by Mandy Magro
CHAPTER
30
The sun was just beginning to set, sending a scattering of warm hues across the blue, when Dallas got back to the homestead. It had been a long day and his heart and head ached beyond belief. He wearily climbed the back steps with Levi close by him. His mate knew he was upset, and hadn’t left his side all afternoon. He knelt down and gave his head a ruffle, making sure to scratch the place Levi loved behind his ears.
‘Thanks buddy, at least I know I can always count on you.’
Levi barked a short sharp reply, and then pawed Dallas’s hand—his doggy way of saying everything’s going to be okay. It almost broke Dallas’s resolve, but he sucked it up and did what a man should do—keep it together. Standing, he pointed to Levi’s bed at the corner of the verandah. ‘You hang out here, buddy, and once we’ve had dinner I’ll let you in for yours. I might even let you crash inside for the night.’
Levi did as he was told. Spinning around three times, he then settled himself down for a nap, his head resting on his paws. His droopy eyes drifted shut in a matter of seconds. Dallas wished he could do the same, but with everything weighing so heavily on his mind, he doubted he’d be able to sleep a wink tonight, or until the damn article hit the shelves.
And then all hell was going to break loose. His mother’s already broken world would crumble, Gramps would be even more heartbroken than he already was and his father’s massive fan base was going to reel from the shocking revelation that their manly bull-riding hero was gay. And who would have to be a pillar of strength to guide everyone through it?
He would, without a second thought. Slumping down on the top step, he took a few moments to gather his thoughts. He’d spent all afternoon deliberating over whether he should tell his mum what he knew, or not, finally deciding it would be better coming from him than from some article, or even worse from some opinionated fuddy-duddy in town. He dropped his head in his hands and heaved a great sigh. It was now or never. He stood, sauntered towards the back door and stepped inside.
The sight he was met with made his already heavy heart sink. ‘Mum?’
Katherine looked up from the table, a roll of sticky tape in her hands, and the note Dallas had let spill to the floor of the shed now taped back together. ‘I went down to the shed after Charlize left. I could tell she’d been crying and I was hoping to find you to find out why, but I found this instead.’ She smiled sadly, her eyes red raw from crying. ‘How long have you known?’
The room spinning, Dallas leant against the wall for support. ‘About nine months.’
Realisation flashed across Katherine’s face. ‘You found out around the same time your father passed away?’
‘The same day.’
‘How?’
‘I overheard Vivien trying to blackmail him. She was saying she would scream it from the mountaintops, and make sure you and I were the first ones to hear it if he didn’t pay up.’
‘That woman is pure evil. Your poor father.’ Katherine dropped her head in her hands and wept.
In four long strides Dallas was beside her. He sunk to his knees, and gently took her hands in his. ‘I’m so sorry you had to find out like this, Mum. I was going to tell you tonight, I promise.’
A look of confusion crossed Katherine’s face, and then was replaced by one of compassion. She softly prised her hands from his, and cupped his face. ‘Oh my beautiful son. Here I was thinking I was protecting you, when you were trying to do the same for me.’ Tears ran down her cheeks as she leant in and placed a kiss on his forehead. ‘I’m so blessed to have you in my life.’
Dallas slowly shook his head. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve known your father was gay for the past ten years.’
Dallas felt as though fifty thousand volts had just hit him in the chest. Time slowed and he momentarily lost his balance, as if the ground had shifted beneath him. In a daze he stood and pulled a chair up beside his mum. He collapsed more than sat. Resting his elbows on his thighs, he leant forwards and clasped his hands tight. ‘How did you find out?’
Katherine rested her hand on his back. ‘He told me, of course.’
‘And you chose to stay with him?’
