I’ve always known that, that’s why we were so great together; we were both using each other. It’s not my fault she didn’t see the endgame.
“I’m afraid so, and when you’re telling this story remember to keep my kid out of it or I won’t be pleased. Whatever beef you have is with me. If I hear Zania or Mia’s name bandied about in anything less than glowing terms, I will know where to come looking and it won’t be pretty.”
“So it’s come to this has it? You’re threatening me for her, for them.”
“Don’t think of it as a threat, think of it as a friendly warning. You see I know you, I know how your mind works. If you or anyone else in this town says or does anything to harm my daughter or her mother you will bring down my wrath on your heads.
I don’t intend to make this a daily habit this back and forth so let’s clear everything up once and for all before the truth gets distorted somewhere between here and your car.
We never lived together, you had your place I had mine. You’ve spent nights at my place, and sometimes a long weekend, I’ve slept at your place twice.
There was never any discussion of marriage until the last couple of months. And my mother was the one who started it.
I haven’t fucked you in three months.” She flinched at that one. That had been a bone of contention between us, and what I see now as the beginning of the end.
I always used the excuse of the deal whenever she brought it up, but now I know that that was just a smoke screen.
The reality is that I had been growing tired of us, and more truthfully, the minute Zania first reentered my head, was the minute I was done.
“I never made you any promises so none have been broken. I never once stood in the way of you seeing someone else, in fact if I recall I told you-you should.”
“You knew that that’s not what I wanted.”
“That maybe, but it’s what was on the table. I’m sorry you built it up to more than it was, but at the end of the day I can’t be held responsible for your inner thoughts since you never shared them with me.
Had you told me this is where you were headed, I would’ve told you a long time ago to cut your losses.
I never had any intentions on marrying you. Sorry.” There’s only one woman in this world that I would ever marry. The fuck?
“Is that about right? Did I leave anything out?”
“Yes, except it doesn’t take into consideration all the time and effort I invested...”
“I invested the same amount of time I think. I went to many a shindig that I had no interest in to please you as well. The bottom line here is that I’m not willing to throw my daughter out just so you can pretend to your friends that we’re the couple of the century.
Had you been honest with them as well as yourself, you wouldn’t have to be trying to save face now.”
“Well what am I supposed to tell people? Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? To be thrown over for this loose female who once walked out on you and some whelp she’s brought back here to trick you?”
“That whelp is my kid, now get the fuck out of my office.”
“Cord you can’t...”
“I told you not to say anything about my daughter did you think I was fucking kidding?
My little girl is sick, even if you were the great love of my life and I had to do this to save her I would. Not you or anyone else means more to me, and it doesn’t matter that she only just came into my life.
She’s mine; every single fucking hair on her head belongs to me, the only thing on this earth that’s totally mine.
Do you understand what I’m saying to you? This child came from me she’s part of me. You know me, do you really believe that there’s anything that I wouldn’t do for her?”
“Fine then, if you have to do this for the child, we can still be together. I don’t see why you have to live with her, the mother I mean. We can put her up somewhere for the time being.
And we can use artificial insemination if you really need another kid that badly. See, this way everybody wins.”
“Yes but you’re still missing one very poignant point, I don’t want to marry you, that hasn’t changed.”
The look she gave me was not the look of a very understanding woman; in fact she looked downright evil and mean as she stood to take her leave.
I can’t say that I blame her for feeling the way she did; somebody had forgotten to show her how the game was played.
I didn’t feel any guilt about the way things ended. I’d never lied to her and wasn’t about to feel guilty for things she built up in her own mind.
By the time she left I was drained, but that only lasted five minutes, before I was on the phone again, ordering something else that would make my little girl happy.
I was in that place where nothing else mattered and I really didn’t give a fuck what anyone else thought. This time around I was doing what Cord wanted and to hell with everyone else.
I ordered everything the sales people suggested, in her favorite colors. Her mother will probably bitch about me spoiling her, or knowing her and her sharp tongue she’d probably accuse me of trying to buy our daughter. So-the-fuck- what?
It was because of her that I was in this fucked up situation to begin with. Had she told me about my kid from day one, we could’ve dealt with all of this a long time ago and we wouldn’t now be scrambling to give her-her last chance at life.
There was no getting away from that one fact, so no matter how much my dick might be willing to give her another shot, I wasn’t about to forget that shit that easily.
Chapter 11
I didn’t go back to the hospital until I had made sure that everything was in place. But as soon as I saw them in that hospital room, reality knocked me on my ass and it all came back full circle.
It didn’t matter what I did, how many houses I bought, or how I decorated her room, my little girl was hanging on by a fucking thread.
As I stood in the doorway watching what was essentially my family, I vowed to forsake everything else, including my hate for the mother, in order to make the life of the child better.
