She met his eyes. A person couldn’t be a coward about some things. “But I’m not my mother and you’re not my father, Carl. Things don’t always happen that way.”
“What are you trying to say, Kate? That you don’t love me? We’ve been going out for two years.”
“I do love you, Carl, but not the way you want me to. I love you as a friend. A very dear friend.” She said the words as gently as possible.
Carl made a sound as if she’d punched him in the stomach. He blinked a couple of times and lowered his eyes to the ground.
Kate reached toward him but then pulled back her hand. “I’m sorry, Carl. I can see you’re hurt, but I can’t change the way I feel.”
“Is it because I’ve never officially proposed? I’ve been waiting for the right time, but maybe I shouldn’t have.” He went down on one knee and grabbed her hands.
She tried to pull him up, but he wouldn’t let her. “Carl, please don’t do this.”
He acted as if he didn’t hear her. “Kate Merritt, will you marry me?” Without waiting for an answer, he rushed on. “You have to love me. You have to marry me.”
She gave up trying to get him to stand up and instead slid her hands free of his. “I can’t, Carl. You deserve a girl who loves you the right way. Somebody who wants to be with you forever.”
“But that’s you, Kate.” He looked up at her like a dog that was being whipped without any idea why.
She didn’t say anything. What more could she say? He didn’t want to hear her refusal. After a minute, he grabbed hold of the swing rope and clambered to his feet. A dreadful silence fell between them while he waited for her to take back her words. She didn’t slide her eyes away from his the way she wanted to, but met his look. It was the least she could do.
At last he said, “I figure I might get my draft notice soon. I thought we could announce our engagement now before I join up, and then Pastor Mike can tie the knot for us after I finish basic training. They usually give a guy a little leave before they assign him to a base somewhere. I hear they’re sending a lot of the guys west to California. You could go with me. You’d like California. You’re always talking about wanting to see somewhere besides Rosey Corner.”
She felt sorry for him, but a spot of irritation was growing inside her. Her voice wasn’t as kind as she said, “We’re not getting married, Carl. Not now. Not then. Not ever.”
Anger flashed in Carl’s eyes. “It’s that fast-talking pretty boy, isn’t it? He’s come in here and turned your head. Got you forgetting who you are.”
“And who am I?” Her anger was rising to match his.
“Somebody who thinks she’s better than the rest of us. Like the world is going to stop and let you climb on anywhere you want. Well, it’s not. You’re just a small town girl from Rosey Corner who doesn’t know half what you think you know.” He spit the words at her.
She tried to back away from him, but the tree trunk stopped her retreat. She pulled in a breath and did her best to sound in control. “I think you better go home, Carl.”
His face got even redder until he looked ready to explode. The words did seem to explode out of him. “I’ll go home, all right. Right after I do something I should have done a long time ago.”
“We’re through talking, Carl.” She pushed away from the tree to move past him, but he clamped his hands down on her shoulders.
“Through talking, but we’re not finished. Not by a long shot. You want a man who just grabs whatever he wants no matter what, then that’s what you’re gonna get.”
She tried to jerk away from him, but he was too strong. He shoved her back against the tree, stepped closer, and mashed his mouth down over her lips. She tried to twist away from him, but his hands on her were like iron. So instead she froze and became part of the tree, stiff and unmoving. Carl didn’t seem to notice as he shut his eyes and kept moving his lips against hers.
When at last he lifted his head, she stared straight at him with disgust. “Turn me loose or I’ll scream.”
He flinched a little at her words and dropped his hands off her shoulders. “You were supposed to kiss me back, Kate.”
“That was no kiss. That was an attack.” She glared at him and pointed toward the road. “Goodbye, Carl.”
“You can’t just say goodbye like it’s over between us.”
“Goodbye, Carl.” Her voice was icy.
Anger and sorrow warred in his eyes. The anger won. “Everybody always told me you were just like your granddaddy—cold, all drawed up inside yourself, not caring about nothing but what you wanted, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t want to believe them. But maybe they were right. I gave you your chance. Believe me, there’s plenty of other girls who know how to kiss a guy.”