She sat back in her chair, her eyes desolate. ‘I didn’t want to at first. It was a blow, finding out, but I have to admit I’d had my suspicions years beforehand. So in a way it was a relief to finally know for sure.’ She wiped her eyes with a tissue. ‘Your father and I loved each other, very much, and as much as I wanted to leave him at the time because of how deeply he’d hurt me, it would have killed me to walk away from him for good. And both of us wanted to keep the family unit together. So, we came to an agreement that we’d stay married, and continue doing everything a married couple did, except …’ She cleared her throat. ‘Well, you know what I’m trying to say.’
Dallas screwed his face up. ‘Yup, no more information needed.’ He offered her the wisp of a smile. ‘You’re one hell of a woman, standing by him through all of it. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have gone through.’
‘Not many people would understand my decision, but it worked for me, for all of us. Your father was my best friend, and had been since I was sixteen years old, so it wasn’t the end of the world, living the way we did.’ She blew her nose and then smiled softly. ‘The hardest thing was keeping it from you. Your father was terrified that you’d be ashamed of him if you found out. But it was wrong of us. We should have told you.’
Dallas took a few moments to let everything sink in; the emotion in his throat making it hard to draw a breath. ‘I had a huge fight with Dad the day he had his accident. I confronted him about what I’d overheard, and he lost it.’ He sniffled, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to overcome him. ‘And the next thing I knew he was taking off down the driveway like some crazy person.’ As much as he fought it, the tears surfaced, and sobs wracked his body. ‘It’s my fault he died, Mum.’
Katherine reached out and pulled him to her. ‘Oh love. Your father’s death was not your fault. So don’t you dare blame yourself, you hear me?’ She hugged him tighter as Dallas wrapped his arms around her. ‘It was an accident that led to his death, nothing more. Please don’t blame yourself, because all it will do in the end is turn you bitter.’
Gathering himself, Dallas nodded as he gently pulled back. ‘I have to admit it does upset me that you both kept it hidden from me all these years, but I can understand why you chose to. I suppose I’ve done the exact same thing, thinking I was protecting you.’ He caught his mum’s eyes, wishing he could erase all the pain within them. ‘How did you cope, knowing he was with another man the entire time? Even though he was gay, it’s still a betrayal. And I hate him for doing that to you.’
‘It was tough at first, but over time I just came to accept that we were friends, not lovers.’ She reached out and rested her hand on Dallas’s bouncing leg. ‘Try not to be too hard on him though, love. Mick Armstrong was a good man, a loving husband and a brilliant father to you. And he wasn’t the only one that was sleeping with someone else … I may be getting older, but I’m still a woman with needs.’
Dallas grimaced once more, a smile tugging at his lips. ‘Oh shit, too much information.’ He sat back. ‘How long have you been seeing someone else?’
‘About six years.’ Katherine shrugged. ‘Give or take a few months.’
‘What? Did dad know?’ Dallas frowned as he folded his arms across his chest. ‘And who might this man be? Would I approve?’
‘Yes, your father knew, and he was okay with it. And yes, I think you would approve.’ Katherine smiled. ‘I’ll give you one guess.’
Dallas thought for a few moments and then his eyes widened. ‘Phil?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Does Will know?’
Katherine looked shocked. ‘Of course not.’
Dallas nodded, smiling. ‘I like Phil. Good choice, mum. Although it is going to make me feel a little weird around him for a while, unti
l all this sinks in.’ He gave her a nudge. ‘But on the plus side, now that I know, you two can stop sneaking round like a pair of lovesick teenagers, huh?’
A crimson blush stole the tan from Katherine’s cheeks. ‘One step at a time. Now that you know, we’ll have to tell Will, and then we’ll see what evolves from there.’
Dallas reached out and pulled her into a hug. ‘I’m happy you’re happy, Mum. That’s all that matters to me. The rest will fall into place as it’s meant to. And I promise I’ll try to stop blaming myself, but it may take some time.’
‘Time has a way of healing almost everything, love. I know that all too well.’
Dallas nodded. ‘You certainly would. Does Gramps know?’
‘No, but I’ll be sure to tell him now.’
Dallas grinned cheekily. ‘Me and Gramps are like a pair of bloody mushrooms round here, I tell ya.’
