by Gina Henning
He turns back to face me and his eyes are a bit watery. “Lauren, you’ve made me the happiest man twice today. First saying yes, and now giving me such a precious gift to remember my mother.” He reaches for me and holds the sides of my cheeks. “I love you.” He leans in and kisses me with a passion that I’ve never experienced before. My body is zinging off in every which way. Waves are crashing over me, I’m going under but not without oxygen. Jack’s mouth is over mine and it’s like we are sharing air in our own submarine of emotion.
“Everything all right in there?” Aunt Minnie calls from the living room. And - whomp! - I’m brought back to the present, no longer submerged alone with Jack.
“Yes, Aunt Minnie, would you like a glass of wine?” Jack grins at me and lightly kisses my lips once more.
“Sure, Jack, a nice rosé please.”
He takes the cake stand to the sink and washes off the plate area. He brings it back to me with a towel and dries it off. I lift the first cake and place it on top of the glass stand. It looks so pretty and this is only the first layer. I flip the second cake over and place it flat side up on top of the first layer and frost the remaining amount. With the final cake in my hands I place it on top and flop a big amount of frosting over the top. I turn the cake stand as I work to ensure there is no red showing and it looks like a fluffy cloud. I dig in the box and take out a small bag of pecans. They are not from Tibor’s farm, but I think they will work to make the finishing touch on top. I sprinkle the chopped pecans on top and stand back.
“Ta-da!” I say and peek at Jack.
He offers me a glass of wine and we click our glasses together. “It’s unbelievable, I can’t wait to taste it.”
“You don’t want to try it now?” I crinkle my eyebrows.
“No way, we have to have it after the Christmas dinner.” Jack opens a bottle of rosé for Aunt Minnie and pours her a glass.
“But I thought you said your mom made the cake every Christmas Eve?” I take a sip of my wine.
“Yes, she made it every Christmas Eve, but we didn’t actually eat it until Christmas meal as our dessert.” Jack takes a sip of his wine and brings the glass of rosé to Aunt Minnie.
“Cheers, Aunt Minnie.” Jack clinks her glass.
“Cheers, are we celebrating anything in particular?” Her eyebrow raises and she inspects both of us like she’s caught us with our hands in the cookie jar.
“Yes, life and the amazing cake Lauren made that’s waiting in the kitchen for tomorrow.” Jack puts his arm around me.
“How lovely.” She studies Jack and then me.
“It’s getting late, and we have big day tomorrow.” I stride back into the kitchen and grab my purse.
“Good night Aunt Minnie.” I lean in and kiss her cheek.
“Good night dear, I’m looking forward to trying that cake tomorrow.”
I can’t help but smile.
“I’ll walk you out.” Jack leads me to the door. “I don’t want you to leave.” He kisses my neck.
“I don’t technically want to leave either, but it’s Christmas Eve and I need to be with my family.” I click the remote to my mom’s car.
“Just think, this time next year, you won’t be going home - you’ll be with me.” He kisses me once more. “Call me when you get there, I want to know that you are safe.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Jack.” I close the door to the car and try to breathe steadily. Won’t be going home? I never thought about all the changes of what being engaged might mean. I want to be with Jack, I do, but I have my own life in Baltimore. Shiat. How is this going to work? And I have my work, my career, I can’t walk away from everything I’ve worked so hard for. I bite my lip and drive through the dark sky back to my parents’ house. I know exactly where I am physically, but emotionally I feel lost.
***
Christmas morning has always been filled with happiness and joy. Always. But today is different. I’m a ball of emotions. Fear. Worry. Confusion. Anxiety…I’m not dealing with grief. This should be one of the most cheerful moments of my life. Yesterday, the greatest thing happened, Jack asked me to marry him and without hesitation I said yes. I do want to marry him. But now I’m confused about the specifics. I’m having engagement remorse. Like I rushed ahead and signed a contract for something without reading the fine print. I would assume in love you go with your heart and, sure, it sounds great in theory but on paper there is much more to it than that, especially when we do not live in the same state and have not discussed any type of plan. Granted Jack asked if I would help him with Vintage Estates, but it was kind of vague. It wasn’t a plan either, there was no discussion of exactly what helping him meant. I want to talk to Megan about this, but I don’t want a sermon. I pick up my phone from my nightstand and text Brianna.
