by Heather Moll
“Do not you find his descriptions vague? He concentrates too much on how the scenery has conformed to picturesque principles rather than the specific character of the country.”
Elizabeth refuted his opinion on Gilpin, and they continued in this manner until her aunt prevailed upon her to play. Mr. Darcy and her uncle were engaged in conversation for the greater part of the evening although Elizabeth noticed that the younger man’s eyes drifted towards where she sat at the pianoforte. It was Mr. Bingley who had to tell Mr. Darcy when the evening drew late, rather than the reverse. The carriage was called, and her aunt excused herself to check on her children. Her uncle attended to Mr. Bingley and Jane’s conversation while Maria Lucas lounged sleepily in a chair.
Her heartbeat raced as she realized she had been left in relative solitude with Mr. Darcy while he awaited the carriage. She hardly knew this man despite all the time she had spent in his company. She could esteem him, and Elizabeth supposed that more time with him would gradually improve her estimation of him. Yes, I want to learn more of him.
***
Darcy enjoyed his evening thoroughly and was not eager to see it end. He knew that, had Elizabeth not admonished him for his conceit and ungentlemanly behavior, he would never have considered her having connections of whom he could not be ashamed. A fortnight ago, he never would have comprehended he could have passed a pleasant evening in Cheapside, nor could he imagine that he would court the good opinion of a woman who had emphatically rejected him.
Darcy heard his pulse pounding in his ears as he approached Elizabeth. “Miss Elizabeth, may I call on you before you leave London?” His voice shook more than it did when he had asked her to marry him.
“Yes.” She addressed this reply to her own shoes after an agonizingly long moment. “Would the day after tomorrow be agreeable?”
Darcy said that it was, but Elizabeth did not appear at ease. He felt their awkwardness from Hunsford as a heavy weight between them. He wanted to vow that he would endeavor not to be the prideful, ungentlemanly man she had known. At the least, he could show her that, despite her ill-founded accusations, he still admired her and hoped for her good opinion. Darcy glanced at the others in the room and, seeing that their conversation allowed him a modicum of privacy, boldly grasped her hand and pressed it.
Elizabeth gasped at the contact of her bare hand inside his, and Darcy, remembering himself, let it go. Her cheeks had turned pink, and her breath came faster, but she gave him a shy, tremulous smile.
Before he could say or ask anything more, Bingley came forward to wish her a cheerful good evening, and Darcy was obliged to step away. His gaze never left her while he donned his gloves and hat, but she did not speak, and he did not know whether to feel disheartened or encouraged.
***
Elizabeth watched in the hall, the stairs, and the drawing room for the first sound of a carriage that would bring Mr. Darcy. It was an agitating thirty minutes during which she did not know whether she should be happy or anxious. Neither her aunt’s conversation nor Frances and Isabella’s girlish chatter could keep her from looking out the window, pacing the room, and walking up and down the stairs. She was amazed at her own discomposure.
Mr. Darcy appeared and expressed an unaffected cordiality on seeing everyone again. Elizabeth was embarrassed. Recently she had told him, with a dreadful bitterness of spirit, that he was the last man in the world she could be prevailed upon to marry. That he would speak kindly with her and her family at all spoke of his generous nature. She was spared the necessity of speaking to him as her cousins claimed their newest friend.
“Mr. Darcy! Sit here by me!” Isabella took his hand and led him to the sofa. Frances immediately sat on the other side of him, and the three were packed as tightly as could fit, the girls’ stockinged legs swinging back and forth above the ground as they looked up at their tall guest with admiration.
Elizabeth watched him try to court the good opinion of her aunt while her cousins offered to show him their alphabets, the artificial flowers they had made, or their needle books. He kept his patience, and only a bemused smile betrayed his thoughts on his newfound popularity.
“Girls, why do we not go together to get your samplers and work baskets, and you may show them to Mr. Darcy before he leaves. We shall be back in five minutes.” Mrs. Gardiner said this with an expressive look at Elizabeth as she took the girls from the room.
The girls did not need an escort to find their rooms up the stairs, retrieve their work, and walk back down. It was a shameful ploy to give them the chance to speak alone; it lacked the vulgarity of her mother’s tactics, but it was a ploy nonetheless. She expected to see Mr. Darcy shrugging his shoulders, but he looked at her with good-humored ease that brought a genuine smile to her lips.
“You seem more comfortable with the attentions of lively eight- and six-year-olds than I would have thought possible.”
Mr. Darcy looked a little embarrassed. “I can remember when my sister was that small, though when she was that age, her interest in me went only as far as how high I could toss her towards the ceiling.”
“I am certain that is not true. Miss Darcy must have known even then how lucky she was to have a caring older brother.”
“I could not deny that I care about her, but as you know, I have not recently taken as good care of her as she deserves. She had the right to expect better from her guardian and only brother.”
“You cannot hold yourself accountable for Mr. Wickham’s terrible actions, and I suspect that Miss Darcy would be the first to agree with me.” To know how deeply he cared for his sister and for her happiness placed him in an even more amiable light. “You are certainly a good brother.”
“Will you allow me, or do I ask too much, to introduce my sister to your acquaintance during your stay in London?”
