Nor did he expect to learn she was a virgin. That thought never even occurred to him. He’d never met a twenty-three-year-old virgin, male or female, and would never have considered the possibility. He’d never been with a virgin either. All he knew was: something suddenly became very strange. She swiftly went from being turned on and wiggling with desire under him to becoming totally still. He obviously must have hurt her. He hung his head in reproach over what he’d done and how he handled, or failed to handle it.
Ian had no idea what to say to her now. True to form, he was suffering from the very thing that so infuriated and pissed her off about him. He never knew what to say, especially in situations where emotions were involved. The way he left it, she could probably only think absolute crap about him.
She thought he was gay; so what else was he supposed to do? Leave her wondering? Of course, her odd admission begged him to disprove it, not only in words, but also in actions. She became strangely animated when she decided to explain how strongly she supported gay rights. She didn’t often show or express how she felt to him. He was encouraged, at first, to see how glad she became when she spoke to him. She kept smiling and talking and eyeing him up. He surely couldn’t have imagined those signals. However, he never expected her sudden ease and comfort around him to increase from the mistaken illusion that he must have been gay.
He thought, after he kissed her one time, she’d pull back before getting all flushed and embarrassed, or possibly even angry, and that would have been it. He never expected the acts that followed. He was ready at any moment for her to say “Hands off” or “Back off.” He never anticipated how pliant, soft, and willing she became underneath him. Or how her body kept straining towards him. Or the sensuous groans and sighs from her mouth that could’ve been the soundtrack for a porn movie. He didn’t imagine any of that. He couldn’t have misread that she was really into it.
Until the moment he realized she was a virgin.
Still… she insisted that he continue. He was done. And fully ready to retreat. It pretty much freaked him out to think of possibly hurting a partner during sex. Almost like he raped her or something, although he was sure she granted her permission. And triple sure she wanted him to keep doing it.
So what was happening now? She wouldn’t even look at him. He needed to say something, if only to ease it all for her. Some statement that could make her feel better. Something to dispel her embarrassment and mortification. But his tongue grew thick and he didn’t know if he should apologize. He couldn’t decide if he’d done anything wrong or not. She curled up into a ball like she was ashamed. It seemed the way a girl might react after being assaulted, or taken advantage of. His stomach roiled and pitched when he thought about that. Did he somehow inadvertently take advantage of her? Is that why she was so angry that she wouldn’t even look at him? Even standing right beside her on the horse, she refused to turn her head even a millimeter toward him.
Ian’s virginity was lost at age seventeen by a girl at a rodeo. Fast and straight to the point. He had a couple girlfriends in college and afterwards. But the last few years were spent with Odette Mason. She was widowed young and had three kids. She was a few years older than Ian and they first got together several years ago. They continued to see each other, becoming great friends, and even considered dating, but both agreed they weren’t in love with each other. With young kids living at home, Odette asked Ian to keep their trysts quiet. They were very careful, and only Shane knew. That was because he regularly covered for Ian when it came to the rest of the brothers. But other than him, no one else needed to know in Ian’s eyes. The gay rumors started a year ago, but he and Shane just laughed it all off. They decided to let the assholes prance around and try to keep spreading it. Ian wasn’t emasculated in any way.
Besides, Kailynn would eventually find out why that rumor got started. Even Shane hadn’t guessed the source, but Ian was convinced that Jordan Hayes was trying to divert the attention from himself, and his homosexuality. Ian sensed Jordan couldn’t handle it, and had yet to even admit it to himself. Ian caught Jordan once, unbeknownst to Jordan. It was a pretty graphic discovery that kind of destroyed his appetite for a few days, but still, Ian kept his secret. He let Jordan besmirch him, since he knew Jordan was only trying to protect his own ego. That couldn’t have been easy with Caleb for a brother, and their rough-and-tumble father. He really never expected Kailynn to believe it, however.
