by Susan Wiggs
“You’re right. And those have become my two favorite words in the English language.”
Daisy was beginning to feel inspired. She loved it when the energy of the subject was so warm and positive. Andrea and Brian leaned in toward each other, regarding their baby son with a pride that shone so brightly, it was palpable.
Andrea leaned sweetly against her husband’s shoulder. “It’s been a process, and that’s not a bad thing. I went from being swept off my feet to loving Brian like a habit, like breathing, if that makes sense.”
“Perfect sense,” Daisy murmured. She should work on that with Logan, yet caught herself wondering why it seemed so impossible to get into the habit of love.
“And it’s not cheesy?” Andrea asked.
“The truth is never cheesy,” Daisy assured her. “I’m really happy for the two of you.” The Hubbles seemed to have a rhythm together, subtle, but the camera found it. Daisy wondered if she and Logan had a rhythm. They tended to go their separate ways—he with work and soccer league on the weekends, meetings with his group and sponsor. And she stayed busy with her own career and with friends and family.
Every couple was different. Andrea and Brian were passionate about each other, and the chemistry flowed from every cell of their bodies. Daisy had seen it while doing their wedding shoot; she sensed now that it was more powerful than ever. And it seemed effortless. Maybe for some couples, love was effortless. Others had to work harder at it.
She had never been one to shy from hard work. If that was what it took—and their couples counselor assured them that it did—then she would go the distance.
Checking a sunny corner of the garden with her light meter, she made a mental note to do something nice for Logan today. Fix salmon for dinner, his favorite. Maybe offer to go to the gym with him, if one of her parents was free to watch Charlie.
The last time she’d offered, Logan had declined.
“It’s not exactly quality time, doing weight training across the room from each other,” he’d pointed out.
She kept waiting for this awkwardness between them to melt away, but it constantly cropped up, like weeds in a garden. Sometimes she lay awake at night, praying, Please don’t let us repeat my parents’ mistakes.
And that, of course, begged the question—had her parents been mistaken in trying to stay together as long as they had? Or was their greatest mistake in calling it quits?
She heard the sound of a car door slamming and dragged her thoughts into the present.
“There’s Zach,” she said. “We’ll get started in a few minutes. Hey, Zach,” she called over her shoulder. “I’m going to need both the strobe and the ambient right away. Could you—” She turned to him and broke off in surprise. “Hey, Olivia. Connor. What are you guys doing here?”
“Sorry to interrupt you at work,” Olivia said, with an apologetic nod at the Hubbles. “Zach told us we could find you here.”
Daisy made hasty introductions; then Olivia and Connor took her aside. “What’s up?” Daisy asked. “Is everything all right?”
“It’s Julian,” Connor said.
Even now, the sound of his name, spoken aloud, was like a fist to the solar plexus. “Why would you bring him up?” she asked, hurt and mystified.
Olivia put her arms around Daisy. “It’s good news,” she said, “but you might want to sit down.”
Daisy wobbled in confusion, but said, “I’ll stand, thanks. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“So this is totally freaky, but amazing. I had a call, completely out of the blue,” Connor said. “He’s alive, Daisy. He wasn’t killed when the helicopter went down. He’s been a prisoner in Colombia, and he finally escaped, and he’s back.”
Daisy swayed against her cousin as she tried to make sense of the words. They seemed to echo in her head without meaning. Julian…alive. Alive. Impossible. She moved her mouth, but no words came out.
“I spoke to him less than an hour ago.”
Daisy choked, managed to summon her voice. “He’s…you mean…you’re sure?”
“He’s in Washington and will be here tonight.” Connor’s voice shook, and Olivia took his hand.
Daisy broke away from Olivia. She couldn’t figure out what to do with herself. She sank down on the grass and wrapped her arms around her knees. Julian. Alive. On his way here.
Tears of disbelief and gratitude spilled down her face, and her breath caught painfully in her chest. She was trembling hard, so hard she couldn’t see straight.
“I’m going to tell your clients you’ll need to reschedule this shoot.” Connor went over to talk to the Hubbles, and Daisy didn’t bother to object. Talk about blowing her concentration.
Olivia sat down cross-legged next to Daisy. “It’s so incredible,” she said. “Like a dream come true. Connor’s been—he’s a mess, ever since that phone call. But a happy mess.”
Julian. “I still can’t believe it.”
“It’ll feel more real when we see him in person tonight. He’ll be here in time for dinner.” Olivia’s voice trembled with wonder. “I know you’re happy, but I guess it’s super awkward for you. I can’t imagine what this must feel like.”
Tonight. How could that be? Daisy had been thinking about going to the gym with Logan and fixing salmon for supper, and…and now this. How could Julian go from being dead one moment to sitting down to dinner the next? With every cell of her body, she wanted to leave the world behind, run to him and fling herself into his arms. But that, of course, was impossible.
“He didn’t call me,” she said, a curl of apprehension tightening in her stomach. “My number hasn’t changed. Why didn’t he call me?”
“Connor did explain to him that you—your circumstances have changed.”
