I get quite a bit of mail. Initially I was surprised at just how many of my correspondents sought my advice on sexual matters—surprised because I consider myself quite unqualified to give such advice. I’ve since come to realize that a good many people find it far easier to write a letter to a stranger than to sit down face to face with someone and discuss intimate aspects of their lives. This is especially true of persons in rural areas who have less opportunity to secure advice from professionally qualified persons.
I’m asked all sorts of questions. How can one increase the size of one’s penis? (One can’t, and why bother?) How can one increase the size of one’s breasts? (One can’t, except by silicon implants, and why bother?) Sometimes I tell people to consult a therapist. Other times I try to answer the question.
The following letters are from a young woman in the Far West who had never had an orgasm. They provide an interesting look at an example of do-it-yourself sexual therapy.
Dear Mr. Wells:
I read your book The New Sexual Underground and enjoyed it very much . . .
I am a woman of thirty-one years who has never had sexual climax. I suppose there is something wrong with me. I like being with a man and enjoy sex but that is the extent of it. I read about sex and become highly aroused at the descriptions of what other women go through. Yet at times I do not believe it because I have no experience with this.
This is a small town which I doubt you ever heard of. I live with my mother. My father is deceased ten years. I am alone out here but see men now and then. There is a salesman who will always call me when he is in town. He is married and just looking for a quick intercourse but fun to be with. And I will go into the nearest city from time to time where men can be met if wanted . . .
I was engaged twice and had relations with my fiancé on each occasion. In sex lately I will get so hot but then nothing comes of it. I can feel that there is an orgasm there but how to let it out of the bag? That is the question . . .
Mr. Wells, am I a lesbian? The thought of sex with a woman makes me sick to think about it. But then I will read about lesbians having sex and get hot reading about this. Then I think more about it and get upset. So maybe I am a lesbian after all without knowing it. If I am, what do I do about it? How to meet a lesbian here? How to find someone? Is there a way I could find out if there are lesbians in this area? Any that you know of that would be interested in meeting a girl with red hair and not too bad of a figure? Is there some place I can write to?
Do you think swinging would help? Where are these correspondence magazines that you write about?
I hope you will answer this letter.
Sincerely,
Rita
JWW: I replied that, on the evidence, I saw no reason for Rita to suspect herself of lesbianism, that a failure to reach orgasm heterosexually was not a sign of homosexuality, nor was an ability to reach orgasm heterosexually negative evidence of bisexual potential. I added that swinging was a life style which might or might not appeal to her, but that there were other things she might try in order to deal with her immediate problem before examining her options regarding swinging. I suggested some books to her, and specifically recommended that she attempt to reach orgasm through masturbation. Finally, I expressed the hope that she would keep me informed about her progress and feel free to get in touch with me if she had any further questions.
Dear Mr. Wells:
I don’t know if you remember me, but I wrote you some months ago about my problem of not having a climax, to which you replied for which I thank you very much . . .
I have to admit your letter shocked me. Though I don’t know why it should. Namely the advice about masturbation, which I had always learned was something a person definitely should not do, having been given to understand as to it being harmful and unhealthy. I have read in your books and others that it is normal but still somehow thought it was better not to do this.
You ask if I have ever done this. When I was a child I would touch myself but never had an orgasm this way. Also from time to time since then have had the desire but always managed to rise above it. Then you come along and tell me it is what I should do!
After much thinking about it I began to do so. Also obtained some of the books you recommended and have read them all several times over. Some were hard to understand, being educated only through eleventh grade . . .
Well, I have been touching myself as suggested and maybe should worry as am learning to enjoy it! Except the point is that I am supposed to enjoy it, isn’t that so? No climax yet, which is making me desperate, but I will have to learn to live with the idea that it may take a long time.
Afraid it is impossible to obtain a vibrator in these parts. Even if they sold them here, I cannot picture myself going into a store and asking for one. Maybe my letter did not indicate that I am an extremely shy person. I even find it difficult to buy books on sex subjects but the desire is so great that I am able to force myself . . .
I have had sex with two men since my first letter to you. One is a salesman who is married who I see from time to time. Also a man I met in the city who says he is not married but they all say that. I doubt I will see him again . . . Just last night the salesman was in the area and called me. We went to a motel where we had intercourse twice and once I took him by mouth. He likes me to do this but I don’t know. Is it dangerous? Abnormal? I have the sense that I could enjoy doing this but something is tight inside that stops me from having pleasure. But it is pleasure for him and so I do it. I had pleasure with him in intercourse and beforehand by means of him touching me but of course no orgasm, which I guess I must learn to get used to . . .
Sorry to waste your time with such a long letter. I hope you will write to me again some day.
Sincerely,
Rita
JWW: I replied that she should not worry about wasting my time, that there was nothing dangerous or unnatural about fellatio, that it was perfectly normal for her to let herself enjoy performing it, and that she might enjoy it even more if her salesman friend should return the favor. I further suggested several common household appliances which she could purchase readily anywhere, and which could do the job of a vibrator.
