by Iris, Nell;
Unconditionally
By Nell Iris
Published by JMS Books LLC
Visit jms-books.com for more information.
Copyright 2017 Nell Iris
ISBN 9781634863230
Cover Design: Written Ink Designs | written-ink.com
Image(s) used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.
All rights reserved.
WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.
This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It may contain sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which might be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Published in the United States of America.
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Acknowledgements: Addison Albright and Amy Tasukada: a big, heartfelt thank you for your critical eye, your comments, and your encouragement. This story wouldn’t be the same without you.
Dedication: To Stor-Tiggr and Tiggrfanten: this would not be possible without you. Your faith in me and your unconditional love make my world a better place. I am eternally grateful. Älskar er <3
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Unconditionally
By Nell Iris
Chapter 1: When Gus Met Luca
Chapter 2: Freak in a Veil
Chapter 3: What Did You Say to Him?
Chapter 4: Sinner, Repent!
Chapter 5: Under the Veil
Chapter 6: Is It Supposed to Be This Easy?
Chapter 7: Dirty Dancing
Chapter 8: Porn-y Lights and the Story of His Life
Chapter 9: That’s No Way to Make a Baby
Epilogue: Intervention and Happily-ever-after
Chapter 1: When Gus Met Luca
2009
“Oh, no, not again.”
Gus Hanson groaned when the first notes of last year’s most irritating song started playing. The Big Gay Handbook probably dictated every gay man should love Britney, but Gus just couldn’t. He cringed at her infantile moaning and wanted to forever scrub the image of her in the Lolita schoolgirl uniform from his retinas.
He sipped his beer and wished he’d stayed home and binge-watched the Discovery Channel documentaries he’d DVRed, indulging in a big mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream like he’d planned all along. But when his friend Fred had asked if he wanted to go out for a drink, yesterday’s phone call from his mom had been fresh in his memory. She’d ranted on and on about how it was time for him to meet someone and he’d never do that if he spent all his time working.
“Unless there is some male nurse you think is cute and haven’t told me about, of course.”
His mom knew how important his work was to him, how he’d wanted to be a doctor as long as he could remember. She’d encouraged his dreams, and, for his sixth birthday, she’d bought him an old stethoscope in a thrift store, something he still considered his best present ever. He’d spent every moment possible making up diagnoses for his pretend-sick mother, and she’d been patient and asked thoughtful questions, stimulating his imagination.
But his mom also knew how lonely he felt sometimes. Ever since he’d confided in her, she’d urged him to put himself out there, to try to meet someone. Since there weren’t any cute nurses, or other doctors, for that matter, here he was.
As usual, Fred had spotted some hot guy as soon as they’d gotten inside and taken off with him. He was most likely in a bathroom somewhere, getting his dick sucked right this second while Gus hung out by the bar. Alone. Trying his damnedest not to hum along to the terrible music.
“Live long and prosper, sir. But aren’t you a little short to be Mr. Spock?”
The low, breathy voice in Gus’s ear startled him. “What?”
He furrowed his eyebrows and turned to look at the speaker. How was it possible he’d been so deep in thought he’d missed a guy coming up to him, standing so close, he could practically whisper in Gus’s ear?
But Gus took a closer look and forgot about everything else. The guy was thin and tall and had to hunch over to get his mouth next to Gus’s ear. He wore a figure-hugging pink sweater, so short it left a strip of skin visible over the waistband of his jeans. His dark brown hair reached his chin and had the slightest curl at the ends. Long bangs covered one of his eyes, leaving only one dark, glittering eye visible and trained on Gus. But his lips stole all Gus’s attention. Full, pouty lips, curved up in an amused smile. Lips that glistened in the dim light at the bar like he’d just licked them or put something on them.
“Um…what?” Gus asked again. He tried to stop staring—he really did—but it was hard. He’d never seen lips like that, lips that begged to be kissed.
“I said: aren’t you too short to be Mr. Spock?”
Gus had no idea what they were talking about. “Too short? Don’t you mean too young?” The actor playing Spock had to be pushing eighty by now. Gus worked long hours at the hospital and could use a decent night’s sleep—but he didn’t think he looked more than twice his own age.
“No, no, honey.” The guy shook his head with an exaggerated movement. “Not the old guy. The new one. Zachary Quinto. He’s sooo hot.” He rolled his eyes as if he couldn’t believe Gus wasn’t up to speed on pop culture. He fanned himself; rapid movements with a pale hand and the long, slim fingers spread wide.
A giggle bubbled up in Gus, and he slapped a hand over his mouth, trying to stop the undignified sound.
“No.” The guy grabbed Gus’s hand and pulled it away from his mouth. “That was a wonderful sound. Let it out.”
“Okay,” Gus mumbled. Heat crept up his cheeks under the guy’s intense scrutiny, and Gus squirmed. The guy didn’t let go of his hand, and Gus didn’t try to get loose. He enjoyed the feeling of soft fingers on his skin. “What do you mean by the Mr. Spock comment?” he asked, unable to keep his eyes off the guy’s lips. He longed to see them quirk up in a smile, and he wanted to know what made them look so shiny. Had the guy put on gloss or something?
