by Paty Jager
She gave him one last long look before slipping through the darkness and disappearing into the structure.
He faced Abernathy, throwing his shoulders back, and waiting for the man to accuse him of treason.
“Lt. Watts. Leave this area and come to my tent at first bugle.” Abernathy’s tone radiated trepidation up Wade’s spine.
Why had the man not thrown him in the detention tent? Would he instead retaliate against Sa-qan? Angst tore through his gut. He could deal with anything the man meted out to him, but should the colonel take Wade’s behavior out on Sa-qan…the guilt would eat him alive.
Le’éptit wax kúyc
(29)
Sa-qan shivered wrapped in blankets and pressing her body against the sleeping child for more warmth. Cold did not cause the shivers. Fear for Wade shook her body and caused her stomach to be unsettled. What would the so·yá·po officer do to Wade after finding him kissing her? Did they kill soldiers who consorted with the enemy? Regret sliced through her, causing her to gasp and grasp her belly.
“Sa-qan, are you not well?” Girl of Many Hearts asked, sitting up.
“What is wrong, daughter?” Silent Doe asked, also sitting up.
The sound of people stirring and beginning their day filtered through the hide-covered dwelling.
“Sa-qan is not well.” Girl of Many Hearts placed a hand on Sa-qan’s shoulder.
Sa-qan could not utter a word. Her shivering rattled her teeth and froze her tongue.
Silent Doe placed a hand on Sa-qan’s face. “You have fever. Girl of Many Hearts, fetch water and put it on the fire. We must boil willow bark for a drink.”
Sa-qan raised a shaky hand toward the woman. She could not die of fever. She had to give Wade his child. Their child.
Through the morning, her body flashed between shivers and heat-induced sweat. Silent Doe kept blankets wrapped tightly around her. The woman left her packing to make Sa-qan sip the liquid she had boiled from the willow bark.
“She needs the sweat lodge.” Silent Doe’s urging did nothing to persuade her husband.
“We cannot erect a sweat lodge. The soldiers are moving us this day,” Lightning Wolf responded, loading their belongings on horses before taking down the dwelling.
Frustration gurgled in Sa-qan’s body. She was a burden upon the kind family who took her in. She willed her body to heal, but instead found herself loaded onto a travois and pulled behind a horse ridden by Silent Doe and Girl of Many Hearts. Where was Wade? She longed for his cool hand to rest upon her brow and take away her worries and sickness.
****
Wade watched from atop a hill as the procession of mounted troops, wagons, herds of horses, and colorfully-clad Nez Perce made a vivid slash across the prairie as they set out for Fort Keogh. Colonel Abernathy had a lot to say that morning. One being, he, Lieutenant Watts would take his troops along with the Second Cavalry battalion back to the agency at Fort Belknap and from there return to his station.
“If I so much as see you breathing the same air as the captives before they leave I’ll make sure that white-haired squaw has a hard road ahead of her.” Abernathy’s threat kept Wade from digging his heels into his mount and racing after the departing entourage. He hoped by staying away, Abernathy would ignore Sa-qan and she would arrive at the fort in peace. He knew she’d wonder about his disappearance and trusted she believed strongly enough in him to know he would return.
Heaviness squeezed his chest, making it hard to breathe. Deserting Sa-qan and their child plagued him with the same gut-wrenching guilt he’d harbored when he’d rode away from his family’s farm to join up with the cavalry after the war. With one last lingering glance at the departing procession, he sent a silent prayer to his God and her Creator to look after her. He hunched into his coat, pulled the brim of his hat down over his eyes, and moved the group under his command toward Belknap. The sooner he arrived, the faster he could get back to his command and get out of the cavalry.
****
Fuzzy images of Wade swirled in and out of Sa-qan’s head as she endured being jostled on the unforgiving travois. The slowing pace of the animal pulling the travois proved they were stopping for the night. The sky darkened as the soldiers and Nimiipuu set up camp. Thunder rumbled in the sky accented by flashes of lightning angrily spearing the ground and shaking the earth.
