“You would hide here?” Zander motioned to the shabby room. Katelina felt the familiar sympathy. She’d almost rather fight than stay there.
Gaius shook his head. “Not hide, only bide our time, until The Guild says we may return to our home.”
“Or we grow impatient and find a new one,” Trefor added. “If Zander wishes to defend those humans, to wage his war, perhaps you should let him. It would be entertaining to see him out there.”
Zander’s face scrunched in anger, then melted back to the smooth veneer of an old one. “I am capable of moving in the real world.”
“Sure you are. The baby of the family.” Trefor closed the magazine with gusto. “You’ve been coddled and protected for more than a thousand years. You have no idea what it’s like out there.”
“I’ve watched television,” Zander said coldly.
Trefor laughed. “A poor imitation, I’m sure. But why let us stop you? Crusade if you like. Perhaps the young ones will take you. That is their quest.”
The young ones? Katelina realized with horror that he meant them. “Us? We’re not on a quest.”
“Are you not?” Gaius asked. “Your masters were only a moment ago of finding Lilith and retrieving the one she’s taken.”
“Yes, but…” Katelina trailed off.
Jorick cleared his throat. “I don’t know when we’re leaving, or what our next destination will be. For now, we’re going back to Oren’s den. You have some time to decide.”
“What?” Oren and Katelina cried in unison. They looked away quickly, refusing to acknowledge they’d agreed.
“I need to wash up.” Oren disappeared, leaving Katelina to be the sensible one.
“Jorick…” She stopped from saying they didn’t know Zander. He might be a lunatic. He might be in league with Lilith. “We already have a lot of people.”
Gaius held up a hand. “It is something we will consider. Zander, if your conscience has not cooled by tomorrow, you may go.”
“It won’t,” he replied.
Gaius smiled patiently. “We shall see.”
Baltheir clomped through, hauling a lumpy black garbage bag. Katelina imagined him leaving it on the curb with the rest of the trash. A surprise for the garbage men.
Oren reappeared, and they said their goodbyes. Zander mentioned he’d join them tomorrow, but Trefor said breezily, “You’ll lose interest by then.”
Katelina hoped he was right.
Back at Oren’s den, Katelina joined Kai in front of the TV. They made it through three shows before Loren and Xandria appeared. Katelina wasn’t ready to face him, so she made a show of standing and stretching. “I wonder where Jorick is.”
“I think he’s with Oren,” Xandria replied. “They might be in the library.”
“Library?”
The woman waved her hand in a vague direction. With a shrug, Katelina headed off. A library was something Jorick would have, but Oren? Was he an avid reader? Thinking on it, she didn’t know what his hobbies were.
She followed the hallway to a partially open door and stuck her head inside. There were two bookcases against one wall, and a weight bench where Micah was seated.
“Come to get some practice in?” he asked.
“No. Why are you lifting weights? You can’t build up muscle, can you? I mean, vampires can’t get stronger like that?”
“Nah.” He stood and flexed his arms, as if demonstrating he was already fantastic enough. “But lifting weights is relaxing. Go on.”
She stepped back. “It’s okay. I’m looking for Jorick.” She eyed the bookshelves. “Is this the library?”
Micah laughed. “Library? I guess, if ya wanna call it that.”
“Ah. Xandria said Jorick was in here with Oren. Never mind.” As she turned to go, something shiny caught her eye. She looked back to a silver vase perched in front of the books, then on to several other gleaming items. “Those look expensive.”
“I thought so.” He winked. “Pipsqueak and I stopped off at Claudius’ place before we came here. There was a lot of nice crap no one was using.”
Katelina thought of the destruction at the mansion. “Did you spray paint everything?”
“No. Got over that shit by the time I was out of junior high, Princess. Vandalism don’t gain nothin’.”
She couldn’t fault him for taking the stuff. The owner was dead. Why leave it there to get ruined?
“We got a bunch of shit. This is just the stuff I got cleaned up so far. If you’re a good girl, maybe I’ll let you look through it later. I bet ol’ grump ass’ house could use some decorating.”