This little girl had already suffered enough, she deserves happy, and as her dad I am going to move all obstacles to see that she gets it.
“Are we ready to go? The car’s waiting.” They hadn’t even seen me standing there for the last three minutes watching them, so engrossed were they in whatever they were watching on the little tablet I’d bought her.
“Daddy.” It did my heart good to see her jump off the bed and run to me. I pushed aside the fear and the worry that she might hurt herself and just picked her up in my arms for a warm hug and a kiss.
“Did you have a good day baby?”
“Yes daddy, mommy and me played lots of games until I got tired and then we read and I took a nap and then...” She gave me a rundown of her day from the time I’d left them this morning.
“Are you ready to go home?”
“Really? I can go home today?” she looked back over her shoulder at her mother who was sitting on the bed watching the two of us.
She smiled at our daughter and reassured her that yes today was going home day.
I nodded my head at Zania and she got up and got Mia’s bag before following us out.
I had the driver take the long way around so that I could show Mia some of my boyhood haunts. Places she would’ve known by now if her mother hadn’t rabbited with her in her womb.
I guess it was going to take me a while to get over my anger. Though it had become easy living with her again, the way we moved around each other like well oiled cogs in a wheel.
Sometimes it was as if she’d never been gone, those are the times that scared the fuck out of me; because it would be so easy to fall back into that trap again.
And lately, when I take her, it’s beginning to feel more and more like making love, than fucking.
Even though I still try to keep intimacy out of our couplings, and treat them as what they
are, breeding sessions, she was steadily fighting her way under my guard.
I hope like fuck she could deal with the consequences if that shit should ever happen. Because I was pretty damn sure I wasn’t about to play the dupe a second time.
All of these things were just working at keeping me confused from one moment to the next. As if that shit isn’t enough of a mystery, I know that there’s still something there in her for me.
I feel it every time we touch, each time I slide into her she welcomes me, no matter what her mouth might say in the beginning.
But was that enough to let myself believe again? Fuck no! I pulled myself back from that precipice again, even as I acknowledged that it was getting harder to do so.
Thank heaven Mia kept my attention focused on her the whole ride with her million questions and didn’t leave me too much time to dwell on the fuckery that was my life.
My little girl I noticed, never spoke about her illness, or her stay in the hospital, I’ll have to ask her mother about that. Maybe it was some sort of defense mechanism on her part, but I was just happy that she was having a good day.
When we pulled up to the house, I kept my eyes on her to catch her reaction, and the look on her face was worth it all.
“Daddy it’s the princess castle.” Her little eyes lit up and it choked me up that I was able to put that look on her face.
I barely kept her from jumping out of the car when it came to a stop at the bottom of the steps.
“Come on daddy, come mama.” She practically dragged me out of the car and up the steps chattering a mile a minute, going as fast as her little spindly legs would take her.
Once inside she was off to the races, and her exuberance was almost catching.
Even her mother had an easier look on her face as we watched our little darling run through the place, calling out to us to keep up.
There was still a lot that needed doing, but her room was fixed, as well as the master suite right next door. The rest will be taken care of in the coming weeks.
She wanted to see everything at once and we let her, which I realized was something we were gonna have to work on if we didn’t want to have a spoilt kid on our hands.
It was hard to rein myself in though, to deny her anything, and I felt that as long as she was fighting this thing that not even I could help her with, the least I could do is fucking spoil her.
By the time she was finished going through every nook and cranny of the place, and trying to play with or touch everything in her room the sun was going down.
She was pretty tired by then and was getting a little fretful, so we got her dinner and then her mom and I got her settled for the night.
She was soon resting comfortably in her new purple and white canopy bed after conning daddy into reading her two stories.
“Where’s my room?”
Zania stopped me outside the door of our daughter’s room as I pulled it halfway closed. I took her hand and pulled her along towards the master suite.
“In here.”
“But isn’t this...?”
“The master suite, yes. After the way she acted at the hospital today with the kiss, it occurred to me that it might make our daughter happy if we were together.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“As a fucking heart attack. I told you, whatever it takes.” I dropped her bag on the floor and left her standing there, let her figure that shit out.
I made sure the kitchen had been stocked to my specifications, before taking a seat at the table and going through the little notebook I’d started after their first day home. Things that I needed to do for my daughter.
She’d already missed a lot of school and this was a new place, so I’d decided to homeschool her for the time being.
I made a note to call someone about that first thing in the morning, did some other checks and balances in my to do list, then went to check on my daughter.
It was almost impossible to tell that she was ill as I looked down on her innocent form.
She looked like any innocent little girl asleep in her princess bed. But that little body had already been through the rigors of chemotherapy, had been battling this disease for almost a year, and was still fighting.
That’s why I didn’t care what had to be done to make her happy, even if it meant sharing a bed with her mother.
