by Kimber White
It was Pat. She had Ladybug saddled. Once she shut the barn door, Pat had her leg in the stirrup and swung herself into the saddle. I glanced at my bedside clock. It was just past three a.m.
“Where the hell are you going?” I whispered against the glass. Pat scanned the horizon and looked back up toward the house. On instinct, I backed away from the window. Pitch dark, with no lights on behind me, I knew she couldn’t see me. She looked straight at my window anyway. She ran a hand through her wiry gray hair then kicked her legs hard against Ladybug’s flanks. The horse whinnied in protest, not appreciating being hauled outside at three a.m. any more than I would have. But, she shook her brown head once and began to trot toward the tree line. Pat gave her one more solid kick, and Ladybug galloped with her out of sight.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Pat said nothing about her late night ride when we gathered for breakfast. If she saw me watching her, she didn’t let on. We ate in companionable silence with the exception of Harold’s occasional grumble about the current presidential administration.
Pat wanted me to spend the day resting but I wouldn’t hear of it. I’d spent too much of the last few weeks with no strength to do anything but watch. Now, I wanted activity. I did what I’d grown to love before the horror of losing Tucker and everything that followed. I made myself busy putting the house back together. I helped Harold out in the barn and got to know some of my old equine friends.
I gave the horses their morning feed while Harold swept out the stalls. He had an elaborate and ingenious network of knotted ropes throughout the barn to guide him along.
“They missed you too,” Harold said. “Brat’s been pouting more than usual ever since you left. Won’t let even Pat ride her. She’s been riding that old lady.” Harold slapped a hand on the outside of Ladybug’s stall. The horse snorted in agreement.
I went over to Ladybug and held out an apple wedge. She snaked out her long, curling tongue and the treat disappeared behind her teeth. I put my head against Ladybug’s, looking into her great, brown eyes as if she might be more willing to spill the beans than Pat was about where they went last night. But, Ladybug’s lips were sealed. She jerked her head up and down and moved back into her stall. I moved on to Tallulah, Ladybug’s neighbor.
It felt good and right out there in the barn. Harold’s constant humming soothed me as he moved from stall to stall. When we finished our morning chores, I helped Pat with lunch. Then dinner later. I meant to ask her again about where she went last night, but all thoughts of it went out of my head with the boisterous arrival of Mal and the pack.
They came bounding down the hill toward the house, their fur covered with snow. Jake stopped just short of the porch and reared back in a triumphant howl that made me laugh. I walked down to greet them. Mal hung back as Reed and Barrett got to me first. They each nuzzled me, nearly knocking me over. I reached down and scratched them behind their ears. Reed had a special spot just behind his left ear that made him whine with pleasure and stomp his front paws. Then Jake got in line for the same treatment.
Pat came behind me holding towels for all of them. It had less to do with modesty, than her keeping them from dripping all over her wood floors after they shifted.
Though I’d watched them transform a thousand times, I still marveled at their perfect forms. Reed and Barrett with their nearly identical height and builds. They were tall and broad with wavy brown hair. And Jake, with his boyish good looks, blond hair and shining blue eyes. They stood before me. Though none of them were erect, I still felt an instinctual, answering heat as I took in the chiseled perfection of their naked bodies.
Then Mal stepped forward, shifting seamlessly, never breaking his stride as he took one step as a wolf, and the next as a man. My heart fluttered. Standing on the porch step, I met him eye to eye. I put my arms out and he came into them. I ran my hands across his strong back as he tilted his head to kiss me. A groan escaped my lips as his hot tongue flicked in my mouth. We weren’t alone. With the rest of the pack and even Pat and Harold as witness, I might have let Mal take me then and there, so strong was the heat between us.
But the others disappeared quickly into the house, leaving Mal and me alone.
“Good hunt?” I asked as I smoothed his thick, dark hair away from his forehead. I already knew it was. I could sense their bloodlust during the day, see flashes of the majestic elk Mal stalked, hear the tearing of flesh and muscle as the four of them felled their quarry together. It made my heart beat faster and brought the taste of flesh blood to my own lips.