Merry Christmas, are you awake?
Nothing. My phone screen darkens. I hit the home button again and type in my code and tap on the green square with the white empty bubble.
Did Santa visit you? I press send.
Nothing. Arghh. She’s either still sleeping or hanging out with her family, either of which would mean I don’t want to bother her with anything more than a text message.
I need to make an appearance downstairs - I’m not sure if my family is waiting on me to open presents, most likely not. I remember being Winter and River’s age and getting up at the crack of dawn so I could see what Santa had left under the tree.
I make my way down the stairs - the voices of the little ones seem like the voices of giants. I’m glad there is no Christmas morning hangover to deal with like last year. Megan and I had stayed up way too late drinking wine and laughing. Even though I had woken up not feeling the best physically, emotionally I was great.
As my foot leaves the last step of the stairs, I notice the kitchen is empty. I peek my head into the living room. Everyone is gathered around the tree without me. I take in my surroundings. It doesn’t look like breakfast has occurred or maybe it’s already been cleaned up? There is only a drop of liquid left in the coffee maker. I grab a cup from the cupboard and pour the tiny morsel of coffee into the cup and open the refrigerator. There is still some cream left from Jack. Mmm…Merry Christmas, Lauren! Ho Ho Ho!
I wish Megan and I were not at odds right now. I really want to talk about Jack without harsh judgments. I meander into the living room to find the unwrapping well under way. Wow, I guess it’s no big deal that I wasn’t down here.
“Merry Christmas, everyone.” I say, trying to sound as if I’m not bothered.
“Oh Merry Christmas, dear. I’m sorry we didn’t wait for you, you remember how anxious you were on Christmas morning as a child.” My mom pushes some of my hair behind my ear. Child. Yes, I do and I’m still her child. I thought that meant something. Apparently after grandchildren come along, you and any of your siblings become like second-class citizens to your parents. Hmphh.
I sit down on the plaid worn-out couch next to my brother. His eyes are focused on Winter, who is unwrapping what appears to be a bike. I’m not sure how they are going to get it back to California. I mean I guess they could mail it, but it seems like a lot of work.
“It’s a Barbie Dream bike!” Winter screams. Raven covers his ears and runs towards Aurora for comfort.
Aurora wraps him up in her arms. The bump that had been a big concern over Thanksgiving has still not been discussed with anyone else, besides me. I understand, or have read about, waiting until the second trimester to share the pregnancy news, but we have got to be getting close to the third trimester at this point, or even in the middle of the third trimester for that matter. Yet still nothing has been said. The pink elephant is sitting in the room. Not a peep. Which makes absolutely no sense to me. With both Winter and Raven we knew right away, or what I thought was right away.
My dad strolls over to me, he’s in his golf Christmas sweater. He wears this every year kind of like a gift to my mom. It’s not his style, but her eyes sparkle when he puts it on each year. It�
�s got a Beagle dog dressed in golf gear with matching plaid golf beret and he is lining up a ball to put. Cross-stitched above this scene reads “Ready to Fetch?”
My dad holds out a small silver-wrapped box with bright-red bow.
“Merry Christmas, Lauren,” the sides of his mouth are pulled up high forming his cheeks into to round balls.
He is obviously proud of whatever gift he is giving me. Which is a big deal, because I know it’s my mom who does the Christmas shopping. In my entire life I think my dad has only given me one other gift and it was a ring with an L on it. I treasure it, unfortunately it is too small. He gave it to me one year when we were shopping together in New York, when I was twelve.
I take the bow off and plop it on Luke’s head. He gives me the side eye but then smiles as he notices Winter and Raven’s reaction. They are bursting at the seams with giggles. There is always something comical about seeing a grown man with a bow on his head. I can’t help but laugh as well.