It could, but she wasn’t going to admit that. “Right.” She took a step toward the door, then thought of the horror in the living room. “Hey, I have a question. Xandria and Loren…?”
“What about ‘em?”
“Are they a thing? Like, is he in love with her?”
“How the hell should I know?” When Katelina glared, Micah relented. “I think he thinks he is. But he thought so with Ume, didn’t he? And probably with half a dozen chicks before that. I think he wants to be in love. I dunno why. It’s not worth it.”
“Says who?”
“Says someone who’s been around the block, kiddo. It’s all well and good at first when you both think it’s some bunch of magic bullshit. Then it breaks down to who leaves the light on, who won’t pick their socks up, and who tracked shit all over the kitchen. Pretty soon you don’t give a fuck anymore.”
“That’s kind of bleak.”
“Life’s bleak, kid. But hey, maybe you’ll be busy slaying vampires and won’t notice. Or have you given up your vampire killing now that you’re one of us?” He slapped her on the back, then moved back to the bench. “If you’re looking for Jorick try the kitchen. I think he and Oren were looking for somewhere private to hatch plans and shit.”
Plans and shit? Great, just what they needed.
But Etsuko was the only one in the kitchen, carefully filling small bottles from a large jug. Even without the smell, Katelina knew what the liquid was. Her stomach tightened.
Etsuko turned to her with a smile. “Would Katelina-san like a drink?”
“Uh, no, thank you.” Despite her words, she stared at the neat row of crimson filled bottles.
Etsuko held one out to her. “Please. Katelina-san is welcome.”
She told herself it would be rude not to, then took the bottle with a half embarrassed smile and a mumbled, “Thanks.”
Etsuko turned back to her task. “Katelina-san will excuse me, please? I am almost done.”
Concentrating on sipping instead of gulping, it took her a second to realize Etsuko had spoken. “It’s fine.”
Etsuko paused her work. “The blood lust will fade as Katelina-san ages. It is nothing to be embarrassed of. It happens to all new vampires.”
Katelina flinched. Right. Etsuko was a mind reader, like Oren. “That’s what Jorick says.”
“Jorick-sama is wise.”
Katelina took a long sip, but forced herself to break it off. “Have you seen him?”
“I believe Jorick-sama and Oren-sama are outside.” There was a pause, then she added, “With Torina-san.”
“How are you two getting along?”
“Myself and Torina-san? The situation is tolerable.”
Though Etsuko gave a polite smile, the words said it all. Tolerable was Etsuko speak for “I hate her and I hope she disappears.” Or that was how Katelina took it.
“I would not use the word hate,” Etsuko said. “Torina-san is…unhappy and afraid. She tries to hide those feelings behind an unfriendly mask.”
Afraid. Katelina’d once overheard Jorick accuse Torina of that. It was an emotion she couldn’t associate with the vampiress.
Katelina finished the bottle and handed it back. “Thank you. I’ll go see if I can find them.” With a half wave, she headed through the back door. Outside, the spring sky sparkled with stars. A night breeze whispered of green plants and summer�
�s approach. It was comfortingly familiar; the way it smelled, the way it felt, like the summers of her youth. She thought of Sarah, of laughing with her, trying on swimsuits, talking for hours on the phone, staying up all night and, when they were older, of going to the bars, double dating, eating ice cream and watching horror movies.
We’ll do it again. I promise.
She came across Des as she headed for the barn. The dark vampire’s brow was furrowed. Whatever his problem, he kept it to himself, and they passed in silence.
Around the corner of the building, she saw Torina, a cigarette in her hand. With her long red nails, perfect hair, and soft green dress, she looked like a 60s cigarette advertisement.
That explains why he looked mad.
Before Katelina could say anything, Torina snapped, “What do you want?”
“Nothing.” She noticed teardrops sparkling on the vampiress’ cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine,” Torina bit back. “And don’t try reading my mind. You’re not strong enough.”
Ummm…“I wasn’t going to.”
“Right,” Torina said bitterly. “As if I’d be allowed to have a private thought. They’re privy to everything. Even her.”
