Misunderstood

by Jay Sherfey

  “If you’re sure?” She picked up her bag.

  “I’m sure.” He took a seat at the table. Jason remained standing. Rebecca nodded to both of them and left. Once her car pulled out of the driveway, Downing ordered Jason to sit.

  “You and I, Mr. Sutter, need to talk.”

  * * *

  The next day Russ stared at Jason his mouth open, aghast.

  “So, you’re saying, we can hitch a ride just by touching you and tour la-la land or wherever you go?” Russ sounded excited and ready to give it a try. He, Suzy, and Jason sat around the tool shed bench. Suzy sat between the two boys. She noted Jason’s sour mood the moment they met. His description of what happened the day before at Mr. Downing’s sent a chill down her back.

  “Sure, Russ,” said Jason who hardly slept the night before. He worried about what had happened. Russ’s attitude thoroughly annoyed him. “If you wanna wind up on the floor unconscious. And when ya come to, go on and on about stuff you tried real hard to forget only to have it replayed over and over. Sound good?”

  “Well, yeah.” Russ gave him his under a rock look reserved for his surprise at the simple things Jason did not know. “What do I have to hide, I’m only twelve. Maybe, the time when I was five and took my dad’s staple gun and stapled the curtains to the wall or made a smiley face on the living room wall with a marker? C’mon!” Suzy smiled.

  Jason waved him off in frustration. “What he told me was hard to hear. It was ’bout the war. The one your dad won’t tell you ’bout.”

  “My dad,” said Russ getting angry, “told me all about his time in the war.”

  “Oh, yeah? Did he tell you about the blood of his good friend flowing between his fingers while he cried helpless to save him?” Jason spread his arms with both hands so tightly clenched they looked like sledgehammers. “Did he tell you about the kid he helped uncover in the ruble of a bombed out building, still alive, smiling, happy to be found with his guts half out of his body?” He sat back, his hands tight on the edge of the tool bench. “Did he tell you of the nightmares about that boy? The smile that never left the child’s face.”

  “You’re making that up.” Visibly upset, Russ fired back. “That never happened to my dad. He flew in a bomber.”

  “Yeah, Russ, maybe not. But something like that did happen to him and that’s what he doesn’t talk about. Just like Mr. Downing didn’t talk about it until yesterday. He also…”

  “Well, I guess, that would explain,” interrupted Russ, “why they call him old Down ’n Out at school. Too serious, no fun, if ya know what I mean?”

  “No, not really.” Jason’s anger broke out. “How can you be so… so stupid about this?”

  “Stupid?” Russ jumped to his feet, breathing hard, ready to fight.

  “A moron!” yelled Jason, intending to hurt.

  “Yeah?” Russ felt betrayed. He and Jason had never been angry with each other before. He struck back. “Well you’re the moron who didn’t know how to use a telephone until yesterday.”

  “Stop it! Both of you!” Suzy saw the evolving battle and tried to lessen the damage. “Jason you’re talking about Russ’s dad. Of course, he doesn’t like it. And you, Russ, your making a joke about something that can’t be made funny. No matter how hard you try. I think you’re both stupid to go on like this.”

  Neither could find the middle ground to come back together. They stewed in silence even though they knew Suzy was right. Each unwilling to admit that he might be wrong; they waited for the other to make the first move.

  “Tell me Jason, what happened when you saw the rollercoaster thingy?” Suzy changed the subject.

  Bitter about Russ’s reaction, Jason had to have the last word. “The war movies don’t show you how bad it really was. Someday, I hope your dad will talk about it.”

  Before Russ could fire back Suzy interjected, “Jason, you never explained why Miss Thompson was there.”

  “She’s Mr. Downing’s godchild,” he said and looked at Suzy, as if she intruded into a private conversation. “She’s the daughter of the friend he couldn’t save.” Jason glared at Russ.

  “Oh my,” said Suzy. She was sorry she asked.

  “She was his friend’s daughter and Mr. Downing’s been keeping an eye on her, helping her along ’cause he promised.”

  “I…” Russ swallowed his anger and found it hard to speak but said, “Wow. Talk about being a friend.”