Inside the hastily-erected dwelling, Sa-qan stared at the occupants. She did not blame them for keeping their distance from her. She had heard the other couple who lived with Silent Doe and her family arguing they should send Sa-qan to be with the old women and unmarried women.
“She is family and will be treated that way.” Silent Doe stuck up for her as she knelt beside her with the bitter liquid the woman favored.
“Qey∙ci∙yew∙yew,” Sa-qan whispered her thanks through dry lips and drank the liquid. “You are putting yourself and family at risk helping me.”
“You are family. Your body is weak because you carry a child. You will grow strong.” Silent Dove, pat her hand.
“Did you see Wade today?”
Silent Doe’s lips pressed into a firm line and she shook her head.
Would he try to see her tonight? She did not want him becoming sick with the fever as well. She thought of their kisses the night before. Perhaps he was sick and that was why Silent Doe had not seen him.
The following morning, rain poured from the sky like the waterfall on Himiin’s mountain. Everyone remained inside their lodges. Sa-qan relished the warmth of a fire in the tent and the bitter liquid Silent Doe plied her with all day long. By evening, Sa-qan no longer grew cold then hot. Her empty stomach growled and Girl of Many hearts brought her a bowl of soup.
“You are no longer sick when your stomach talks,” the child said, sitting beside her.
She nodded and drank the soup. Her stomach welcomed the warm nourishment.
Wade had not tried to speak with her last night. Would he try this night if the rain stopped?
She finished the soup and smiled at Girl of Many Hearts. “You are good company.”
The child smiled then frowned. “Your soldier is gone.”
Sa-qan held back the fear circling in her stomach and souring her food. “He is busy and the weather keeps him in as it does us.”
Girl of Many Hearts took her hand. “He is not with us.”
The conviction in her voice stole Sa-qan’s control. “How do you know this?”
The child shrugged. “I can feel things. Your txiyak is stronger when he is around. It is weak now.”
Sa-qan stared into Girl of Many Hearts’s eyes. How did the child know about powers? Did she know her birth mother was a spirit now and had held txiyak before becoming a spirit? Could she, Sa-qan, use the girl’s powers to strengthen her body? She shook the thought away. She could not prey on another for her own selfish reasons.
“I am weak because of the sickness. I will be strong soon.”
The next morning they continued on. Sa-qan rode a swaybacked, weary horse but the ride was smoother than bumping along on the travois. She kept blankets wrapped around her and followed the procession. Her thoughts circled around the last night she found security in Wade’s arms and the anger in the colonel’s words. Had he punished Wade? Was that the reason no one had seen him?
****
Five suns passed when they arrived at a large river. Sa-qan had spent the greater part of her days searching the mounted soldiers for Wade. He did not seek her out, and she could not hide from the inquisitive glances Silent Doe bestowed upon her each evening when all should be sleeping and Sa-qan sat up willing her ears to hear the approach of Wade’s footsteps. Her heart yearned for his love and security. With each day that passed not seeing him, worry dug a deeper hold on her mind.
It took two suns for all the people and horses to cross the wide span of water. Again, she watched each so·yá·po cross. With each unfamiliar posture and face, her heart grew heavier. Why had he not told her he had to leave? Worry churned in her stoma
ch. Had he been made prisoner by his own people? If so, how could she free him?
Seven suns past the river, loud noise, not as soothing as drums and singing, carried on the wind. Sa-qan stared ahead and saw a so·yá·po village. Many so·yá·po stood outside the walls. Cloth of red, white, and blue waved. As they approached she realized the sound came from instruments the greeters held.
The Nimiipuu were allowed to set up their lodges on the sunny side of the river in a grove of cottonwoods. Now stronger, Sa-qan helped Silent Doe with the raising of the lodge and preparing their dinner. Filling the water bag at the river, she noticed the soldiers positioned around the Nimiipuu camp.
The next sun, many so·yá·po walked among their camp. A man with a box put his head under an attached cloth and a light flashed at the Nimiipuu who sat for him. Chief Joseph stepped forward, allowing the man to take his image.
Grumbling among the warriors caught Sa-qan’s attention the following sun. She listened intently. The men grew more angry. The great white chief had once again lied. They were to be moved to another place farther from their homes. They would not return to their homes after the snow had melted.