“He told Julian I’m married to Logan, you mean.”
“He couldn’t very well have said anything else.”
“I know. I understand. But…oh God. I hate that he found out like this, even though I love it so much that he’s still in the world.” Daisy lowered her head to her arms. With no effort at all, she could conjure up his scent and the way his hands felt on her, the sound of his voice and the taste of his kisses. The jumble of emotions inside her kept growing until it felt like a fountain she couldn’t contain. She thought she understood what her life would be, but now this…it changed everything. No, she thought. This desire she had to see him again, to touch him and open her heart to him again had to be a secret.
“This must be such a shock,” Olivia said. “How are you doing?”
“Still trying to get my head around this,” Daisy admitted. “And I know this situation is about to get extremely complicated. However, right now I can’t feel anything but grateful. I never knew happiness could hurt so much. Oh, God. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.”
“No one does. This is not exactly the kind of thing that happens every day.” Olivia took out her mobile phone and turned the screen toward Daisy. “Connor made him send a picture.”
Daisy’s breath caught. Her heart seemed to leap toward the photo on the palm-size screen. “Julian,” she whispered. “He’s so skinny. But…he’s smiling.” She’d seen that face in her dreams, night after night. She used to think the dreams came to her because she was not done with the relationship. He had been taken from her with brutal swiftness.
“He has a lot to smile about, wouldn’t you say?” Olivia pointed out.
Daisy gazed down at the image. Even now, she recognized that smile. It was the one she used to be able to feel from the crown of her head all the way down to her toes.
Twenty-Eight
The Hubbles had been understanding about rescheduling their photo shoot with Daisy. There could be no way to concentrate and focus on work, not with this cataclysmic news buzzing in her head.
Besides, she had to find Logan and tell him, and the sooner the better. She wanted him to hear it from her first.
And dear God, she wanted for it not to be a problem between th
em. They had created enough of those on their own.
She pulled up to his office, in an old brick building facing the town square. Located next to the local radio station and dangerously close to the Sky River Bakery, the agency seemed to fit right into the bustle of Avalon’s small but colorful downtown. The large front window was painted with the company logo and O’Donnell Insurance Agency—You’re Safe With Us.
The logo—an heraldic shield—was not the most original choice. However, given the success of the company, it was probably the right choice. The brand consultant Logan had hired when he’d taken over the agency insisted that the symbol be instantly recognizable.
She sat in the car for a few minutes, trying to collect her thoughts. The news about Julian was still so fresh, it was burning in her chest. Deep breath, she told herself. Deep breath. There was no way to make this less startling than it was, though she resolved to choose her words carefully. She even rehearsed a few attempts.
“I just got the most incredible news….”
No, then he might instantly think she was pregnant. Not a good topic for them, not at all.
“Logan, there’s something I need to tell you right away…”
He’d probably think she wanted to talk about their marriage yet again. Of late, they’d had a number of fruitless conversations that circled around and never seemed to resolve the unsettled feelings that kept cropping up between them.
“Hey, guess what? The love of my life came back from the dead.”
That made her press her hand to her mouth. Good lord.
“Just be honest,” she admonished herself, getting out of the car. “Just tell the truth.”
She stepped into the office, setting off a small bell over the door. “Hey, Brandi,” she said, greeting Logan’s assistant. Brandi had been the manager and engineer next door at the radio station, and Logan had lured her away. Sometimes she played electric bass in the same band as Daisy’s stepdad, Noah. Brandi was loyal and reliable.
She was also drop-dead gorgeous and favored incredibly cute clothes.
Daisy had never been bothered by this. She never even wondered why this didn’t bother her. The answer might be a little too revealing.
“Is Logan busy?” she asked.
Brandi glanced at the phone. “Nope, go right ahead.”
Logan’s private office had an old-fashioned door with a wavy glass pane and his name in the same lettering as the front sign. She took a deep breath, arranged her face into an expression she hoped would hide her nerves, and opened the door.
“Hi, Logan,” she said brightly.
“Hey.” He closed his computer’s browser with a click of the mouse.
She wondered if he closed it too hastily. Then she reminded herself why she was here. “Sorry to interrupt your day.”
“Don’t worry about it. I was thinking about you, too. About us, actually.”
“What about us?”
He regarded her solemnly. “I’ve been doing some thinking.”
Now? she thought. Now?
“You know,” he continued, “like we’re supposed to do for our counseling session.”
“Logan—”
“Look, I’ll never be sorry I married you because of Charlie, but maybe—”
“Please, this can’t wait.”
“You think this shit is easy?” he asked. “The least you could do is listen—”
“It’s Julian,” she blurted out.
Logan’s eyes narrowed. He leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. “Great. Now what?”
“He’s been found. He’s back.” She struggled to keep her voice from breaking on a surge of joy and wonder.
He shifted his weight forward, planting his elbows on the desk. “What do you mean? His body was found?”
“No…but…yes. Sorry, I’m flustered. I just found out myself. Connor got the call from Julian. He wasn’t on the chopper when it went down. He…I don’t know any details. He was taken by some group in Colombia—a paramilitary group that served a drug lord, and he’s been a prisoner this whole time. But he escaped, and he called his brother from Washington today. And he’s on his way to Avalon. He’ll be here by dinnertime.”