He nodded. “Enough meat for you humans to last you through the rest of the year. Everything’s hanging out in the little barn. We’ll butcher it for Pat in a day or two.”
Mal lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He wrapped my legs around his waist as he took the porch steps two at a time.
“I missed you,” he said, nuzzling my neck. “I need you.”
I laughed and nipped his ear. “Put me down.”
“Never,” he said, his voice a near growl. I had a wave of modesty as he kicked through the screen door, but mercifully, the others had retreated far into the house as Mal charged up the stairs carrying me.
He set me gently on the bed and stood at the foot of it, his eyes flashing with lust as he stroked himself. I peeled off my shirt and worked the buttons of my jeans. I barely got them past my hips before Mal was on me. He buried his nose between my legs and took in my scent, flicking his tongue against my most secret, sensitive flesh. I tried to wriggle away, but he showed no mercy with his lips, fastening them around my clit as he sucked and licked me. I shuddered with the first waves of a powerful orgasm. Barely two days since the last time we coupled, I felt half-starved with lust.
Mal’s need to sate his hunger for me came over him with an equal fervor. But he showed no mercy. He plunged his tongue deep inside me, delivering sweet torture as he brought me to a quick and powerful orgasm. I shuddered against him, bucking my hips with abandon as I moaned through it. Then he pressed his hands against my inner thighs and spread me wide. He rose up and guided himself into me. He pinned me down, and fucked me. I felt his balls seize against me almost from the first thrust. I arched my back to receive the first hot jets of his seed as he threw his head back and made a noise that was part moan, part feral growl.
When he finished, he collapsed on the side of the bed next to me and drew me against him, laying my head against his shoulder. He threaded his fingers through mine and kissed my palm.
“I missed this,” he said. “It was hard to concentrate on the game these last couple of days knowing you were here waiting for me.”
I smiled and smoothed an errant lock of hair away from his brow. “Good thing you did. I’m going to need some protein to last through this winter we’re having.”
Mal put a hand on my stomach. Like before, I felt a faint, answering flutter somewhere deep inside.
“I talked to Suzanne Olivet. She’s the doctor I was telling you about. As you can imagine, she’s very interested in your case. She wants you to take a home pregnancy test to confirm we’re not out of our minds, but then she’s making plans to travel down in a few weeks when the weather lets up.”
I laughed. “I didn’t notice a drugstore nearby on the way up and Pat usually does the shopping.”
“Taken care of,” Mal gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and slid out from under me. “I had some things delivered here this morning.”
Sure enough, he picked up a small brown box resting against the tall dresser.
“Where’d that come from?”
Mal wagged his eyebrows at me. “UPS this morning.” He tossed the box to me and I tore through the packing tape. The box contained six home pregnancy tests.
“Little bit of overkill maybe?” I asked, waving one at him.
“Get in the bathroom, woman. Do your duty.”
“Now?” Mal nodded. My heart tripped in my chest. “Make sure the coast stays clear,” I said, throwing a T-shirt on. I padded across the hall t
o the bathroom. As Mal waited, I tore open the packaging and positioned myself over the thin, white stick.
When I finished, I capped it and set it on the sink. My palms sweated and my hands trembled as I waited the two minutes indicated on the instructions. Two minutes went by. Then four. Ten minutes later I still couldn’t bring myself to read the stick.
Mal finally knocked on the door. “Neve? Come out here.”
I took a deep breath and opened the door. I handed Mal the stick and walked past him back to my bedroom. I paced as he closed the door behind him.
“Did you look?” he asked, waving the stick at me.
“I couldn’t. You do it. One line means no. Two lines mean yes.”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You already know the answer. What are you worried about?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Up until now it’s just been kind of a theoretical problem only you and I know about. That stick makes it official. Like we just logged in with the universe or something.”