Her? “Uh—”
“Etsuko.” Torina took an angry puff. “And she’s smug. Oh, she’s smug. Oren doesn’t know it. He’s too logical and concrete. He can only hear her thoughts, see her memories. He can’t feel them.”
Feel them. Like Katelina could all the time. Jorick had said it was because she was more empathetic, but Torina…? “And you can?”
“Obviously! I can feel her delight every time he chooses her over me, every time he takes her side.”
“Of course she’s delighted. She’s his…significant other.”
“So was Jesslynn, for a good many more years, but that was easier to bear. It wasn’t as if she gave him a choice, but this one…this one is sly. He thinks it’s his choice, even when it isn’t.”
Sly didn’t sound like Etsuko. “I sensed real affection from her last night.”
“Did I say she didn’t love him? Why do you think she has to protect her territory? There’s nothing more selfish than love.”
The words popped out of Katelina’s mouth before she could stop them. “Except fear.”
Torina’s eyes bulged. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
But Katelina didn’t know. “I—”
“You sound like Jorick. But you’re wrong, and he’s wrong, and that little Japanese bit is wrong. I’m not afraid of being on my own. I…” Torina stuttered to a stop. “It isn’t fair. I’m supposed to smile like a lady while Des is here, so desperate to save his new love. He couldn’t see past his prejudices for me, couldn’t forgive Jorick and admit he was wrong, but he can manage it for her. He can forgive, forget, and team up with his former enemy to save her. And I’m not supposed to care. I’m supposed to pretend everything is fine. I’m supposed to enjoy watching Oren and Etsuko dance around their relationship. Watching you and Jorick…even Loren has someone! And what do I have? Where is my beau? My husband? My children? My life?”
Katelina didn’t know what to say, so she just stared.
Torina threw the cigarette butt into the damp grass and pushed off the barn. “Forget it. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I don’t understand?” Katelina spat. “Are you joking? You’ve spent your whole life being beautiful and sought after while I’ve spent mine being wallpaper.”
Torina glared. “Do you know what it’s like to be beautiful, to be a doll, a mask, a one-dimensional creature, never allowed to want more? Men smile. Men flirt. They take you in the dark, then they leave, without ever seeing you!”
Katelina didn’t know what to say. “I’m sure they see past it.”
“I thought so once, but Armus proved me wrong. I can see by your face you don’t know his name.” Torina stepped closer. “He was beautiful and he was mine. I turned him, my only fledgling in all these years. I loved him, I protected him, and for what? For betrayal with Kateesha’s fledgling!”
Katelina remembered the story. Kateesha turned a slave girl for a lover, and set her up on her former owners’ plantation—then she caught her with Torina’s mate. Furious, Kateesha killed Armus. Ever after, Torina swore he was innocent, that Kateesha only killed him because she couldn’t have him for herself.
“I’m not stupid,” Torina snapped. “I know. I knew then. I knew while he was with her—while they were writing secret letters to one another with lemon juice—invisible ink. Ha! But was I supposed to admit I knew—admit I tolerated it because I thought he was the only one who’d ever seen me? Not the mask, the perfect lady, but me? And he didn’t—he didn’t! All he saw was a way to gain immortality, a means to an end he could later discard. Wouldn’t Jesslynn have loved that? And my brother? Oh the hilarity. Poor, gullible Torina. Poor pathetic Torina who goes through men like water, who was engaged six times, yet never made it to the altar.” She savagely wiped tears from her face.
Katelina staggered under a wash of emotion: betrayal, heartbreak, the determination to never be hurt again, the conflicting longing, and the unimaginable loneliness. There it was. The secret, the buried core of Torina. She wasn’t just afraid, she was lonely, so lonely she was sick with it. There was no one for her, no one who chose her first, who would give up anything to keep her. No one cared.
Katelina took great gasping breaths and tried to push the feelings away. Not mine. Not mine.
Torina sneered. “Of course it’s not yours. Why would it be? Go ahead. Enjoy it. Laugh.”
“Why would I? It’s not funny.”