Katherine smiled warmly as she playfully slapped him on the arm. ‘Do you want a cuppa before dinner?’
‘Sounds like a plan. A few painkillers wouldn’t go astray either. My head’s smashing.’ He went to stand to go grab some, but Katherine gently tugged him back to sitting.
‘You stay here, I’ll get them.’ Katherine stood and wandered over a bowl on the bench. Popping two pills out of the foil, she grabbed a glass of water from the tap and took it back to the table. ‘So tell me, how do you feel about Charlize doing what she did?’ She wandered back to switch on the kettle.
Dallas tossed the two tablets in his mouth and sculled the water. ‘Angry, disappointed, hurt … And I’m worried about what people are going to think once it goes to print.’
Katherine nodded. ‘I can understand your concerns. I feel the same. But in the long run, Charlize has done us both a huge favour by bringing it all to light. Now you and I can get on with living our lives without some big secret weighing us down.’ She shrugged as she put the coffee and sugar into the cups. ‘And to hell with anyone that wants to judge your father. He’s long gone now and doesn’t have to live with their opinions.’ Wandering to the fridge, she grabbed out the milk. ‘As much as I want to be angry at Charlize for going behind our backs, she is a journalist, and it is her job to report what she finds. We all knew this before she came here, and I’m guessing now that both of us were terrified about her finding out your father’s secret. But now she has, worrying about it isn’t going to solve anything. We’ll just have to ride the torrents once it’s printed.’ She held up her arm and tried to flex it, chuckling when she failed miserably. ‘You and me are tough. We can get through anything as long as we stick together, I’m sure.’
Dallas smiled. ‘I wish I was as understanding and optimistic as you.’
‘You are most of the time, love. You just don’t give yourself enough credit for it.’
Dallas pulled an are-you-serious face before frowning. ‘What do you reckon will happen to Warren?’
‘Not sure, but he’s a big boy and he’ll just have to deal with it as best he can—we can’t do anything about it now. What will be will be and all that.’
‘True. Should we warn him?’
‘I’ve already thought about that, and yes, I think we should. I’ll give him a call tonight and fill him in.’ Coffees made, Katherine brought the cups to the table and sat back down. ‘So, are you going to ever talk to Charlize again? It’d be a shame if you didn’t. You and her had such a magical bond.’
‘You noticed?’
‘I wasn’t born yesterday, Dallas. I know the look of love when I see it, and you and Charlize couldn’t be more googly-eyed if you tried.’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know if I can forgive her for what she did—or more importantly, what she’s about to do.’
Katherine took a sip from her coffee before replying, her gaze contemplative. ‘The article hasn’t hit the shelves yet, so let’s give her the benefit of the doubt for now. I have a feeling she’ll do the right thing in the end.’
‘I really hope she does, Mum.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘For everyone’s sake.’
CHAPTER
31
The sunset was turning the city sky a glorious shade of crimson outside the lounge room window. It was so beautiful Charlize was having a hard time focusing on her job at hand. Typing the last word of the article, she sat back in her chair and sighed. She really hoped she’d made the right decision.
Giving Bruce, who was curled up in her lap, a gentle scratch behind the ears, she rested her feet up on the desk and grabbed her glass of wine. As she sculled the last little bit, her gaze flickered to the proofs of the calendar hanging above her desk, the page opened to the hunkiest man she’d ever been blessed to lay her eyes upon, or kiss for that matter. She didn’t care that it was going against the grain to have Mr April up when it was only the beginning of December—to be frank, she’d probably spend the entire next year completely transfixed on that one month.
The epitome of man stared back at her, Dallas Armstrong’s muscular body doing things to her that no other man had ever been able to. Her heart squeezed tight and she blinked back the tears that had been overcoming her at the most inconvenient of times. There hadn’t been a night she hadn’t cried herself to sleep since returning to the city. She was surprised she had any tears left.
