“Yes, and that went so well,” she said. She’d rebuilt her wall. Not that I blamed her. Smart, especially considering my past actions.
I ran my fingers through the short hairs at the back of my head. “I tried to work out the logistics with Harry last night. The concert runs late tonight. All I’ve seen is the concert hall. Looks like all the others we’ve been in.”
“Aren’t you at the concert venue right now?”
I wanted to talk about her day, not about the commitments keeping me from her. “Yeah.”
“When does the show start?”
“We’re going on in a few minutes. It’s streaming live off our website if you want to watch.”
“Oh.”
So little and so much in that one word. “I’d like to know you’re watching, Briar. Would you—” I swallowed. My breathing escalated. I forced the words past my lips. “Would you consider meeting me? I know you’re busy right now, but we fly into JFK in a couple of weeks, winding our way across the country. I’ll buy your ticket.”
The silence stretched, filled with the recriminations Briar was too kind to say out loud. I’d offered this to her before. Then I’d left.
The words I’d been flagellating myself with for days.
“Thank you for asking,” she said. “But I’m not sure us seeing each other again is a good idea. What we had . . . maybe it doesn’t live up to the reality of our lives.”
“We haven’t even tried.”
“The past few days have been an education,” she replied.
I hunched further, my phone tucked into the nook between my shoulder and ear, unwilling to leave without getting some crumb of hope from her.
“I’ll meet you at the airport. All incognito. I have my cap and sunnies. We’ll go to Chinatown. I’ve always wanted to visit there. But it’ll be more fun with you.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, Hayden. You told me going in that you’d leave. You told me you didn’t want to do the relationship thing.”
“That was before. Briar, I—”
“I don’t want to be the butt of more bad jokes or be on the front of gossip rags when you leave again,” Briar said. “For me, this isn’t about getting attention. Some of the things they’ve said. Well, they hurt me.”
Her words, the sadness and exhaustion behind them, they ripped me apart.
“Dammit, Briar, don’t do this.” My breathing was as harsh as if I’d sprinted five kilometers. “We’re good together.”
“Amazing. Maybe because we knew it would end.”
No, I didn’t want this to be all there was to us. I sucked in a big breath.
Harry’s voice sounded from the doorway. “Hayden, you’re on. Let’s go, mate.” I shook him off with a glare. Ets stood across the room, his arms crossed over his chest.
“I have to go. This convo isn’t over.” I dropped my hand and started walking toward the screaming crowd. I put the phone back to my ear. I wasn’t sure if Briar was still on the line; I couldn’t look because I knew I’d lose courage to say what I needed to.
“This here, these people don’t mean as much as you, Sweet Briar.”
I clicked my phone off and huffed out a breath, shaking the tension from my body.
“Let’s get her done,” I said.
“After the show, mate,” Ets said, laughter in his voice. “And a few more besides.”
I glared at my band mate. “I meant the show.”
“You need to enjoy the moment, Hayden. Not many blokes get this chance. That Yank, she’s just one woman in a sea of millions.”
What Ets didn’t understand was that Briar was the only one I wanted.
Three and a half hours later, I yearned for a long shower and a longer talk with Briar. She hadn’t told me enough about her meeting with Rosie’s lawyer. I wanted to know what time the funeral was. I wanted to make plans with her in New York. I wanted her. Period.
Backstage, I smiled; signed some pictures, napkins, and shirts well below the girls’ chests; had more pictures taken of me than I wanted. But this was part of the gig—do for your fans so they stayed fans. Forget for a moment what I wanted, hell, needed.
I understood Briar’s hesitation about this lifestyle. It wasn’t anywhere near as glamorous as I’d expected. Less privacy, more grind. Not the best trade-off for her. I got that. But . . . I wasn’t centered, whole, since I’d left her sleeping in my bed. I just hoped she needed me half as much as I needed her.