She kept her face blank as she met his stare. She refused to let him see how his words were like stones thrown at her heart. Who were these people telling him that? Everybody.
His face changed. The sorrow pushing in front of the anger now. But he didn’t take back his words. Instead he turned on his heel and stalked away. She didn’t move until he was out of sight up the road. Then she lifted up her dress tail to wipe off her mouth. Her lips felt bruised, her spirit wounded.
She dropped down in the swing and pushed her feet against the ground to launch herself into the air. She was glad for the wind against her hot face. Glad it was blowing her hair free from its pins. She leaned back to pump the swing higher. She wanted to be free of gravity, to float in the air with nothing to stop her flight. She imagined Carl’s words blowing away from her, being lost forever. He was angry. She understood that. Maybe it would have been better if she’d simply kissed him. A parting gift. What if he was drafted? She should have told him she’d pray for him. Up and back through the air her thoughts went.
But she couldn’t swing forever. Twilight was giving way to darkness. Already the lights were on in the house. She’d have to go in. And then Lorena was running down the steps and across the yard toward her. Her beautiful little sister. Surely, Lorena was proof that she cared about somebody besides herself. She let her feet skip against the ground to stop the swing.
“Mama sent me to tell you to come in,” Lorena said.
“All right.” The swing was stopped now, but Kate didn’t stand up.
“Are you okay, Kate?”
“Some people don’t think so. What do you think?”
Lorena ran closer to wrap her arms around her. “I think you’re perfect.”
“Nobody’s perfect.” Kate stood up and pulled her close. She was getting so tall.
“Nobody but Jesus.” Lorena peeked up at Kate. “But you’re real close.”
“If only,” Kate said with a little smile.
“Did you and Carl have a fight?”
“You could say that.”
“He’s just mad ’cause you talked to Tanner. Did he really give Tanner a black eye?”
“Yeah, he really did.” Kate gave her head a little shake as she looked down at Lorena.
“Poor Tanner.” Lorena made a sad face.
“He’ll live through it,” Kate said. “If I were you, I wouldn’t waste too much time worrying about Mr. Tanner. He can take care of himself or I miss my guess.”
“Why’d he let Carl hit him then?”
“Maybe he caught him by surprise.” A lot of things were catching Kate by surprise, so why not everybody else?
“You going to make up?” Lorena asked. “You and Carl.”
“I don’t know. Maybe not.” Actually she did know. She breathed out a sigh. “Probably not.”
“Good.” Lorena tightened her lips together and gave a curt little nod.
“Good?” Kate frowned down at her. “I thought you liked Carl.”
Lorena shrugged her shoulders. “He’s okay. But did you hear him trying to sing this afternoon? He was awful. You don’t want to marry somebody who can’t sing.”
“You silly goose,” Kate said, but she couldn’t keep from laughing as she flipp
ed her hand through Lorena’s curly hair. The laugh freed up something inside her and let Carl’s angry words fade into the background of her mind. She wouldn’t worry about what everybody was saying. She’d only worry about whether they could sing.
“I mean it.” Lorena had a serious look on her face.
“What about Evie and Mike? He can’t sing a lick.”
“True,” Lorena said a little regretfully. “But Evie doesn’t care that much about singing anyway. And Mike preaches, so that makes up for not singing, don’t you think?”
“I have no idea. You’re the one doing this thinking, but I’m thinking love might matter more than singing ability.”
“Love songs are the best.” Lorena put her hands together up under her chin and got a dreamy look.
“I guess when you start getting stuck on boys, we’ll have to get them to audition. You monkey.” Kate poked her in the ribs to make her giggle. “Come on. Mama’s peeking out the door wondering where we are.”
Halfway across the yard, Lorena said, “Do you think Tanner can sing?”
“Who knows? But it doesn’t matter. He’s way too old for you.”
