“You’ll make new ones,” Nick said. “And keep the old ones that work, just like coming to the mall today to see Santa.” He hesitated, then said, “You know, you could come to church with my family tonight if you wanted to. I wasn’t going to go, but I will if you think Josh would enjoy going and keeping another tradition alive.”
Amy’s eyes turned misty at the suggestion, as well as at his confidence that Josh would be safely back with her before long. “You’d do that? You don’t even know Josh and you can’t have a very good impression of him—or me—after what’s happened today.”
“He got lost. He didn’t commit a crime,” Nick told her. “As for you, there’s no mistaking the fact that you’re a loving mom. Even the best mothers can’t stop kids from slipping away in the blink of an eye.”
“Thank you, but I’d hate to have you change your plans for us. You said you hadn’t planned on going. What were you going to do?”
“Nothing in particular,” he revealed.
Amy regarded him with surprise. “You were going to spend Christmas Eve alone?”
“People do,” he said gruffly. “It’s no big deal.”
“Of course, it is. Surely you’d rather be with your family.”
“Thus the invitation to church,” he said wryly. “I’d definitely get points with my folks. Besides, I think maybe going to church would be as good for me as it would be for Josh. Maybe I need to stick with tradition, too.”
She studied him curiously. “Why is that?”
“Just some demons that need to be laid to rest,” he said evasively.
Amy sensed they were finally cutting close to whatever Nick was struggling with. He’d been so kind to her today, she wanted to return the favor. “I don’t want to pry, Nick, but is it anything you want to talk about? You’ve been dancing around something ever since we started searching for Josh.”
For an instant it looked as if he might open up and tell her, but just then the color washed out of his face and he abruptly whirled around as if he were trying to avoid someone.
“Nick?” she said, startled by his behavior. “What is it? Did you see someone you know? Someone you’d rather not see?”
“Let’s check out this place,” he said brusquely, dragging her inside a men’s shoe store.
Amy scanned the faces outside to see if she could figure out who had sent Nick fleeing. All she noticed were families, some laughing, some obviously stressed by the mad rush. A few men hurried by looking thoroughly harried. And a few women—young and old—passed, laden down with packages. There was even one group of teenage girls who seemed more intent on looking for boys than shopping. They preened and pretended nonchalance whenever a boy passed by. No one jumped out at Amy as the possible cause of Nick’s sudden panic, and that’s what it had been, she realized. He’d been thoroughly spooked by whomever he’d spotted.
She turned back to Nick, who was chatting with the clerk behind the counter, his actions now briskly professional again.
Only after they were outside and walking toward the next store did she meet his gaze. “What happened back there, Nick?”
He regarded her with a neutral expression. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re not a good liar,” she accused. “Was it an old girlfriend? A current one?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but it was nothing like that,” he snapped.
His tone was like a slap. She felt oddly saddened by his refusal to confide in her, but what had she expected? He was right. She hardly knew him. He was a policeman helping her out in a crisis. She had no right to pry into his personal life.
And what about his questions, she asked herself. Were all of those strictly professional, the mark of a thorough detective? She didn’t think so.
Nor was the invitation to church. No, there was something between them, some spark that might be explored sometime in the future. That spark went beyond the intensity of the situation. It was definitely personal. The surprise was that after all her vows to concentrate on her new job and her kids, she’d wanted to see where that spark led.
Or, she amended, she’d wanted to until the moment when Nick had deliberately lied and shut her out. She’d already been with a man who’d been a master at keeping her in the dark. She wouldn’t knowingly get involved with another one who was capable of the same kind of deceit. It hurt to think that there might be any comparison whatsoever between her ex-husband and this man who’d been only decent and kind to her, but she couldn’t take the chance.
Not that she could spend even one more second worrying about such things when Josh was still missing. Nick was her best hope for finding her son. She needed his help. And when Josh was safely with her, then she and Nick DiCaprio would go their separate ways.
Even with her mind made up, though, she couldn’t help feeling as if she’d just lost something important, something good that had almost been within her grasp.
CHAPTER 6
Nick knew he’d been too abrupt and sharp with Amy. He’d immediately recognized the hurt in her eyes when he’d dismissed her well-meaning questions, but what other choice had he had? How could he explain to her that he’d just seen the mother of a child who’d died while he was supposed to be rescuing him? Not only was it something he could barely stand to remember, but it would be the worst possible testimonial to his skills as a police officer. Amy would be justified in demanding that someone else take over the search for her son.
For reasons he didn’t care to examine too closely, Nick didn’t want that to happen. As he’d told his sister, he wanted to see this through. Not only did he want to spend more time with Amy, but he needed redemption and this seemed like fate’s way of giving him a chance for it. He needed to prove to himself that he could find this boy and return him safely to his mother, that the tragedy with Tyler Hamilton hadn’t destroyed him. Otherwise he’d never be able to go back on active duty on the force. And if he wasn’t a cop, who the hell was he?