And yet, until the moment she shifted and became uncomfortable, it was just about the best experience of his life. He didn’t know what to do now. He should never have done that. He should have kissed her and left it at that. That would have given her a chance to comprehend the possibility that he might be someone she could be attracted to. Instead, he took advantage of her confusion. Didn’t he? He really wasn’t entirely sure, at this point, how much damage he’d done.
Taking her virginity in the middle of a damn mountain. Then making her get on a horse and ride for two-plus hours. She was already sore, so he couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for her. She didn’t move right. He could kick his own ass for not realizing how terrible it was for him to allow that to happen.
He stiffened when the sight of smoke spiraling lazily into the sky caught his attention. What the hell? He glanced back at Kailynn. She was staring miserably straight ahead in front of her. His heart sank as he realized who most likely was up there with them. Their brothers. There was no one else that it could have been. He swore under his breath while navigating the trail as it wound up into camp. And sure enough, there was Shane, lounging on his chair, his feet up on the rocks of the fireplace. Caleb was walking back from the woods. Ian dismounted and held Commander’s reins.
“What are you doing here?” he snapped. His tone was rude and sharp. The last person he wanted to see right then was his brother, sitting there and looking all calm, cool, and collected. His hair was too long and shaggy around his shoulders. His leather coat and jeans with big biker boots should have looked stupid out there at a horse camp, but he had a feeling that’s just what chicks were attracted to. How bad-assed his brother appeared. And that included the girl he’d just deflowered. Ian could have said any of a hundred different things before getting back to camp, and sharing this moment in front of others. Instead, he left things so awkward between them, it was painful now for them just to be near each other. Ian stifled the urge to tackle his brother and pound a fist into his pretty jaw, just for the fun of it.
Resigned and determined, Ian’s expression was blank and normal. “What are you doing here?”
Shane flashed a smile. “People got worried when you two never showed up. Douche bag move not telling us you were still coming in. I came up to see what the hell was going on. When I saw your rig still down there, I figured you two came in alone. So I decided it was a douche bag move of mine for canceling everything. So here we are. Jordan didn’t want to come.”
“I didn’t know we were still coming, and once I knew, I didn’t feel like driving back down for a cell signal. Your fault for not coming when you were supposed to,” Ian replied as he turned away from his brother and started handling the horses. Caleb stepped across the creek and stopped at the fire.
“Why don’t you unsaddle your sister’s horse?” he snapped when Caleb just sat there. He watched Kailynn dismount and she was not moving easily or well.
“Why can’t she?” Caleb asked, already flopped down in the other chair. There were only two camp chairs up there and those two were on crack if they thought he and Kailynn would share them.
“She’s saddle sore. Just do it,” he snapped. He was tired of her brothers never once just doing something nice for her.
Shane dropped his feet and stood up. “I’ll do it. You walk like you got a stick shoved up your ass, poor girl.” Shane took the lead rope from her grasp and she blushed and ducked.
She mumbled a quick thank you as Shane tied the horse up and heaved the saddle off. Shane knew how to tend all the horses, he
just didn’t have any interest in it. He didn’t even bother to rub the sweaty horse down before he let Tommy into the makeshift corral.
And that was the guy Kailynn liked. The man who never noticed when she blushed and stammered at his sarcastic statements, especially the stick shoved up her ass. And, of course, his choice of words, as well as his timing, weren’t the best. She passed by the fire before ducking into the tent.
“Where’s your tent?” Ian asked his little brother as he sauntered past.
“Figured we’d crash in yours. Less stuff that way to bother with. Only brought in two horses. Packed one and I walked.”
Ian fisted his hand. Not only had he just fucked it up with the only girl he ever wanted, but now, he had no idea how to speak with her alone. He thought they’d have some time to figure this thing out now that they had some distance away from the site of her obvious regret and mortification. And now the four of them got to share a three-man tent.
Shane had slept with half the girls, and even older women, within a two-hundred-mile radius. The man who knew how to spin anything to pick up a girl. He was good too. Ian had watched him seduce unsuspecting females too many times to count. Shane was not above using lies or any other means of manipulation to get a woman into bed.