Logan sat very still. His gaze moved over her with steady deliberation. “Wow,” he said. “Pretty amazing news.”
“A miracle,” she said. “I never dreamed something like this could happen. Nobody did.” The instant she said it, she heard her own lie. She had dreamed of this, for Julian to somehow be alive, hundreds of times since the terrible news had arrived. Watching Logan, she suspected he was more clued in to her than she’d ever imagined.
“So what’s next?” he asked. “His ascent into heaven?”
“Logan.”
He got up, pacing restlessly around the office. “Don’t get me wrong, I never wanted the guy to be dead, but you’ll excuse me if I don’t break out the champagne and cigars.”
She winced at his tone. “Connor explained to him on the phone that you and I are together now.” Her stomach clenched even as she spoke. I’m sorry, Julian. I’m so sorry. How could I have known?
Logan played a hand through his hair, roughening the red locks. “I’m glad for the guy, and I feel bad for him at the same time.”
“Fair enough,” she said quietly. Later, she knew she would wonder about those lost months. What had he endured? How had he suffered?
“What does this mean for us?” Logan asked bluntly.
She hesitated. There was a part of her—a very big part—that yearned to turn back the clock, back to a time when she was Julian’s fiancée, dreaming of their life together. However, the reality was, she had done the only thing that made sense and saved her sanity after getting the dreaded news. She had picked up the shattered pieces of her heart and put them back together as well as she could. Then she’d moved ahead with her life.
“This news is like five minutes old,” she said. “It’s barely sunk in.”
“Just answer the question,” Logan said. “Are you going to dump me now so you can go back to your old boyfriend?”
She caught her breath, feeling her heart speed up. “I’m married to you,” she said. “I made a commitment to you, and I don’t take that lightly.”
“That doesn’t exactly answer the question.”
She understood his hostile tone. For him, this news was more than a surprise. It was a threat. She studied him for a moment. “I need to see him,” she said. “Can you understand that I need to see him? Tonight, if he’s willing…”
“Why wouldn’t he be?”
“He didn’t come back here expecting to find me married,” she said. “He might not be too keen on seeing me.”
“That’s his problem.”
Daisy decided both she and Logan needed more time to digest this news, so she picked up her bag and turned toward the door. She paused before leaving. “Sorry, I interrupted you when I first got here. What was it you were going to say to me earlier?”
“Never mind. It wasn’t important.”
Twenty-Nine
On his way home from work, Logan passed the Hilltop Tavern, same as he did every day. The only difference was that today, he was nearly overwhelmed by a raging desire to stop at the bar. He could practically taste the cold bite of just-tapped beer going down so smoothly. At the bottom of the pitcher was sweet nothingness to carry him away on a raft of oblivion.
He caught himself salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs. “Jesus, get a grip,” he said aloud, reaching for his mobile phone. He thumbed in his sponsor’s number and hit Send.
“Eddie Haven,” said a voice on the other end of the line.
“Hey, it’s Logan. Is this a good time?”
“Sure. I was headed to the gym. Maureen’s dead asleep after a long day.”
“She all right?”
“Other than feeling like she’s been pregnant for years rather than months, she’s fine,” Eddie said. “We just learned it’s a boy. We’re going to name him Jabez. You know M
aureen, she’s a planner. It’s the librarian in her.”
“Yeah, that’s great,” Logan said, trying to sound interested.
“Sounds like something’s on your mind. How about you meet me at the gym?”
“You got it.” Logan glanced down at his midsection as he waited at a stoplight. The pounds were not exactly melting off. Daisy had always been kind about it when he brought the subject up. “More of you to love,” she liked to say. Or maybe she didn’t like saying it and was only trying to be nice.
Nice. That was exactly what Daisy was. A nice person. She was so freaking nice, it drove him wacko sometimes. She never said a word when his sweet tooth got the better of him and he went for a second bowl of ice cream or a stack of Fig Newtons that spanned from his thumb to his little finger. She was too freaking nice to nag.
Or maybe she didn’t give a shit.
He thrust the dark thought away and changed into his gym clothes. He’d already started bench pressing when Eddie showed up.
“What’s up, bud?” Eddie asked, doing warm-ups on a nearby mat.
“My wife’s fiancé came back from the dead,” said Logan.
“Very funny.”
Logan pressed the bar upward, barely feeling the weight. “Do you see me laughing?” As succinctly as he could, he related the sequence of events.
“Man,” said Eddie. “Man. That is unbelievable.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I got a better idea. You tell me about it.”
“I’ve been antsy all day,” Logan admitted. “I usually don’t even think about wanting a drink or popping an Oxy. Today it was all I could do to keep driving past the Hilltop Tavern. That’s when I called you.”
“You’re smarter than you look.”
Logan added more weights to the bar and settled back again. “Sometimes.”
“So what is it that’s making you so antsy, besides the general freakiness of the situation?”