I peel the paper off the box and lift the lid. Inside is a ring. A beautiful oval-shaped opal ring surrounded by little sparkling diamonds. I immediately slide into on my right ring finger. Wow. My chest heaves and I let out a deep breath.
“Wow, Dad. It’s gorgeous,” I say, showing him how beautiful it looks on my hand. His face is beaming and he opens his arms for a hug. I fall into him. My dad is the best. He kisses my head.
“Let me see.” Megan says to me.
I offer her my hand and she takes it and then flashes her own right hand at me. Glaring back up at me is a matching ring. My eyes widen. My heart is clenched. These rings are a matching pair as I realize they used to be my mom’s earrings.
“Mom?” My eyes focus on her. She has a tissue in her hand and is dabbing at her eyes.
“Aren’t they beautiful?” she says, knowing the answer.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I rush over to her and hug her. Coffee and Baileys fill my nose. My mom loves Baileys-flavored coffee creamer. It’s too sweet for me. But hey, to each their own.
“Of course I want to do this, sweetie. I have two daughters not one.” She takes my hand, admiring the ring.
“Thank you, Mom, what a wonderful gift.” I glance at Megan, she is nodding in agreement.
“What about the rest of the presents?” Winter asks, pointing at the pile of unwrapped gifts that are sitting under the tree.
“Yes, of course, honey, let’s grab another one. Can you find one for grandpa?” My mom asks Winter.
Winter attacks the pile of presents, searching for the next gift, and settles for the gift covered in shiny blue paper. It’s the one I got for my dad. Which now seems so inadequate in comparison to the gift that he and my mom got me.
“Here, Grandpa, this one is for you.” Winter shoves the pin-striped package over to him. It’s obviously a shirt box.
“Oh my, thank you, Winter. Let’s see who this is from?” My dad peers at the label. I smile nervously. Everyone is waiting with anticipation. Except they are going to be disappointed because my lame gift is following the best gift. My gift is unoriginal and boring. Sweat perspiration beads up around my hairline. I blow out softly through my lips. I don’t want to call anymore attention to myself.
“Lauren. This is perfect. I needed a new golf shirt.” My dad holds up the shirt - it’s a navy-blue polo shirt with a white hem on the color and sleeves.
“Nice, Lauren.” My brother says.
“Thanks.” My lips frown to the side. I wish I had come up with a better gift. Oh well, there’s always next year.
After the bottom of the tree is empty, the room is full of present overload faces. Winter and River have already eaten breakfast and are ready to get outside. Since we are in Texas it’s not too cold, obviously they are going to take advantage of it.
I help my mom clean up the wrapping paper mess. Aurora excused herself to lie down, which no one objected to. I’m not sure if it’s because they know she is pregnant or perhaps they might appreciate the idea of less is more approach to time spent with Aurora. Luke is out back with the kids, along with my dad, Megan and Brian.
I stuff as much of the paper into the trash bag that I’m carrying around. I sure am glad my parents recycle, because this is a lot of waste. One thing my mom doesn’t throw away is bows. She collects those and applies tape to them to reuse each year.
“So, did you invite Jack over for Christmas dinner?” My mom sticks a bow on my head.
I grin.
“I did, and also his aunt.” I pop a bow on her head.
‘His aunt?” My mom pops a bow on my shoulder.
“Yes, his aunt arrived a few days ago, I think it was kind of a surprise visit.” I stick a bow on her cheek.
“Hmm, that’s interesting. Well, at least we will have enough food. Did you get all the things you need for whatever it is that you are making?” My mom smashes another bow on my other shoulder.
“Cranberry relish and yes, I did.” I push another bow into my mom’s other cheek. A stranger looking in would either be confused or laughing in tears with the way we look right now.
“Okay, honey. Dinner is at five, so if you need to get started, I would suggest you do.” My mom slaps one final bow on my nose and we both laugh. I grab my coffee cup and head for the stairs. I need to get in my shower which may or may not be like water boarding.