“We’re heading back to the dressing room,” Ets said. I raised my hand in a wave. “Found some hot girls to take your mind off that Yank.”
I didn’t want my mind off Briar. I’d finally found someone worth thinking about, and I planned to show her I was worth the risk.
I strode past our roadies, thanking them all for a job well done. They nodded, some high-fived me. Our bus was quiet. A shower, then I’d call Briar. Somehow I’d talk her into visiting me.
Halfway through washing my hair, the shower curtain opened. “Get out,” I yelled.
“I’d rather get you off.”
A woman’s hands slid over my naked shoulders; she molded herself to my back. Her tits were firm, her sleek body rubbing against mine like a fantasy.
I opened my eyes, winced as soap slid into them. I turned my face into the spray, blinking until the soap cleared.
“Get out.” I was in a tiny shower cube, in the clutches of some fan. A fan who should never have made it onto the bus.
“I’m going to show you a good time,” she said. Her voice was husky. Probably sexy, but all I could think about was Briar. My connection with her was tenuous. Briar was already upset about the blonde—what was her name? Didn’t matter. If this leaked, Briar would never give me another chance, not to mention Asher would break my hands. And I’d deserve the punishment and then some.
“Get out of my shower. Now.” I turned my head to glare out of my left eye. The right one still burned from the soap.
The girl pouted sexy red-painted lips. Her mascara ran down her cheeks, and her pale hair was half plastered to her head. I didn’t bother to look lower. Didn’t matter. She wasn’t the woman I wanted.
I scooted back farther into the corner as she stood on tiptoe, molding her body to mine, yanking my head down for a kiss. I exploded out of the tiny space. I wrapped myself in a towel before yanking open the bus’s door to see Ets sitting there, pretty as you please, with a journo I recognized from our meet and greet earlier. My jaw clenched, hard, as I realized he’d set me up.
“I’m done,” I said.
“Enjoyed your shower, then, mate.” He laughed. He didn’t have a clue.
The woman sauntered up behind me. She better have on a towel.
She didn’t.
I scooted away, my eyes never leaving Ets’s face. He quit laughing. I couldn’t believe I’d ever considered him my best mate.
“That was low, even for you. I quit.” I stalked into the back, slamming and locking the door. Should’ve done that last time.
“Hayden, it was all in good fun. You need the relief of a good lay.” I could still hear the amusement in his voice through the door.
I yanked on my boxer-briefs. “You have exactly ten seconds to get the journo out of here if you don’t want him to hear what I have to say to you. And I was serious.”
I pulled on my jeans and socks. I heard Ets say something as the bus door opened. I whipped my shirt over my head, sat on the bunk to pull on my shoes.
“They’re gone,” he yelled.
I sucked in a deep breath and headed out, giving Ets a hard glare as I brushed past him. Much as I wanted to slam my fist into his smirk, I resisted the urge. Barely.
“That picture or story gets back to Briar, and I’m going to fucking kill you. After you apologize to her for it.”
“This is exactly why you need to screw another woman. The Yank’s just some tits and an arse, Hayden. No different from any other woman.”
This time I couldn’t contain my anger. In a quic
k move, I had a fistful of his shirt and his body slammed against the side of the bus.
“She’s not just some woman. She’s my woman. And you not only topped as a band member, you blew past the line as a friend. You’re a selfish wanker, and I don’t want anything to do with you ever again.”
I let go of his shirt and started to walk away.
“You can’t quit.” His voice went high with anxiety. “Fuck it, Hayden, you’ve become the band.”
“I don’t care. I’m done.”
“What about the rest of the tour?”
“Should have thought of that before you tried to fuck up the one thing that is important to me.”
I turned my back to Ets to see Jake and Flip walking toward us. “That’s some serious yelling, mate. Might want to save the voice for our show tomorrow.”
“I’m done.”
“Whoa,” Flip said. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I quit,” I hissed. “Ets can explain why.”