“Isn’t it? Don’t pretend. I know you despise me. I represent everything you hate, all the women you ever felt cheated you. The ones who got by on their beauty while you were ignored. But I’ll tell you a secret, to me you represent every ‘other woman’. You and your kind—you’re the ones men marry, the ones they devote their lives to, the ones they chase across the country to rescue. I’m the pretty thing they look back at later and say ‘I had that once,’ while they snuggle in close to the one they love, and sometimes I get sick of it!”
“Is that why you hate me?” Katelina rubbed her chest, trying to remove the ache of Torina’s emotions.
The vampiress made an irritated sound. “I don’t hate you. I never hated you. Even when Jorick showed up at our mansion, and told me to back off, lest he lose you—you whom he didn’t possess yet.”
“Right. You didn’t hate me because I was plain and insignificant.”
Torina crossed her arms. “You are plain, but it’s your own fault. You don’t do anything, don’t arrange your hair, or play up your eyes, or dress for your figure. Every woman can be beautiful if she plays to her strengths. You’ve never bothered.”
“I’m fine the way I am,” Katelina snapped, more irritated at the lingering hurt than at Torina.
“Yes, turn it into anger. It’s easier, isn’t it? As for being insignificant, you’re no more insignificant than the rest of us. At least you forced Jorick to do something besides pretend to mourn a dead wife. The show was tedious. I’m glad to see it ended, and not in the arms of another weepy, weak, wisp who’d crumble at the first sign of trouble, like the last one.”
Katelina knew who she meant: Velnya. Jorick’s wife who’d been killed by humans more than a hundred years ago. The story went that, when humans dragged her from the house to burn her alive, she was so kind she didn’t fight back until the end.
“Ridiculous,” Torina said. “No woman is that good, except in a man’s imagination. She was either so frightened she couldn’t fight, or she expected Jorick to come and saw no reason to try. Anything else is a lie he’s told himself over the years.”
Katelina thought the same thing, but didn’t want to admit it.
“He didn’t love her,” Torina added. “Not really. He wanted to take care of her, but it wasn’t a love born of equals. Rather, almost a father to a child. Men get like that s
ometimes. They want a princess they can protect. The trouble is, to keep her a princess, they have to keep her pure, and untouchable. That gets old for both of them. Had she not died, they’d have parted anyway. He was quitting the Executioners. How long do you think they could have stood one another with no distractions?”
Katelina’d never thought about it; never contemplated the conflicting personalities. She’d secretly assumed that, had Velnya lived, they’d still be together, happy and hiding out in Nebraska.
Whether Torina read it in her mind, or saw it on her face, she wasn’t sure. “No. He’d have been in the same place he was: finally dragged into my brother’s war, watching over you from across the street.”
“You mean spying?” Katelina asked sarcastically.
Torina laughed. It wasn’t her usual silvery tinkle, but something throaty and real. “If only. He was playing the mighty protector, guarding you and loving every moment of it. It was misguided and idiotic—both for Patrick to ask, and Jorick to accept—but you should forgive him. He meant well.”
“I have for the most part.”
“You don’t find it the tiniest bit sexy? That he sat across from your windows, pining, waiting for a chance to throw himself into harm’s way to protect your life?” Torina dropped the over-dramatic voice to smirk. “I’m sure he’s disappointed the romance novels lied to him.”
“I know he reads everything, but romance novels? He wouldn’t?” Torina’s eyes sparkled and Katelina choked. “Seriously?”
“Of course. If it’s printed, he can’t resist it. Try it. Lay the sexiest, girliest romance novel you can find on the stand next to him. Though he may initially resist, by the end of the night he’ll be buried in the pages.”
Katelina wasn’t sure. He was addicted to reading, but… “If I had one I would.”
“I have a few. Remind me. I’ll loan you one tomorrow.” Torina stretched her arms in a move that left her playing with her bracelet. “As lovely as this little woman to woman chat has been, I believe I’ll go inside and have a bubble bath. Jorick and Oren are on their way back from their walk. Good luck finding out what they’re up to.”
Goddess of Night (Amaranthine Book 9) Page 14