Okay, so his motives were partly selfish. He admitted that without shame. He didn’t want his career going up in flames. He knew in his gut he was still one of the best cops in the department. All modesty aside, his skills were superior. He had the citations and job performance reviews to prove it. He just had to tamp down his anger and get his confidence back. The shrink was right about that much. But finding Josh—not endless hours baring his soul—was the answer.
Although he believed wearing this hot and bulky Santa outfit would work to their advantage eventually, he had to admit that right this second he would have preferred being in street clothes so he could blend in and move more quickly. Then, again, the costume may have been the only thing that had kept Tyler Hamilton’s mom from recognizing him and for that he was grateful. A confrontation with Mitzi Hamilton was the last thing he needed. He still had nightmares about the bleak expression on her face when he’d had to tell her that Tyler was dead.
“Nick?”
He gazed down into Amy’s troubled eyes. “What?”
“Are you okay?”
He forced a reassuring smile. “Fine. Let’s get back to work.”
Once again, she looked disappointed by his response, as if she’d been expecting—or hoping for—something more. Unfortunately, until they found Josh, he was fresh out of revelations he could make without having her doubt him and scaring her to death.
* * *
Amy reevaluated her earlier dismay over Nick’s reticence. It was evident he was genuinely troubled by something, something more than their unproductive search. Maybe she should force the issue, no matter how reluctant he seemed. Maybe it would do them both good to think about something other than her son. Whatever those demons were that Nick had mentioned, maybe she could help him deal with them.
“You know, Nick,” she began casually. “You can talk to me.”
/> He glanced at her with a questioning look. “We’ve been talking.”
“Not about anything significant,” she said.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he protested. “You’ve told me all about your son and about your divorce. I know about how hard it is being away from your family for the holidays. I’d say we’ve scratched below the surface.”
“Up to a point, that’s right,” she agreed. “You know all that about me, but I know very little about you, other than how many siblings you have and that your folks don’t like you being a cop.”
“That’s my life in a nutshell,” he said glibly.
She looked away and thought back over their conversation. One comment stood out. She was pretty sure it held the key to understanding Nick.
“I don’t think your life can be summed up so easily,” she said quietly. “For instance, I think there’s a very specific reason you planned to stay away from church tonight.” She stared directly into his eyes. “Are you mad at God? Has something happened to make you question your faith?”
He turned away, but not before she saw that her questions had struck home.
“What was it?” she prodded. She connected the dots and realized that whatever it was that had happened was somehow work related. “Did something go wrong on a case you were handling?”
His hard expression, a stark contrast to the rosy tint of his cheeks and thick white beard of his Santa costume, told her she’d hit on it. Somehow, though, she didn’t have the sense that Nick admired her detecting skills.
“Leave it alone,” he commanded, his tone like ice. “I’m not discussing it with you or anyone else, especially not when we’re in the middle of a search for your son.”
“Something tells me this is exactly the time you should talk about it,” she countered. “It’s weighing on you now. Is it interfering with your ability to help me find Josh?”
“Absolutely not. I don’t let anything interfere with my job, not even a woman asking too many pesky questions about things that are none of her business. Now will you get your priorities in order? Stop trying to dig around in my psyche and pay attention to the people around us. You could walk right on by Josh and never see him.”
The harsh accusation stung, but unfortunately Amy couldn’t deny it. She’d needed a temporary distraction and she’d seized on fixing Nick, whether he needed it or not. She still believed he did, but that wasn’t the point and it wasn’t her job, particularly not this afternoon.
“Okay,” she said softly. “I apologize for prying.”
“Whatever,” he said, avoiding her gaze.
Nick’s attention was deliberately focused on scanning the crowds around them. Amy sighed, then followed suit, looking into the face of every child they passed. With each one that wasn’t Josh, she grew more and more discouraged. With each second that passed without a call from one of the security guards or Trish, her heart ached a little more.
Then, just when she was losing all hope, she spotted a familiar-looking shock of brown hair sticking up on the back of a boy’s head. He was too far away for even a glimpse of his face. Even so, a faint spark of recognition made her spirits soar. She tried to tamp down her excitement. Too many times before her hopes had been dashed seconds later.
Then her eyes locked on a red and green scarf that had come unwound from around the boy’s neck. It was dragging on the ground behind him. There was no mistaking that scarf. She’d knit it for Josh herself just last Christmas.
“There!” she screamed, seizing Nick’s arm and pointing across the mall. “I see him, Nick. He’s right over there, going into that store. You were right all along. He is shopping.”
Nick stared in the direction she was pointing. “Where did you see him, Amy? Are you sure it was Josh?”
By then Josh had disappeared into the store, so rather than answer she started to dash across the mall, dragging Nick with her. Trying to cut through the crowd bordered on impossible until Nick cupped a hand under her arm and guided her through. Whether it was his size, his determination or the Santa costume, the crowd gave him room to pass.
