Finding Joy (The Joy Series)

by Jenni Moen

  This was definitely no Spice Girls, but Carly looked unfazed and took no time finding her groove. She swayed and moved to the music. Surprisingly, Burke stepped back and let her shine, not even stepping forward during his parts.

  And shine she did. Barnacle had been right. Carly had no business waiting tables. She was a natural performer. Even if there wasn’t a permanent spot for her in the Dirty Crows, she needed to be in front of an audience.

  The song was over too soon. With her moment in the spotlight over, she bounced off the stage and made her way to us. “That was so much fun,” she screamed at me over the band’s next song. Adam handed her another beer while I bounced next to her.

  “Ozzy Osbourne?” I asked, laughing.

  “I know, right?” she said. “Burke wouldn’t hear of anything else. I thought it might be a little too much for my first go around.”

  “It wasn’t. You were so awesome,” I gushed all over her.

  Carly blushed and nodded her head frantically. “Don’t tell Burke,” she whispered in my ear. “But I loved it. I freaking loved it.”

  Adam wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his side. “You were awesome, Carl.”

  Carly looked at him with a wicked gleam in her eye. “I was, wasn’t I?”

  “You were,” he said, grinning back at her.

  She smiled happily into her beer and then looked back at the band wistfully. We watched the rest of the set, and 30 minutes later the boys left the stage and joined us by the bar.

  Burke captured Carly in a hug and murmured something in her ear. The shit-eating grin on her face told me that he’d complimented her performance. This whole thing was going to have her floating on cloud nine for days.

  The drinks were flowing and spirits were high. Eventually, the boys congregated at one end of the bar while Carly, Krista, and I huddled together at the other.

  We’d just finished a round of shots, toasting Carly’s first singing success when a guy wandered up and leaned on the bar next to her. I wasn’t in the market for a new man. Not even close. None of us were. But it would have been impossible not to notice that he was a good looking guy. In fact, he was a very good looking guy. Krista, who was in agreement, waggled her eyebrows at me.

  His blond hair was cut short. Though it was untucked and the sleeves were rolled up, his preppy button-up was a dead giveaway as to how he spent his days. I was well acquainted with his type. In fact, his type had once been my specialty. However, Mr. Wall Street had nothing in common with Adam and was the furthest thing from Burke.

  Mr. Hot-And-Tempting gestured to the bartender to get his attention and then flashed Carly a panty-melting smile. When the bartender came over to take his order, he ordered four shots of Patron. The bartender delivered, and he kept one for himself and slid the other three in our direction. “Ladies,” our benefactor said to the group, though his eyes never left Carly. “This round is on me.”

  Carly giggled and might have even hiccupped just a little. She’d had too much to drink and probably had no business taking any more shots. “Thanks. But we can’t take those,” she said, surprising me. Maybe she wasn’t too far gone yet after all. Krista, who already had her fingers wrapped around hers, looked at Carly questioningly.

  “Why not?” Mr. Panty-Melting-Smile asked. “I could’ve sworn that this was what you and your friend ordered earlier.” He sent a sly smile my direction, and I eyed him suspiciously. I hadn’t noticed anyone watching us earlier. Adam was constantly getting on to me for not being more aware of my surroundings. Maybe he was right.

  Carly giggled again and explained. “Sorry, but we all have boyfriends,” she said as she glanced toward the other end of the bar. Our boys were absorbed in their own conversation and were paying no attention to us.

  “I’m sure you do,” Mr. Throwing-His-Money-Away responded with a laugh. “I would expect nothing less from beautiful women like you. But I saw you sing, and you were great. You’ve earned these shots.”

  Carly giggled for a third time. “Well, okay,” she said. “Thank you.”

  Except for Krista who had accepted hers a long time ago, we all reached for our shots.

  We tipped them back, and the warm liquid burned all the way down. I still had the lime in my mouth when Burke came barreling over.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Burke asked, rudely eyeballing our host.

