Then, a feeling of panic shattered the perfect image in front of me.
“Guys… did anyone bring condoms?” I asked.
Crim bit his lip and looked up to the right, like he was trying to remember.
Mason looked at me with burning lust in his eyes, but didn’t answer yes or no.
“I brought some!” Oliver said gleefully.
“How about lube?” Mason asked, looking straight into my eyes.
“Yup,” Oliver said, rummaging in the bag that held the champagne.
“I thought you brought the champagne?” I said to Crim.
“Yeah, but it’s Oliver’s bag.”
I eyed the bag again where Oliver was leaning down and unbuttoning a flap on the side. He pulled out a bunch of foil squares and a small bottle of lube, then joined us on the chaise lounge.
“You’re a smart one, Oliver. Now, where were we?” Crim asked as he pushed me onto the pillows.
I collapsed onto the plush bedding, my entire body tight and ready to burst. I didn’t know how long I was going to last when I had three guys on me.
All thoughts of doubt fluttered out of my mind as Crim’s body leaned down on top of mine. Oliver and Mason followed. Crim kissed me on the lips with that smooth, confidence motion that only he could pull off.
Mason kissed my jaw, sucking and biting slightly. It seemed like he was trying to compete with Crim— trying to crowd him away from my mouth.
I switched lips, alternating kisses between Mason and Crim as their bodies writhed on top of me.
Oliver was kissing down my torso, peppering his full lips down to the V that plunged into my pants.
I arched my back as I moaned, completely smothered by these amazing, experienced men and their intoxicating kisses. Hands moved along my body and plunged into my pants. Before long, we were all covered in sweat, gyrating against each other smoothly.
Someone ran their hand through my hair while someone else was planting kisses along my inner thigh, drowning me with the sensation. When I leaned back, I exposed my neck. Someone’s lips were planting kisses all over my sensitive skin right below my ear.
There was a tight knot in my lower stomach ready to burst. The three guys on top of me were flooding my senses, making my cock harder than it had ever been. We were a kaleidoscope of flesh, all moving along to a silent song only the four of us could hear.
That’s when Oliver wrapped his lips around my the head of my cock.
“Oh my god, I’m gonna come!” I warned.
Chapter Thirty-One
I felt the tight knot in my lower belly release, and it was like a dam that had been holding back a reservoir of pleasure was unleashed within me.
I moaned and bucked against Oliver’s mouth as I poured my seed into him.
“Oh… oh…” I bellowed, arching my back uncontrollably as wave after wave of carnal pleasure flooded through me.
Crim pulled away first. “Done already, Charlie boy?” he said with a grin, diving back down to kiss me.
I felt as limp as a rag doll as the guys continued their onslaught of kisses. Oliver was still milking me with his mouth, coaxing every last drop of come out of my balls.
“It was… it was so hot… I’m spent,” I said breathlessly, clutching at the fabric of the ottoman. “Sorry, I—”
“No need to apologize,” Crim said with a smirk as Mason worked on my neck, kissing his way down my body. “Do you want to keep going?” he asked.
Before I could answer, there was an echoing noise by the entrance to the bath chamber.
All four of us looked over, and I felt Crim and Mason’s heartbeats quicken on top of me.
Reese appeared in the doorway a look of surprise dawning on his face, then he averted his eyes. He was still wearing one of his stupid suits instead of something to swim in, which was the first sign that something was wrong.
“Bloody hell,” he said, his accent echoing in the green stone room as he covered his eyes.
Mason and Oliver launched off of me. Crim stayed where he was, looking at Reese like he was intruding.
“Can we help you?” he asked with a smirk, his body pinning me to the chaise lounge.
“First of all, I can’t walk in on you all shagging like this,” Reese said, facing the wall. Even in the green, dim light of this room, I could tell that he was blushing fiercely.
I wondered how much he wanted to join. Secretly, I was astounded with how much I wanted that to happen.
“Second of all, I just got word that the producers found out about… some of the things that have happened with Alina. They’re freezing production the show until further notice.”
Crim rolled off of me as I sat up suddenly. “What?!”
“You heard me,” Reese said, running his hand through his hair, then covering the lower half of his face. “Get dressed. We all need to have a discussion.”
My heart was racing as I tried to comprehend what Reese was telling all of us. Me, Oliver, Mason, Crim, and Leo were all in a deserted cafe, crowded in a booth in the back.
Alina was missing.
Reese wore a grave expression as he told us that someone— likely Rachel’s husband — leaked a sex tape of Alina. It was all over the internet, and it didn’t take long for people to check the dates and find out Alina wasn’t legal when it was filmed.
“It’s a bloody mess,” Reese said, looking like a part of him had died. “The comments online about her are… they’re awful. They’re accusing me of sleeping with her too.”
“I thought you were public about being gay,” Oliver said.
“I am, but it doesn’t change the amount of scrutiny I’m under. The public hears about something like this and they draw their conclusions. The production company is freezing everything so they can investigate.”
