’re a celebrity! Everyone wants to date you—”
“No, you don’t get it,” he said. “They want to date Prince Valentine, the character I play. They want to talk about how many Instagram follows I have, the articles that are written about me, if I showed up at such-and-such event, etcetera. They don’t want to date me. They want the image of me.”
“They want to ride the coattails of that fame,” I said. I thought about that for a moment, and decided it must be horrible.
Leo nodded and said, “Yep. It’s easier just not to deal with that type of thing at all, and pretend to be straight.”
“Don’t you feel like you’re living a lie?” I asked. “Life is way easier if you’re out of the closet.”
“I know, and we’re lucky enough to live in a place that accepts it, even celebrates it. We live in a city. But where I’m from, and the way I was raised, being gay was — and is — still seen as something wrong.”
“It’s not though!” I said.
“I know,” he said. “But Charlie, what would I have to gain if I came out of the closet? I’d be able to date more openly, sure, but I’d still run into the same problems. People would still only want to get to know me for my fame. They would still expect me to be Prince Valentine. It’s just easier to make my way through my career this way.”
“But you’re missing out,” I said, almost begging now.
“Missing out on what?”
“On the opportunity to be your true self,” I finished. “For me, it was like I was swimming against some kind of current my entire life. As soon as I came out, it was like turning around and swimming with the current. I was so much happier”
He laughed at that. “I get that and all — believe me, I do. I can sit up here on the shore and see how great it is for other people. But for me, for how deep I am in this Hollywood machine already, I can’t afford to do that. My entire life is based around telling lies for fun and profit. I pretend to be someone else whether the camera is on or off; what’s the difference?”
I felt a sadness unfurl within my soul. “Doesn’t it make you unhappy?”
“Of course it makes me unhappy!” Leo cried. “I want—”
He fixed me with his golden stare like he was looking at me for the first time.
I stopped in my tracks, and some kind of thing that was between fear and excitement seized me.
“You want Reese,” I said, my heart hammering against my chest.
“I want someone else more,” he said, staring deep into my eyes.
It felt like all the wind had been knocked out of me. Then, throwing caution to the wind, I kissed him.
He leaned in and returned my kiss, and suddenly we were tumbling against each other into the rock face.
“I’ve wanted you from the second I saw you,” Leo said, kissing me voraciously.
“Same,” I moaned.
We were all over each other, and I felt a warmth spread through my body that had nothing to do with the rising sun.
He was moving his arms up and down my sides, like he was an addict dying to get his next hit.
“Come back to my trailer?” I asked, looking into his golden eyes.
He bit his lip.
Right at that second, another jog
ger chose a very inconvenient time to run by.
“Fuck,” Leo said softly, watching the jogger as she passed our hiding place with earbuds in.
Her brown eyes darted over to look at Leo. Recognition came over her face. Then she looked at me.
It was clear from her expression that she didn’t understand the scene; it didn’t fit in with what she knew about Leo Knight.
But if she’d jogged by a few seconds before, that lie that Leo had carefully constructed as a protective shield around him would have been shattered as if it was made of glass.
Then with a stark realization, I knew that he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to come out from behind that shield. His reputation mattered too much to him.
Without another word, we continued walking in silence.
Even though I’d just woken up, I felt exhausted. Exhausted and alone.
We made small talk the rest of the way down, both knowing the sad truth: As long as Leo insisted on staying in the closet, this couldn’t work.
It was a real shame, because he was an amazing kisser.
For the rest of the day, I hung out around the set and watched him film a few scenes. Alina was in some of them; she still wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
I couldn’t help but notice that her roots were starting to go dark. She wasn’t using another colorist yet. It would only be a matter of time before she either swallowed her pride and decided to talk to me again, or took a risk with someone else.
Reese already told me that she wanted to use someone else to do her hair, but I had yet to see that person show up.
I doubted whoever she picked would be able to get the same results that I had — her natural hair color was black for crying out loud.
Throughout the day, I was watching the way Reese and Leo interacted. It was clear that Reese was reaching out to make some kind of connection with Leo, but Leo wasn’t reciprocating.
I wondered if Leo even considered how alone he made people feel with his behavior? He was all stoic and everything all the time, but didn’t seem to realize that other people needed him. Both me and Reese were trying to make a connection with him, but he was shutting us out.
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