  Mr. Screwed-And-Didn’t-Know-It smirked at Burke. “I take it this is your boyfriend?” he asked Carly, effectively dismissing Burke. I’d been around Burke enough and heard enough stories to know that this was not going to go over well with him. Showing a complete lack of judgment, Carly giggled again, and he glared at her.

  “Your girlfriend did well up there,” Mr. Hot-But-Not-Too-Smart said. “I noticed she only sang one song. I hope you realize that she’s got some real talent, and you’re underutilizing her.”

  Burke’s eyes narrowed, and he flexed his hands by his side. “Rest assured that I’m not underutilizing her in any way, shape, or form.” Burke was ready to kick the guy’s ass. It was written all over his face and emanated from his body.

  I shot a warning glance at Adam as he sidled up next to Burke. He threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “What’s up, my man?” he asked, giving Burke a hard look.

  “This guy is hitting on my fucking girl.”

  “Oh, surely not. I think he was just leaving.” Adam tipped his head to the side as if to suggest that it was a good time for Mr. Doomed to make his exit.

  His eyes danced around the group. Determining that he was outnumbered, he wisely stepped back and lifted his hands in surrender. “I meant no harm,” he said to Adam. “I was just buying the lady a congratulatory drink.”

  Burke moved in Mr. Not-Moving-Fast-Enough’s direction, but Adam pulled him in tighter. “I’m sure they appreciate it, but you’d better move on now.”

  Mr. Scared-Shitless-and-Running nodded in agreement and turned away. Even as he blended into the crowd in the middle of the room, Burke bristled, unable to let it go.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Carly barked in his face.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he flipped back at her as Adam released him ... a little too soon, in my opinion.

  “Geez, Burke, he just bought me a drink. He thought I did a good job up there,” she said, gesturing to the empty stage.

  “No,” Burke bellowed. “He wanted in your pants, Carl. I should know.”

  We all stepped back a bit to give them some room. It wasn’t necessary though. Carly didn’t need more room. Instead, she got right in Burke’s face. “Do you really think I would let him?” she spit out.

  “Maybe. I don’t know,” Burke said.

  Carly gave him the most severe go-to-hell look I’d ever seen, turned on her heel, and stalked off. Krista chased after her, looking over her shoulder at us with a confused expression.

  Burke threw his hands in the air and uttered a string of cuss words.

  “Dude,” Barnacle muttered. “Rein yourself in before you say or do something else stupid.”

  “Say something stupid?” Burke grunted. “I didn’t say anything stupid.”

  Adam snorted in response.

  “What?” Burke asked incredulously. “I know what he wanted from her. The same thing I want from her.”

  I loved Burke but he could be incredibly dense sometimes. I grabbed his arm and gave it a squeeze and then narrowed my eyes at him. “Burke, you’re a real cockdonkey. Do you know that?”

  He snorted at me. “A what?”

  “A cockdonkey. I know you’re not trying to be a Neanderthal idiot, but you kind of are. She didn’t do anything wrong. He was just some random guy who wanted to buy her a drink because she was so great tonight.”

  Burke looked thoughtful, and then a smirk took over his face. “She really was, wasn’t she?”

  “She was,” I said. “And you pretty much told her you think she’s a whore.”

  “I did not,” he protes
ted.

  “Uhhh, Burke,” Adam interjected. “I think you’re finally getting a taste of your own medicine.”

  “Huh?” he asked.

  “How many times has Carly watched some sleazebag girl hit on you after a show?”

  “Oh.” Burke said stupidly.

  “Yeah. How many times have you two gotten into fights over it?”

  “Well, shit,” Burke muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I am a cockdonkey.”

  Burke had just had a real breakthrough, but before I could comment further on this momentous occasion, a high pitched electric squeal filled the room. I pressed my hands over my ears and whipped around trying to find the source of the awful racket.

  Carly was front and center on the stage again. The rest of the band had taken their places behind her. I hadn’t even noticed that they disappeared.

