by Susan Harris
Nickolai flushed a bright shade of red as his buddies began mocking him. He glared at me, his expression threatening retribution, but I simply wiggled my fingers in the air and smiled.
The minute they started to play, I zoned out. Stretching out my legs, I rested my back against the rail surrounding the field, reaching around to be sure I could still reach my weapons if things went sideways suddenly.
I closed my eyes and exhaled like my dad had shown me, shaking the dust and cobwebs out of my mind as I focused on my surroundings. I could hear the thud of the boys’ feet on the field, could pinpoint Nickolai’s location by the slight difference in his gait. I felt the grass blades brush against my fingers, moved by the same silent breeze caressing my cheek as it came in from the south. Rain was incoming; I could taste it on my lips.
Even though my eyes were closed, I could see the world around me just as well—maybe better—using my other senses. So well, in fact, I knew the soccer ball was hurtling toward me even before Nickolai called out a warning. Snapping my hands up, I caught it without so much as a flinch and smugly opened my eyes to a chorus of “Whoa!”
One of the guys jogged up to me, smiling widely as I handed him the ball. “Don’t suppose you’d fancy being our goalie, would you? With saves like that, we might actually win.”
“Sorry, you’d totally have an unfair advantage. Plus, I’d hate to bruise so many male egos.”
He chuckled, then jogged back to the game.
“That was awesome. I’d have totally ended up with a broken nose.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see Krista standing behind me. I gave her a small smile, unsure of what to do next. After what seemed like forever, I motioned to the ground next to me and tried to smile as if I weren’t planning her grisly demise.
Krista’s California smile lit up the night as she flopped down next to me, holding out a bag of sweets. I dipped my hand in, amusing myself by snagging a set of vampire teeth and popping them into my mouth. I chewed and swallowed as Krista watched the game unfold in front of us.
“What happened to you the other night? You just up and left.” Krista sounded upset.
I hadn’t intended to hurt her feelings; I hadn’t considered her after the fact at all.
“They wouldn’t let me back in afterward,” I said, scrambling for an explanation. “Nickolai had to come out, and then we went back to the apartment. I think the murder took place close to Nickolai’s apartment, so that’s quite scary.”
Krista eyed me with suspicion and I readied myself to make up some more lies. Her eyes drifted down to my blue ends. “That’s kinda cool,” she said, changing the subject. “Did you do them yourself?”
Taking the ends between my fingers, I gave a little bow of my head. “Just from a spray can. I have to do it every couple of days to keep the color up. I could do yours, too, if you want.”
Krista grinned excitedly. “That would be awesome!”
The game in front of us was beginning to wind down, so we both got to our feet, brushing the grass off us as we prepared to leave.
“I have to go call Conrad,” Krista said, “but you fancy meeting up Friday or Saturday?”
I knew I’d be too riled up about the disastrous dinner on Saturday to play pretend all night, but I also had plans to meet with Jack on Friday.
“Uh, I have to meet my uncle Friday for a catch-up, but I should be free after. Can I text you when I’m free?”
“Absolutely.”
We exchanged numbers. As Krista put her phone away, she asked, “Are you going to the party Sunday night? There’s no class on Monday because of the holiday, remember.”
“What party?” I asked as Nickolai came up beside me, giving Krista a warm smile.
“The guys are throwing a casual-dress party Sunday night,” he replied. “I told them we’d go.”
“Absolutely not. We are not going to a stupid party.”
Krista edged away, not wanting to get caught in our little spat. She waved a hand as she walked off, saying she’d see me on Friday. I waved in confirmation, then turned to face Nickolai, hands on my hips, lips pressed together, eyes narrowed.
“After Saturday I thought we could both do with some fun,” he said.
“It might be fun for you, Nicky, but not for me. I’d rather pull my eyes out with chopsticks than go to a party.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” Nickolai growled, and the predator in me snarled, my lips curling as Nickolai turned back to his friends and made a quip about how he liked his women feisty.
