Once more she was the author of my confusion. No one else in this world has ever been able to make me feel like this girl. Whether it be passion, love, lust, or hate. No one else even came close.
Chapter 2
It took me half an hour of calling around to find her at the cheapest motel the town had to offer.
I wonder what ever happened to her college degree, if she ever finished that is? She had also proven herself to be a starter with no stomach for the finish. And damn her for putting herself back in the forefront of my mind.
I left the office almost in a daze as I headed there now. I waved Janet off as she called out to me. Nothing could be as important as what I was about to do right now so if she were calling me to take care of something, it would have to wait.
Traffic was light this time of the afternoon so I reached the shady side of town in less than ten minutes.
I looked around in distaste and had one uplifting thought. Whatever the bitch had left me for hadn’t done her much good. No way would I have ever let her stay in a place like this.
There was no problem getting her room number at the front desk from the bored and disinterested teen that was running it.
I could be a murderer for all she knew, and that wasn’t too far off the mark with the way I was feeling right now.
I was at her door three minutes later, knocking none too gently. She opened it with a look of expectancy, but my eyes weren’t for her, they were too busy searching the room for someone else.
“Where is she?”
“She’s not here, that’s what I need to talk to you about.” I walked her backwards into the room until the door closed behind me. She backed up with her eyes full of fear and my hand came up and choked her.
“Don’t play fucking games with me, what the fuck have you done?” Now that I was face to face with her with this new thing between us, I found that I couldn’t control myself.
It was taking all I had not to throttle her where she stood. But even more frustrating was my reaction to her. Something I thought I’d had under control all these years, something I chose to ignore, since there was no fucking way I was swimming with this shark again.
“Answer me you bitch, what the fuck did you do?
“We can’t get into all that now, Mia is sick, she needs our help or...” She broke off and the emotion in her eyes scared the fuck out of me.
“Or what?” my hand slackened around her throat as I took in her words and their meaning.
“Or she’s gonna die.” I fucking knew it.
“The fuck she is.” I shook her once before releasing her and moving away. I didn’t have to ask if Mia was mine, one look at that picture was enough for me. The fact that her mother was a lying bitch was not important right now. Neither was my need to knock the fuck out of her.
I had to regroup and fast. If what she was saying to me was the truth, then I had some serious shit on my plate. Shit that I had been in no way prepared for, not in a million fucking years.
The situation obviously called for a cool head. I had just learned in the space of an hour that I was a father, and that I might lose that child.
Before the full joy of my newly found fatherhood could set in, it was being ripped away with fear, and the child wasn’t here for me to see, to reassure myself.
With my penchant for handling difficult situations, my mind was already moving in the direction of how to save this child of mine that I had never met.
I’d have to murder her fuck of a mother some other time, for now I needed to get to the bottom of this latest mess of her making, seems that’s all she ever brings me. Fucking heartache.
“You’d better start at the beginning.” I spat the words out at her before taking a seat on the one broken down chair in the room, while she took a seat on the bed, which wasn’t in much better condition.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, even though I wanted to more than I wanted to breathe.
My body was reacting the way it always did around her, which only pissed me off farther, but that too I pushed aside to deal with what needed to be done.
I folded my arms and sat back waiting, astounded at my patience in that moment. I wanted to be up and gone to wherever my kid was, but once again my life was in this one’s hands.
She cleared her throat and I lifted my head to look at her, really look at her for the first time that day. I hated that quick jolt that ran through me at the memory of what I knew she was under all that ugly wool she wore, before I had time to squash it.
From the looks of her she wasn’t doing too well financially, which meant my kid had been living in squalor. “Is there any reason you can think of why I shouldn’t fucking end you right here and now?”
I’m a rational man, have always prided myself on being able to keep a cool head no matter what the situation. It’s one of those things little heirs learn at an early age, never show your hand; but this, this was the fucking limit.
She didn’t have the guts to look me in the face, but instead lowered her head and waited until my anger had cooled somewhat before beginning her story.
Now the anger was back full force, not that it had ever really gone away. I’d just been fooling myself all these years that I could be indifferent to her.
It was one of the games I’d played, one of the lies I’d told myself over the years just to get by. But I know now that it was nothing more than a pipedream. I’ll never be indifferent to her, not in this lifetime or the next.
“Mia started getting sick a few months ago. At first we thought it was just the flu or something.”
“We, Who the fuck is we?” If she told me she had another man raising my kid as his own I was pretty sure I was going to kill her ass, the law be damned.
“My grandmother, she helps me take care of Mia.” She was as jittery as a cat on a hot tin roof as she very well should be. If she knew what the fuck I was thinking she’d get up and run the fuck outta here.