***
Even though my mom gave me a snow bunny sweater to wear for Christmas, that’s not going to happen. I brought a red satin blouse with a sheen to it and a black suede skirt. I brought along my knee-high boots too, but I’ll wait to put those on until Jack arrives. Which should be in the next few minutes. Ah, it’s Christmas, might as well endure the pain of the heels now, I would rather deal with the pain of fashion than to be barefoot in the kitchen when he arrives. I don’t want him to get any ideas. I slide on the boots and stand up. Yes, I’m rocking this look.
Now, I’ve got to rock this look without falling down the stairs, because to say my parents have steep stairs is an understatement. I’m not sure what the over under on people, who have made it up the stairs and made it down without falling, but it’s probably over on the falling versus making it down sans falling. And now I’m embarking on my journey with my semi-stiletto boots in my suede skirt. But I can do it. If anyone can do it it’s me. I’ve made it down these stairs without a creak in the past. Because when you want to leave without giving yourself away, that’s what you do. It takes skill, practice, and I guess I’m kind of like a ninja in a way. I fall forward for a second and grasp onto the rail, it jerks away from the wall. Shiat. I can’t let this railing situation go unnoticed. I wouldn’t want someone else who is relying on the railing to fall because of my lack of coming forth. But shiat. This means Brian will end up jumping in with some wacky new railing that will most likely be worse than this one. I sigh.
I’ll wait a minute before I mention it to my mom. Aurora is laying downstairs in Luke’s old bedroom, no risk there. And everyone else is outside. I need to get the cranberry relish ready and if anyone goes near the stairs, then I’ll let the cat— Ugh…I don’t want to think of cats right now or ever. I’ll be forthcoming with this unfortunate information. I know my parents won’t be too upset. It’s the Brian after-effect of fixing it that I’m concerned with.
I need to put my focus on making a tasty cranberry relish. I’m hoping Jack and I get some alone time. Meaning Aunt Minnie is occupied. It’s awkward to have spent so much time with him since being here and then to having a chaperone, like a teenager. Especially when I left the teenage years almost a decade ago. Ooh, this doesn’t sound right. It makes me seem oooooooold.
My internal thought process has brought me to the bottom of the stairs and the kitchen is empty. Which is a good thing. I want to get my relish prepared without prying eyes or judgy eyes. This isn’t some sort of cooking show. I am definitely not a top chef and I would never go on reality TV. No way.
I’ve gone about things in a sensible way. I have picked
a recipe that I can easily or I hope easily prepare and I don’t want an uninvited audience. The only audience I would appreciate is Jack.
I go into the pantry and grab the basket of cranberries. The ones Jack bought for me. Damn I wish he was here now. It seems odd to make this without him. But what choice do I have? He isn’t here and I’m not going to act needy with his Aunt Minnie around, even if she wasn’t around in fact.
“Whoa!”
I rush over to the stairs and see Brian sitting on them with the rail in his hand. Shiat.
“Oh my gosh! Brian, are you okay? I thought you were outside?” I try to help him move the rail to the floor.
“No, I was upstairs. Can you believe this?” Brian throws up his hand at the wall.
“No! Are you okay?” I shake my head at the railing, pretending to be as surprised as Brian.
“Yes, I’m fine, but it’s a good thing I was the one to be the victim of this and not your mom or Aur—” Brian shakes his head.
“I know, gosh, that would have been awful.” I press my lips together.
“Lauren, can you watch this for a minute while I get my tool bag?” Brian stands up.
“Yes, sure, of course.” Crap. I never thought I would be excited about the idea of Brian working on something at my parents’ house. Maybe he will actually fix the rail, it can’t end up worse than this. That’s for sure.
Brian climbs the stairs and turns the corner. He returns quicker than what seems humanly possible, I can only assume the idea of fixing something plunges him into some sort of increased speed, like Superman except that I would never compare Brian to Superman on any level.
He takes out his measuring tape and begins plotting down ideas on his notepad. If I didn’t know better, I would think he is a professional.
My hip starts to vibrate and I pull out my phone. It’s Jack. I push the green button and accept his call.
“Merry Christmas, Jack.” I let the words fall out of my mouth. There is silence on the other end of the line. I step down the stairs and lean against the refrigerator.