“Not for you.”
“I don’t need you matchmaking for me, young lady. I can find my own fellows.”
“But he was fun. Didn’t you think so?”
“I bet he can’t sing,” Kate said, just to bother Lorena.
“He might be able to sing.” Lorena sounded hopeful, then wistful. “You think we’ll ever see him again?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.”
“I wish we would,” Lorena said. “Don’t you?”
“Maybe he’ll come back in ten years looking for you. By then, you’ll be all grown up and so beautiful he wouldn’t be able to resist you.” She put her arm around the little girl’s shoulders and gave her a hug as they climbed the porch steps. “And he’ll have taken singing lessons.”
“He’ll come back before then. He’ll come looking for you.”
Kate laughed, but the idea of seeing Jay Tanner didn’t sound so bad. Instead a little thrill tickled through her.
She had to be out of her mind. Completely.
9
Jay liked painting the boards on the old house. Back and forth. Dip the brush in the paint and swipe it against the wood. Back and forth. No thought required. His mind was free to wander anywhere. To wherever he’d left off reading before they’d hauled off to Mrs. Harrelson’s house that morning. To the cities in the headlines in yesterday’s newspapers that Victor Merritt brought to Graham Lindell each day.
Not that Jay wanted to think too much about the headlines. Bombs exploding. Planes going down. Russians under siege. People dying. President Roosevelt kept promising to keep them out of the war, but he’d put troops in Greenland. Factories were turning out tanks for the Allied troops. Men were being drafted. Seemed to Jay the country was poised on the brink of falling into the conflict no matter what the politicians were saying. From what he read and heard, the average joe wasn’t all that anxious to jump into the war. It was fine to supply the guns and ammunition, whatever it took, to stop the Germans, but that didn’t mean they had to go over to do the shooting themselves. Let the English fight the war. They’d cheer them on from this side of the ocean.
He would have to go. Not to the war. Not if the president kept his word. But to serve. The draftees had to sign up for a year in the Army. A year wasn’t so long. It wouldn’t be pleasant. Not easy like standing in the sun slapping paint on a house, but he could do a year. He’d have to, since he figured it was only a matter of time before a draft notice caught up with him. Other men his age and younger were already being tapped on the shoulder by Uncle Sam. Even here in peaceful little Rosey Corner. Graham told him Carl Noland had joined up with the Navy before the draft could grab him. He was heading out for a training camp next week.
Jay dipped his brush in the paint and smoothed it on the rough board. The skin under his eye was still a funny purplish green from the punch he’d let that hayseed land on him. If he had it to do over, he might duck away from the guy’s fist and land his own fist in the farm boy’s midsection. That would have taken the air out of his overinflated sails. Help toughen him up for what he was sure to find in the service.
The early October sun reflecting off the white boards was heating up, and he looked around for a shaded spot that needed painting. Just till the sun began heading toward the horizon. But Graham had already grabbed the spot under the tree. Jay watched him a minute and wasn’t sure but what he might be painting the same planks over again instead of moving out into the sun or climbing up a ladder. The man’s old dog had scratched out a fresh hole back in the deep shade and was settled in behind him.
Jay was beginning to think Graham had been painting on this very same house all summer, but Mrs. Harrelson didn’t seem to mind. She brought them ice water a couple of times a day and sometimes dragged a metal lawn chair around to sit and watch. Graham said she’d been a widow for three years. Jay was wondering if she was trying to snag a new husband in Graham, but when he suggested that, the man laughed and shook his head.
“My marrying days are long past. Poe and me, we’re too old to learn new ways.”
“Then it might be you ought to tell Mrs. Harrelson that, because I think she has a twinkle in her eyes when she’s looking your way,” Jay told him.
“Long as that twinkle don’t catch fire. That happens, me and Poe, we’ll be heading for the woods.”