And you’re full of shit, you haven’t been out of her bed since she’s been back, and your reasons for being there are becoming skewed. Fuck you.
I kissed my little overtired princess for the last time that night and left her room.
I called my own mother to give her an update. I had been avoiding her of late since she always had the same argument, which was going nowhere and wasn’t worth the trouble.
Tonight wasn’t much different but I wasn’t about to let it get to me. “I spoke to Camille and she has told me of your decision to get involved in this...”
“In saving my daughter’s life you mean? You know I always knew you could be cold, but I never knew you had this in you.
She’s my daughter, your granddaughter, how can you not want to move heaven and earth to save her? You haven’t even once asked about her health, it’s quite obvious that you don’t care.”
“How can I? When I remember what that woman did to you? You may be gullible and play the fool a second time but I won’t be taken in. She’s nothing more than a gold digger son, and she’s just found a new way to hoodwink you.
I’ve spoken to Dr. Carlson about having some blood work done to make sure that she’s really yours...”
“Anyone goes near my kid with that shit I’ll break their fucking arm.”
“Cord...”
“No you listen, you can choose to ignore or deny her, I’ve already accepted, and since you feel this way about her, consider your invitation rescinded.” I hung up the phone and ruthlessly put her out of my mind.
I wasn’t kidding when I said everything was about my kid. I didn’t care who I had to cut loose to save her. I was sure mom would be back in a few days after she calmed down, but that wasn’t as important as it once would’ve been.
Her refusal to accept my child had cooled my devotion somewhat. I just don’t see how she could take that attitude with something as important as this.
No matter how I searched my heart and my mind, I could find no reason behind her attitude towards Mia. It was almost as if she were threatened by the little angel, which makes no fucking sense.
I didn’t let that shit bother me for more than the few seconds it took to put it out of my mind. Mia had me; she didn’t need fuck else.
As if my night wasn’t fucked enough already, later that night when it was time for bed, I had to drag her mother from her room to my bed. She started to protest but I shushed her effectively.
“Quiet, you don’t want to wake her do you? Now let’s just forego the usual bullshit, you don’t want this, neither do I but she needs it, and that’s all-the fuck that matters. Besides, it only takes you half a minute to be hot for my dick so stop the shit.”
I had lost all patience with her bullshit. If she thought she had to put on a show, to keep up the appearance that she wasn’t still on my dick, it was too late for that.
Unless she mistook me for a brain-dead fuck, then she should know that I already know the truth. What the fuck!
In bed she wasn’t exactly cooperative. She didn’t do her fighting shit, but she stayed stiff for like five seconds.
If she wanted to play I was more than in the mood to oblige her ornery ass. I was still pissed; in fact I was pissed at everyone except little Mia. Maybe it was best that I just concentrate on the reasons for this shit and put all the rest of it behind.
Besides, I wasn’t in the mood for the usual preliminaries tonight so I just simply used my fingers to get her wet, slid my cock inside her and fucked until I came.
It was getting harder to do that shit though, to fuck her without feelings, but I wasn’t about to open myself to h
er brand of poison again.
I heard the sniffles when I rolled away from her and squelched the dart of pain they brought to my heart.
“Don’t do that crying shit, do you not get what the fuck is going on here? She will fucking die if we don’t at least try.
This way is faster than the other and we know it works. If there was another way to do this, believe me I would be all over it, this isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time either.
So while you’re feeling sorry for your fucking self, remember that you’re not the only one making the fucking sacrifice.”
I rolled over with a lump in my chest and closed my eyes. There was still no give in me. I still didn’t forgive her for what the fuck she’d done and I wasn’t about to let up on her selfish ass for the way she was acting.
I will never understand how the fuck she could be against doing whatever it takes to save our daughter’s life.
I’m not asking her to do anything she hasn’t done before, so what the fuck is her deal? Maybe I’m looking at this shit all wrong, maybe it’s different for females, what the fuck do I know?
All I know is that my kid needs a brother or sister made by the two of us and that’s what the fuck she’s gonna get, and no one is going to stop me. I’d like to see them try.
She finally settled down after tossing and turning and I was finally able to go to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night I felt a weight on my chest. I opened my eyes to see her draped over me, and in that split second between sleep and wake, I felt my heart warm the way it always did when she slept in my arms.
And then reality came crashing back. I didn’t push her away though, more fool I. instead I looked at her sleeping face, that beauty that I remembered, that had haunted my nights for a long time after she’d gutted me.
I couldn’t resist running my hand over her hair. Here, now, in the darkened room, when both our defenses were down, when there were no angry words between us, it felt like the first time all over again.
Before I knew what I was about, I found myself turning her onto her back. She was coming awake just as I slipped into her body.
The two of us rocked against each other, my dick going to his new favorite place, past that tight ring and into the rubbery surface of her cervix.
His Secret Child Page 9