“This have something to do with the wet chick crying and blubbering in German? Some journo was leading her off.”
I wanted to slam my fist into the side of the bus. Instead, I settled for cussing loud and long.
“Mate, you can’t just leave,” Flip said, always logical. “There are too many people on this production. They’re counting on you for their jobs. Including me and Jake.”
Some of my anger drained. I’d disappoint the roadies and the rest of the staff with this move. Flip was a good bloke. He didn’t deserve the drama from me. Still, I had to deal with the journo, sitting there, an evil glint in his eye, waiting to catch me with the groupie.
“I’m done. Especially with his shit.” I pushed past them, turned back to look at Ets. He folded his arms over his chest, looking smug and frustrated all at once.
“You’re a drongo, letting one woman lead you around like this. Once you get some perspective again, you’ll see she’s nothing special.”
“Like Mila wasn’t?” I shot back.
Ets’s scowl deepened. “Yeah, that’s right. Nothing special.”
“I’d tread really careful now, mate,” Flip said, arms unfolding to make fists at his sides. “You’re making it sound like women are interchangeable, and neither Cynthia nor I appreciate that.”
I straightened and glared back. “I told you, Briar matters to me. You fuck that up, you fuck me up.”
Ets glared back, unwilling to back down. Not that he ever had. That bullheadedness got him to this level of fame—one few reached. But the pressure was dissolving the ties between us more quickly.
“Hayden,” Jake said, looking back and forth between us. “Ets fucked up.”
“Hey now,” Ets said, his voice menacing.
“You brought in a woman he didn’t ask for, and you brought the press into his personal life. You’re going to fix this mess,” Jake said, pointing his finger at Ets, who squared his shoulders, unrelenting.
“It was just in good fun,” Ets muttered.
“No, you brought a journo here to tell the story about my wild shower sex. That I didn’t have. Because I don’t want that woman.” I enunciated each word carefully.
“You’re fixing this,” Jake repeated. He stood in front of his older brother, arms akimbo, jaw set. “The way Hayden wants the situ fixed.” Jake turned back to me, his eyes serious. “But you, Hayden, need to start thinking about the band. That’s what we are—a group that, together, made commitments. Ets can be a complete horse’s arse, but he’s a talented one who’s helped us get to this point in our careers. I’ll make sure he fixes this, and then we finish our tour.”
Jake held my eyes, and I held my breath. Finally, I nodded once. “Keep him away from me.”
Needing my space from Ets—from the whole band—I walked to the roadie bus. With everyone still packing up our gear, I had the whole bus to myself. Flopping onto a crappy couch, I counted the rest of the shows in my head. Forty-eight more shows. Nearly three more months. I groaned. No way I was going to last that long.
Chapter 36
Briar
Abbi skidded around the corner of Simon and Ella’s small living room, her socks causing her to slide like Tom Cruise in that one movie.
“Tell me you haven’t been online this morning,” she panted. She tripped over the edge of the carpet and plopped down on the couch next to me.
“I just walked into the house, Abs. Nice to see you, by the way.”
“Aunt Bri, have you been online today?”
“They wrote something else about me?” I mumbled.
I’d been right to turn down Hayden’s lukewarm request for us to be a couple. I didn’t want to live my life in a fishbowl.
The press, Hayden’s drama, none of that mattered. Rosie deserved today to be all about her, to see how much she was loved. I wouldn’t let Hayden take that from her.
“It’s not about you. Not really. Here, look.”
Abbi tossed me her phone. She was practically bouncing in her seat when I glanced at her before I turned my attention back to the screen.
It was an article about Hayden’s band. The original was from some German paper I didn’t follow. My eyes widened as I read.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I whispered.
I grabbed my phone from my purse and powered it up. Between my mom and the media constantly calling, I rarely left it on anymore.
Four texts from Hayden. I sucked in a breath and opened the first.
Don’t believe the crap in the German paper. Ets is about to sort it.