Laughter rang in my ears as I spun quickly and stalked off, not waiting for Nickolai to finish mocking me to his friends. I was so angry I made it all the way back to the apartment before I remembered I was supposed to be guarding Nickolai. Cursing inwardly, I rolled my shoulders and headed back the way I’d come, stopping when Nickolai came into view a few yards from the door.
With him safely within sight, I turned back and walked into the foyer, heading to the private elevator.
“Miss! Wait!”
One of the security guards came rushing out of a side room with a dazzling bouquet of white roses in his hands. Breathing hard as he ground to a halt in front of me, sweat beaded on his forehead as he handed them to me.
It was only then I saw the roses were frosted with blue—the same blue I’d colored the ends of my hair this evening.
Nickolai strode into the foyer and came straight toward us, grabbing the roses and demanding the guard tell us who’d left the flowers. I listened as the guard explained they’d been dropped off by the flower-shop delivery service about an hour ago, just after we’d left. Considering I’d only dyed my hair earlier tonight, it was clear the rogue was watching us closely.
Nickolai plucked a card from within the bouquet, his anger intensifying as he crumpled the card and tossed it aside, turning to question the poor, terrified guard once more.
Crouching down, I picked up the discarded note, smoothing it out so I could read it.
The roses pale in comparison to you. I like the blue. See you soon.
See you soon. A promise rather than a threat.
My plan to have the rogue focus his attention on me had worked—too well, if I was being honest. Now I was a bona fide celebrity, free stalker included.
As Nickolai continued to interrogate the guard, I snagged the flowers from him and headed up to apartment, holding my foot in the door until Nickolai finally came after me. The door closed, locking me in a tiny box with a testosterone- and anger-fueled vampire who was struggling to control his temper.
It would have been smart not to bait the bear, but who said I was smart? I knew Nickolai better than I knew myself, and sometimes he just needed to be yanked free of his anger.
Dropping my nose to the blooms, I inhaled their scent and gave a small sigh. “I never thought of myself as a flowers kinda girl, but these are gorgeous. They’d be even nicer if not given to me by a murdering sociopath. Still… gotta give him points for being original.”
When the elevator doors opened, Nickolai stalked out, heading straight for his bedroom and slamming the door behind him. I set the flowers down on the counter and walked over to the window, pulling back the sliding door to let the night air in and hopefully let whatever the hell was wrong with Nickolai out.
“I don’t know why you’re mad at me, Nicky,” I yelled through the door. “I didn’t send myself the goddamn roses.”
The door flew open, slamming so hard against the wall it rattled the open glass, and Nickolai stalked out, pulling a clean T-shirt on over his torso. I had to stop myself from admiring his physique.
“I’m mad at you for putting yourself in this position, for being so obnoxiously oblivious to yourself that you have now snared the attentions of one of the most dangerous rogues ever known.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I struggled to remain calm, lifting my brows at him. “That was my plan. While he’s trying to get his hands on me, he’s less likely to go on a human-killing
spree. And in case you’ve forgotten, My Liege, it’s my job to put myself in these positions. It’s what I was born to do.”
“You’ll end up getting yourself killed,” Nickolai hissed, his hands clenched into fists.
“If that is my destiny, then so be it. You have no right to be angry with me for doing my job, or for something that may or may not happen.”
Rage boiled in those heartthrob eyes of his, flashing a shade of red as he stepped up to me, leaning down so our noses almost touched. He breathed out as he snarled, “Hypocrite.”
“Excuse you?” I snarled back at him, snapping my teeth as I clipped the words.
“You heard me. I called you a hypocrite. You cast me aside when you needed me the most because you were afraid of what might happen. You’re angry all the goddamn time because you’re utterly terrified of what the future might bring. So, hell yeah—you’re a bloody hypocrite if you ask me.”