He seemed to want her approval, but was it out of guilt for condemning her relations and separating her sister from his friend? Was she merely a means by which he would practice his newfound manners, or did he truly want to continue his acquaintance with her? No matter her fonder feelings towards him, Mr. Darcy could justly hate her for the way she had treated him.
“I would be pleased to meet Miss Darcy.”
Although thoughtful and serious in general, his countenance brightened to a smile when she agreed. They sat for some time without saying a word, his warm gaze never breaking, when Elizabeth jumped to her feet. It was necessary to think of something to say and distract herself from her high flutter of spirits. “My uncle has let me borrow a book about excursions in the north, and you must tell me whether its descriptions of Derbyshire are accurate.”
She went through the adjoining door to her uncle’s study and stared blankly at the bookshelves as she took a few calming breaths. Elizabeth heard a noise at the door, and when she turned, she saw Mr. Darcy moving towards her with his usual deliberation.
“Did you find your uncle’s book? What is the title?”
“No, no, it is The British Tourists Pocket Companion, but I cannot find it.”
He now stood directly in front of her, and when he moved nearer, she thought, for only a moment, that he was going wrap an arm around her. Instead, he reached to the shelf at waist level and pulled off a book. “Is this it?”
Her heart beat faster, and all the while she wondered whether Mr. Darcy’s voice had always sounded so deep and steady. Of course he was not about to pull her into an embrace! He would never act so brazenly, so inappropriately, and certainly not towards a woman who had refused to marry him. She had no right to feel disappointed. “Yes, thank you.”
Elizabeth looked into his eyes and watched as his attention shifted from the book, back to her face, and then, for the briefest of moments, down to her lips.
“Miss Bennet, my behavior needed to be amended, and your reproofs have made a strong impression on me. I am gratefu
l for them. Is it—is it at least possible that I—”
They both heard the girlish voices calling out for Mr. Darcy, and he stepped away and was back in the drawing room before Elizabeth could do more than clutch the book to her chest and wonder what Mr. Darcy had hoped was possible. She composed her own feelings and rejoined the others, determined to make herself agreeable to Mr. Darcy.
Elizabeth realized he was being civil, not only to herself but to the relations whom he had openly disdained. When she recollected the evening of his proposal in Hunsford parsonage, the difference—the change—was so great that it struck her mind forcibly. Such a change in a man of so much pride astonished her, but she was grateful. She no longer hated him—that had vanished after receiving his letter—and she could respect his admirable qualities. I now enjoy his company. Even more, she could not imagine herself pulling away if Mr. Darcy had been about to embrace her rather than reach for a book. However, the extent of her own warmer feelings towards the man whose proposal she had refused could not be exactly defined.
After Mr. Darcy left, promising to return with his sister tomorrow, Mrs. Gardiner sent the children away and sat next to her niece.
“Mr. Darcy was perfectly well-behaved and polite. Your uncle did say that he had a stately air, but it is not unbecoming. But how could you tell us that Mr. Darcy was so disagreeable?”
***
Tuesday evening Darcy was at home with his cousin, listening to his sister play on a newly acquired single-action pedal harp. “Fitzwilliam, I do want to meet your friend, Miss Bennet. You have mentioned her in several of your letters these past months.” His cousin raised an eyebrow to Darcy and grinned at this piece of private information. “But you know how I struggle with strangers.”
Georgiana averted her tear-filled eyes. “What could Miss Bennet have to say to a foolish girl who considered eloping? She might say something kind and I shall be too shy to even respond, and she will then think me rude.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam reassured her. “Miss Bennet is a gracious lady who will be pleased to make your acquaintance because you are Darcy’s sister and because she is a sociable woman. She has an ability to mix with everyone and put them at ease.”
Darcy embraced his distressed sister and then looked into her face. He was struck at her resemblance to their mother and knew he was a poor substitute to a parentless girl. Not wishing to appear unhappy, he forced a smile. “Georgiana, would I ask you to meet someone who I thought could upset you? Have I been such a cruel guardian to you that I would force onto you the company of a malicious harpy?”
Georgiana gave a small laugh and shook her head. “Would you tell me more of her so I shall be better prepared for tomorrow?”
“Eli— Miss Bennet has a rare beauty, and her appearance is centered about dark, very fine eyes.” Darcy kept silent on his thoughts on her lips and her figure. “She is capable of incredible powers of expression. She can be in one instant composed and then show amusement and joy. She is by nature generous and affectionate with easy, playful manners. I have no doubt that she will listen to you kindly, put you at ease, and make you laugh.”
Darcy ceased looking at Georgiana and remembered the warm way Elizabeth had looked at him in her uncle’s book room. He wondered whether he had any reason to hope. “One cannot help but admire her.”
Chapter 3
Elizabeth looked out the window and saw a gentleman and lady in a curricle stop in front of the house. She recognized the livery and was amazed at her own discomposure. She retreated from the window, fearful of being seen, and she saw a look of amusement in her aunt’s countenance that made everything worse.