Closing her eyes, she recalled Dallas’s touch, and the way his tongue had flickered over hers so suggestively the night he had pressed her up against the wall, the memory of his rock-hard manhood pressing into her sending shivers all over her. What she’d give to have that night back—she would make love to him until the new day dawned. Warmth caressed her nether regions with the fantasy, sending her skin aflame. She couldn’t help but wonder what would have come of them, if she hadn’t betrayed him so colossally.
She hadn’t heard from him, or Katherine and Reg, since her return. After all the good times they’d shared that week, the separation had been excruciating, but she completely understood. What did she expect?
Turning her attention back to the glowing computer screen she mouthed the title: ‘BUCKING BULLS, NAKED MEN AND A ONCE IN A LIFETIME LOVE—My Time in the Bush by Charlize Dawson’.
She knew she was in for a battle when Jasper read it, but there was no way she was going to let them put her name to something she wasn’t proud of, no matter what. Yes, she wanted the promotion, but only time would tell if this was the way she was going to do it. Opening her email, she wrote a quick note to Jasper, letting him know she would be back in the office first thing tomorrow morning to explain everything. Then she attached the file. Her finger hovering above the send button, she squeezed her eyes shut and let it drop.
There. She’d done it.
She was prepared to deal with the consequences later, but for now, she had another massive thing to deal with. Her eyes travelled to her wedding ring sitting on the desk. She’d wrestled with the thought of giving it back to Alistair, or selling it, and with some persuasion from her parents and Jane had opted for the latter. Alistair would probably only sell it himself, and to be fair she needed the money more than he did.
As if on cue, Jane appeared by her side, her car keys dangling from her finger. ‘You ready to head on over, hon?’
‘No, but will I ever be?’
Jane plonked her tiny butt down on the corner of the desk. ‘I don’t think anyone’s ever ready to ask for a divorce.’ She placed her hand on Charlize’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. ‘But it’s now or never, as they say. You can’t avoid the bloke forever. And you need this closure for yourself, so you can get on with your life.’
Charlize blew air through her lips and then groaned. ‘I know.’ She stood and gave Jane a hardy nod. ‘Right, I’ve got this.’
Jane fist pumped the air. ‘That’s the spirit.’ She grinned waywardly and then wriggled her eyebrows. ‘And just for the record, I’ve got a can of mace in my bag if the need arises.’
Charlize laughed. ‘I’m fairly certain we won’t be needing such drastic measures.’ She gave Jane’s hand
a squeeze. ‘But thanks for thinking ahead, my lovely bodyguard and newly hired solicitor.’
‘Like I always say, I’ve got your back, girlfriend, but don’t think you’ll be paying me for my services—this one’s on the house.’
‘I don’t know about that, Janey. I’d feel bad not paying you.’
‘Seeing Alistair suffer in his jocks will be payment enough, my friend.’
Charlize couldn’t help but laugh. She couldn’t wait to see him suffer in his jocks too.
Heading out the door, they called the lift and then travelled down to the basement where Jane’s car was parked. Charlize felt her stress levels rise.
Stepping out, she halted—as much as she was keen to get this over and done with, it still wasn’t a pleasant thing to have to do. ‘Are you absolutely sure you don’t mind coming with me, Janey? I feel terrible dragging you along.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Char. You’re not dragging me anywhere. I wouldn’t dream of letting you do this on your own.’ She grabbed Charlize’s hand and pulled her along. ‘Now stop procrastinating and let’s do this.’
Thirty minutes later Charlize found herself standing at the door of what had been her home for over three years. She looked to Jane, who pulled a stupid face, making her break into a smile. She could always count on her friend to cheer her up and calm her nerves, even at a time like this. She gave the door a half-hearted knock, twice.
They waited in silence, for almost a minute. Nothing.
‘Oh well, looks like he’s not in.’ Relieved, Charlize went to turn and walk away.
Jane stopped her. ‘You’re not giving up that easily, missy.’ She pointed to the door. ‘Knock again, and do it like you mean business this time.’