  “Excuse me, everyone,” Carly said into the microphone. “If you’ll just humor me for a minute, I think I need to teach my boyfriend a lesson.”

  The crowd let out a whoop, and Carly smiled mischievously. She nodded at the boys on the stage behind her, and the room was once again filled with the music of the Dirty Crows. They didn’t sound as polished as they usually did and were clearly winging it. But they sounded pretty good, all things considered. I mean, I couldn’t imagine that they had ever picked their way through a Pink song before now.

  Carly’s eyes never left Burke as she sang about the delicate line between love and hate. Her eyes were on fire as she belted out bitter lines about wanting to slap his whole face and wrapping her hands around his neck. But her expression softened the longer she sang, and she all but melted when she declared that this thing between them must be true love. Pretty soon they were going to need to get a room.

  I looked over at Adam, who was no stranger to love and hate, and wondered if he still had any trouble distinguishing between the two. Long before he had loved me, he’d hated me. Who could blame him? Even though he swore that he no longer harbored any of those old feelings, I couldn’t help but wonder if it ever nagged at him the way my regrets nagged at me.

  He must have felt my eyes on him. He turned and looked at me thoughtfully. He shook his head ever so slightly before returning his gaze to the stage. ‘Don’t think too much about it,’ he would say if he knew what I was thinking.

  I would try.

  Carly, shaking her ass on the stage, and spewing her love/hate all over Burke was a great distraction. Adam had always said that their relationship was a rocky one. But aside from the one time they had gotten into it at The Shelter after some bimbo had leeched onto Carly, it had been pretty smooth sailing the past few months. It was easy to understand, though, with Burke’s hotheaded nature and Carly’s stubbornness, how they could find themselves in trouble more often than not.

  However, it didn’t look like they were in trouble now. As Burke watched her deliver the last few lines of the song, he pushed his way toward the front of the stage. The music faded away, and Carly walked to the edge and leapt off into his arms. They wrapped themselves around each other and without so much as a sideways glance in our direction, he carried her toward the front door.

  “Looks like he’s going to need help packing up his shit tonight,” Adam said, shaking his head. Dirk, Barnacle, and Brian were already tearing things down on the stage. Adam started in their direction and then turned back to me.

  He cleared the space he’d just put between us in three steps and stopped just inches from me. His eyes flashed dark. “You wonder when it’s going to get easier for us, but it’s not easy for anybody, Allie. Everyone has their shit. It’s different shit for different people, but it’s still all shit. Being able to deal with it ... that’s where greatness lies. And we’re great.”

  He was right. I wanted easy, but there was no easy. I wanted greatness, but all my doubts and insecurities were holding us back.

  “We are great,” I said to his retreating back.

  It was time to stop dwelling on the past … and make us greater.

  CHAPTER 11

  Adam

  I leaned back in the hard plastic chair and tried to blend into the scenery while the girls finished catching up. It had been weeks since they had seen each other, and Allie had nearly burst at the seams when Lizzie had walked into the room.

  They had covered a lot of territory this afternoon. Lizzie was doing fine in school. Her clothes were still fitting (though she was definitely bigger than the last time I’d seen her). She had to share a room with five other girls. It took some coaxing, but she had finally admitted that one of her roommates was giving her some shit for being ‘a 14-year-old statistic’ and that she was reasonably certain that the girl had stolen a pair of her shoes. Even though Lizzie said she’d taken care of it, I made a mental note to talk to the director of the center. I wasn’t going to put up with Lizzie being bullied, and I certainly wasn’t going to allow her to be pregnant and barefoot.

  The facility itself wasn’t terrible. It was clean enough and much nicer than Lizzie’s apartment, but there was something sterile about it. It was a children’s ‘home,’ but there was nothing homey about it. When I walked out of there in a few minutes, I probably wouldn’t even be able to describe the room where I’d just spent the last two hours.

  I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. Getting Allie to leave was going to be a challenge. She was going to have a hard time leaving Lizzie behind.

  Honestly, I wasn’t too happy about the idea either.

