by Carter Ashby
“Great! Maybe tomorrow night?” Tracy replied.
“Sure.”
Kellen supposed it was time to have a conversation with Zoey about communication within a relationship. But this wasn’t the place. He did want to get away, though.
“Hey, Matthew? Sophie?” he shouted. The kids came running out of their room. “If you guys get dressed, we’ll go over to Grandma and Grandpa’s for breakfast.”
“Really?” they both asked.
He laughed. “Yeah, really.”
“Is Mom coming?”
“No, she’s gonna stay here and rest.”
“Is Aunt Zoey coming?”
“Why would Aunt Zoey come?” he asked. It came out of his mouth without any thought, and then he sat there wondering why it had.
Zoey was also frowning, clearly confused and slightly discomfited. They looked at each other.
And then Matthew answered the question. “Because she’s your girlfriend. Ain’t she?”
This thing between them had happened so strangely. Fast and sneaky. They stared into each other’s eyes, and he wondered if she was doing the same thing he was—calculating his obligations to her and where exactly she belonged in his life. This cocoon they’d been living in wouldn’t hold them for long.
“No, Matthew,” Zoey said. “I’m staying here, but I hope you kids have a great time.”
Matthew and Sophie jumped up and ran to their room to get dressed.
Kellen did the only thing he could think to: he kissed her. There was something in the kiss that said what he couldn’t find words to say. At least, he hoped it did. Her lips certainly responded. With words, she was prickly and often cruel, but when he kissed her, she submitted. She accepted him and gave of herself. She became soft and sweet.
He slipped his tongue between her lips and she joined him. Tracy made some off color remark and Addy responded to her, but Kellen didn’t care. He needed this. It was the only way to understand Zoey and to be understood by her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against him, plundering her mouth. Here was connection, even more than the sex they’d had. Even more than the conversation.
He kissed her until he sensed that she’d completely given herself to him, then he pulled away and cradled her against him, looking down into her blue eyes. She was his, right then. There was nothing but pure, anger-free Zoey in those eyes. Her lips were parted, red, and swollen. He kissed her forehead. “I’d invite you to my parents’, I really would, but I couldn’t guarantee you a good reception. My mom thinks you’re the devil’s bride.”
She grinned up at him. “Talk me up. When you think she’ll be receptive, I’ll apologize.”
“Really?”
“Sure. I should have just politely told her that she didn’t need to do what she’d done, and then asked her not to call anymore without apologizing to Maya first. That would have been the sane way to behave, right?”
“Yes,” he said, laughing, “it would have.”
“I think you’re rubbing off on me, Kellen.”
He kissed her again and then untangled himself from her arms. She dropped her head back against the sofa. Her arms lay where they’d fallen when he stood. He grinned down at her. “You’re beautiful, Zoey.”
Her smile faded and her eyes widened. She didn’t speak, so he moved on, checking on Matthew and Sophie. Once they were dressed, he helped them into their coats and snow boots and then led them out to his truck.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Zoey sat there, paralyzed with contentment. She felt her eyes stinging and then two tears spilling over. At the sound of his truck leaving, something broke inside of her. Her chest swelled and she leaned forward, struggling to breathe. She could only stare in front of her, feeling like she was suddenly free-falling with no net to catch her.
Addy and Maya appeared at her sides, both touching her and stroking her hair.
“You never had a man tell you you’re beautiful?” Addy asked.
Zoey shook her head. “Not like that. No. Not like that.”
“You can trust him,” Maya said. “Kellen is the best man I know.”
Zoey suddenly gasped. “Oh, my God. Oh, God, I’m gonna fuck this up. I can’t be with him. What was I thinking? He’s too good for me!” She jumped up and paced, trying to keep up with her pounding heart.
“What are you talking about, baby doll?” Tracy said. “You’re plenty hot enough for him.”
“I’m certain that’s not what she means,” Addy snapped at Tracy before turning her attention back to Zoey. “Calm down.”
Zoey paced and shoved a hand into her mass of hair. “I just figured we’d fool around. I mean, I figured it would fizzle. But, it isn’t going to fizzle, is it? This isn’t just a fling, is it?” She turned to her friends. “Is it?” she shrieked.