“You look exactly like the new Mr. Spock.” The guy smiled, and Gus almost swooned at the sight of the corners of his lush mouth curling up. “I think it’s the eyebrows,” the guy continued and traced his finger along Gus’s right eyebrow. “Or the nose.” The finger changed direction and continued down the bridge of his nose.
Gus shivered. When he registered the words, he sighed and shook his head.
“You do!” the guy insisted. “But shorter and less hipstery.” He took a step closer, leaned in, and put his fabulous mouth next to Gus’s ear again.
Gus quivered, and his stomach jumped in anticipation for whatever came next.
“And you’re way hotter,” the guy rasped and pressed a butterfly-light kiss on Gus’s earlobe.
Gus moaned at the touch of luscious lips on his skin.
I’m never going to wash my ear again.
The guy took a step back and laughed. “Oh, honey, I’ll kiss you anytime,” he said. “You just have to ask.”
Gus’s eyes widened in horror. “Did I say that out loud?” He couldn’t believe his own behavior around this stranger. He was usually put together and efficient
and eloquent. He was a doctor, for crying out loud, not some blushing idiot who spoke without thinking.
“You did.” The guy nodded and swept away his bangs with his free hand so Gus could see both his eyes for the first time. It was too dark to make out the color, but they were big and glittered with playfulness. “What’s your name?” The guy arched a perfect wide eyebrow. He still held Gus’s hand and played with his fingers.
Gus tightened his grip, afraid the guy would want to let go. “Gus,” he croaked out. He cleared his throat and tried again. “My name is Gus.”
“Nice to meet you, Gus. I’m Luca, and I want to kiss you.”
Gus’s breath hitched, and Luca waited for a second as if he were asking Gus’s permission. There was no way Gus would object, and he leaned in as if drawn into Luca’s personal space. Luca put his free hand on Gus’s neck and pulled him closer until they were just a hairsbreadth apart. He slid his hand along Gus’s cheek bone and gripped his chin, tilting it up.
Luca’s breath ghosted against Gus’s lips, and Gus whimpered. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been kissed, and he was sure he’d never met anyone as hot as Luca. His entire body tingled with anticipation.
Finally, Luca closed the distance and kissed him. It was only the briefest touch of lips—lips even softer than they looked—but enough to make Gus’s knees buckle. When Luca pulled away, Gus wanted to pull him back and never let go.
“Strawberry,” he whispered and licked his lips.
Luca chuckled, and Gus groaned and hid his face in the crook of Luca’s neck. Had he spoken out loud again?
But he wasn’t embarrassed. He felt like he belonged there. He inhaled Luca’s scent and enjoyed the fresh floweriness of it. It suited Luca. Gus licked his lips, savoring the taste, thinking strawberry lip gloss was his new favorite taste. Luca’s hand lingered on Gus’s neck, as unwilling to let go of Gus as Gus was to leave his new favorite place in the world.
“Oh, honey. You’re going to be mine.”
Gus trembled when Luca’s whisper made goosebumps appear all over his body. He didn’t object to Luca’s statement. He just nodded because Luca was right. Gus was already his.
Chapter 2: Freak in a Veil
2015
What on earth are you wearing? What will Gus say when he sees you? What were you thinking? I can’t believe you’d embarrass me like this. You’re a freak.
Luca stood wide-eyed and frozen and stared at the door his mother had slammed when storming out of the hotel room. Her hateful words echoed in his mind. The ache in his chest made it hard to breathe, and he struggled to fill his lungs with air.
“Fuck,” he mumbled and clenched his hands into fists. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. The day he was going to marry the man of his dreams and finally get to call Gus his husband. But right now, all he could think about was the words his mother had spit out when she’d opened the door and seen him.
Freak.
He turned his head to look at his reflection in the mirror. The modern white tuxedo showed off some skin and was provocative, but not slutty or improper. Unless someone thought bare collarbones were sleazy.
Pinned to the lapel was a pale pink calla lily wrapped in a white silk ribbon and decorated with a Swarovski crystal. His hair was long and curled at the ends as usual, but he’d styled it so it wouldn’t fall on his face. Much. He didn’t want it to cover his eyes when he said, “I do,” to the love of his life.
But none of those things had upset his mother. It was the soft white veil draped over his head that had set her off. The veil he’d seen in the window display of the bridal shop he passed on his way to work every day and had fallen in love with instantly.
The sight of it stopped him dead in his tracks, and he stared at it with his mouth hanging open. He walked up to the window and pressed his hand against it like a little kid who’d spotted a new shiny toy in the window display of a toy store. He couldn’t believe the beauty of it.
It was pure perfection: soft and delicate instead of stiff and unyielding like regular tulle. It flowed from the mannequin’s head, down her shoulders, and all the way to her hips. But it was the crystals that caught Luca’s attention. They were sprinkled all over the fabric like tiny stars in the night sky, and they glimmered and shone in the window.