Shane pulled out a flask and tipped it towards Ian. Only then did Ian finally give his brother a small nod of thanks. He downed half of it before wiping his mouth on the back of his sweatshirt and handing it back to Shane.
Shane slapped him on the back. “Thirsty, bro?”
“You have no idea,” he mumbled before he began heating some water. He nodded towards the fire. “Why don’t you cook dinner?”
“Sure. Sure. Brought in some hot dogs.”
“Wonderful,” Ian mumbled. The alcohol hit his system, finally easing the tight knot between his shoulders and emptiness in his stomach.
****
He was here. Shane Rydell was actually here. Kailynn thought her heart might fall out of her chest when she realized who crashed their camp. His swarthy skin, long, unkempt hair and black leather made him so big and buff in her eyes. And he even took care of her horse for her. Her knees nearly trembled with pleasure when she thought of it, and before she remembered she slept with his brother. Instantly, her pleasure at seeing Shane’s attention and his mere presence vanished as her heart felt like it just cracked. She managed to screw up the only thing about River’s End that felt important to her: Shane Rydell. And she willingly opened her legs, on a random afternoon, for his brother. She was a typical valley girl. And like every other girl around. Except: she did it with his brother. Would Shane overlook that? Couldn’t he overlook that? After all, she knew the sheer volume of women Shane chased and conquered. So maybe, her one little slip with his brother didn’t really have to count.
Lying down on her cot, she finally let the tears she’d been wanting to shed fall and soak her pillow. She faced the tent wall so if anyone came in, they wouldn’t know what she was doing. And oh God, did she hurt now. She was rubbed raw and that hurt no matter which way she moved. She wanted a hot, therapeutic bath and twelve straight hours of sleep. She wanted to go back in time and not be here any longer. More than anything, she wished she were home.
Her dream of being up there with Shane had finally come true, only four hours too late.
The tent flap snapped open and Ian stepped in. She was sure it was Ian. She swore every nerve ending in her body knew when he was nearby. He didn’t speak, and she hated him. She shut her eyes, detesting him with a passion that climbed up her throat like bile and made her want to spew it at him from her lips. Instead, she pressed them tightly closed to keep it inside. He set something on the edge of her bed and left again. She waited several minutes before turning to see why he’d come in there, acting all weird. A towel stretched across the corner of her cot. She picked it up and discovered it was wet with hot water. He brought her a warm towel. To the left of it she saw two little, red pills. A closer glance revealed they were Advil. He knew she was sore, and he gave her anti-inflammatory medicine? And what? A warm towel to wash up with. She looked towards the tent flap and saw him standing just outside of it. She could see his silhouette against the fire and lantern light. Was he ensuring she had privacy?
She felt pretty sure he was. Sighing, she pushed her sleeping bag off, popped both pills, and swallowed a sip from the water bottle he also left there. Okay, that was really considerate of him too. She started to undress quickly, using the warm towel to wipe off every inch of her skin. It felt like heaven for a few moments. She quickly sponge-bathed herself, especially the area between her legs. She nearly moaned and left it there to kind of ease the strange way it felt on her. Rapidly changing into clean clothes, she mentally tried to banish the images of what these clothes were part of. She was hungry, but did not want to go out there. She heard her brother asking what she was up to, and Ian mumbling something about how tired she probably was from all the riding she wasn’t used to.
That was one way to look at it. She finally crawled into her sleeping bag, inserting Ian’s earphones, and anxious to end the day.
She woke up to find the tent engulfed in the strange fireglow. She glanced around as she yanked the earphones out. Her brother and Shane had simply thrown their thermal pads directly on the ground. They were both snoring and sounded like chain saws buzzing. The tent was getting cool from the dying fire. She didn’t hear any of them getting settled. Her stomach growled. She was more than starving. She turned over, and got a little bit happy when she didn’t wince. Perhaps the Advil actually helped things down south.