“Which shop?” he asked when they reached the other side. “I still don’t see him.”
“Right here,” Amy said, her cheeks burning as she stopped in front of a display window filled with mannequins clad only in lacy underwear. “He went into the lingerie shop.”
Nick gave her an odd look. “Your five-year-old son went into a lingerie shop?”
“Hey, you asked what he might buy me for Christmas. His dad used to give me fancy lingerie. It never occurred to me when you asked, but I suppose Josh got the idea from that.”
Nick still looked vaguely disconcerted. “I see.”
As they reached the store’s entrance, she sensed Nick’s hesitance and thought she knew the cause. Most men loved to see women in sexy, lacy undergarments, but they’d rather be caught dead than be seen shopping for them. Amused, she looked into his eyes. “You’re not scared of a few bras and panties, are you?”
He frowned at the question. “Nope, just the women swarming around in there buying them.”
“It’s Christmas Eve,” she reminded him. “Take another look inside. Most of the shoppers today are desperate men. I’m the one who ought to be embarrassed.”
“You’re absolutely sure Josh went in there?” he asked, still hanging back, though his alert gaze continued to scan the customers.
Even amidst the crush of much taller men inside the shop, she could see Josh…or at least the tail end of that dragging scarf. Filled with relief at the realization that her boy was safe and sound, she nodded. Then the crowd parted and she saw him clearly, head to toe, totally absorbed by a table full of sale items.
“I can see him from here,” she said excitedly. “Right there, Nick! He has a pair of red thong panties in his hand.”
At her claim, rather than looking into the store, Nick’s gaze sought hers and never left her face. His eyes darkened with unmistakable heat. “Red, huh?”
Amy couldn’t help it. She laughed. “It’s not becoming for Santa to drool. You look a little like I must have looked in the candy store. Will you come on? Let’s not let him slip away from us.”
“It’s probably not a good idea for Santa to be seen ogling ladies’ lingerie, either,” he commented. “Why don’t I just stand right here blocking the doorway with Miss Emma, while you retrieve your son? I’ll be backup in case he tries to scoot off again.”
“Chicken,” she accused lightly, able to tease because the nightmare was almost over.
“Damn straight,” he agreed without apology.
Amy didn’t waste another second arguing. She made her way through the mobbed store till she was right beside Josh. For a second she simply stood there, drinking in the precious sight of him. Finally she spoke.
“Young man, you are in so much trouble,” she said, hunkering down to draw him into her arms in a fierce embrace. She was so relieved, she wanted to never let go.
“Mom!” he protested, pulling away. “You’re not supposed to see me.”
She shook her head. He was oblivious to her distress and to the relief that was now spilling through her.
“And why shouldn’t I see you?”
“’Cause I’m buying your present,” he said reasonably. “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”
As desperately as she wanted to hug him and hold on forever, she had to make him understand that what he’d done was not acceptable.
Keeping her expression stern, she demanded, “Present or no present, Joshua Riley, did you stop to think for one second that you might scare the living daylights out of me by running off to go shopping?”
He blinked hard. “You were scared?”
“Well, of course, I was,” she said, giving him a gentle shake. “When have I ever let you go
off shopping all by yourself? More than that, you’ve never been to this mall before. When you let go of my hand, I thought you were going straight to see Santa, but you never showed up. I had no idea where you were. You’ve been missing for a very long time.”
He regarded her earnestly. “I did go to see Santa, but the line was really, really long and I wanted to get you a surprise, you know, something like Dad would get you so you wouldn’t be sad.”
Touched more than she wanted to admit, she asked, “How did you know where to look?”
“I knew the kind of store, ’cause I went with Dad last year,” he explained. “First I had to find the directory thing, because I knew you’d be mad if I asked a stranger. I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find one, so I just kept looking for the store. There are lots of stores and it’s hard to move ’cause there are so many people. It took a really long time, but this is just like the one where Dad used to shop.”
He sounded so proud of himself, it made Amy want to cry. She blinked back tears. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t need a present like that. Besides, where did you get that kind of money? Even on sale, these things are expensive.”
“I saved the money Dad gave me before we left Michigan.” He held out the red thong panties. “Do you like these?”
In Amy’s opinion they looked uncomfortable, just as the ones Ned had given her through the years had been. Those had stayed tucked in her lingerie drawer most of the time. She was not letting her son waste money on another pair that would be consigned to the bottom of her dresser.
“What I think is that you are an amazing boy to want to buy me a present like that, but I want you to save that money for something special for you, just like your dad intended.” She regarded him seriously. “Though, it will be a very long time before you get to spend it, because after this stunt you’re going to be grounded till you’re thirty.”
His expression faltered. “But, Mom, I just went shopping for you,” he protested. “I thought you’d be happy.”
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