“What does that mean for us?” Mason asked, his jaw tight.
“They’re flying you back to L.A. They might resume filming, they might not. Right now we’re in limbo,” Reese said, his voice hollow.
“That’s bullshit,” Mason hissed as he stood up. “We signed a contract!”
“There’s a clause in all of your contracts for a situation like this. In the case of a police investigation, they can put production on hold indefinitely.”
I was sure my face was going white. Just when I was starting to live the movie star life, it was all taken away from me. I was watching my dream float away right before my eyes.
But despite what happened to me, one thing was certain: I had to talk to Alina. I had to make sure she was all right.
“Where’s Alina now?” I asked, the voice that left my lips sounding so different than my own.
“She’s with the police. They’re asking her questions about the first director she was with, and interrogating her about me.”
“When will she be back?” I asked breathlessly. “She’ll be back, right?”
“She should be back sometime this afternoon,” Reese said carefully.
Something was hiding in the spaces between his words, but I was too shaken to ask any further questions about it.
I saw there in the booth feeling more alone than ever, hearing each starboy ask questions about details and logistics. It all faded into the background.
All I knew was that I felt… different. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, and strangely, I felt cold. It was as if the promise of fame wrapped around me like a warm security blanket, making me shine with confidence. When I was still chasing that dream, when it seemed like it was just around the corner, I felt invincible. Now that it was gone, I felt ordinary again. I felt small.
I went quiet as their words washed over me, discussing their options. Once the conversation shifted to what each of them was going to do next — how they’d pivot their careers, I felt more alone than ever. All that lay in front of me without my upcoming part in The Black Castle was returning to what I was doing before: Being a hairstylist.
“We should all exchange numbers,” Leo said, pulling out his
phone. “So we can stay in contact with each other.”
“I second that,” Mason said quietly, pulling out his phone.
“What’s your number, Charlie?” Crim asked.
My mouth was moving, but I couldn’t hear my own voice tell it to them. I was too shaken by the earthquake that had just shifted my life.
The dream was over.
I was sitting on the plane next to Alina, headed straight back to L.A. She looked like a shadow of her former self, like she was a stranger in a very good cosplay of Alina. Every time I tried to start a conversation, she responded with a “huh?” and I’d have to repeat myself three or four times before she’d give a lackluster response.
I knew her mind must have been swirling with what was waiting for her back in the city. Now that people knew she’d traded her body for fame when she wasn’t even old enough to consent, her career was pretty much over. Even though she was the victim in this scenario, we both knew that the audience wouldn’t see it that way.
I put my hand on hers and squeezed it for the rest of the flight.
She squeezed it back, staring wistfully out the window.
When we landed in LAX, I periodically saw the guys around the airport. We exchanged promises of staying in touch, but something fundamental among the entire group had shifted. I couldn’t help but wonder; was it only the show that was holding us all together? Was I nothing if I wasn’t an actor in it? Was I back to being a mere mortal while the others moved on to their next projects?
I stayed with my former coworker Scott for two weeks, holding out hope that the dream wasn’t over. The last thing I wanted to do was start building a life here in L.A. when the stars might align and I’d be invited back onto the show.
But as the days dragged on, my hope waned. Production was paused indefinitely, and I felt sadder and sadder, having to face the reality of returning to a normal life.
One day after Scott went to work, making passive-aggressive comments about me intruding on his space, I pulled out my phone to dial the salon. Maybe I could talk my manager into giving me my old job back.
As I scrolled through my contacts list, my eyes landed on Hazel’s name. It had been… it had been a long, long time since I’d talked to her. I was started to think of her as a fairy godmother or something. And in this moment of weakness when I felt like my world was collapsing around me, I needed to hear her voice.
I dialed her number. She answered on the third ring.
“Hello?” she asked, her voice crackly.
“Hazel!” I said breathlessly, my soul starving for her words. “I was just calling to see how you were doing—”
“No you didn’t,” she said.
I was frozen on Scott’s couch, unable to read her tone. Was I finally annoying her? Was she going to tell me to stop calling her?
“We both know I’m doing fine,” she said, the smile coming through in her voice.
I relaxed.
“What happened, Charlie?” she asked, her voice full of concern.
“I messed everything up,” I said, tears beading at the corners of my eyes. “My life was changing, just like you said. I got the opportunity of a lifetime, but now it’s gone.”
“Oh, Charlie,” she said.
“I wrote down everything I wanted. I let myself believe it was in my grasp, like I deserved it. And now reality came back around and I’m right back where I started at square one!”
Hazel was quiet for a moment, listening to my wallowing. Then she asked, “Have you forgiven yourself?”
I got ahold of myself just enough to process her words. “Forgiven… myself?” It made me think of what Crim said in the tub a few weeks ago. That I was making progress.
“I think so? How would I know?” I asked, desperate for any kind of validation that I was doing something right.