Graham was an interesting companion and the dog wasn’t too stinky. Jay didn’t regret the week he’d spent in Rosey Corner. It hadn’t been so bad except for the black eye and the blisters from the paintbrush and the wasp stings on his ear from not swatting fast enough when he disturbed a nest up under the eaves of the house. Those kinds of things or worse could happen anywhere.
He did regret that Kate hadn’t come around. He’d thought she would just out of curiosity. She knew he was still there. He and Graham went to the store for pop and bologna sandwiches at noon. Mrs. Harrelson didn’t have enough of a twinkle in her eye to feed them lunch. But each time they went in the store, Kate kept disappearing back in the stockroom or out the front door with a box of groceries or who knew where. Anywhere but where she would have to say hello to him.
He might have begun to wonder if he’d lost his touch with the girls if some of the other Rosey Corner lovelies hadn’t started finding reasons to walk past Mrs. Harrelson’s house a few times a day. But not Kate. She wasn’t the average girl. Already nineteen going on twenty and not worried about no ring on her finger. So not worried she’d sent her longtime beau packing. Off to the Navy without so much as a tear or so, one of the girls had told Jay the day before.
Alice, that was the girl’s name. She claimed to be going on eighteen, but Jay had his doubts. He always moved over nearer to Graham when she sauntered up to the house. She was at that dangerous age, ready to leave behind being a kid but too young to really know what it meant to act like a woman. He didn’t need that kind of trouble. But the girl wasn’t happy simply flashing her eyes at him. She was a talker. Words spilled out of her like water through a sieve.
So he wasn’t glad to look up and see her coming toward the house for the second time that day. Graham must have seen her coming too, because he actually grabbed a can of paint and climbed up the ladder to get away from talking to her. Jay didn’t have any choice but to steady the ladder for the older man, which left him standing there, his ears way too open to the girl’s chatter. She talked about everybody, but she kept coming back to Kate and the hayseed farm boy.
“Nobody understands it. We were all ready as anything for them to have a double wedding with Evangeline and Pastor Mike. But then that Kate goes and breaks poor Carl’s heart.” Alice pulled a sad face. “Broke it bad. But then, nothing Kate does surprises any of us.”
“What’s she done? Besides breaking Carl’s heart?” Jay glanced over at her. She’d found some lipstick and smeared it on a litt
le too thick. That plus the two bright spots of rouge on her cheeks made her look a little clownish. She wasn’t bad looking, but she’d managed to completely hide that fact. Part of the problem of being too young.
She must have taken his question as a sign of interest, because she stepped closer and raised her eyebrows at him. “What hasn’t she done?”
Jay thought about letting go of the ladder and retreating, but the ladder was worse than wobbly. It was one thing for him to take a chance of spilling off it, but if Graham fell, he might break his neck. The man wasn’t all that old, but he wasn’t all that young either. So Jay kept his hold on the ladder and on his smile as he tried to get the girl to put some space between them. “If I was you, I’d move back a ways. Graham can be sloppy with his paint. Some of it might splatter down here and ruin your dress.”
Graham was acting like he was so busy painting he wasn’t hearing what they were saying, but a couple of spots of paint landed on Jay’s arm. Jay bit the inside of his lip to keep from grinning as he went on. “See? Not the best place to be standing. Could be Graham might even fall down on top of us, paint and all. This old ladder is pretty rickety.”
“Oh, it looks plenty strong.” Alice didn’t give the ladder a glance. Her light brown eyes were fastened on Jay as she scooted a little closer. “But don’t you want to know about Kate? You looked pretty interested at the wedding. Leastways Carl must have thought so.” She brushed against his arm casually almost as if by accident, but there wasn’t anything accidental about it.
Jay shifted to the side. If she moved after him, poor Graham would have to take his chances with the shaky ladder, because Jay would be in full retreat. “Just a little misunderstanding, that’s all. Happens sometimes.”
“And look what it got you. A black eye, poor thing.” She reached toward his face, but Jay looked up to check on Graham just in time to avoid her fingers touching him. She let her hand settle on the ladder below his. “All because of Kate.”
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