Sa-qan’s heart lodged in her chest. How would Wade find her? Would he learn of the so·yá·po’s deceit and follow? Or would he decide she and their mix-blood child not worth the effort?
She stumbled and tripped.
“What’s wrong with you squaw? You sick? Get away from me.” The soldier she had bumped shoved her away with the rifle clutched in his hands. The disgust in his eyes shook her to her toes. How would she or any of the other Nimiipuu survive another journey at the hands of such mean-spirited men?
****
Wade arrived at Fort Shaw after seven grueling days and a brief stopover at Fort Benton. He bathed and fell into his bed. He’d hoped being in his own bed he’d finally sleep without nightmares about Sa-qan, but he no sooner hit the straw mattress than visions of her surrounded by soldiers and being harassed woke him in a sweat. A good night’s sleep would elude him until Sa-qan was legally his wife and safe in his care. He rose, wrote the letter to Sergeant Cooper’s family, and then wrote his resignation.
His future now set, he returned to his bed and slept fitfully. The morning light streaming through a window and knocking on his door wrenched him from a dream of Sa-qan that had his heart hammering and his body throbbing.
Wade drew on the dark blue dress trousers he wore when at the fort and crossed to the door.
“Colonel Gibbon wants to see you.” The colonel’s aide saluted and waited for a reply.
“I’ll be there as soon as I get dressed.” Wade closed the door and poured water from a pitcher into a bowl. He shaved, glad he’d been to the barber after a bath when they arrived at the fort the day before. Adding the final touches, he buckled his saber belt and donned a clean hat. He stuck the letters he’d written the night before into his breast pocket and headed to the commander’s headquarters.
Colonel Gibbon motioned for him to sit. After giving the man a lengthy rendition of Howard’s dogged chase of the Nez Perce, Wade placed the letters down on the colonel’s desk.
“Sir, this letter is to Sergeant Cooper’s family. He died valiantly and I’d like them to receive this recollection along with his back pay.”
Gibbon nodded.
“And this…” He tapped the other letter on the desk. “Is my resignation. I’d appreciate you sending it off quickly. I have private matters that need tended to.”
Colonel Gibbon leaned forward and tapped the resignation letter with a finger. “This have anything to do with the last campaign?”
“Yes. I didn’t agree with the army’s tactics and wish to sever my relationship.”
“It did get a little messy at times.” Colonel Gibbon wiped a hand across his eyes. “I pegged you for a career man.”
“At one time that was my goal but not anymore. I see my future outside the military.” Wade knew he’d have to move the colonel emotionally to get the results he wanted. “I met my wife and I’d like to start a life with her.”
“How the hell did you find a wife while chasing all over God’s green earth after Indians?” Gibbon narrowed his eyes.
Wade had known the colonel for several years. He wouldn’t lie to the man. “She’s Nimiipuu.”
“Huh?” The colonel’s perplexed expression would have given Wade a good laugh any other time but marrying Sa-qan was serious.
“Nimiipuu is the correct name for the Nez Perce. She’s a Nez Perce woman I met and fell in love with.” His heart raced, thinking of his beautiful silver-haired angel.
“Hell, that’s consorting with the enemy!” Gibbon struck his fist on the desk.
“Whatever you want to call it, I plan to claim her as soon as I get out of this cavalry.” Wade tapped the papers. “I’d appreciate your signing this and sending it on. I’ve given this country twenty years. I think it’s time they set me free to have a life.” He smiled ruefully at his commanding officer. “I’m not going to be much good to you wishing I could be living a simple life with my wife.” The sooner his papers were advanced and signed the better.
“You really think you can survive outside the army?” Gibbon watched him closely.
“The minute we started shooting innocent women and children my stomach soured on this job.” He stared straight into the colonel’s eyes. “Your methods turned me away from this job. Finding my wife proved I made the right decision at Big Hole.”
The colonel grunted. “I didn’t like the outcome any better than you did, but I had my orders.”
“I don’t want to have the same orders if a campaign like that happens again. I want out.”
Gibbon nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime this is what has been happening around here while you were gone.”