Mr. Darcy and his sister entered, and Elizabeth saw that her new acquaintance was at least as embarrassed as herself. From immediate observation, she was convinced that Miss Darcy was exceedingly shy; Elizabeth and her aunt found it difficult to obtain a word from her. Miss Darcy appeared gentle and unassuming, not unlike Jane who was with Maria Lucas escorting the Gardiner children out of doors.
Elizabeth strove to make herself agreeable and to compose her own feelings. She noticed that Mr. Darcy sought to be civil to everyone, not just herself, and that Miss Darcy, despite following the conversation longingly, did not participate. He was a good brother to put so much effort into his sister’s comfort. Elizabeth decided to draw the young lady out in an unconventional manner. “I have heard from our mutual acquaintances that you play exquisitely.”
“Thank you.”
“It is unfortunate that your brother is decided against music and chooses not to enjoy it,” she spoke archly while glancing at the man in question.
Miss Darcy looked at her brother in a panic, but Mr. Darcy only smiled. “I—I had not heard that said of him.”
“I would wager not, for I know many of our friends are careful in courting your brother’s good opinion, but I must say that his lack of enjoyment of music explains a great many things.”
“Wh—what things?”
“First, he has expressed pleasure in hearing me play, but as I am well aware that I do not play half so well as you, Mr. Darcy must have no understanding of music.”
“My knowledge of music has been demonstrated to you many times. I listen with discernment to the ladies’ performances, and I only praise those I admire.” He eyed Elizabeth in a mischievous manner, and although she was surprised to see such an expression from him, she returned the gaze with equal measure.
“I have further proof, Miss Darcy. Your brother despises dancing and avoids it wherever he can. The first time of my ever seeing him was at a ball where he danced only four dances! I conclude that your brother avoids dancing because he is not fond of the music.”
Miss Darcy stared, and the silence prevailed until Mr. Darcy answered.
“You have withheld information that you know will exonerate me. How do you rationalize my asking you to dance? Do you not remember that I petitioned you three times to dance and was successful only once? Since you so often declined to stand up with me, and with your self-professed lack of talent on the pianoforte, it appears you are the one among us who does not enjoy music.”
“And we do know that leaves me wanting in consideration of being an accomplished woman.”
“I am afraid I do not comprehend either of you,” Miss Darcy whispered.
“I am only repeating an old debate and unfairly trying to show your brother at a disadvantage to provoke you to speak.” Miss Darcy looked between Elizabeth and her brother then broke into a laugh. Elizabeth felt relieved to finally see her new acquaintance at ease, and Mr. Darcy looked more charmed than distressed by her playfulness. “Does your brother share your musical talent?”
The next five minutes were spent in amused disbelief as Elizabeth and her aunt were eagerly told by Miss Darcy that her brother had a lovely singing voice. Mr. Darcy demurred, and Elizabeth was charmed by his embarrassment. Elizabeth longed to tease him to entertain them one evening, but she felt he had yet to learn to be laughed at and checked herself.
Their visitors were obliged to stay longer when Jane and Maria Lucas returned as Miss Darcy requested to be made known to them. With the addition of two more ladies and the children, the room was alive with conversation and activity, and Mr. Darcy drew nearer to Elizabeth.
“Do you ladies return to Hertfordshire tomorrow?” After she nodded, he told her that Mr. Bingley intended to return to Netherfield in June and had invited him along.
“Perhaps you will better acquaint yourself with the families in the neighborhood this time? I do very much look forward to seeing you again,” she added.
“I shall attend to that with warm civility. My real purpose, however, is to ask whether, in the meantime, and also after Bingley returns, I may call on you in Hertfordshire?”
Elizabeth knew what was implied and was gratified but nervous. She felt shy of him after all that
had passed between them. She could not account for what she felt for him although she did concede to herself that, whatever it was, the feeling was intense.
“I do not know what to promise you.” Darcy’s hopeful countenance shuttered. “The change of my estimation feels the work of an instant. Your affection was not the work of a day, even if you at one time did love me against your reason. I know not yet how I should feel.”
“Do I have any reason to hope that your feelings for me could change? Is it at least possible that I could ever earn your affection?”
Her cheeks felt hot and her breath came fast. “I, I—”
Miss Darcy approached to say how much she enjoyed meeting her, and then she and Mr. Darcy left. He was gracious to all upon leaving, even the children, but he scarcely looked at her. Elizabeth longed for more time to sort her own thoughts before she had a private moment with him to answer his question. But she was leaving tomorrow, and she would have no further opportunity to speak to him.
Elizabeth lay awake hours considering Mr. Darcy. I do not hate him, and I am ashamed to have had such a strong dislike against him for so long! But did she feel what she ought for him in order to encourage him?
Elizabeth understood him better now; his disposition was better appreciated, and the improvement in his manners was undeniable. She was drawn to him, and she cared for his happiness. He was attentive to his younger sister and loyal to his friends. He had a ready wit and a willingness to laugh. Mr. Darcy had valuable qualities she could respect, and he respected her and held true affection for her. When she considered her future, she could, for the first time, imagine Mr. Darcy by her side.
And I refused him again! He now has to abandon the renewal of his hopes. Elizabeth cried into her pillow where eventually sleep found her.