They both jumped back. Maya laughed. “Jeez, Zoey, everything is so intense with you. Of course it’s not just a fling. He’s clearly crazy about you, and you about him. So just relax into it. Everything’s going to work out.”
“No,” Zoey said, shaking her head. “No way. No, I can’t do that. I can’t do this. He’s too good, do you hear me? Too good.” She leaned on the last word, trying to convey to them that it was his goodness, his virtue, his pure-heartedness that she couldn’t handle. “I’ll forever feel inadequate. He’ll figure out he can do better and he’ll leave. I couldn’t possibly please him. I couldn’t be good enough. Shit, what was I thinking?”
Addy stood, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shoved her onto the sofa. “You need a drink.”
“I need medication.”
Addy ignored her and went to the kitchen. She returned with wine, which Zoey gulped down in one breath. She held out the glass to Addy, who laughed and brought back a refill. She drank this one more slowly.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Tracy said. “You’re the one who’s too good for him. I mean, he’s hot, but you can do better. Have fun with him while you can, and then ditch him before he ditches you. Simple.”
Zoey ignored her, because she knew that Tracy had no idea what love was. Love. God, had the word really entered into the conversation? Yes, she was certain of it. Love was what he was saying with those kisses. What neither of them could say with words.
She shook her head. “I can’t do this to him. You guys were right.”
“No, we weren’t,” Maya said. “This is it, Zoey. He’s it. He was there all the time, all you needed was to open your eyes and your heart. Now that you have, the hard part’s over.”
Zoey kept shaking her head. “He doesn’t know what he’s getting into. I’ll hurt him.” She was repeating the words she’d been told by others, only now she understood them. Now she had a proper fear of them.
“Stop it, woman, for the love of God!” Addy shouted. “He likes you. It’s done. Enjoy it.”
Zoey met Addy’s eyes, wanting to believe her. She nodded. “You’re right,” she said, not believing a word of it. “I’m overcomplicating it. Whatever happens happens, right?”
“That’s right,” Addy said. “Be grateful for it. Enjoy it, okay? I mean, Kellen Bradley…you’d be a fool to throw that away.”
Zoey nodded along. She would go with it. She would fail, but she would enjoy being with him for as long as he was willing to put up with her. It was too late to save her heart: Her heart was already lost.
Somehow the morning evolved into Zoey and Addy trying to cook breakfast, while Maya sat at the bar and Mark and Tracy danced in the living room to some really loud, hip-hop music.
“This is a fucking travesty!” Addy shouted. “There should be children and Christmas music! Call Kellen and tell him to come back!”
Zoey agreed, but she was too busy trying not to burn the pancakes to call Kellen. Addy was frying bacon again after burning one batch. The second was on it’s way to black. When it did, she took the pan and dumped it into the trash can. Then she stomped into the living room and ripped Tracy’s iPod out of the stereo. “I
t’s Christmas, goddammit!” she shrieked.
Everyone turned to her.
“We’re going to listen to Elvis sing Christmas songs, and somebody is going out to buy us cinnamon rolls and other delightful pastries because the good Lord did not put me on this earth to cook and watch you two—“ she flung her arm out, pointing at Tracy and Mark, “—fornicate via dance to music that’s at least two generations younger than you! Fuck!” She shoved her hands in her hair, squeezed her eyes shut, and breathed.
“Jesus,” Maya said. “This is a tirade of Zoey proportions.”
“Hey,” Zoey whined.
Meanwhile, Tracy was riled. “You’d better watch your language, young lady,” she said to Addy. “As you so insensitively pointed out, I’m a lot older than you, and it would serve you right to treat me with respect.”
“Respect?” Addy laughed. “Really? You deserve respect about as much as you deserve a Nobel Prize.”
Tracy hauled back and slapped Addy across the face and then, of all things, Addy tackled her. Mark jumped out of the way as the two women hit the floor and rolled. Addy landed on top. Tracy flailed beneath her while Addy started ripping out her extensions.