“Go on.” I felt my body relax back into the chair again, until I saw my handprint in her face. Even after all that she had done, all that she had cost me, it pained me to see it there.
I wanted to soothe and comfort, which only served to piss me the fuck off more. How could I feel anything for her but contempt? Why should the thought of her hurting, hurt me?
But it did and I hated her for that as well. She obviously didn’t have the same problem, unfaithful little bitch that she was. But still, my heart hurt for what we had become, after what we once were.
So much for being over her, I guess I’d only been fooling myself all these years. All the times I had told myself that I was free, I had only been skirting around the issue, she was in my fucking blood, something no one and nothing could ever fucking fix.
Too fucking bad though, I wasn’t about to give her another chance to gut me, and this time, this time she was going to be the one left broken, I’ll make sure of it.
Oh yeah, that thought went a long way to, if not assuaging my anger, giving me something to look forward to. Before she leaves my town again, I’m going to make sure she pays a huge price for her defection.
I couldn’t resist the quick once over I gave her body. Although it was obvious that life hadn’t been exactly easy on her, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world. And she’d borne me a daughter.
My heart softened a little before I pulled it back in line. She is still the same black- hearted bitch who had walked out on me, and kept my kid a fucking secret for six years.
***
I listened as she told me that my little girl had a potentially deadly disease. How little Mia needed a bone marrow transplant but hers was not a match.
I lived through the agony of knowing that there was a piece of me out there in the world that was suffering.
That I had a daughter that could’ve died and I would never have even known that she’d ever existed.
After going back and forth with the medical jargon, most of which I looked up on my phone as
soon as she told me what was wrong with little Mia, it was time to put my thinking cap on.
When I woke up this morning, I thought I was facing my biggest deal, my greatest challenge thus far; now I know that I was wrong, this was probably the most important thing that I’d ever do in my fucking life.
“So I’ll go get tested, where do I have to go?”
“She goes to the hospital back home...”
“Is that the best option for this sort of thing?”
“It’s fine, the doctors there are very nice and...”
“I don’t give a fuck who you think is nice, can they save my kid?” She seemed taken aback by the venom in my voice. Seriously, what the fuck did she expect? That I’d welcome her back with open arms?
“As well as anyone I guess.”
I was already on the move and punching numbers into my phone. “Get your stuff together and be ready in half an hour.”
“Where are we going?”
“To get my child. Where the fuck do you think?” She flinched like I’d hit her but I had no time to pander to her and her skittish bullshit. I’d fallen for that good girl act once before, never again.
My first call was to my pilot after getting the necessary information from her. The next was to the head doctor in charge of my child’s case. I wasn’t about to take her word for shit, lying ass.
After verifying that I was who I claimed to be, he was only too happy to tell me all I needed to know, as well as recommending the best specialists in this particular field.
There was so much I needed to ask him, so much I wanted to know, but the most important thing for me right now, was getting to her and bringing her home.
Next I called the clinic that was closest to my hometown and let them know that the doctor was going to be calling them with a transfer, and that it was my kid.
I have no qualms about using my family name in a time like this, and that name had a lot of clout in these parts.
She wasn’t here yet but already I was willing to move heaven and earth to save her. She was a part of me I’m quite sure the best part. But how was it possible that she existed for so long and I had no idea? That part scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t know that it’s wise to move her.” She started to object as I was in between calls but one look soon had her backtracking. I guess because I wasn’t snuffing the life out of her ass she thought it was okay to speak to me.
The doctor had given me the name of someone that I could contact who would actually make the trip out to see Mia and he was going to make arrangements with the local clinic so that I wouldn’t have to wait to be tested.
My only concern right now was getting her here where I could look after her myself. Her fuck of a mother could go jump off a fucking cliff for all I care.
I started to tell her just that, but once again that beaten down look and the memory of the girl that I had once fallen in love with held my tongue in check.
Still, I couldn’t let her off that easily and I wasn’t about to play her game. She might have come to me as a last resort, but the bottom line was she had stolen my kid.
A fucking Helmsworth was living in who knows what condition when I was throwing money at charitable organizations to help feed the poor every chance I got.
“How have you been caring for her? From the looks of things you’re not doing so good. Please save yourself anymore of my wrath and tell me that no child of mine have been going without.”
“Mia doesn’t need for anything, I sacrifice my own needs for hers...”
“How fucking admirable of you; the only problem with that is that as her dad I am more than capable of taking care of her, but you chose to rob me of that opportunity.
I’m doing a pros and cons spreadsheet in my head as to why I should let your ass live, and so far things aren’t looking so good for you.”
The more I talked to her the more pissed I became. Before I only hated her for what she’d done to me, to us. But now it looked like she’d fucked my flesh and blood over in the deal.
She was going to pay for that one too, it was just something else to add to my long list of grievances against her, but first things first.