  “Yeah, a real friend you can count on,” followed Jason, driving his point home. “Mr. Downing knows about me too. He figured it out ’cause of how things happened in his head when he touched me. I didn’t feel right going in and redoing his memory. I didn’t want to and I don’t mind him knowing.”

  “I guess he did open things up for you. Right?” Russ made the first move; he came across as contrite to get back to the way they were. Jason held the high ground and felt powerful, vindicated in his anger. He caught Suzy watching him and knew what she wanted him to do.

  “I’m not sure yet.” Jason started to let the anger go. He sat forward and crossed his arms on the table. “We’ll have to see.” He took a couple of deep breaths.

  “Did you know,” followed Suzy quickly, “Chiang visited the house yesterday while you were with Mr. Downing?”

  “No!” Jason sat back surprised. “What happened?”

  “Yeah,” said Russ, leaning forward. The earlier anger faded fast.

  “Well, I didn’t hear the conversation but I know Lydia headed up to her room like she does when she gets those headaches.” Suzy looked left and right at either boy.

  “I have to go see Chiang tomorrow,” said Jason, “and see what he thinks of my notebook. I bet he came here to check out Lydia and Frank. Now he knows, I hope.”

  “I’m sure he does” said Suzy. “Lydia’s not as good at fake caring like she was before you showed up.”

  They sat in silence for a moment. Finally, Jason said, “I like your dad, Russ. He did something way more scary flying in that B-17. Probably why he doesn’t talk about it much. It might help if he could. Maybe he’s told your mom.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” mumbled Russ. “I’ll ask her.”

  A knock on the shed door brought them up short. Sam stood there. “Suzy and Jason,” he said, following his foster father’s exact instructions. “Frank wants you to come ’round the front of the house.”

  “What’s up Sam?” Suzy started to climb off the stool.

  “Don’ know. The guy who brought me here is with him. There waiting in that guy’s car.” Sam turned around and headed off.

  “I think I know what this is,” said Suzy. She stepped out of the shed. “I did it last year.”

  “What?” Jason asked, following. Russ brought up the rear.

  “We go to visit Frank’s mother at the state hospital.” She shivered. “That social worker turns it into a thing about how great Frank and Lydia are. How we’re helping out the old folks.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” asked Russ. “I visit my Mom’s father in the home now and then. It’s kinda embarrassing but not bad. He just lies there and calls me Luke, for some reason.”

  “He has his own room, right?” asked Suzy.

  “Yeah. So?”

  “Words just don’t go far enough.” Suzy slowed and waited for Jason and Russ to come close. “The state hospital is not a nice place to live. The last time I went, I felt…trapped. The smells, the way some of them are tied to chairs. Then some old folks who can walk or shuffle start following you around, start touching you. It’s ghoulish.”

  As they crossed into the front yard, they saw Frank. He leaned on the open door of Will Grossman’s Fairlane. He waved them over. As they neared the car, Jason saw Rachel in the back seat.

  “OK, kids pile in. We are off to see my mom.” Frank ducked his head and sat in the front, passenger seat. He rolled down the window. “Sorry about this Ray.”

  “Russ, sir.”

  “Right, Russ. You’ll see Jason and Suzy tomorrow.”
Russ nodded and waved to Jason. Russ turned away and headed home.

  The back seat was barely big enough for three. With four it was shockingly intimate for near teenagers. Sam and Suzy sat in the middle; they were the smallest. Suzy was next to Jason and Sam next to Rachel. The girls and Sam were dressed in shorts and T-shirts. Jason wore his usual jeans and T-shirt combination.

  Jason crammed himself next to Suzy. His hand brushed the side of her bare leg. They stared at each other, shocked, not knowing what would happen next.

  “C’mon guys,” said Frank “We gotta get goin’. Shut the door. It’ll be a little cramped but you’ll survive. And…when this is all over, we’ll go for burgers on the way home.” Frank oblivious to their gloom and discomfort faced front.

  Jason pulled the door closed. Will threw the car in gear and drove away.

  “Nothing happened,” whispered Suzy, a little disappointed. “How come?”