Mal sat on the bed and grabbed me by the hips as I made a pass in front of him. He forced me to sit next to him as he pulled the cap back off the stick.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Two lines. Two fat, bright blue lines.
Mal laughed. “Well, you’re official. I’ll call Dr. Olivet in the morning and tell her to start planning her trip.”
He squeezed me as I rested my head against his shoulder. I hadn’t meant to do it, but I cried softly into my hands as Mal held me. He set the stick down and moved so he knelt in front of me. He shook me gently by the shoulders.
“Neve? Tell me what’s wrong?”
“It’s just a lot. Everything’s been happening so fast.” I felt joy and relief that the pregnancy test proved what I already knew. But, it was also bittersweet. I hadn’t planned this with Mal. Tucker had understood. It’s why he’d been reluctant to mark me that final time. He must have sensed I could get pregnant right away.
And there it was. I couldn’t help it. Though I loved Mal, Tucker’s ghost still hung heavily between us. I wiped away my tears and met Mal’s eyes.
He set his jaw into a grim line; his eyes glinted gold and fierce as my emotions settled over him in wave after wave. As his mate, I could never hide what I was feeling. So now, I could add guilt to the litany of emotions he had to process.
“You’re mine,” he said, his voice deep and dark.
I reached up and rested my palm against his cheek. “Of course I am. But, we’ve never talked about him. You can’t expect me to just shut off what I’m feeling, Mal. You have to let me grieve in my own way.”
Mal pulled away from my hand. He swallowed hard and a vein flickered in his temple. He rose.
“Mal?”
As much as I couldn’t hide my emotions from Mal, neither could he hide his from me. Anger bubbled just beneath the surface. Now he took up pacing in front of the bed.
“Mal, talk to me. I’m still trying to process all of your moods. I’ll get better at this, but for now you’ve got to use your words, okay?”
He whirled on me, and his eyes grew dark as a storm of emotions brewed behind them. “I forbid you to think about him.”
I reared back as if he’d slapped me. Then, I couldn’t help it. I broke into laughter. “Are you serious? You can’t forbid me to think about something.”
He stopped pacing and turned on me. “It hurts you when you think about him. So don’t. And you’re mine, Neve. Mine. That is my mark you bear now. Not Tucker’s. Not Asher’s. Mine.”
I wanted to point out it wasn’t that simple. He’d driven Asher out of my head, but he could never drive Tucker out of my heart. I said a silent prayer of thanks that Mal couldn’t read my dreams. Tucker came to me in them almost every night.
“You have to let me grieve. This won’t work between us if you can’t give me space to do that.”
“This works because I say it works, Neve. We’re mated. That’s all that matters.”
Something rose up in me then with a ferocity that scared me. I went someplace in my mind. For a moment, I wasn’t sitting on the bed looking at Mal; I was at the edge of the woods looking up at the ridge. Tucker’s last moments on earth played out like a movie scene. He and Mal tore at each other. Tucker drove Mal back. He loomed over him, ready to tear his throat out, and I knew his heart. And now, I began to know Mal’s heart as well. He would have killed Tucker that day if he’d been able to best him.
But he hadn’t bested him. Tucker had sensed Asher’s pack and me in danger. It had been enough of a distraction to allow Asher to strike from behind like the coward he was. I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. But, Mal could read them. We both knew he became Alpha by a sort of tragic default, rather than outright dominance.
I came back to the present with Mal looming above me. Deep lines furrowed his brow as his eyes glinted gold. It lasted a fraction of a second, but he knew my mind and I knew his. He took a step back as though I’d delivered a blow to his gut. I suppose in a way I had.
“Mal,” I said, my voice choking out the word. “Mal. Don’t.” He took a step back. I had to do something. I had to repair the damage of the last few moments.
“Mal!” I found my voice. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. What happened, happened. I’m never going to pretend I don’t resent you a little for what you tried to do with Tucker. But you saved me. I know what you risked to get me away from Asher. That matters to me. It’s everything. And this?” I reached out and took his hand, resting it against my stomach. “This is everything. I won’t lie to you and say things turned out exactly like I planned. But we’re here. We’re together. And we are mated.”