“Well, if I’m not mistaken,” she said. “I think I just heard you say that you messed it all up. That you were the one that missed an opportunity. That’s blocking you, Charlie.”
I frowned. “So you’re saying that… that I’m blocking myself?”
“I’m not,” she said. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was getting a little impatient with me. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t blame yourself. You have to trust the universe. You asked for what you wanted, correct?”
“Yes,” I said.
“And the universe showed you a taste of what you could have, am I right?”
“…yes,” I repeated.
“Then you have nothing to worry about, dear. Simply have patience and everything will fall into place.”
“But how do I know?” I asked desperately. “My world is at my feet right now, Hazel. My best friend’s career is destroyed, none of the guys that I was interested in are talking to me, and I’ll never get another opportunity like the one that just happened!”
“Choose love, Charlie. You’re choosing fear so hard right now,” she said. I could practically hear her eye roll.
“It’s hard when everything looks like it’s over,” I complained. “Can I… can I just see you? Can we meet?”
I knew it was selfish to ask for her time just so that she could pat me on the head and tell me I’m doing everything right in a thousand different ways, but I couldn’t help myself. I was desperate for any kind of validation.
“We’ll see each other very soon,” she said knowingly. “I’m sure of it. I’m actually on vacation right now…”
“Oh! I didn’t mean to bother you while you’re on vacation!” I said, clapping myself on the forehead. I was such an imposition.
“Just choose love, Charlie. Keep choosing love. You asked for what you wanted, you believed it could happen. You got rid of most of the poison in your aura — things will work out. Right now there are forces that are powerfully moving people, events, and circumstances for you. All you have to do is be patient.”
Again, that hard, sharp-edged feeling of rational thought took over my mind. What was I doing? I was asking a witch for life advice? I was so pathetic.
“Choose love,” she said with finality, then hung up.
I stared at my phone screen, frowning. She was getting irritated with me; I didn’t blame her. I was being super needy right now.
Despite the voice of rationality telling me that everything she was saying was nonsense, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew what was going to happen before it actually would. I closed my eyes and saw Crim’s purple irises there, boring into me with their amethyst brilliance.
I put my phone face-down on my chest, making a decision not to call the salon just yet. I’d give it one more day — just one, holding out the hope that something would happen with the production company. I couldn’t let go of this dream. Not yet.
Resisting the urge to check my phone, and doubly resisting the urge to wallow and feel sorry for myself, I stared at the ceiling and thought of Alina.
She wouldn’t talk to me. At this point, I thought it was a pride thing. She was too humiliated, too embarrassed about what had happened. Still, I couldn’t help but worry about her. I felt an inkling of resentment that she was ignoring my offers of friendship.
Though I hadn’t exactly made it easier for her to confide in me. She told me what she’d done in exchange for a chance at fame — a chance at that thing I was so desperately chasing — and I’d returned her trust with nothing but judgment.
The media hadn’t been kind to her, just like we thought. The director that was with her in the video was under an investigation too, and all of his projects had been put on hold. I guess they found some incriminating tapes in his basement and were bringing Alina in for another round of questioning.
I’d sent her a text giving her my support, telling her that I would be there for her when she needed me, and to not feel like she had to respond right away. That was five days ago.
I was truly in limbo. All of this waiting was the worst part about it, and I got to watch as my mind stretched out every second like taffy, holding o
ut hope that my life was going to change back to the way it was.
I’d been procrastinating doing laundry from the trip this whole time as if the fibers of my clothing had absorbed some of that celebrity magic and if I washed them, it would be washing the dream away. Naturally, I waited as long as possible before I finally broke down and washed my jeans.
As I was fanning out some of my dark jeans, getting ready to throw them in the wash, crumpled up bits of paper fell out of my pockets.
My heart was in my throat. This was it — this was my list where I wrote down everything I wanted in a partner.
A feeling washed over me that was some kind of distant cousin of deja vu as I smoothed out page after page of my writing on the tiled laundry room floor.
My eyes clouded with tears as I looked over all the things I thought I wanted in a partner. After a few moments of scanning the long list, my eyes zeroed in on the one quality that was circled with four colors: “Makes me famous.”
Well, none of them ended up doing that for me, I thought to myself bitterly. Except maybe Crim, who posted that selfie. Even so, the hype from that photo floating around on the internet wore off quickly and was promptly eclipsed by Alina’s scandal.
I went through the list again, allowing myself to fantasize about some alternate universe where all of the guys were into me again. None of them had all of the qualities I wanted in my heartmate. If anything, Crim came the closest with that weird connection we had. But he was also arrogant and self-absorbed, so it couldn’t be him. Plus, he was missing a lot of traits that I’d found in the other guys…
Maybe it wasn’t possible to get everything I wanted in one person. Maybe I had to make do with some sort of fraction of everything I wanted; either that or be with all of the guys at the same time…
I willed the fantasy away as I shook my head. There was no way any of them would all agree to have a relationship with me at the same time… even if a lot of them were okay with having sex with me at the same time.
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