  “Don’t know. I’m glad though.” Jason felt a great sense of relief.

  Chapter 19

  “OK, here’s the deal,” Frank turned around and faced the four disgruntled occupants in the back seat of Will Grossman’s car. “Every six months or so, I go to the state home in Kearny to visit my mom. You guys come along to…to…to what Will?”

  “To be good little soldiers,” said Will who kept his eyes on the road, “helping out with the old folks while I take pictures of your worthy efforts.”

  “Pictures,” emphasized Frank, “that get into the local paper.” He smiled. Satisfied he made his point, Frank faced forward again.

  “It’s good public relations and helps Frank and Lydia get the things you kids need.” Will grinned. Neither Will nor Frank heard the snorts nor saw the eye rolling in the backseat.

  “Being used.” Jason said just loud enough for Suzy to hear.

  “Nothing new.” Suzy concurred in a whisper.

  “How long until we get there?” asked Sam.

  “Thirty or forty minutes,” said Frank.

  The rest of the drive was quiet. When they passed through the gates, Jason discovered that the state hospital sat on a large campus with rolling fields of grass on all sides. It looked more like a warehouse. The building was huge, ten stories of beige brick and glass.

  They all trooped from the parking lot into the main lobby where they headed for the third floor, the geriatrics ward. When the elevator door opened, the disinfectant, human sweat and waste assaulted their sense of smell. Jason didn’t think he would ever get used to it. He covered his nose and mouth with his hand; he managed to breathe and not gag.

  Frank herded them to the nursing station just off the elevator. After a time, he found the geriatric aroma tolerable and dropped his hand.

  “Frank Dubois to see Edna Richards.” Frank watched the nurse check his name against her list.

  “You’ll want to tread lightly today. Edna’s in a rare mood.” The nurse checked her watch. “She’s still in room 316 down the hall and…” She looked at Frank with a sympathetic expression, “Lunch just ended.”

  Frank thanked her. They all moved down the empty corridor until a double door opened and a parade of wheel chairs poured into the hallway. The kids lined up against the wall to let the procession pass. Frank proceeded down the hall.

  One elderly woman held to her chair by a sheet tied tight around her torso turned her head and caught Jason’s eye. Sally Tillman, seventy-four years old, suffering from Alzheimer’s, raised her hand and pointed in his direction. No one paid attention to anything Sally did unless it resulted in a mess to be cleaned up. Jason felt sorry and repulsed by her emaciated face and pitiable condition. He looked away.

  Behind the wheelchairs came the walkers. Few smiled or noticed the children, watching them pass. Will removed the lens cover on a 35 mm camera.

  “Now, what I want you to do is mingle with the old folks,” said Will. He spoke, looking down at the camera lens, adjusting the dials. He guessed at the settings to produce the best pictures. “If there are any drinks or snacks to give out, you walk around and give them out. Signal me so I can get a clear shot.” He looked up. “And don’t look so disgusted like you do right now. You’re all gonna be this old someday. Smile a bit.”

  They all got in line behind the walkers and followed the shuffling train to the day room.

  * * *

  Jason and Sam stood just inside the entrance to the day room not sure what they should do. Suzy and Rachel from experience dashed to the small commissary. They gathered up trays with cups of juice or stacks of chocolate chip cookies. Will signaled a thumbs-up as the girls smiled for his camera and offered a drink or a bite to the elderly clients who barely noted their presence.

  “Whada we do?” asked Sam.

  “I dunno.” Jason scanned the room. Some of the old people sat lined up in front of a television. Others sat around tables. A few looked like they might be playing a game of checkers while others held cards. Jason saw Sally again off by herself by the windows. Her head lolled forward, like she might have fallen asleep. “I guess we just walk around and see if there is anything we can do for them. Maybe talk, ya know?”

  “I’ll just follow you. OK?”

  “Sure, Sam.” Jason walked over to the nearest table. Sam stayed close.

  “Hi. I’m Jason and this is Sam. How are you all today?” None of the occupants registered their presence. A buzz and click made Jason and Sam look up; Will snapped their picture.

  He smiled and mouthed, “Good one.”

  With no response, Jason moved on.