Mal’s eyes softened just a fraction as they traveled from mine and rested on my abdomen. The home pregnancy test sat on the bed next to us. Mal picked it up and pressed it against his heart. He closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again, I sensed another change in him.
“What?” I asked.
“You belong to me,” he said.
“Mal, I . . .”
“You belong only to me.” He thumbed his chest as he held the pregnancy test. “No other man, Neve. You’re mated to me. I may not be able to claim your heart and mind yet, but I will damn sure claim your body. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”
The air went out of my lungs. I took a shaky breath. Yes. I understood all too well. God help me, heat coursed through me as Mal’s words conjured the image of my one wild, passionate night with Reed and Barrett. They had given my body comfort and pleasure unlike anything I’d ever known.
“No man. No were. You don’t belong to the pack. You belong to me. I’ll give you the time and space you need to grieve. And I’ll go to the ends of the earth to protect you from Asher or anyone else who tries to hurt you. But, if I ever catch another man so much as looking at you, I’ll kill him. I swear it. Even if he belongs to this pack.”
My mouth dropped open as Mal tore his hand from mine and turned. As he left, he shut the door hard enough to shake the whole house.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
We reached an emotional truce in the days that followed. Though I felt like my heart had split into separate sections. I ached for Tucker. He still haunted my dreams. But my body yearned for Mal’s and I couldn’t deny that either.
And that left the rest of the pack. Reed, Barrett, and Jake stopped coming around the house. I sensed them, of course; they hunted the borders of Pat and Harold’s property. But only Mal slept under their roof with me. It caused a different ache in my heart. Though I could grow to love Mal, I wanted to belong to the pack.
I kept busy helping Pat run the farm during the day as Mal spent his time on the hunt with the pack on his good days. His bad days were spent on Wild Lake Outfitters matters, traveling to Traverse City or farther south to check on the warehouses and other mundane, human things.
January gave way to February. As March approached, the worst of the winter storms seemed to leave us behind. We got word
from Dr. Olivet that she would arrive in less than two weeks. So, Mal and I decided to keep our news private until after she’d had a chance to examine me. But, I knew I had nothing to fear. At only eight weeks along, no one but me could notice the changes. They were there though. My nipples took on a dark wine color and ached as they grew fuller. I had just the slightest bulge to my abdomen.
If Pat suspected anything, she kept it to herself. But, from time to time, I’d catch her watching me, a wistful look in her eyes. But day after day, we worked side by side and she said nothing. She must have sensed I needed the space and time to confide in her on my own terms. I gave her the same courtesy.
With my hormones beginning to surge, I woke up several times during the night. Even with the winter chill, I’d find my clothes pasted to me with sweat. Or I woke ravenous and padded down to the kitchen, careful to avoid Pat’s hanging tins. Once, I ate an entire roaster chicken Pat planned to cut up for soup the next day.
At least three nights a week, I saw Pat either leaving or returning to the barn on horseback in the wee hours of the morning. The trail she left went deep into the woods to the north. I thought about asking Mal about it but felt like that might be some betrayal of whatever secret Pat wanted to hold.
One late February morning, we awoke to almost a complete thaw. Thick sheets of melting snow slid down the roof and landed on the ground with a wet thud. Mal rolled over and laid his arm across me, rousing me from a deep sleep. The heavy, dead weight of his arm forced the air from my lungs. I clawed at the neck of my shirt to get some cool air.
“Mal,” I groaned. It was early enough the roosters hadn’t even roused yet. “You’re crushing me.”
He snorted and stirred, then sat bolt upright, his wolf eyes flashed. Something must have hunted him in his dreams.
“What time is it?” he yawned.
“Early,” I said. “Way too early.”
“Mmm, best time there is.”
He threw off the covers, letting a rush of cold air hit my skin, letting me breathe easier.