“Let’s get one thing straight here before we go any farther. From here on out we’re doing this my way, I’m calling the shots from now on, and not because of my money, but because of sheer common sense, of which you have proven your fucking self to have none.
You almost killed my child, I don’t know how but I hold you fucking responsible and don’t you fucking forget it. As it stands you’ll be lucky if there’s anything left of you when I’m through with you.
So do not think for one second that you can tell me anything after what the fuck you’ve done.”
She backed away from me as if I were a snake coiled to strike. Probably thought I was going to slap her again, and though I would like nothing better now wasn’t the time.
“I have to call my mother, shit.” I checked my watch. “I’ll have to do that on the plane let’s go.” I grabbed her elbow and pulled her from the room.
I almost took the overnight case from her hand and tossed it so ratty it was, but then I thought, why the fuck should I care?
“My car is parked over here.” She looked as if she wanted to say something, but I didn’t give her the chance. Instead I walked over and got in and waited for her to do the same.
From the tinge of red on her cheek I guess she got my subtle snub. She was probably remembering what a gentleman I once was.
The sap who use to open car doors for her and even go so far as to strap her in. She shouldn’t want me anywhere near her seatbelt right now though, as pissed as I am, I was likely to strangle her ass with it.
I glanced down at her feet for some reason when she fixed herself in the passenger seat, and noticed the condition of the old scuffed boots on her feet.
She left me to live like this? She must’ve really hated my guts to prefer this shit to all that I had offered her.
It was like a slap in the face, or being doused with cold water. There had been times in the past when I’d made up excuses for what she’d done.
Seeing her here, now, in this condition, brought it home that she’d just wanted out. She’d rejected me completely, and the renewed certainty of that betrayal burned like acid in my gut.
Fine, she could have all the freedom she needed. As soon as my kid was safe I would cut her ass loose.
Vengeance burned bright in my heart in that moment. For years I dreamt of a chance like this. In that first year it was all that got me through the day, and don’t let’s talk about the nights, they were torture.
My bed became my gateway to hell. I remembered now the sleepless nights with a pain so sharp in my heart and gut I was in fear of heart failure.
It took me weeks of fighting my inner demons, and at the end, the only way I could find nay peace and solace, was to hate her.
I fed that hate to the point that I would’ve killed her had I seen her at any point back then.
The murderous rage has since been tamed somewhat, but now that I had her in my clutches again, there were some things that I needed to teach the young lady.
For now though I needed to concentrate on my daughter. Damn I haven’t even met her as yet and already I want her. Nothing else mattered right now. Not even my thirst for vengeance.
I’d never given kids much thought before. I was still young enough after all at twenty-nine to believe I had time enough for that in the future.
Now that it was a fait accompli, I couldn’t wait to jump right in. Then I thought of her being sick and scared and me not being there to comfort her as a father should, and my rage was back full force.
I spared my passenger one scathing glare while I turned the key in the ignition, but she kept her head straight. I could smell the fear coming off of her and it made me smile just a little.
I pulled out of that parking lot with one thing going through my head. I’m going to make this bitch suff
er like nothing she’s ever imagined.
Chapter 3
We didn’t say anything to each other on the way to the airfield or as we boarded the plane. I had a million and one questions, but I needed to calm the fuck down so I could speak to her without wanting to cut her fucking throat first.
“Do you have any other pictures of Mia?” I took the seat across from her and got my phone out to call mom.
Ever since dad’s illness she’s been a little more needy than usual and an unplanned trip out of town without explanation, would send her off on one of her spells.
I didn’t mind the new restraint too much, as her only son I expected to help carry her at a time like this. But now it was looking like I was going to be needed elsewhere even more.
Dad was out of the woods, had been for a while, even though he was still having a little trouble with mobility and would have to use a wheelchair intermittently until he regained full control.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a phone, it looked like the same one she’d had when we were together all those years ago, which made no sense.
The more I saw, the more confused I became. I would think that she had thrown me over for something better, like either another man or that career of hers that was ever so important.
She had had her sights set on a job at the UN as an interpreter. With her knowledge of the seven leading languages, she would’ve been a-shoo in.
The woman sitting across from me did not look like she was living life in the fast lane, or like she’d made the kind of money a job like that would’ve accorded her.
I took the phone from her less than steady hand and scrolled through the album she’d pulled up.
I watched my child’s face in different stages of growth and felt my heart and my anger beat faster in my chest.
“It must’ve fucked with your head every time you looked at her. She’s all of me.” And she was, from my raven black hair, to my sky blue eyes.
She even had the little dent in her chin like I’d inherited from my dad. Mine, she was all fucking mine and this fuck had taken her away from me.
His Secret Child Page 2