“Wow,” he whispered. He walked into the shop and asked the assistant if he could try it on.
“Certainly, sir,” she said without batting an eye. She helped him put it on, draping it over his head as carefully as if he’d been a bride. “It looks good on you, sir,” she added and sounded like she meant it.
He stood in front of the mirror with tears in his eyes, imagining how well it would go with the tuxedo he’d already bought. How well it would go with…him. There was no doubt in Luca’s mind: he wanted the veil.
He winced at the price when the assistant rang up the purchase, but handed over three hundred dollar bills without regret. He smiled at her and thanked her for her help, and she wished him luck with his upcoming marriage. He managed to refrain from skipping out of the store but walked around with a smile the rest of the day at work. The regulars at Books & Coffee asked why he was so happy, but all he did was smile even wider and say he had his reasons.
Not once had he worried about Gus’s reaction to the veil. Gus had never said anything negative about the feminine cut of Luca’s clothes, and every time he wore lip gloss, Gus attacked Luca’s mouth like he couldn’t live another second if he didn’t get to kiss him immediately.
The first time Gus had asked him to go with him to a formal hospital function, Luca had decided it would be best if he wore something traditional.
He put on the only normal, boring suit he owned, the one his mother had bought him and that, until now, had hung unused in the back of his closet. He skipped the lip gloss and tried his hardest to tame the wild hair. When he was ready, he glared at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t happy about the strict lines and clean face, but he didn’t want to make Gus uncomfortable in front of his coworkers.
When Gus came to pick him up, he studied Luca’s appearance with such intensity, Luca fidgeted. Gus frowned, grabbed Luca’s hand, and dragged him into his bedroom. They stopped short in front of the closet where Gus turned to him, cupped his face, and looked at him with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
What was going on? Had Gus changed his mind about bringing him to the event?
“Why are you wearing this?” Gus asked.
“I thought…I don’t…I was gonna…” Luca had no idea how to articulate his feelings. Most people weren’t so open and accepting of his choices as Gus, and all Luca had wanted was to be respectful.
“Oh, Luca.” Gus rose up on his toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Wear whatever you want.” He ran his fingers through Luca’s hair, messing it up and freeing it from its tortured tameness. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” Gus continued, “but I want you to be comfortable. I want you to be yourself. I happen to like you just the way you are.”
Luca’s eyes burned, and he turned away in case he wouldn’t be able to stop the happy tears from falling.
He hurried into the closet and changed into another suit, still appropriate for the occasion. But this one was tight; it accentuated his thin waist and showed off his ass and long legs.
As a final touch, he applied Gus’s favorite gloss.
When he was ready to go, Gus stared at him with eyes blazing and a silent promise of what was to come later. Giddy inside, Luca strutted past Gus, making sure to wiggle his ass and put some extra swing into his step.
“Hurry up, Mr. Spock, or we’ll be late,” he called over his shoulder with a wink.
When they’d gotten back after the event later that evening, Gus had jumped him. He’d pulled off Luca’s clothes with eager hands and kissed every inch of skin the moment the door closed behind them. They’d spent the entire night making love, and Luca still looked back on it as som
e of the best sex of his life.
So he’d never had any reason to worry. Not about the veil or the tuxedo jacket that clung to him like a second skin. Nor the fact he’d been crazy enough to forgo a shirt on his wedding day. He wanted to feel attractive, like himself.
Luca had insisted they not see each other until the ceremony. People were surprised when they learned Luca was the traditional one and not his fiancé, the doctor. But when he finally was able to get married, he wanted what all straight couples always had taken for granted. He wanted, craved, his relationship to be equal to everybody else’s.
He’d never thought he would get married, convinced their backward state would never legalize same-sex marriage. But when the Supreme Court ruling had made it legal for everyone, Gus had gotten down on one knee, Luca had screamed yes, and just like that, they were engaged.
And Luca had wanted the traditions. A veil was traditional, right?
“Maybe not for me,” he mumbled.
But even if Gus would be surprised at the sight of him in the white gauzy fabric and glimmering crystals, he had been so sure his fiancé would love it. It had only taken a few well-chosen words from his mother to erase all certainty, to crush his happiness like a worm under a shoe, and make him feel worthless.
“You’re a freak.”
The words had cut Luca to his core. They were the exact same ones she’d screamed at him when she’d found out he was gay. He shuddered at the memory of that horrific day, forever etched in his mind. He couldn’t stand the word ever since, and it triggered him, no matter in what context it was used.
And what if she was right? The last thing he wanted was to embarrass his husband-to-be. Several of Gus’s coworkers from the hospital were attending the wedding. What if the veil was too much? Should he take it off, forget it existed?
He stared at himself in the mirror, watched as tears trickled down his face but made no attempt to brush them away. The indecision made his heart ache, and a distraught sob escaped him.