Dear John,
Well don’t I feel stupid. I have been brushing my teeth with an electrical toothbrush for almost five years and never once thought of it as a sex machine.
Well I am making up for lost time.
When you wrote about it I was almost afraid to try it. I don’t know why. But in less than a day I conquered my fears and put it to use. Almost immediately it excited me in a new way. I don’t know to explain it but it was that I could let go of myself and it could do the work, and I could relax in some parts of me that would not relax before. I am not good at putting things into words . . .
The first time I tried it I got so hot I was on fire but could not quite come. I kept feeling right on the edge and could not get over the edge. But I kept trying and made myself sore. The soreness went away in a day and I tried again, and had an orgasm.
To go thirty-one years and miss this is crazy. It is just crazy.
I was going to write you right away. After the orgasm I thought, “Well, I must write John and tell him about this” but put it off for no particular reason. Since then I have been doing it all the time. Well not all the time. By this I mean doing it every night before going to sleep and sometimes in the morning as well, and occasionally during the day. To tell you the truth I worry about doing it too much. Is it possible to do it excessively? I have read in certain books that excess masturbation is harmful.
Was with my salesman friend last night who I think I wrote about before. He is married but sees me when he is in town. Yes, I know I wrote about him. We went to a motel as always and had good sex. I thought I would have an orgasm but didn’t. At least I was not left high and dry as I knew I could go home to my loving toothbrush!
I thought of what you said about having him use his mouth on me. Thought of this a grea
t deal but did not dare to suggest it. What would he think of me?
I’ll tell you one thing, it is embarrassing for me now to brush my teeth! I pick up the toothbrush and don’t know where to put it! Please forgive me if it is out of line for me to make jokes of this sort.
Sincerely,
Rita
JWW: I replied that there is no such thing as excessive masturbation, that you can do it any time you have the urge. I suggested she alternate her methods from time to time to see if she was now capable of reaching a climax without the stimulation of the toothbrush. (It has been remarked that the one danger with vibrators lies in the fact that it is so easy to climax with them that women can find themselves becoming dependent upon them. I refrained from putting it in these terms in my letter, however, figuring that Rita was already worrying about too many things.)
I encouraged her to ask her salesman friend to go down on her. What he would probably think of her, I added, was that she was a sexually liberated young woman and an even more desirable sexual partner than he had realized.
The following two letters came just a few days apart, so that I received the second before I had had time to reply to the first.
Dear John,
I just wanted to keep you posted on my career as “the sensuous woman.” Today I had a climax without using the toothbrush. It was not as intense as I have with the toothbrush but was perfectly satisfactory and here I am feeling damn proud of myself.
Well, let me say thank you for everything. I am a happier person than ever wrote to you before. At least I can have pleasure. I know I am always going to be living alone and never have a man except some woman’s man on a night out. Well now I can live with that for at least I have pleasure that I never had before. Even if I have no man ever again, let alone a climax with a man, I can be content with my station in life. This is a lonely world but I guess I can stand it.
Sincerely,
Rita
Dear John,
Well here I am again. You never knew what you were letting yourself in for when you said write you any time.
Last night I was with this salesman again and could not stop thinking about what you wrote me about asking him to eat me. Well I thought what have I got to lose? Because what can he do besides say no?
So I up and asked him, and he looked at me with surprise and said he didn’t do that sort of thing. I asked him did he ever try it and he said he didn’t so I asked why not? And he thought a minute and had no answer. I asked him again and he said all he knew was he wasn’t no cuntlapper, and I said if I could be a cocksucker he could be a cuntlapper, which I can’t believe I would actually say but I did, any more than I can’t believe I’m writing these words now but I guess why try to hide the truth?
Well to make a long story short he said he guessed he would try it; and later he said he guessed he always wanted to do it but something stopped him. Anyway he did it and at first I was numb at the thought of this and then I was loving it and afraid he would stop but he must have loved it himself because he did not stop and I had an orgasm.
Well I’ll tell you a tongue is better than a toothbrush any time.
I am going to see him again tonight so I guess he doesn’t mind doing this. Maybe because I gave him a reward of cocksucking like never before which he said was like no woman ever did in his whole life and which almost drove him crazy.
Like in the cigarette ads I have come a long way baby!
Please forgive my writing like this and the language I have used but I felt you would understand and would not have objections.
Sincerely,
Rita
JWW: I congratulated Rita and offered a few comments. Then I failed to hear from her for several months, until I received the following letter:
Dear John,
I have been meaning to write to you but just never got around to it . . .
You said it was a question of time before I would have climaxes through coitus. Well you were right, and it was not much time at all, as it happened just a week after what I wrote you about.
Here is my big news. The salesman is not married after all! How I found out is that we were together and he asked would I be interested in marrying him? Well I said that’s a good question but what about your wife? Well he hemmed and hawed and then said he had been divorced three years ago on account of her leaving him. (If he had known then about eating a girl I bet she would never of left, as he is really something, believe you me!)