Zoey, stunned silent for a moment, finally ran to pull Addy off, while Mark dragged Tracy away. “Get that little bitch away from me!” Tracy shouted.
Addy was just crying, crying like a little girl. Ugly sobs and tears streaking her face. “I’m just having a really hard time, and I fucking hate your mom,” she sobbed.
Zoey, who had only seen Addy break down like this one other time, didn’t know what to do. She shoved Addy toward the bedroom she’d been sharing with Maya. Addy fell face down on the bed. “Holy shit,” Zoey said. “What the hell was that?”
“I don’t know,” Addy moaned into the pillow. The sobs were mostly over. “I’m sorry, Zoey.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I feel better now.” A long, red extension hung on her class ring. She shook her hand hard, trying to fling it off; her face still buried in the pillow.
Zoey reached for her wrist and untangled the strands of hair. “What happened?”
Addy rolled to her side. “I wanted to kill Damon. I mean, you don’t know…I really think I could have done it. I can imagine squeezing the life out of him for what he’s been doing to Maya. We’ve always been so helpless watching it. I don’t get upset about much, but people hurting my loved ones…that just drives me crazy.”
“What’s that got to do with Tracy?” Zoey asked.
“Everything, Zoey. She hurts you and you just take it. Then you hurt the people around you, like poor Kellen. I can’t stand it. I can’t.” She reached to the nightstand for a tissue and dabbed at her eyes and nose.
Finally Addy sat up and said, “I’m really sorry. I can’t believe that just happened. I’m just so tired and stressed over Maya and now you.”
“It’s fine,” Zoey said. “She likes it when people apologize to her. So I’m sure when you do that, everything will be fine.”
Addy barked a laugh. “You serious? I’m not apologizing to that bitch.”
Zoey flinched. “You can’t call my mom a bitch.”
“I can call her anything I want. The only one I’m sorry to is you. Tracy can go to hell.”
Zoey stiffened. “If you were really sorry, you’d make up with her. You know how much she means to me and how much I want us all to just get along.”
Addy laughed again, but it lacked amusement. “Yeah, I know, but I’m not apologizing.”
“Then leave.” Zoey felt sick, saying it.
Addy looked sick, hearing it. She stood and poked Zoey in the chest. “You’re being an idiot.” Then she grabbed her overnight bag, threw her things in it, and walked out the door.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The kids didn’t want to leave Grandma’s house, but Grandma was pushing the limits with Kellen. She kept circling around the subject of Damon, clearly wanting to talk about him with the kids.
They ate their breakfast, a feast comprised of muffins, eggs, sausage, and bacon. There was a bowl of pomegranates in the middle of the table, too, which Matthew and Sophie had fun pulling apart and eating. Then they opened their presents while The Grinch played on television in the background.
When he’d first walked in, he’d been taken aback by a bruise across his mother’s cheekbone. She’d refused to talk about it, but Kellen had pulled his dad aside and asked him. Apparently Damon had visited his parents before going to Zoey’s and getting shot in the foot. Bryan had, at last, taken a stand in favor of Maya. He and Damon had had words and when Lois had stepped in to calm the dispute, a drunk Damon had hauled back and smacked her.
Now, here she was, hovering around the kids, hanging on to a delusion. At last, she couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled Kellen aside. “Damon should get to see his kids on Christmas,” she whispered.
Kellen sighed. “Damon’s in prison where he belongs. Good Lord willing, he’ll never see those kids again.”
She frowned and her chin quivered slightly.
“If he wanted to see his kids, he wouldn’t have hurt Maya,” Kellen said.
“He didn’t hurt Maya. He said she was fooling around with someone else and that’s who hurt her.”
Kellen actually laughed. “Maya? You believe that? Mom, I can’t do this with you right now. If you don’t want to see the truth, that’s your business. Until you do, though, I just can’t talk about this with you.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she left the room. Sophie was playing with her miniature dolls, and Matthew was reading a comic book. Kellen leaned against the bar separating the kitchen from the living room. His dad got up from the floor where he’d been playing with Sophie.