  Alexis

  “I wish we didn’t have to go,” I said, standing.

  Lizzie wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. It wasn’t so hard that it made me worry about leaving her, but it was long enough that I knew she was sad to see us go. “I know,” she said. “It’s okay. I’m just so glad you came today though. I haven’t had any visitors though my grandma called a couple of times.”

  She turned and reached for Adam next. He stuffed his phone in the back pocket of his jeans and pulled her against him. He ruffled her hair and smashed her face into his shirt in the process. “Stop,” she giggled. “You’re smashing my face into ... who is that?”

  Adam looked at her deadpan. “Are you kidding? That’s Bill Murray.”

  “You heart Bill Murray?” she asked. “Is he like a politician or something?”

  He looked at her incredulously. “No he’s an actor, you goof. Caddyshack? Ghostbusters?” He snapped his fingers before continuing, “I know. Charlie’s Angels.”

  “Oh, yeah,” she said absently. “ I think I saw that once.”

  Adam rolled his eyes. “You kill me. Your generation is missing out. All you know is stupid movies with shit actors. You’re a part of the Teen Beach Movie generation.”

  Lizzie erupted in laughter. “Adam!” I said, cocking my head in disapproval.

  “It’s okay,” Lizzie said giggling. “He’s right. It’s total shit, and I love it,” she said, arching her eyebrows devilishly.

  “Lizzie!” I said, looking around to see if anyone was going to yell at us for cussing up a storm in the children’s shelter. However, we were now alone in the room. All the other visitors had already left.

  “The better question is, how do you know that Teen Beach Movie is shit, Adam?” she said, giggling and poking him in the stomach.

  “Research,” he said. “For school.”

  “You lie,” she said.

  “Okay, I was flipping around the other day, and it was on, okay? It was awful so I stopped to check it out.” He looked sheepish. “All right ... fine ... a few of the songs were kind of catchy.”

  We both looked at him with our mouths agape.

  While we remained flabbergasted at his admission, he took on a severe expression. “Listen, Lizard. I’m being serious now. While you’re here, don’t take any shit from anyone, okay? Stand up for yourself, but don’t get yourself into trouble. I mean, don’t get into any fights. Not in your ... um ... condition.” He looked nervously over her head
.

  Nothing seemed to make Adam nervous ... except Lizzie’s ‘condition.’

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”

  “Good,” he said, ruffling her hair one last time before starting to pull away from her.

  She didn’t let him go. Instead, she seemed to squeeze him a little tighter. “One more thing, Adam,” she said quietly into his shirt. “I need to thank you. Mom called me the other day and told me what you did.”

  He pulled away from her again, but didn’t let her go completely. Gripping both of her arms, he looked earnestly at her. “It was nothing, Lizzie. She needs help, and you need her to get better. She does care about you. Now she needs to get clean so she can take better care of you.”

  “I know. That’s what she said, too. Thank you.”

  I was still lost in thought, wondering what they were talking about when she turned back to me. I hugged her again and could feel the hard baby bump pressing into my hip. I couldn’t help myself. I pulled away and put both hands on either side of her bulging tummy. “Take care,” I said. “You’ll be out of here in a few weeks.”

  “I hope not,” she giggled.

  “No. Not you. You stay right where you are and cook some more,” I said, rubbing her tummy. I pointed a finger at Lizzie. “I meant, you. You’ll be out of here in a few weeks.”

  I could feel Adam’s eyes on me, but I didn’t dare meet them. If I did, he might see how I felt about this baby. Although, maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. I didn’t even know how I felt about it. Maybe I should let him help me figure it out. That didn’t seem like a great plan either though.

  We said our final goodbyes, and my heart split in two. I hated leaving her behind. She said it wasn’t bad, but I hated the situation enough for the both of us. She didn’t deserve to be living in a children’s shelter, and she didn’t deserve to be sharing a room with a bullying shoe thief. It was just a few weeks until Thanksgiving though, and hopefully her mom would break her out afterwards.