  “What’s wrong with them, Jason?” These people scared Sam. “They’re like ghosts.”

  “I guess it’s because no one really cares.” Jason headed off to another table where there was some activity. This time heads turned in their direction, but no one spoke a word. Jason leaned over the table at the game of checkers in progress.

  “Who’s ahead?” he asked, smiling. Will took another picture. When it became apparent that there would be no response again, Sam and Jason left. In this way they crossed the room and met up with Suzy and Rachel.

  “Was it like this last year?” asked Jason. He took a cookie from Rachel’s tray.

  “Yeah. Exactly like this to start.” Rachel offered a cookie to Sam who declined. “Don’t make the mistake we made last time.”

  “What was that?” asked Sam.

  “Frustrated with the deadness of the place, we tried to get some real conversation going. We even tried a little sing-along thing. That was Will’s idea. That’s when the shufflers started to come at us. It was gruesome.” Rachel shuddered. “Will got the pictures he wanted. It looked like we were dancing with the geezers.”

  “Juice anyone?” Suzy joined them. Sam took a cup.

  “Let’s not do anything to get them excited.” Rachel passed on to another table.

  “Got that right.” Suzy followed her. Jason and Sam headed off in the other direction. They followed Rachel’s advice. Jason moved to the far side of the room where the barred windows lined the wall. He leaned over the book shelves that came up to the window sill. Trees moved in a breeze; white coated men and women ate lunch in the sun.

  “It shouldn’t be like this.” Sam came up next to him. Jason turned from the window. “They’re so old, Jason.”

  “They’re walking dead, Sam. It isn’t right.” Jason felt saddened by the life these people lived day in and day out.

  “Who the hell asked you to?” screamed a wheel-chair bound woman from the entrance to the day room. Jason watched Frank push her along. Her dirty gray hair flew off in all directions. She scowled and dismissed the gathering before her with a frustrated wave of her hand. Frank leaned in and spoke close to her ear. No one heard what he said. Her ancient face pulled back from his with a look that yelled, Are you totally nuts! Thrusting her boney finger in Frank’s face she exploded.

  “I don’t give a good goddamn about what anybody in this hellhole thinks! Why did you come here anyway! I didn’t want you thirty odd yea
rs ago! Why you comin’ round now? What’re you after?” Frank said something. “Just take me back to my room doofus! Now!”

  The nurses, aides, and kids watched, mesmerized by the little soap opera. Will knelt in front of the wheelchair and snapped away. Frank bent down close to his mother’s face and smiled broadly for the camera.

  “It’s all about the money isn’t it you little piece of sh..?” The sentence went unfinished. Frank spun the chair around. The woman grasped the chair’s arms for dear life. Frank whisked her into the hallway and out of sight. Then Jason’s world made a sudden shift.

  Unnoticed, Sally Tillman, awake and energized, pulled herself along the line of books. For the last few minutes, unnoticed, she grasped a shelf and heaved with all of her strength. As Frank spun his mother’s wheelchair to escape, Sally, barely a yard away, lurched forward and grabbed Jason by his wrist.

  The day room for Jason disappeared, replaced by an incredibly large, white-walled cavern with uncountable, parallel cables, stretching across the ceiling. It was hard to make out details since the lighting was poor. Fluorescent bulbs buzzed and flickered. Jason could not see the walls in the distance. The parallel rows of cables stretched on forever. It was not, however, all that unfamiliar. Jason slipped into or was hijacked into another’s mind. This struck him as a better place to be than back in the day room, where he stood frozen against the bookcase. He explored the immediate area secure in the belief, he would figure out why he was here.

  The nearest cable a foot above his head came to an end and meshed with another cable, moving on through the wall behind him into another room. Where the two came together looked like the roots of two trees connected through a blob of tar. Unafraid, Jason reached up and touched it. It was a sticky, gray substance. It reminded him of soft chewing gum.

  “Interesting,” he murmured; then walked along the length of the cable to the next junction of roots. It was a long walk. Jason spied more globs of the tarry substance, enveloping the middle of the cables. Jason did not think this was correct. At the next juncture, he found no sticky stuff between the roots.