“She’ll come around,” Bryan said. “I think she already doesn’t believe her own words. She just doesn’t know how to admit to herself that her son is capable of this.”
Kellen felt his chest tighten. “I’m just thankful you’ve come around.”
Bryan nodded. “It took me a while to come to terms with it. You don’t ever want to believe your child turned out bad. There’s a lot of self-blame. A lot of questioning everything you’ve ever believed in. But you talked about him hurting you when you were kids and…and you’re right. I turned a blind eye to it, because I didn’t want to make waves with your mom. We chalked it up to sibling rivalry, and then we just kept spoiling him.”
Kellen blew out a breath. “Is there anything you can do to help Mom along? Maya needs all the support she can get.”
Bryan shook his head. “I don’t know. I’ll try to sway her, but I’ve never been very good at that sort of thing.”
Lois came out again, holding two, small picture frames. “Hey, kids,” she said. “I thought since you don’t get to see your daddy for a while, you might like to have a photo of him for your nightstands. You can wish him goodnight and give him a kiss, just like if he was there.”
Kellen cursed quietly and moved toward them to intercede. Turned out he didn’t have to. Sophie moved behind Matthew and neither child accepted the gifts. “He hurt Mommy,” Matthew said.
Lois shook her head in sympathy. “I know that’s what everyone has told you, but—“
“I was there!” Matthew jumped to his feet. “Me and Sophie both. He always hurts her. We’ve seen him. I tried to help, once, and he hit me, too. Sometimes he grabs handfuls of Sophie’s hair and drags her to her room when he doesn’t want to listen to her crying. We don’t want to see pictures of him.”
Matthew had tears streaming down his face and his bottom lip quivered, but he stood strong.
Kellen hadn’t known about Damon hurting the kids. At the moment, he wished he still didn’t know.
Lois broke down, falling to her knees and crying into her hands. Matthew gaped at her and then turned to Kellen with confusion in his eyes.
Kellen smiled supportively. “Guys, tell Grandma and Grandpa thank you for the wonderful Christmas. Give hugs and kisses and the
n get your coats and boots on.”
The kids obeyed while Kellen gathered up the toys and books they’d gotten. He packed the things behind the seat of his truck and then bundled the kids into the truck.
When he pulled into Zoey’s driveway, he saw Addy sitting on the porch step next to her duffel bag. She had on a hat, coat, and gloves, but she was still shivering. Kellen helped the kids out of the truck and once they’d gone inside, he turned to Addy.
She smiled sadly up at him. “Don’t suppose I could impose upon you for a ride?”
He picked up her duffel and helped her to her feet. Then he tossed her bag in the back and opened the door for her. Once he backed out of the driveway and made it onto the plowed road, he asked, “What happened?”
“Oh, I got in a fight with Tracy. It was my fault. I snapped.”
“You? Snapped?”
She shrugged. “It happens.”
He frowned, wanting more information, but also afraid to ask. Her parents’ home wasn’t far, though the snow slowed them down. They arrived in less than ten minutes. He pulled into the driveway of the two-story colonial.
Addy hesitated. “You mind if I offer some advice?”
“Sure,” he said.
“Go home until Tracy leaves.”
Kellen’s hands slid off the steering wheel and he sank back into his seat. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. But, she asked me to stay. She begged me to stay.”
“Listen, you’re not getting out of this without her getting pissed at you. The only thing you can control is how you piss her off. I’m speaking from experience when I say, piss her off by saying you’re tired and need to sleep in your own bed, or something like that. Because if you stay, something’s going to happen with Tracy, she will take Tracy’s side, and then the repercussions for you could be a lot worse. A lot.”
He frowned at her. “Is it really this dire? She kicked you out and you seem okay.”
“I am okay. I’ve been through this before. Once Tracy leaves, she’s going to show up on my doorstep and offer tearful apologies. Then we’re going to go shopping, get mani-pedi’s, and be best friends again. But, with you, I don’t think it’ll be that simple. It’s a huge deal that she’s opened up to you. If she perceives even the first hint of betrayal in you, that door will slam shut forever.”