Lifting my hands to his chest, I shoved him away from me, putting some distance between us. I didn’t know if I wanted to kill him or kiss him… hopefully neither. Pointing my finger at him, my voice was as ice cold as my nickname as I said, “You wanna know why I’m angry all the time? You wanna know what twists my stomach and sends me seething with rage?”
“Yes!” Nickolai snarled.
“I’m angry at my parents for choosing the crown over me. For dying to protect your parents, not me. I’m so goddamn furious that, when they died, I was hiding in a cupboard, protecting your royal ass, when I could have been out there, helping them.”
I took a menacing step toward Nickolai, watching his anger dissipate as mine began to simmer and boil. Leaning in close, I lowered my voice to a whisper. “But more than that, I’m so fucking vexed for feeling angry at you, your mother, your entire family. My parents swore to die for the crown, and they did. I lost my entire world because of your family, and I hate myself for thinking of it like that.”
“Ryan.”
I ignored him. “I hate myself for thinking like this, for thinking like a little girl who lost everything, but there you go. I’m angry all the time because I can’t help but blame the very people I’m now sworn to protect for losing my parents.”
I gave Nickolai a sad smile. “Ain’t life just a bitch?”
12
Nickolai and I had not spoken in days.
We had fallen into a rather uncomfortable silence, neither of us venturing outside. That, however, did not deter the rogue from sending me gifts, which only seemed to aggravate Nickolai even more. Roses had only been the beginning—after that came chocolates, diamond and pearl jewelry, even a luxurious set of lingerie Nickolai tore to pieces in front of the window in case the rogue was watching.
To tell the truth, I was starting to worry about how intensely the rogue had fixated on me; however, I pretended like I didn’t care and simply ignored all the pointed glares in my direction.
Friday finally rolled around although not as fast as I’d have liked, simply because I didn’t want to leave Nickolai unguarded. As much as I wanted out of this goddamn apartment, I also wasn’t looking forward to my little chat with Jack. It would no doubt be awkward as hell; then again, I was living in a pool of awkward right now.
I barely slept during the day; an abundance of nervous energy coupled with cabin fever made me restless. Usually, on days when I needed to unleash some tension, I’d train until I was exhausted. Unfortunately, spending time guarding His Royal Highness had left me unable to indulge myself. So here I was, stuck in the penthouse of a human apartment complex, lying on the ground with my legs planted against the wall, methodically pulling myself up and holding until the muscles in my stomach screamed in protest, then repeating.
I heard Nickolai stir inside his bedroom, then felt the heat of his gaze as he strode out and stood there, staring for what felt like ages before he let out a sigh and went into the kitchen. Ignoring the crown prince, I continued my workout, wondering how I could tell Nickolai he needed to stay indoors while I went to meet Jack.
Oh, and Krista.
I’d almost forgotten we’d arranged to meet after I caught up with Jack, but the human girl had texted me, reminding me of our plans. Last night, having received the text, I spent an awful amount of time staring at the message and trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to cancel on her, but… I found I hadn’t wanted to.
I actually liked Krista. She wasn’t like the females of my species, and that was awesome. She genuinely seemed like she wanted to spend time with me with no ulterior motive.
As I continued working out, I thought back to my early teens, when Nattie and her band of airhead friends had preyed on my loneliness, shattering any semblance of trust I’d had in people.
I glanced up from my book to see the Heathers standing around me. My guard rising, I lowered my book, eyeing them with suspicion as Nattie flashed me a megawatt grin and the rest of her flock followed suit.
“Hi, Ryan.”
“Nattie.”
My response was clipped, my tone unfriendly enough it should have sent her scurrying back to the comfort of her privileged life. Yet she still stood there, her sallow skin and caramel hair both smooth and flawless. I picked at the frayed knees of my jeans, dropping my eyes to my book.
“We were wondering if you would like to come and hang out with us for a while?”
“Not really.”
I heard Farrah snigger, the sound cut short after a glare from Nattie, no doubt.