So he said he never let on he was divorced because of not wanting to marry again, but loves me and wants me to marry him. I don’t know but guess I probably will. There is nothing better kicking on my door and I guess I would like for to be married. He says he doesn’t want children which I don’t think I do either but who knows?
It’s hard to believe I’m the same person that wrote you that first letter.
Sincerely,
Rita
The End
About the Authors
Lawrence Block has been writing best-selling mystery and suspense fiction for half a century. A multiple recipient of the Edgar and Shamus awards, he has been designated a Grand Master by the Mystery Writers of America, and received the Diamond Dagger for Life Achievement from the UK’s Crime Writers Association. His most recent novels are A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, featuring Matthew Scudder, and Getting Off, starring a very naughty young woman. Several of his books have been filmed, although not terribly well. He's well known for his books for writers, including the classic Telling Lies For Fun & Profit, and The Liar's Bible. In addition to prose works, he has written episodic television: Tilt! and the Wong Kar-wai film, My Blueberry Nights. He is a modest and humble fellow, although you would never guess as much from this biographical note.
John Warren Wells emerged in the mid-1960s as a writer of sexological nonfiction, and produced twenty books in the ensuing decade. His works, in the main, consist of compilations of case histories selected to illuminate a particular theme, and topics range from female bisexuality (Women Who Swing Both Ways) and troilism (Three is Not a Crowd) to the evolving lifestyles of a decade of sexual liberation (The New Sexual Underground and Wide Open: The New Marriage). His groundbreaking work, Tricks of the Trade: A Hooker’s Handbook of Sexual Technique, was especially successful, and may have inspired Xaviera Hollander to write The Happy Hooker.
One particularly noteworthy book, Different Strokes, consists of his screenplay and production diary for the pornographic feature film of that name, which he seems to have written and directed, in addition to playing a key role. His column, “Letters to John Warren Wells,” was a popular feature in Swank Magazine. The dedications of several books would seem to indicate that Wells carried on an extensive on-again, off-again relationship with Jill Emerson, herself the author of Threesome, A Week as Andrea Benstock, and, more recently, Getting Off. All of JWW’s books have been out of print for thirty-five years; that they are now available to a new generation of readers may be attributed to the technological miracle of eBooks and the apparently limitless ego and avarice of their author.
Contact Lawrence Block:
Email: [email protected]
Blog: LB’s Blog
Facebook: LB's Facebook Fan Page
Website: www.lawrenceblock.com
Twitter: @LawrenceBlock
* * *
John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Ebooks
3 Is Not A Crowd
Beyond Group Sex: The New Sexual Life Styles
Come Fly With Us
Different Strokes: Or, How I (Gulp) Wrote, Directed & Starred in an X-Rated Movie
Doing It!
Eros and Capricorn
The Male Hustler
Older Women and Younger Men: The Mrs. Robinson Syndrome
Sex and the Stewardess
The Sex Therapists
Sex Without Strings
The New Sexual Underground
The Taboo Breakers
Tricks of the Trade: A Hooker’s Handbook of Sexual
Technique
Versatile Ladies: Women Who Swing Both Ways
Wide Open: The New Marriage
The Wife-Swap Report
3 Is Not A Crowd
John Warren Wells
Lawrence Block
* * *
Excerpt, Copyright © 2012, Lawrence Block
All Rights Reserved
Introduction
“Three is not a crowd.”
A few years ago, this variant of an old cliché began turning up with increasing frequency in personal advertisements in the swinger publications which first appeared in New York and Los Angeles. Ever since then, more and more couples seeking to enlarge their sexual relationships through contact with others have expressed their willingness to engage not only in two-couple swap sessions but in threesomes as well. Two is tedium, one infers, but three is not a crowd.
While this may be seen as a new direction of sorts in the swinger subculture, there is nothing wildly revolutionary in the idea of three in a bed. One is reminded of the Hollywood titan taken on a tour of a friend’s garden and shown a large brass sundial. When its function was explained to him, he shook his head in amazement. “What’ll they think of next?” he marveled.
And of course the ménage à trois is as much an invention of antiquity as is the sundial. The one is the result of man’s desire to know the time, the other of his even stronger desire to make that time pass more pleasantly. One recalls that both Sarah and her handmaiden Hagar dwelt deep in the bosom of Abraham, that Jacob married two sisters, that Lot tumbled both his daughters. (One may believe, in the last connection, that the girls were moved solely by filial piety and the urge to provide their father with male heirs. One may also believe that Lot didn’t know what was going on. One may further believe that the Earth is flat and the moon a wheel of Camembert.)
But however one may feel about the literal truth of the Bible, the simple endurance of these stories testifies to the age old occurrence of troilistic relationships and, even more, to the propensity of human beings to find such relationships of interest. That the contemporary sexual underground has embraced the ménage is hardly remarkable.
The Sex Therapists: What They Can Do and How They Do It (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 15) Page 16