But now she had to pee. After entering the tent at not even eight o’clock, she hadn’t exited. She wiggled around. No use. She drank two water bottles since their return. She sighed and sat up with the resignation that she’d just have to brave the dark alone. Stepping gingerly, she worked her way to the end of her bed and slipped on her boots, almost falling straight down onto her brother. She caught herself twice on her bed and banged her knee on the metal frame with a silent oath. Finally, she managed to slip her coat on and undo the door zipper. She stared out and nearly retreated straight back to bed. It was a blank nothing. Not even shadows. It was so dark. An endless void, really. She could not force herself to take the necessary step to go outside.
A light suddenly illuminated the tent. She whipped around to find Ian. He was climbing out of his sleeping bag and the flashlight bounced around as he moved. He pushed a hand through the short strands of his hair and stumbled into his shoes as he stood up. His sweats were dark colored and he wore a hoodie. He stepped across their brothers until he was right next to her, and she stared up at him, but he just opened the tent flap and indicated for her to go out. Not a word did he say. He knew, of course, why she was stumbling around in the dark. She gratefully accepted his silence and unexpected presence. He followed her up the trail and went directly to the same tree he went to the first night. The air was frigid and the dark was isolating. She stared at the light he kept pointed out in front of him, nearly sighing out loud when she finally got relief. The light bounced her way when she stood up. He seemed to sense what she needed even before she did. Uncanny.
He was next to her then and they started back to the tent. Halfway there, he stopped. She did too. What did he see? She scanned around, but could make out nothing. She shivered, waiting for the thrash of bushes, but instead, an arm came around her waist and slipped under her loose coat. Ian’s warm, large hand laid flat on her stomach. He pulled her to him so her back was up against his front. She felt him leaning down and his breath was warm in her ear when he whispered, “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
She bit her lip and closed her eyes. Her heart felt like it tilted to a weird angle in her chest. She didn’t know what she felt. Confused. Mad. Humiliated. Disappointed… but none of those things was his fault. She knew that, even if she wasn’t acting like it. He didn’t do anything to make her cry, she did. He only took what she willingly offered. All he did was pa
rticipate in an event that she so totally wanted to happen. What man wouldn’t have done the same?
But not every man would have gotten up in the middle of the night just because she’d been too stubborn to go out when she should have. She had yet to even look him in the eye, and now he apologized to her. He had never reached out and touched her before. She was thrown off by him being so close to her, his arm still around her and his face inches from hers. It felt intimate, but also strange. Even more telling was the way her body seemed to lean into his. He turned her around and touched one finger to her chin, which he lifted before placing his lips on hers. She could have pulled away. Like the last time, she could have done anything to avoid falling back into this situation, but instead, she shifted her body towards him. He felt so warm. And so different from any other man. She still didn’t know how to articulate what she was so upset about. There was no way to discuss it out in the dark with their brothers so close. They simply couldn’t converse. But Lord, could he kiss.
He lifted his head and released her. The frigid air seemed to physically rise up and separate them. It was so cold out there, she shivered as she turned and stumbled on her way back towards her bed. She didn’t say anything more, but quickly slipped her coat and shoes off before getting back into her sleeping bag. Ian stoked the fire and a light filtered through the tent. She watched him shrugging out of his sweatshirt and boots. He was so tall, he had to duck his head to avoid hitting the top of the tent. He reminded her of a cougar: lean, graceful, and quiet. Neither of their brothers stirred.
Only as she lay her head flat did she finally glance across the tent. She could just make out Ian, who was staring right at her. She finally made eye contact with him, across the small space and the other two sleeping men. His gaze was hard to read. It was impossible to determine what he was thinking or feeling. Across that space, in the strange light, she saw a fierce look she couldn’t identify. Regret? Anger? Burning lust? She didn’t know. She’d never been on the receiving end of burning lust, or passionate desire for her. Or burning anything. She never knew how to evoke hate or love in people. Her pulse increased and it seemed like he was touching her skin with how flushed she suddenly felt. She could not figure out what was going on inside her head, let alone, her physical reaction to a man she didn’t think she even liked, but was, nonetheless, so affected by. He didn’t smile or turn way. She finally had to turn after she was unable to take the intensity of his gaze focused on her any longer.
River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) Page 15