****
Sa-qan huddled against the cold wind rolling over the boat’s short sides. Today she had taken the spot in the front of the oversized canoe to shield the others from the wind that poured over the front. The healthiest women took turns at the front each day. Five suns earlier, the women, children, and wounded had squeezed into fourteen boats with large cloths that caught the wind. They endured the cold river winds while the soldiers led the Nimiipuu men overland to their next destination.
The boat slammed into the riverbank.
“Out! Get out!” The man who had maneuvered the boat down the river flailed his arms and motioned for them to leave the large canoe.
Sa-qan willed her cold stiff limbs to work. With effort, she stood and climbed over the end of the canoe. She turned to help the others, her numb feet aching with each step she took. The older women and small children required more help than she could give. How much more could they endure? Many had thin faces and poor coloring.
“Welcome to Fort Buford,” a soldier said walking toward them. Another so·yá·po village stood back from the river.
With all these moves how would Wade ever find her? Each day she moved farther and farther from Fort Keogh she grew more certain he would decide she was not worth the trouble to find. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. Could she survive alone with a child? She closed her eyes and pictured a baby boy, so like his father her chest ached. Wade, I am waiting. Please find me and our child.
Two suns later the warriors arrived. Sa-qan watched teary-eyed at the reunions of husbands and wives. Silent Doe and Lightning Wolf hugged, drawing Girl of Many Hearts into their embrace. Her arms ached to hold Wade. Her heart broke wishing she had warm safe arms to hold her. Unable to watch any longer, she stepped away. Sadness swallowed her. Her loneliness grew greater than during her life as a spirit. If being mortal and experiencing all these emotions brought so much pain, she wondered how mortals had survived all these years. Could this be why they left this earth so soon, while a spirit, incapable of such emotions, lived on and on?
The men stripped out of their filthy buckskin leggings and blanket shirts to jump into the river and bathe. Their bodies bobbed in the c
old water along with chunks of ice.
The cold night brought rustling and whispers from Silent Doe and Lightning Wolf’s area of the lodge to Sa-qan’s ears. The sounds heightened her loneliness. Warm tears trickled down her face and pooled between her cheek and hand tucked under her head. Wade, I miss and need you.
Sa-qan occupied her mind with helping the people survive the bitter cold and yet another trip on the river to another fort. She and Silent Doe had become the keepers of the women and children, making sure those too frail received fair treatment and the children were fed and kept warm. Only at night when she lay alone wrapped in blankets did her heart and mind linger on visions of Wade. His heated kisses and loving arms. She asked the Creator to watch over him and her people.
They arrived after dark at another village welcoming them with loud music and tables of food. Word reached her as she sat and ate with Girl of Many Hearts and Silent Doe they would stay here through the cold. Relief swamped her tired mind. They had traveled a great distance but Wade was smart. He would find her.
Four days later, Joseph stood before them. His once powerful form slumped slack-shouldered. His face more wrinkled and sorrowful. “We are to be moved. When will these white chiefs tell the truth?”
Sa-qan helped Silent Doe, once again, pack up their lodge and belongings to be loaded on a smoke-spewing, earsplitting, screeching so·yá·po wagon.
The box on wheels had hard wood seats. They squeezed together, jostling and bumping along a special trail for the wagon the soldiers called a train. Four days they endured the trip. They stopped several times for food and water. Each day she wished the train to stop. To let this be the final camp. The farther they traveled from Fort Keogh her belief in Wade finding her lessened. He could not find her trail on the water and now on this black smoke-belching beast he would not know to follow.
Only her determination to help her people kept her from curling into a ball and letting the life slip out of her.
****
Wade paced back and forth in his quarters. Two months had passed since turning in his resignation. When the hell would he get his release orders? The past week he’d snapped at privates and spent the nights preparing gear to leave, avoiding sleep for fear he’d have another dream that chilled his bones. The nightmare yanked him from the terror. Sweat stuck his flannels to him and panic sat hard and heavy on his chest like a boulder. In his dream Sa-qan had been a silver-haired skeleton holding a dead baby in her arms. He couldn’t close his eyes and see that horror again. He had to go to her.