Nattie explained they were sneaking in to watch the guys at a display for the queen, and my eyes shot up in surprise because I’d been told the training had been cancelled due to the trainers being off campus for the day. I got to my feet, anger coursing through my veins as I stomped away from the Heathers, mindful they were scurrying after me.
I continued my angry strides through the castle, growing even more enraged as I heard the clash of swords coming from the gymnasium. They’d excluded me once again. It infuriated me that my fellow trainees refused to spar with me as they felt I was not much of an opponent. They claimed it was a waste of time to train with a girl, and that had left me even more isolated. Until Atticus had stepped in front of me and offered to spar.
I shoved open the gymnasium doors, a snarl on my face, but halted suddenly, frozen to the spot as I realized a trick had been played on me—one that could lead to punishment.
It was not forbidden, per se, to see the queen without her crown or in civilian clothes, but considering Katerina was standing in the center of the gym in leggings and a workout vest top, her hair a mess and sweat on her skin, I knew this was something I should not be bearing witness to.
I hadn’t been spotted yet by the queen or the teen with his back to me, but as I tried to retreat from the gym, hands shoved me forward from behind and slammed the door shut with a loud crack that announced my entrance.
Both royals spun in my direction, sending me curtsying on shaky knees as I muttered my apologies. I backed away and twisted the door handle, finding it locked to prevent a hasty retreat. So, I just stood there, eyes down, waiting for a telling-off that never came.
“Ah, Ryan, just what I need!” the queen exclaimed, beckoning me over. She asked me to show her how to hold her sword like a female would, declaring her son not to be a particularly good teacher as he was all brute strength and force.
I dared a glance at Nickolai, who was grinning at his mother, unperturbed by her words, and an awful ache rose in my chest. This was how I’d envisioned my mother and I—hell, even my father and I—interacting.
Quietly, I studied how Katerina was holding her sword. It was just like my mother had taught me, yet her grip was tight and her movement restricted. I held my hand out for her sword, which she handed to me with a smile. It was heavy, far too heavy for such a delicate woman to hold. It would get her killed.
“My Liege, if I may, this sword is too heavy for you to wield. It will make your movements sluggish and predictable. Perhaps the smith can take a few layers off
the blade and hilt, or you could ask for a new blade to be forged. You will be able to strike even more effectively with a blade tailored to your measurements.”
The queen gave me a brilliant smile. “That’s exactly what Nico said, but I didn’t believe him. It is hard for him to spar with me, as I am his mother. Would you be willing to spend some time with me, Ryan? Just like your mother once did?”
And there it was again, the comparison to my mother—a person I’d never be as good as. I was a pale imitation of the one whom they’d have preferred to live.
The ache in my chest speared into my heart as I shook my head. “I’d rather not, Majesty.”
Guilt flushed my skin as the queen blinked in surprise, hurt bringing tears to her eyes, but I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t breathe. I felt dizzy, nauseous, and trapped.
Nickolai took a step toward me, those cerulean eyes of his watching me like I was a wounded animal. Perhaps I was.
I shook my head, my eyes searching for an escape route. Before anyone could stop me, I was scaling the wall and swinging my legs over the balcony above, squeezing through an open window and disappearing into the night.
I’d not returned to the compound for seven days. The entire Royal Guard had searched the countryside looking for me. In the end, Jack had found me in a village in West Cork—the village my father had been born in—in the house where he’d been raised. I was half-starved, exhausted, and caught in a black hole of depression. Carrying me to the waiting SUV, Jack let me rest my head on his knee as I slept the whole way back.
No one mentioned my interaction with the queen again.
The soft ping of the elevator made me halt my exercise and get to my feet. The doors opened slowly, and Atticus strolled in. I could see why Jack fancied him. Soft brown eyes with hair the same color, Atticus had those atypical good looks you expected from the males of our species. He reminded me of Justin Timberlake circa his “SexyBack” days.