Confused, I nibbled at my lip. The article said Murphy Etsam and Hayden were in an altercation after the show last night, but the American version glossed over the reason. Dread crept into my stomach.
I clicked on the next message.
Ets sent the woman in to meet me. I want to call you so badly, but you’re finalizing the plans for Rosie’s funeral. Just know I didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t do that to you. I meant what I said. And I sure as fucking hell didn’t ask for her to be there.
Wow. Hayden sounded . . . concerned. These words were from the man I’d spent time with in Seattle.
The third text listed the Berlin time as 5:00 a.m. I wondered if Hayden slept at all last night. R u asleep? Did an interview with the reporter before we left Berlin this morning. Please read it. Please call me.
I pressed the phone icon before I could talk myself out of it.
“Briar.”
His voice—just his voice—killed me. “Hi,” I breathed.
“You read the interview?”
“Only the part printed on the gossip site Abbi gave me.”
“I meant what I said there. You’re the woman I care about. The only one. I miss being with you. Like we were in Seattle.”
I glared at Abbi, who shrugged before getting up to leave. Lia’s voice answered something Abbi said. I hoped they’d stay in the kitchen.
“Hayden, we don’t live on the same continent. You haven’t stayed in one country for more than three days. And that was only because of your mom.”
“My mum was the reason I came to Seattle. I stayed for you. I never should have left you either. This tour is killing me.” He sounded tortured. Wrong as it was, a little thrill trickled past the dread sitting icy in my stomach. “I didn’t want to say the words on the phone. Not the first time. I told you I wanted to court you. I have it all planned out in my head, and this just isn’t meeting the criteria for the romance you deserve.”
“Like what?” Sure, I knew I sounded breathy, but I didn’t care. I wanted a love affair. The kind Hayden and I started here.
“I want to dip you back over my arm and kiss you better, longer than you’ve ever been kissed. Better than our night at The Edgewater. I want to hold you in my arms as we take a boat down the Seine. I want to dance with you on the cobbles in London. I want to stand on the top of the Statue of Liberty with you, and yell to the whole world that I love you, Briar.”
“Holy shit.”
<
br /> “You didn’t believe me before? Not quite the response I expected.”
From what little I’d overheard of the conversation with his mother, Hayden had been hurt, many times, by people who were supposed to love and care for him. No wonder he’d run away from his feelings.
“I’m moving in to Rosie’s condo. She left it to me.”
“Again, not really what I wanted to hear.”
The static crackled across the line. Our breaths mingled, synchronizing just as they had when we’d been sated, ready for sleep.
“I don’t know what to say, exactly.”
“Nothing’s been right since I left you.”
I cracked. I couldn’t let him think I was that uncaring. “Send me your itinerary for the next few weeks. I’ll see what I can do.”
“You’ll meet me on tour? Crikey, I want to see you.”
“I . . . ”
“I’d like you to meet Jake and Flip.”
I tucked my hair behind my ear. No mention of Ets, the only band member he’d talked about when he was here. Much as I wanted to ask, I didn’t want the guilt of being the wedge between them.
“We live nearly a day apart. The logistics of this arrangement are ridiculously not in our favor.”
“I know what I’m asking, Briar. But if you could meet me—there are things I want to say to you.”
“Besides screaming from the top of the Statue of Liberty?”
“Well, yeah. Besides that. But telling you I love you was the most important.”
“When you left, I was crushed.” I paused, my heart fluttering in a hummingbird’s insane rhythm.
“Hurt me, too. But I was focused on doing the right thing then. Turned out to be the exact wrong decision. I should have told you how I felt. I should have trusted you as much as you trusted me.”
“Hayden, this isn’t the time—”
“See. There isn’t a good time. We’re on different continents, trying to have our own lives, but I don’t want separate lives. I want a life with you. I haven’t been happy since I left our bed.”
Between Breaths (The Seattle Sound Series Book 2) Page 23